Freak Off Crypto by Clay Jones
How much Trump Crypto to keep Diddy out of prison? Read on Substack
I was reading some of my colleagues’ work this morning at GoComics, and I came across a cartoon by Gary Varvel defending Trump’s bribes (also, Gary, plane tires don’t have treads). An idiot in the comments section wrote, “So they gave him a bribe and then they gave him trillions of investments? I don’t think you know how bribes work.” The idiot doesn’t know how bribes work… or facts.
None of these three bribing nations, Qatar, the United Arab Emirates, or Saudi Arabia, is investing trillions, which is a lie mentioned in the cartoon. A good way to tell if a cartoonist is instead a propagandist is when he/she rely on Trump for their research.
A lot of the “deals” Trump announced were actually made by President Joe Biden, while the rest aren’t binding, and won’t take effect until Trump is “supposed” to leave office, like that 747, Bribe Force One, won’t be ready until then either.
By the way, Qatar had been trying to sell that plane with no takers for over five years. Grifting, er, I mean gifting it to Trump will save them millions in storage fees. The entire world is moving away from that type of jet, including Qatar, which no longer includes it in its fleet of aircraft. This jet will now cost us more than its asking price to refit it.
This is like giving a dog a pork chop to make it like you, but in this case, the pork chop is a 747 jet. Also, the Qataris could have just given Donald Trump a pork chop.
What these nations really want from Trump is the arms deals and being legitimized by an American president (sic). It’s true they like Trump more than they liked President Biden or President Obama. The Crown Prince, who had Jamal Khashoggi murdered, rarely greets visitors when they arrive at the airport. He didn’t greet Biden at the airport, but he met Trump. Naturally, corrupt fascists governing monarchies without elections, who are also murderers, would love Trump. It’s like being loved by mobsters, Jason Vorhees, Jeffrey Epstein, and Roger Stone.
They also love Trump because they got a sucker who is easy to play.
Trump has been using his entire second regime to enrich himself. He’s fired the people who root out corruption in government, and then he got busy.
Our Attorney General, Pam Bondi, ruled that accepting Qatar’s gift of a jet doesn’t violate the Emoluments Clause, but she took a bribe from Trump years ago to stop investigating Trump University in Florida, and she used to be a lobbyist for…wait for it…Qatar.
By accepting the gift, Trump announced to the rest of the world that he’s open for business, and corruption is his business. If you thought his first regime was corrupt, as Bachman-Turner Overdrive would say, you ain’t seen nothing yet, B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Baby.
In the first regime, Trump and the Trump Organization said it wouldn’t create “new” business with foreign nations. In Trump 2.0, they announced that they WILL take in new business from foreign nations, and they just secured a bunch of golf resorts and other real estate deals in the three nations Trump visited this week, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and the United Arab Emirates.
The Trump Org. is now involved in six Middle Eastern real estate projects sponsored by Dar Global, the international subsidiary of a Saudi-based firm with close ties to the Saudi royal family. It gets worse.
Don Sniffy Jr. and his buddies have created a new private club in Washington, DC that costs $500,000 to join. It’s called the Executive Club. The purpose of the club is to sell access to Trump and officials in the regime. Remember when Republicans howled about Hunter Biden selling access to his father, and felt the need to waste a lot of our money investigating it? There’s no investigation needed here because they’re doing it out in the open.
And then there’s $Trump Crypto.
Trump used to hate crypto and has posted in the past, “I am not a fan of Bitcoin and other Cryptocurrencies, which are not money, and whose value is highly volatile and based on thin air.”
He also said, “Unregulated Crypto Assets can facilitate unlawful behavior, including drug trade and other illegal activity.”
And he said that bitcoin “just seems like a scam,” and it’s a “disaster waiting to happen,” and “I think they should regulate them very, very high.”
It must be true that it’s a scam that can facilitate unlawful behavior because now, Trump LOVES crypto and has created his own. In fact, $Trump Crypto was created in January, three days before he was inaugurated, and promised to make the United States “the crypto capital of the planet.” And then the crypto industry donated $18 million to his inauguration, where donations go to disappear…which is much like how crypto works.
Foreigners are jumping to donate to $Trump, including a tiny TikTok e-commerce company with ties to the Chinese government that has zero revenue, yet found the funds to buy $300 million of $Trump Crypto, just when Trump is delaying the shutdown of TikTok in America. Now we know why the delay was instituted. Maybe that’s why he’s delaying tariffs on China for 90 days. There are 90s days to bribe Trump not to place 145 percent tariffs on China.
Follow the money. Follow the shell game.
If you need further proof that Trump is taking bribes, then listen to this: If you buy enough of $TRUMP Criminal, oops… $Trump Crypto to become one of its top 220 investors, then you’ll get to attend an “intimate private” dinner with him later this month. If you buy enough to become one of the top 25, you will win a “VIP White House Tour.” And if you give him a plane, you’ll get to spend the night with Trump in the Lincoln Bedroom, and with guaranteed spooning time.
Trump is not even hiding that he’s selling access and using the White House to grift.
According to Bloomberg, $Trump Criminal, I mean Crypto, is nearing the value of $1 billion. Did you know the value of the Trump family has increased by nearly $4 billion since January? At that rate, their value will be $32 billion by the time Trump 2.0 is “supposed” to end. Also, at this rate, by the time 2029 gets here, Trump will have eight 747s.
And finally, the Justice Department disbanded a division dedicated to investigating cryptocurrency crimes, declared that meme coins are no longer subject to regulatory oversight, and paused a fraud case against a top crypto mogul who pumped $75 million into $Trump Criminal…oops, I mean Trump Crypto.
Now we know how Diddy can beat the rap, and getting a pardon from Trump is not out of the question. According to Rolling Stone, Diddy’s people are talking to Trump’s people.
Trump has attended Diddy’s parties, which are often called “freak offs.” Tiffany Trump has attended the “freak offs.” Trump and Diddy have both said they like each other. They’ve both been prosecuted in cases involving sex or sex abuse. They were both tried in Manhattan. They have a lot in common. They’re both criminals because Trump stole classified documents and Diddy stole Every Breath You Take by the Police.
How much $Trump Criminal can Diddy buy? Oops.
I meant $Trump Crypto.
Creative note: One of my concerns with this cartoon is that it may be too subtle. Well, too subtle for MAGAts maybe.
The bribe in the cartoon was originally a 747, but I realized I hadn’t hit the $Trump Crypto bribes yet. Oops.
I meant $Trump Criminal.
Music note: I listened to some tunes today that have been remastered, and they sounded much better before the remastering. Yo, remastering MoFos. Some of us like to hear the bass.
I did not listen to Diddy.
Drawn in 30 seconds: (snip-go see it)
Scottie's Playtime 