Hi everyone.  I really am so grateful for all of you and the support that you give me and others here.  After I posted about the trigger event I think an important part got missed and today with all going on my wonderful husband offered to help me finish the dishes I was doing even though I knew he wanted to get on to other things.  So I want to share this post with all of you.  

I am happier than I can remember being in a long time.  

For starters the triggering event was because Ron my husband who struggles to have the sexual desire I do was offering happily for us to … well have sex.  But he was so wonderful with the way he handled it and when he got back up and made sure I was OK, he offered again.  I said later.  

Ron got home on the evening of the 2nd of March.  Since then he has watched carefully to make sure I was not harming myself by taking on too much, instead softly forcing me to rest as he took over.  On the personal side he has made it a daily routine and returned to the old normal of touching each other during the day and giving kisses and hugs.  If he sees me struggling he intervenes right away.  

But it goes both ways.  Ron loves my cooking and with him home I have really been doing my best and in fact loving it.  It gets to hurt so bad sitting in my desk chair and when we talk about what’s for supper and I provide a suggestion he asks if I would like to do it and I really want to.   He does the chopping of vegetables and meats and I do the cooking / seasoning and set up the serving area.  

Remember how I grew up.  When I went out on my own I had no cooking skill at all.  When Ron moved into my home I had eggs and hot dogs in the refrigerator.  I simply had no clue how to make food.  Ron first made food I fell in love with and started teaching me seasonings.  I took to it like a fish to water and now he lets me take the lead on joint meal projects.   And that is what the meals are, we work together on the idea and what we would like the outcome to be.   He does any chopping because my eye sight is so bad and I have cut my self so badly at times.  But then he lets me do my thing and comes to taste or add suggestions as I ask.  He always does the cleanup as he understands how tired I am by then.  

But it is more than meals.  At night I struggle to sleep, and Tupac presses as hard to me as he can most of the time.  Ron will reach out and touch me on the shoulder, arm, or back just to let me know he is there.  If he knows or thinks I am struggling he will talk to me.  If he knows I am awake he will ask if we can cuddle some more.  I so love that but the issue there is Tupac.  During the three months Ron was gone Tupac got very attached to me.  He sleeps as close to me as he can get often laying his head on my folded arm.  Ron says as long as I am able to sleep like that Tupac will stay asleep right there.  If I shift he will move lower towards my belly and again push against me.  If he doesn’t have paws touching me or himself he will lie with his head pointed at me and looking either up or down and his tail to Ron.  

The few times I have moved him and set his stuff up so he was on the other side of us so Ron and I could cuddle he got very upset.  So now I only do it if I have responded to his middle of the night need for food and while he is gone change the places of his sleep towels and blanket.  He still doesn’t like it.  The first night we did it in the morning Ron went to pet him and Tupac swatted at him.

I am sorry this is rambling, I guess I did not do a good job ordering my thoughts.  I am just so happy which is an emotion I so rarely get to enjoy I wanted to share it all with everyone.  Things seem so good, clear, wonderful, and grand, and Ron and I are more in tune with each other than we have been in a long time.  They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I don’t know, but the way he looks at me, the way his arms encircle me, and the way he gives me quick kisses are like it was half a decade ago and so wonderful. My body responds to him like in the old days and he enjoys it.  That is new and I love it.  

As for the bad events / the vortex.  It has not been as bad since Ron has been home.  I have had minor ones and have retreated to my “pink palace office” to cry quietly and try to deal.  But the horrid nightmares reliving the events of my past have not happened since he came home.  I have not needed to desperately cry out for help or in pain as I relive the things done to me.   I know they will, but I also know he will be there.  Listening and ready to help me face the demons and hurts that I will never totally make go away.  I have noticed he is careful to not overload me mentally, emotionally, or physically.  He will often tell me it is time for a break or that he would like to take over, or his favorite trick… I need a break do you mind if we rest for a while?  I know he is doing it for me.  But it still is grand.   OK I don’t have a real ending here other than he just came into the office as I was writing this , leaned over me and gave me a kiss.  I asked if he needed help with anything and his reply was not yet, I will let you know when.  Maybe just possibly what they say about love is true, it can heal the wounds if you let it.  Just know that now I am so very happy an emotion I have not felt in a long time.   Hugs