Sorry to everyone, but not a productive day

After being up over 24 hours and barely able to function I had gone to bed yesterday about 6 pm.  I stumbled through eating a grand supper Ron made me.

I ate as much as I could but I was so tired that I ate the potatoes and half the chicken with apple cinnamon dressing.  I started by shaving off the edges and working towards the center.  I used different sauces he offered me.  But with the medications I had to take and being so tired … I finally handed the plate back to him.  He is so grand he praised me for eating what I did and when I offered to help clean up he gave me a lot of hugs and love, and told me just to go to bed.  Which I did.  But I loved what I did eat.  

Sadly the steroids have kicked into high gear and my blood sugars are very high while I only slept for a few hours.  I woke at around midnight after hours of being in and out, but the first few hours I slept hard.  Then by 1:30 I was a wake I was so awake I couldn’t lay in the bed, but was tossing and turning and bothering both Ron and the cat.  So by 2 am I got out of bed.  But to tell the truth I was unable to concentrate, I had 3 hours of sleep after 24 plus hours awake.  But I struggled to read and do stuff.

So by passing the pity me stupidity of my whining, lets get to what I really want to say.  I watched videos, I answered emails, and went on the MS survivors site I love and answered comments / replies to me and read a lot of posts and replied to them.  I really appreciate the site.  It has helped me deal and understand my own abuse and it is full of people like me, people who were also abused.  Soon I am going to write about a punishment I was subjected to as a small child to make me compliant or just to see me in as much pain as possible.  It involves rubbing alcohol.  But I have to be in a safe mind set because it still triggers me after more 5 decades later.  The cruelty of those that could think of and do to a 4 to 7 year old.  Just think … rubbing alcohol and sensitive boy parts. And to make the coming pain more hurtful.  For those that wonder yes the abuse, the memories never go away some fade but others get stronger and more vivid until I deal with them.  This is becoming one of those.  But now I am going to try to do the kitchen dishes, Ron has gone for his nap after he and I talked major structural changes on our bedroom and the hallway to it.  I don’t know if I will get to the blog anymore today, but the last few days I caught up enough I shouldn’t lose any wonderful things you grand people left for me.  Hugs, loves, Scottie