I forget what year it was, maybe 2012 or 2013 I was being treated by a doctor for my abuse.  I forget what he was titled, but he was the mind / personality doctors.   After testing and sessions of talking, he said I had a bunny personality unable to protect myself, with the bunny personality that kicked in that made the bunny protect those who were smaller or more vulnerable than me being attacked, even to the point of sacrificing my self.   In other words, I think he was saying I was unable to protect my self but will try to find ways to protect those who I feel are in danger.     I wonder if he said the second part just to shore up myself esteem as I never really felt I had a protector role.  In fact, I sort of got used to the idea I was to suffer to take the pain issued to me.  

Please remember, this was before Ron knew of most of my abuse, he only knew I was hurt as a kid, and it was by the family I grew up in.  I was scared to tell him what was happening, his job and mine were our income.  If I told him Ron would have reacted, would have been angry, would have stopped it but I was worried we would lose our jobs and our income.  

There was a reason I was back in treatment, but the short story is I was being sexual assaulted at work.  One of the male nurses, a larger guy, thought it was cute and funny to grab the gay guy by the dick, touch his ass, and push him in to a wall or counter and press themselves into me while fondling my penis.  My supervisors found out it was happening by accident because another male nurse who today would be the typical maga republican threaten to kill me in front of everyone for being gay and when I had to be interviewed by HR and legal it slipped out what the other guy was doing.   So the company insisted on sending me to a psychologist for examination / treatment.  Side note I should some day describe the meeting it was surreal with them makings sure nothing blocked the door or my path to it, repeatedly telling me I could leave, and if I felt unsafe or upset to tell them, kept asking me if I need a break or wanted someone with me … I mean I like the feeling behind what they were doing, but it was over the top in my opinion.  But maybe they were trying to prevent a sexual assault claim against the hospital.

But the real point of the post and what I was so happy and excited over is, when I told Randy what was happening and what the doctor said my personality was, Randy sprang into action.   My wonderful friend, the brother I never had growing up, sent me a tee shirt I wore until I wore it out.  I wore it everywhere.  It was something I took great joy in.   

It was a Psycho Bunny tee shirt with this logo

And I don’t know if you can understand the power this tee shirt gave me.  I may be a bunny, but I was now a bunny with teeth.  Randy kept telling me that maybe as a child I couldn’t stop the abuse, but now I had power, skill, and support such that I could protect my self.   The shirt and the feeling behind it was every empowering.  It was what I needed then to help me.  And Randy was always there to help me, uplift me, and keep me from despair as best he could.  I love Randy, I loved the tee shirt, I love the idea behind it.  Yesterday and today I keep reminding myself … I AM A PSYCHO BUNNY, AND I HAVE TEETH, HEAR ME ROAR!  Even if right now it is coming out as a squeak.    Hugs, Scottie