How Many Dolls?

One Doll, Two Dolls, Three Dolls, Sex Dolls by Clay Jones

The dolls names are Melania and Ivanka Read on Substack

Last Wednesday, Trump predicted during a Cabinet meeting (where everyone was required to praise him while Gulf-of-America caps were aligned across the table) that higher prices caused by tariffs will mean “children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls.”

I’m sure fathers buy their daughters as many dolls as they cry for, because dads are weak for their daughters, but I doubt they buy 30 for Christmas. Am I wrong? What I’m thinking, is that he bought Ivanka thousands of dolls and maybe half as many for his other daughter, what’s-her-name. He probably bought a gazillion GI Joes for Jr and maybe a few Barbies for Eric.

I had “action” figures, not dolls, when I was a kid. Not only did I have superheroes like Batman and Spiderman, I also had a Fonzie (who suffered a traffic accident when I hid him in a lamp and one of his cool legs melted off). I even had an Epstein from Welcome Back, Kotter. Of course, I had a bunch of Star Wars guys. Oh, crap, maybe I did have 30, but I didn’t get 30 for Christmas.

What’s surreal here is that Trump is a glutton. From what I’ve heard from his friends, he’s also a pack rat and a hoarder. His offices are full of useless crap he doesn’t need. It’s all junk. But now this billionaire, who purchases portraits of himself and has multiple homes and golf resorts, is telling Americans to cut down on their consumerism. What?

This is probably the first time in the modern era that the Republican message is, “Don’t spend so much money.” Wasn’t one of Trump’s campaign messages, “Make America wealthy again?” It was along with, “Make America hate again.”

At the cabinet meeting, Trump said, “You know, somebody said, ‘Oh, the shelves are going to be open. Well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls, you know, and maybe the two dolls will cost a couple of bucks more than they would normally.”

Yeah! Screw those spoiled brats! If nothing else, instead of buying them so many dolls, make them get a job and pay rent and board. You can ship them off to Arkansas, where Governor Sarah Huckabee Hound Sanders has greatly loosened child labor laws.

When you go to McDonald’s and they’re screaming for the Happy Meal toy, make that brat pay for that Happy Meal.

In 1995, my life was a living hell every time we went to McDonald’s because my kid was always screaming for the Black Power Ranger, and we got Pink Power Ranger every. fucking. time, and my son would lose his shit. I should have melted them like I did to poor Fonzie.

I still have nightmares about Pink Power Ranger.

Trump also said, “They (China) have ships that are loaded up with stuff, much of which — not all of it — but much of which we don’t need.” This….THIS coming from the asshole selling us Trump straws. This grifter probably wants us to stop buying so much shit from China and buy more of his shit…from China.

Trump is out of touch because he thinks the tariffs will only hike prices for useless shit. But people need to eat too, and some are taking out loans to buy groceries. The other option is to make your kid eat his GI Joe.

Stephen Miller said, “If you had a choice between a doll from China that might have, say, lead paint in it, that is not as well-constructed as a doll made in America that has a higher environmental and regulatory standard and that is made to a higher degree of quality, and those two products are both on Amazon,” Miller said, “then, yes, you probably would be willing to pay more for a better-made American product.”

Lead paint? Someone tell Baby Goebbels that imports sold in America are often subject to the same regulatory standards as domestic products. Also, during Trump’s first term, his Environmental Protection Agency tried to roll back safety standards that would expose children to…wait for it….lead paint.

If you really want to freak your kid out, buy them a Stephen Miller doll. The brat will be begging for a Pink Power Ranger after that.

A Stephen Miller doll would be like a Goebbels version of Chucky.

Creative note: Proofer Laura wrote, “This is unspeakably gross.” I told her she should be ashamed of herself for looking at it… after I sent it to her.

Music note: I listened to Bleach by Nirvana.

Drawn in 30 seconds: (snip-go see!)