My life with pain.

I will be having surgery soon. I had a long visit with my pain doctor. She had studied my last set of MRIs. She also confered with the pain surgeon who I also see. Seems I have all the bad things a back can have. I have ruptured discs, herniated discs, and torn discs, but they hope that will heal, I have protruding discs, bulging discs. I have arthritis in the length of the spine. I also have a thickening ligament cord. If I want to walk again I have to have a procedure called MILD. The will put me under and then my current pain surgeon will make a 1-inch incision in my back and “shred” the ligament down to the proper size. I simply have no choice, it is this or the wheelchair and ever larger amounts of pain. They are not decreasing my pain medication my MRIs back them up, I have a limited quality of life now and would have none with less pain medication. Ron asked me to ask her the prognosis of where she saw me in the future with my issues. Because of the way my bones are thickening, thinning, and growing wrong, and the trauma of my childhood it will get worse. I will some day lose the ability to stand and walk. Unless things change even surgery to fuse the vertebra will not give me much relief and will cause me more issues. But I still have my computers and the grand people it lets me stay in touch with. Best wishes to all and hugs to those that want them. Scottie

Today and tonight. And I am sorry

It is 6:15 my time and I am in a lot of pain and struggling. I had my allergy shots this morning then when I got home, I started to work on the laptop Ron’s sister gave him. It is a cheap incerolron windows 11 with 6 GB of RAM. It was so frustrating to deal with. I spent nearly five hours on it before I gave up, put his old Windows 10 laptop back on his desk and hooked it to his monitor along with his USB devices. By this time my pain levels were hitting maximum.

So then I went to my office and started to make tomorrow’s cartoons / memes / news post I just wore out. I started too late and am in too much pain. So Ron made supper so I could go to bed. We had originally planned for a hamburger and salad each. But as he went to make supper I told him I just wanted the salad. After I ate I was glad I did I barely ate the entire salad he made for me.

But when I thanked him and said it was good he had not cooked the hamburgers he told me he had cooked them after I told him that as he figured I wouldn’t be able to eat a salad and a hamburger so he had always planned to eat both burgers himself, which he did. I guess good that it worked out for both of us but bad that he already knew I wouldn’t be able to eat.

By the way even though this bit of information is not needed or necessary the salad was the only thing I have eaten today. I don’t know what changed. I was making great improvement in staying up and in eating. I was up to eating two rather decent meals a day. Then suddenly I couldn’t, and I suddenly needed to go back to bed in the morning and to bed before 6 or 7 pm. Ron is again worried. I told him it probably was my pain levels as the pain clinic needed to cancel my in person visit to get my trigger point injections. But I am not sure if he is buying it. Anyway. I will try to get up by 4 or 5 to get the mentioned post out in the morning. But no guarantees on that. I can only say I enjoy doing them, I really love that people want and enjoy them, but my idea of doing them one day to post the next has not worked out since my relapse. Best wishes for all and hugs for those that want them. I am off to bed.

Here is the situation at nearly 5: 30 pm my time. 1730 for the rest of the world

I barely got the cartoons / memes /news post out for the morning of the 13th on time. I have been struggling the last four days. I set my alarm and pulled my old ass out of bed this morning even though Ron protested I need far more sleep and I managed to get today’s cartoons / memes / news post out around noon my time. It takes 6 or more hours to put it together as I have to sort them as I put them in the post page. And if something comes up that needs to be inserted before hitting the post I have to work that in. I am not complaining. I love doing them and it seems many love seeing them. There are over 60 separate web pages with each having many things on each one.

Yesterday I went back through the comments and opened a new tab for everyone I could see addressed to me and a few to Ali that caught my attention. I really do love the comments. I will be honest if I could have a blog of just comments I would do that and not post. I love the interaction with people, and yes even with people I disagree with.

So today dealing with everything else I got the first one out. I listened to the mostly biased bulls**t corporate broadcast media and grew ever more upset over the lies and misinformation.

Then I started on the cartoons / memes / and news post for tomorrow. At some point Ron told me we had to do supper and we had agreed on ribs, ear corn, and small new potatoes chunked. As time for supper came near Ron had me take my blood sugar and because I am eating so little / infrequently it was 72, below what my endrochonoligest wants for me because of my pain levels. He again explained to me that the kind of pain I have causes my body to produce blood sugar to protect itself.

We started to eat. I ate two ribs, about four potato chunks and started on an ear of corn when I got so sleepy and tired. I couldn’t finish. Ron came to the door of my office and saw me sort of dozing over my plate and demanded I go to bed. I pointed to the nearly eaten ear of corn and the rest while pretending I had not fallen asleep. He asked me to eat the small amount of corn left on the ear as he knows how much I like that and then reached in front of me and took the plate with the other stuff away.

He has already set the bed up for the pile of cat towels that rest close to me on the king size bed because Ron’s cat Tupac clings to and cuddles me at night. But the multiple layers are needed because he is incontenate and when he wakes up noticing he is lying in his own pee soaked towels he will nudge me to remove them so he has fresh clean towels to then lie back down on. Why me and not Ron?

Tomorrow morning I have a pain doctor appointment where I hope they will be able to give me enough trigger point steroid injections that I will be able to walk again. After that I will try to finish the post I started today, but it will have to be after noon my time as my appointment is for 10 am. Plus I have new information on Ron’s eye surgery as well as mine.

I apologize to everyone for being so weak that I cannot get these posts out on time. My health has gotten so much better and I am starting to grow hair and fingernails again. I have more energy than even a month ago, but I still get so very tired that I need to go to bed at weird times. For example I was working on posting something a few days ago and suddenly I had to go laydown for an hour / half before I could get back up to finish it.

Thank you for understanding, especially about the comments. Please keep sending them in on posts even if you feel I have not responded. I try to go back through the WordPress dashboard to open those I missed in new tabs. I do miss some and if you think I missed your comment you want me to address please send it to me again. I am not ghosting you; I am just very tired.

Best wishes to everyone and hugs / love to all who want them. I really care about people and the people here seem like grand people to care about. Scottie

To nights supper and an apology.

Yesterday I had a relapse after nearly a week of feeling very energetic compared to lately. Last night I went to bed early. I had started an email to MDavis who sent me a beautiful, encouraging email and it has been three weeks but I was just feeling up to replying to them. But today I had my yearly eye appointment with the same eye doctor who referred me to the eye surgery center for needed cataract surgery. If anyone needs reminding that was a year ago when I was on the gurney with IVs in and eyes medicated but as they were about to take me into surgery the anesthesiologist stopped everyone to ask me questions. She went over my medical list with me and then sadly said I take more heavy pain medications daily than she could give me during the operation. That would mean that I would have to have eye surgery without any sedation. When I told her I was sensitive to anything near my eyes she told everyone to pause and she went to talk to the surgeon. They agreed that I would need to go to a much larger surgery center that could put me under enough anesthesia that would knock me totally out.

So today I saw the same eye doctor at a much bigger facility they had joined. Long story short after the exam the doctor told me the bad news. My current vision is far beyond what glasses could help with. She was emphatic in saying I must get my cataract surgery done as soon as possible. She went over everything with me and detailed why she couldn’t give me a prescription for glasses that would make it so I could see the computer, the phones, the Ipad, and see well enough to drive better. At this point my vision is so bad they couldn’t even make the letters smaller than the largest ones they wanted me to read clear.

She wanted to know why I had not followed up with their surgery center’s referral to the larger university run on in Naples as I was referred to. I explained to her the horrifically emotional and financially draining year we had had. She listened and when I explained Ron and I had decided his eyes needed to be done before mine as he has a torn lens and eye inflammation issues, she understood and agreed to take him on as a patient. But she kept pushing for me to get my eyes done in the next 6 months. She said she would send the referral, which was good for 6 months and it normally took that long to get set up with the facility and have the necessary visits. She added that if in the 6th months I was not financially ready to do it the surgery center in Naples would extend my time to have it done. But she again pushed that I did not have a lot of time to wait with my diminished vision. She asked how I did my daily stuff and I explained to her I have my large desktop monitors set to 250 and that my browser is set to 110% which I take up to 130 some days. I also showed her my two over the counter readers I have which one is 150 and the other is 175, which I use for my phone, tablet, and the computer monitors.

I explained all this to Ron as we drove home. He agreed to get an appointment with her to start his eye surgery but the closest appointment he could get was in August. At which point he got upset with me and said we would have to move forward with my eye surgery even before his. He went on at length about how he had noticed how I was struggling on the computers and with things I was trying to do. He mentioned the lighted magnifying glasses I keep around to help me read stuff. He mentioned how now I was having to have him read everything that came in mail and instructions to me. He reminded me that when he asked me to help him set up his sister’s new electronic entry system on the house she just bought I had to have him do the actions as I explained it to him as I couldn’t see the key pad clearly enough even with a bright light on them. Then he dropped the mother of all bomb shells on me which made me give in. He wondered with my vision so bad how I well I was seeing to drive. He was getting more and more upset. As I don’t think he is a good driver and I think I am a far better driver I gave in. So …

I said I would make supper. I got my very tall adjustable stool out and offered to make fried eggs, fried potatoes, fried bacon, and fresh ham steak I cooked in a large frying pan of water. All with a side of two slices of toast. Ron loved the idea which stopped him from harassing me about my eyes. I do love to cook and it was emotionally satisfying for me. I was unable to eat much of mine but I did eat the potatoes along with all the ham I took, a strip of bacon and half a piece of toast. But Ron ate most of what I couldn’t which is why he blames me for his current weight. Picture below. Hugs

White Lion – When The Children Cry (Official Music Video)

I hate the YouTube algorithm and and myself more for giving into it and saving all the hateful abuse videos I get. I am crying now trying not to alert Ron who is in the next room with the door between us open. I had two open windows. In one I had so many tabs of abuse that the algorithm pushed them to me because I occasionally watch them. I deleted 8 of them before switching to the other open window. What does YouTube think I need to see / hear after all that deleting and not watching all those videos? The two videos below.

Am I the one to blame but if so what does that say about all the vulnerable children who are led down hate rabbit holes? At least the harm happening here is to me done myself aidded by the shit pushed into my feeds and I am so stupid that I click on them and leave the tab open while I try to move onto something else. But eventually I end up coming back to the ones that hurt me so much. Who is to blame? As always in my life, as in my childhood … I am, and I have always been according to those that hurt me. Goodnight. Scottie. Hugs

A short video about how tired I have been and Ron’s car crash.

Best wishes for all and hugs for those that want them.

Political cartoons / memes / and news I want to share. 5-6-2026

Sorry this is not as long as I normally do. Ron found me sleeping at my desk an d only gave me a few minutes to finish before he forced me to bed physically. Hugs

Here’s a last strip from my new book Dating Tips for Trans and Queer Weirdos!

The house below was once owned by Scott Bessent the current Secretary of Treasury under tRump. I would love to own a home like this or at least be able to afford one like it. It is a famous home called the Pink House. Hugs

These are fake The first three were posted by tRump but the left is the one that has to turn down the rhetoric.

This is the real Obama bowing picture.

And this guy posted 86 46 during Bidens term and the post is still up. But Comey is on trial for threatening the cult leader and not Posobiec who did the same to Biden.

And this one is real. tRump suluted an enemy general from North Korea.

And this one is real also.

“The more likely prospect, they say, is that he becomes an independent who caucuses with the GOP, or simply casts his vote to ensure Thune remains majority leader. Ensuring control of the Senate could be especially critical should there be a Supreme Court vacancy http://www.politico.com/news/magazin…

— Randy Fair (@southerngayteacher.bsky.social) 2026-05-04T14:20:49.652Z

81 percent of young Americans say economic conditions are bad or terrible: Survey #TheHill

— #TuckFrump (@realtuckfrumper.bsky.social) 2026-05-04T19:51:39.000Z

NYC reports fewest murders ever through April, violent crime declines in Bronx gothamist.com/news/nyc-rep…

— Gothamist (@gothamist.com) 2026-05-04T15:53:49.333419Z

In many states, election-denying candidates are running to control voting http://www.npr.org/2026/05/04/n…

— Ray Beckerman (@raybeckerman.bsky.social) 2026-05-04T15:08:27.517Z

NEW: A Republican U.S. Senate candidate said he's recruiting off-duty police officers to serve as poll watchers in Detroit for the 2026 midterms — and suggested they could flash their badges at voters.Intimidating voters is illegal. Interfering with someone's right to vote is a federal crime.

— Democracy Docket (@democracydocket.com) 2026-05-04T15:48:35.403313056Z

🚨BREAKING: Florida voters and pro-voting group Equal Ground Education Fund filed a lawsuit Monday challenging the GOP’s new congressional gerrymander, urging a court to block the map for violating the state constitution’s ban on partisan gerrymandering. http://www.democracydocket.com/news-alerts/…

— Marc Elias (@marcelias.bsky.social) 2026-05-04T18:40:56.248Z

New: A Probe of Trump Foes Upends Justice Department Hub in MiamiDeep dive from Chris Strohm and Michael Smith –>buff.ly/ApWT31g

— Zoe Tillman (@zoetillman.bsky.social) 2026-05-05T16:47:20.073Z

Both headlines are from today.

— Adam Isacson (@adamisacson.com) 2026-05-04T21:27:03.352Z

Mamdani condemns ICE action at Bushwick hospital, says NYPD didn’t coordinate gothamist.com/news/mamdani…

— Gothamist (@gothamist.com) 2026-05-04T17:18:52.774838Z

Judge mulls contempt over DHS’ ‘patently false’ allegation in deportation caseThe Trump administration attacked a judge for releasing an accused murderer, but it withheld existence of the foreign warrant.www.politico.com/news/2026/05…

— Lauren Ashley Davis (@laurenmeidasa.bsky.social) 2026-05-04T21:35:32.535Z

You see this press release from DHS about a federal judge? The agency pushed it out 5 days ago. Today, a DOJ attorney admitted to the judge that it “simply was not true.”(It’s also still online at DHS dot gov as of 540 pm Monday)1/

— Bill Grueskin (@bgrueskin.bsky.social) 2026-05-04T21:43:02.441Z

WASHINGTON (AP) — US military says Iran has launched missiles, drones and small boats at ships the US is protecting in Strait of Hormuz.

— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1.bsky.social) 2026-05-04T16:35:18.324Z

BREAKING: UAE says three missiles from Iran intercepted. MS NOW's David Rohde has the latest.

— MS NOW (@ms.now) 2026-05-04T15:43:14.006Z

Trump describes Iran war horrors in Oval Office full of kids: ‘Right between the eyes’

— The Independent (@the-independent.com) 2026-05-05T16:42:02.720027Z

* SOUTH KOREA'S FOREIGN MINISTRY: FIRE AND EXPLOSION HAPPENED ON A KOREAN VESSEL IN STRAIT OF HORMUZ* SOUTH KOREA FOREIGN MINISTRY: CHECKING CAUSE OF FIRE AND DETAILS ON DAMAGE AT THE KOREAN VESSEL* SOUTH KOREA FOREIGN MINISTRY: TO CLOSELY COMMUNICATE WITH RELEVANT COUNTRIES@reuters.com

— Carl Quintanilla (@carlquintanilla.bsky.social) 2026-05-04T14:11:52.060Z

President Donald Trump threatened Iran, saying it will be 'blown off the face of the Earth' if it doesn't stop attacking ships in the Strait of Hormuz.

— The Express US (@the-express.com) 2026-05-04T19:05:50.273Z

More Than 150 Wind Projects Stall as Pentagon Delays ReviewsThe delays, which companies say have worsened significantly in recent weeks, are the latest step in the Trump administration’s efforts to block wind power.www.nytimes.com/2026/05/04/c…

— James Hughes (@dystopian-fashion.bsky.social) 2026-05-05T01:15:37.587Z

In our home when we budget we have to have priorates.

Ron tried a new spicy chicken & pasta recipe that turned out really well. We had left overs and Ron asked is if it was OK for him to take the left overs to his sister. I agreed and asked why he did not invite his sister here to share dinner with us. He at first claimed he was not sure of the recipe but when I kept asking he admitted he felt I was feeling he was not paying enough attention to our home and us as he was to his sister and her needs. While that is true I did not want him to do the reverse and ignore his sister. She is alone here and we are her family. He was delighted to hear me tell him I wanted him to include his sister in our life while she was here and to include her in our meals. I don’t feel things like that diminish our relationship; I think it increases it. Because family is important to Ron in a way that it never was to me, I can’t understand that connection. But also I never want to be the one to sever a healthy loving connection. I love Ron, so that means I have to try to understand and love those that he loves. Hugs

Health update for Scottie

I almost went to bed at 3 pm, as I had not gone to bed or slept today. Ron begged me to please try to stay awake as he was at his sister’s and insisted when he got home he would make supper.

I struggled to stay awake and fell asleep many times at my desk until Ron got home. I helped him prepare supper while falling asleep. He did offer that if I couldn’t stay awake, he needed me to try to eat a quick sandwich. But I was able to help help by peeling the potatoes.

Ron made the four pork chops we bought today with shake and bake that I love, and he made brown gravy to go with the potatoes. And he made corn. I was so excited that I took one pork chop and a huge amount of potatoes and gravy. A big mistake but I was looking to what I most enjoy.

I cut up and ate about a total of about five pieces of the pork which was grand. But I wolfed into the potatos. I ate most of them but soon ran out of steam. I only had a couple of small spoons full of corn. Then I sat there trying to make myself eat more.

Ron walked by my office and noticed I was struggling and asked me how I was doing. I explained to him how happy I was for the meal and how good it tasted … but I was already full. He looked at what I ate and was thrilled. I was like why, I took too much and did not finish it all. A sin in my childhood that could get you beaten.

He picked up my stuff as I helped and told me “Scottie you ate and ate a lot for you at this time of night”. “I was very afraid you would just go to bed with out eating like you have done for weeks”. He was very happy I ate. But I am so tired I have to go to bed. He is taking care of everything because when I tried to help I almost fell down. I wanted to do comments today and to tell the story of Ron’s catheterization, but instead I got two days of the cartoons / memes roundup done. So if I fail tomorrow at least they will be there for everyone. Again much thanks to Ali who has been so wonderful not only with her posting, comment answering but also in sending me encouraging emails. I would have closed the blog if not for her efforts. Hugs

I am in the waiting room

Hi everyone. I am in the waiting room and they just took Ron into the OR. So we got up at 3:30 am. We showered and packed our stuff. I forgot the sandwiches but I do have my chips and pretzels. Of all the people waiting I am the only one eating. I did not eat at home because Ron couldn’t eat and I felt it would be mean as he couldn’t eat and it would’ve mean. I am not really hungry but I took my medications and I am diabetic so I need something in my stomach.

The good news is his OR nurse is a friend of ours from our ICU days. She is a really great nurse and it is grand Ron had someone he knew. The bad news is the doctor was not sure if stents were the best course of action. Instead of by pass surgery. He will check to see how bad it is and if stents would work as Ron is a diabetic and stents tend to clog in a few years. So once he gets in there he will measure the pressure. Then he will explain to Ron if stents are appropriate or if a bypass operation would be a better option. Pretty scary. Hugs