Running Without Sound – Gay Short Film

Coming to terms with who we are is hard enough to tell people, but for Sean he must come to terms with his exploration in a world that he cannot hear and a world that does not always hear him. A fascinating story of love, trust, and friendship.

I often wondered what my life would have been like if I had been a kid in the modern age where being gay was so much more accepting than it was for me in the 1970s with Anita Bryant spewing her hatred and lies about people like me.   Then I remember that today there are the Libs of TikTok and the red state governors / republican fundamentalist Christian legislators who are doing to LGBTQIA kids what was done to me back in the 1970s by Bryant.  Spewing lies and hate to make us hated as much as possible.  

But there is another part of my thoughts.  Like the boy in the short video I couldn’t find the spoken words to tell of my abuse and the signs I was showing people either they couldn’t hear or did not want to.  What if I had had the words to say as a four-year-old what was happening when I was asked to go next door, that even though the man was nice, kind even, it left my butt sore, and the hell spawn I lived with would make fun of me for it.  They knew, which makes me now believe the adoptive parents knew also.  Maybe they pimped me to him?  After all, someone had to tell me to go over there, to give me permission.  Yes the man was raping me.  But he was kind and nice to me.  Unlike at home.

Imagine as a 6 yr in first grade, in torn clothing who had bruises all over me who in class just put my head down on my desk and went to sleep because I knew there it was safe to do so because no one would hurt me.  To my little boy mind that was shattered when the teacher took me to what seemed to me a large room with some other adults.  Both male and female.  They asked me to remove my clothing.  I started to obey as I had learned not to disobey that demand … but when they told me to remove my underpants I started to cry, to sob.  I promised to be good, I promised not to sleep in school anymore, I begged them, I even said as I stood there after taking off all my clothing and they had me move in different ways while touching me to make me stand or show what they wanted to see, that I promised I wouldn’t tell as they asked me questions I dared not answer.  I kept repeating that, hoping they knew that I would cooperate and not tell so they would be nice when they used me.  They did not understand what I was saying when I said I promised not to tell.  I knew the punishment for telling, I did not know they were trying to help.  They scared me, because these were adults I did not know and the few times before with adults I did not know first what they did hurt really bad.    I simply did not have the words, I did not understand what they wanted, and I had no way to tell them what they wanted to know, yes I was being abused, I was being hit, I was being …  In a way that was somehow more traumatizing to me because in my 6 yr old mind I was about to be forced to please and give my body to these four or five adults … If I was lucky and they did not want to simply hit me to make me hurt even more. 

If only I could have heard them, and they could understand that which I had no voice to say.   I am really tired, I hate that just watching a short YouTube video can bring back such strong memories, making me feel those feelings, relive those events.    Hugs.  Scottie

Working on two posts I started yesterday when I couldn’t hold anything down or anything in.

Starting about Friday I was starting to feel “under the weather”.   All weekend I got feeling worse.  I really was starting to suffer on Monday.  Buy Tuesday at 3 am the stomach distress was really painful, and by 4 am I was throwing up.  Also I was having with the other end, the part attached to what I sit on.  All day I would try to eat and end up in the bathroom.  Also a lot of gas was coming both ways when there was nothing solid to come out either end.  Plus I felt horrible.  I spent most of the day in bed Tuesday, I had spent a lot of Monday in bed, some of the day Sunday in bed … I think you can see the progression.  

I let a lot of people down on Tuesday.  Randy had gotten me a gift and wanted to talk.   I was so sick that I barely was able to open the package before a trip to the bathroom and back to bed.  Ron had planned to go out for lunch, it was going to be a celebration of returning to more normal times, because the only time since covid hit in 2020 we have been out to eat was with Randy, and then again with Randy and his folks.  Sadly it won’t happen this week.   

This morning I woke at 4 am, my normal time to wake.  I walked to the bathroom and I was so nauseous I knew I better not try to get up.  I stayed in bed, until 5:30 am.  Got up, even had a couple cups of coffee and tried to eat a bit of food.  It was a very small bit.  But it stayed down.  Until … 

Ron got up and I started moving around helping him get the trash ready to be taken out.  The Park now insists it all be out by 8 am, but rarely do they pick it up right after that.  But if they do and you call or put trash out after they go by, they won’t pick it up, but leave it.   Before it was 10 am and everyone seemed to have it out by then.  If someone forget and put it out after, when a park worker went by on their golf cart they would just grab it, taking it with them. But the park is going much more corporate and much more focused on profit over people’s happiness.   

All the movement and bending caused both ends to open up again and expel their contents.  Damn it.   So I am not quite as bad as yesterday but still not able to function, and as you see thinking is harder for me than normal.  Ron has given me medication to help me with it all.     I am trying to catch up, but before anyone goes to the effort to remind my self to take care of myself, I am doing that, and trust me I am putting needing to throw up, get to the toilet, and lay down as much as I can stand with my bone, spine, muscle pain.  

So the post I started yesterday morning will again have to wait as I go lay down.  Oh the pill Ron gave me is working, but not enough.  Best to all, and sorry I missed your posts and comments.   While I might be able to sometimes read from the toilet, it is often not the first thing on my mind.  😥🤢🤮😣Hugs.  Best Wishes.  Scottie

I started this post about 8:20 am right after Ron took the trash out.  It is now 1 pm, and I am going back to bed again.   Hugs.  Scottie

So yesterday was a bad costly day

Some background for those new here.   We take care of three cats, two also mooch / are fed by the neighbors also.   One is our house cat Odie, then there is Tupac who is an inside / outside cat, and then there is Smokey an outside feral female who hangs out with Tupac and she will come into the family room to eat but won’t stay.  Even though Tupac eats most of his food at our home, spends most of his day inside with us, if it is a nice night a lot of nights he likes to spend outside some or all of the night.  If it is cold or raining he stays inside.   Even though others feed them, it always seems to fall to Ron and me who takes Tupac to the vet and pay the bills, even though it seems the others have a lot more money.  Maybe that is why.  When Ron told the neighbor woman today who we see feeding them the costs, well she did not offer to help.

We have been noticing Tupac was getting thinner and thinner and thinner.  Last year when we took him in for his shots and deworming he was also thin, but then once dewormed started to gain weight.  But like I said, we noticed that he was losing weight fast.   The last week or longer, he has spent more and more time inside.  Then last Wednesday morning he threw up a lot of green bile looking liquid.  Well sometimes he catches local rabbits or squirrels, other small game and eats it.   So we worry he will get something.  Or he will eat something that will make him sick that someone left out or an anti-cat person who wanted to poison the cats.  His stomach made sounds all the night before and that day.  But Thursday morning I found clear liquid throw up in the kitchen.  Friday morning I found the same thing in the hallway.  He had been staying in all week, which was not normal, as I already said.  Again he was not eating or even drinking.  Ron talked to one of the other people feeding them and she said Tupac quit eating last week also.  I got him to drink a little water.

When Ron got up Friday morning I told him we should call the vet’s office.   We had been talking about it, and knowing it was Friday I did not want to pay the costs of an emergency weekend visit, and Tupac was getting more thin and not eating or drinking.   But as we had no appointment the vet’s office said we could bring him in, drop him off and they would see him when they could.   That cost us $110.00 alone.  But the worst was to come.  Turned out our worst fears were not the problem, which meant Tupac was not going to die of feline leukemia or need surgery we couldn’t afford.  But … it turns out he had an infection in his ear, maybe from a fight where he got scratched.  The vet cleaned all that and gave him something for it.   But … It seems his thyroid is seriously jacked up, running really too high.  The test reads normal at 4 and Tupac was 12.  He will need daily medication.  The vet gave us two weeks of pills and we need to contact an online animal pharmacy for a medicated cream to rub on his ear which takes the place of the pills.  We have never been able to get a cat to take a pill.  This morning Ron tried to get Tupac to eat and take the pill.   He refused both.  

But then the hammer dropped.  The total vet bill came to $530.00 and that was before we order the cream she gave us a prescription for.  That is going to be more expensive than the pills the vet warned us.  We had only $270.00 in both bank accounts until Ron gets his monthly Social Security late in the month.  I transferred money from savings.  So with Ron’s medication in January needing to be fully paid, something in February that needed to be paid, and the cat’s vet bill I had taken out of savings so far this year a total of $1,140.00 with no clue how to put it back if medicine and medical bills don’t slow down.  I guess my new glasses will have to wait until fall, if not until next year.   

What had made the day even worse for me and upset me was that I had spent all week catching up with comments and others blogs.  Seriously when I went to bed Thursday evening I had everything caught up.   Friday morning due to Ron having made a large roast, potatoes, corn, and gravy supper meal there were a lot of dishes and kitchen mess.  So while we waited to hear from the vet, I helped Ron clean up and do dishes.  Then in the morning while doing dishes Ron asked me to make a tomato red sauce.   I had to use tomato puree instead of sauce as Ron got the wrong stuff.   It made a nice sweet basil sauce.   Ron made his wonderful meatballs.   But by the time I got the sauce done, the bread ready to bake, the plates, strainers, and serving things set up I was wiped out.  I had the water ready for the spaghetti but I couldn’t stay standing up even with all the break through medications.  I was done, so Ron took over.  

What this did blog wise was make me basically miss an entire day and by the time I opened up the bell notifications just before going to bed, I had lost some of the older comments and posts.   Well there is another day.   As always if you leave a comment and I have not responded to it in a few days send me another.  I am not sure how much I can do today because I am already suffering badly sitting in my chair.  I suffered through making eggs for breakfast because Ron loves how I make eggs over medium, cooked whites, runny yellow yoke.   So now you’re caught up.  Hugs.  Scottie

♫ Get Together ♫ (Redux)

Hi everyone.  Jill posted this on Monday and we are all part of the same community, but after spending so much of my day responding to right wing comments that were covid denying, right wing propaganda spouting, and anti-trans, well I just wanted to listen to the song again.  I just let the feelings of the song run over me like a smooth flow of warm water, gently lifting my spirit back up to a safe good level.   Thank you Jill, that is two days your post moved me back to a good place.   Hugs.   Scottie

More on SCOTUS Dei, er, Witchfinder Alito’s Next Adventure

Seriously I have long said this was the goal of the anti-same sex marriage people.   They admitted it years ago.   Make the idea of it harder and harder to get, and more and more meaningless in that it creates two types of marriage.   The one the Christian right prefers as a full benefit marriage, the other highly restricted as a type of civil union, but not a full marriage.   What I have never understood is why this is so important to them, the Christian haters.   Is it because it gives recognition to those they call an abomination?  Is it just so they can look down on and feel better than some other people?   What drives this desperate urge of them to keep what is basically a civil right only to themselves?     If someone can explain it to me, I would be grateful.   I never understood such hate and effort to have special privileges that the Christian republican right wants for themselves.   Hugs.  Scottie

Let’s talk about Trump, Taylor, and a tale of two fundraisers….

New Testament Love and Old Testament Standards

There seems to be some drags and delays when playing the video.   I have tried it on two different computers and it happens at that same time marks, so I think it is in the original.   But the message is worth posting.   I think basically most religious people of the modern time are moving from the crime / punishment style of believing or a punishing god, and much more to a welcoming and kinder loving god.   Time will tell which side wins in the god civil war.   Hugs.  Scottie

God’s Greatest Hypocrisy

I know many of the people who follow my Play Time don’t care for videos, and also many are not interested in bible stuff.  However even though this is an animated and a bit over the top portrayal of god, it does lay out some of the biggest sexual hypocrisies of the bible including the one man / one woman joke that many insist the rest of the world follow.  Hugs.   Scottie

Did you know that God violates his own laws in the bible? In fact, there is an example that is so egregious, complete with the exact reason spelled out, that it is completely indefensible, and anyone who tries must compromise their own moral standard to do so.

Let’s talk about Mr. Rogers, commercials, and themes….

Let’s talk about Netflix, Alexander the Great, and disbelief….