Long time followers / readers may remember the struggle we had getting Ron’s older brother in a nursing home as he lost touch with reality and couldn’t care for himself.  He actually knew it was happening and drove himself to the VA to get help, but it progressed so quickly.  The VA stabilized him and sent him home, but he got both physically and mentally worse.  He is a long time cancer survivor from the time when they over radiated cancer patients, causing his intestines to harden and die, requiring many surgeries to remove them to stop internal bleeding.  So he got so bad he was constantly bleeding out from his butt and pooping everywhere along with not being mentally able to clean himself, up after himself, or even understand the issue. 

Ron and his sister worked hard to get him into a nursing home that could care for him.  It took a lot of money, his sister had to pay over 5 grand for the first month to even get him into a nursing home.  Medicaid rules said a person had to be in a nursing home for a month before they could be covered my medicaid and medicare.  Ron’s brother is very low income so he got a small $100 supplemental income from the military for his illness in the military, and had medicaid.   But because he was on medicaid he couldn’t have a lot of assets and the nursing home would take all but 30 dollars of his income.  Which meant Ron and his sister would have to put money into his bank account every month to pay his credit card bill, other expenses, give him extra money in his home account to buy treats and stuff, and his car insurance.  The other siblings despite having far more money than Ron and I simply couldn’t find it in their hearts to help pay their brother’s bills.  One sister tried a few times to help, but she was losing her own grip on the world and couldn’t figure out how to do it or would forget, so Ron and his other sister just started covering the entirety themselves.  The paid off his card and sold his car.  They had to stop his military supplement because that would have put him a few dollars over the Medicaid limit, and Medicaid was paying for his care.  His brother went into the nursing home the end of 2019 or beginning 2020.   That required twice a year expensive trips to NC.

Ron would drive up to NC and get a hotel room just outside the airport.  Ron’s sister would fly into the airport and they would go to the town that the nursing home was in and get a hotel room.  They would spend a week or so with their brother, buying him clothing or things he needed / wanted.  At first they bought him electronics like phones but he was unable to use them and they realized that was useless.  A year ago they moved Ron’s brother to in nursing home hospice care.  And at some point they started doing Zoom calls every couple weeks first with the brother and family done by the home staff then hospice staff included.

While writing this Ron was heading for a nap.  I went to restart the 17 year old dryer as it had stopped.  It wouldn’t start.  I looked and the door switch which had been getting flaky the last year gave up the ghost.  It had all our only deep pocket bedding for the Purple mattress we bought.  So no nap for Ron, he got up, together we pulled it out, he is cleaning it and trying to figure out how to get to the switch.

Over the last 3 and half years his brother got worse.  Sometimes he would go months tracking reality, but then he would slip and lose touch with the real world.  This year he has been out of reality, and a lot of the time his health was so bad he couldn’t really hold himself upright and needed support.  Ron and his sister started getting calls this last month that his brother got out of bed during the night without calling for staff and tried to go to the bathroom by himself.  He can’t walk.  So he falls.  It has happened I think three times.  The first were minor but this last time was serious.   Remember this is a nursing home, not a prison and they couldn’t restrain him in bed.  

This time he fell and broke his leg bone right at the hip joint.  The home and hospice people called Ron but they did not know how bad it is.  He was so bad that when Ron authorized him to be taken to a hospital, the hospital called him and said he would only last a couple of days and that he had internal bleeding they couldn’t trace that may have been going on for a while.  His brother had the issue with his intestine hardening and getting so brittle they would tear apart.  The last few years the doctors removed as much as they could, but it was dicey if anything they stitched to would hold.  That was yesterday.  Ron and his sister were making plans to quickly go see him.

They may have just run out of time.  As I am writing this at 2:32 pm on 4/10/2024 and while Ron was working on fixing the switch from the dryer the hospital called.  His brother was stopping breathing and then after a few minutes would suddenly take a breath.  The intervals are increasing as they watch him.  Remember that he is on hospice, we knew he was dying for the last few years and so while all comfort measures can be given, no lifesaving care can be.  No intubation nor resuscitation.  We just had no idea it would be this soon or Ron and his sister would have gone to see him again.  But normally a hip or upper leg break is hard for an elderly person to come back from, most people in their 80s who break a hip die soon after.  

Ron is on his phone, but 17 years working in ICUs tell him his brother has only hours to live.  The nursing staff at the hospital agreed.  There is no way short of a Star Trek instant teleporter that Ron could get there in time.  He so far is calling people and holding it in.  But he is going to need all my sympathy and support tonight.  Thank you everyone.  But I may be a few days before I get back online depending on how much Ron needs me.  He comes from a large once very tight family, 8 siblings.  He has handled the loss of the older ones but it gets harder for him as he ages and more have died.  He may need a lot of support.  Best Wishes.  Hugs.  My love for all of you.   Scottie