Thinking again…

I saw this pic and it made me laugh. I needed to. Tomorrow my disbelief, my anger, my arguing and bargaining all come to an end and I have no choice but to accept reality, no matter how surreal, and move on. I have suspicions what these next four years will bring, but nothing will surprise me. Ok, I take that back: I will be blown away if the middle class gets a tax break and the top 10% get a tax hike; I will be floored if minorities and the lgbtq are lifted as persons deserving respect and the extremists told to grow up; I will be gobsmacked if the very powerful are forced to concede that the laws apply to them as well as the little people; and I will be outright shocked into immobility if we end this four years with less of a debt than we started. Something tells me I’m not in risk of any of this.

When Trump was elected in his first term, I felt like it was an unknown going against a very unpopular candidate. I knew there were going to be problems, but we would weather through because we had a government that was more than one person. We would survive. We would self-correct and continue down the road just fine. I don’t believe we will be just fine. I believe this is the Bell That Tolls, and we will not simply self correct out of this.

Interesting that in the publication of the 2025 Manifesto, and in the selection of his political nominees, the serious and the well rounded experienced people were, well, not chosen. I kept waiting for trump to laugh in our face and say “psych! Gotcha!!”. Still waiting.

In the short time since fox news has come into popularity, the idea of “fair and balanced” was made a mochery, reality was thrown out the window. They did it for power, for money, they did it because people wanted to believe them.

But, no arguing with success. I don’t believe any of them now. I don’t believe the news shows would tell me the truth if they could.

And no matter how many times you tell them they are being lied to, the so called American Public does enjoy being peed on. Me personally, I’m tired. I’m tired of being lied to and manipulated, and I’m tired of telling folks something they don’t want to believe, don’t want to know. Let’s face it, in this land of internet and free libraries, being undereducated is a life choice.

I guess my only point here is to say “be careful what you ask for…”. Every day before, during and after this election we were shown who he is, but some wanted the snake oil he was selling. They wanted to be strong and virile, so they voted in a cantakerous fat old man? They wanted the truth, so brought back a liar. We wanted prosperity, we got a conman.

And, this pic says it all. Let’s face it, I don’t have deep thoughts. Tomorrow begins a new day in America and in the world. Hugs. Randy

It’s difficult to talk about

Hello All. I don’t know how this will come across, so forgive me for doing a bit of navel gazing. I thought giving a bit of voice to something I really really don’t want to talk about may help. Or, at least it may help someone else. Who knows.

What people don’t always understand is that I find it very difficult to talk about this, and forced to, I feel even worse and find myself with even darker thoughts. Nonetheless, it seems right to try.

See, when you tell people you are dealing with depression, they try to give you advice, tell you to snap out of it, some begin to smother you – or at least it feels that way. Frankly, it’s a psychophysiological issue, and there are no easy answers, no easy solutions.

Most doctors don’t understand depression any better than their patients. They either want to overmedicate or ignore.

Most people dealing with depression try to self medicate. Alcohol, drugs, impotent rage at the smallest things. Me – it’s eating my feelings and hiding away in the house away from my overwhelming problems that others likely see as immaterial issues.

I’m still working every day, but I don’t want to go in. I want to stay home. I don’t want to deal with the problems at work because they are seemingly insurmountable. Heat not working. Machines not working. Employees not working. My truck isn’t working. And my dryer is shrinking my clothes… ok, that might be the Little Debbies. Messed up thing is, if I stay home I’m alone with things that aren’t working here at home and someone needs to clean the kitchen! So, going in to work is actually relieving after a while.

One of the things that surprises people is just how many of us live with depression. Just how many go to work, feed the kids, fill the gas tank and go through their normal day dying inside. I had to tell my boss on Thursday that I was not doing well with his – what feels like – pummeling me with criticism and ‘why didn’t you’s’. No one is perfect, and even though I tried to make the right decisions – well, I could only handle so many things even though I knew I was letting him down even while I was killing myself trying to be everywhere and handle everything.

Does he know that I am forced to handle imperative things that others are assigned but fail to do or that no matter what I do there are so many things yet to do? Does he know that I am working late just to get things done when no one is in the way? Does he know that I’m tired but can’t sleep no matter how exhausted I am? Does he know that I’m whining to you rather than cleaning my kitchen?

The odd thing is that I don’t know whether to feel better that I’m not alone or feel worse that so many of us have to deal with this shit. And, that’s the point, isn’t it. So many of us deal with this it’s just called “being an adult in America”. I wanted unicorns and rainbows, and like everyone else I more often just get bull-shit and rained on. (sigh!) Adulthood sucks. So, be kind to those you meet, for they are likely going through their own battles.

And, for those of you out there that are, well – just another adult in America, hang on. Keep going. I’ve heard the sun comes out, tomorrow.

Hugs and Loves.

Randy

I didn’t understand

It’s as sad of a thing to realize about myself as anything, a real disappointment, but I really didn’t care about that CEO of the Insurance Company that got murdered. I mean, I did – but wow!, we have been so benumbed by things happening, I just couldn’t be all that shocked. According to Fox News, I am to be ashamed for that. I know, go figure…

These same people who sent thoughts and prayers, yes both!, to the parents of the children in Ulvade, Texas and other places where guns were used to kill the innocent, tell me I’ve got to feel great compassion and be sad as someone who has profited off the death and destruction of so many lives and the fleecing of the willing and unwilling for billions of dollars. These people who have demanded the rights of gun owners everywhere and have told me so many times that the gun is not the problem, it is the user – but we can’t limit those users – now shed those crocodile tears when one of their patron saints to avarice is shot. Add to that, I’ve recently read that these C-level white shirts are increasing their personal protection bodyguards and, of course, that is a business expense that will be passed on to the customer. Of course.

Like most people, I carry various insurance – health, home, car, life. Not because I want to, but because I feel like I have to. And, that cost goes up, constantly. Unlike almost every other First and Second World Country, we in America – especially for the lower and middle income people, spend a horrible percentage of our money on the hope that we never have to use it, because if we did need to use it and it wasn’t there, it would financially ruin us. But, to actually use the health care insurance we pay so much for incurs costs in copays and deductibles that are difficult to afford. The irony of modern health care is that we are still using parasitic leaches and blood letting, they just wear suits now.

The second irony of America is that although this information is nothing new, we are still forced to use this model. Why? Because it is in the interest of the rich and powerful to maintain a status quo where they use the deck they’ve already marked to control the game. It is in the financial interest of the rich and powerful to not allow growth in this country. But, no worries, come to find out it is all to be blamed on the immigrant and the homosexual.

Hugs and good luck.

It’s a new day, think I’ll get breakfast.

I’ve been staring at this damn screen for so long this morning that my coffee has gone cold, my eyes are scratchy, and I’ve become all too aware that I’ve not showered yet. My problem is I am really susceptible to depression, and it hits me hard in the winters.

As a result, I’ve been watching a lot of youtube crap. Scottie asked me to do these “Daily Thoughts”, but my problem is that I’ve had zero daily thoughts! I’m just restlessly flipping from video short to video short, then finally I find something interesting to write about and I’m stuck on telling you that I’ve got nothing to tell you.

For anyone out there who is like me, strangling on the crap this world forces me to take in, I say fuckitall. I’m scrapping this dang staring contest I’m having with my computer. I’m going to go wash my stinky butt, put on some grown up clothes and go eat something I didn’t have to make myself, something my doctor would most surely disapprove of.

Sorry Arteries. I’ve got some bad news coming to you…

Good Morning, Everyone! Let’s make today a good one. I’ll work on a real post later, Scottie. Or not. 🙂

Hugs.

Randy

Today’s Thought #2

This is a continuation of Scottie’s request that I do a post on a thought a day.

This will be similar to yesterday’s thought about how we are being manipulated; conditioned to react on provided “facts” rather than thinking for ourselves and considering the reason and rationale behind what we see on the news and social media. I think on it as the old “slight of hand” trick used by magicians: watch this so you don’t see that.

We recently had the head of the NCAA testifying in front of Congress. Sure enough, the “Trans Issue” came up. Come to find out, there are over 510,000 athletes in the NCAA, and “less than 10” are trans. Think on that: that is approximately .00196% of a chance of even meeting, much less knowingly meeting, a trans athlete in the locker-room. I cannot imagine the chance of being assaulted by a trans athlete in the “wrong” locker-room, but it would be staggeringly thin. So, my question is more along the line of – why is there fear?

One of the things I learned from my own life, news and social media is that there are all too often people very ready to find fault, to belittle, to hope to destroy someone if for no other reason than to make themselves seem more palatable.

In truth, I’ve found those with the greatest hurts, the most obvious injury, the hardest struggle, to most often be the most honorable. They understand pain because they deal with it, they live with it, and in the struggle to overcome it they grow from it.

It is somehow the ones who hold a stiff veneer over a rotten core that strike out like a scared chihuahua trying to get the hurt in on others before their own vulnerabilities show.

I don’t have any answers to those who strive to be genuine in their lives and still take part in our world, except admiration. They have cleared hurdles in their life while others seem only willing to stand to the side and criticize. What I would answer is that I question the motives of those who seek to destroy another’s life.

-Randy

The Preferably Uneducated

I spoke with Scottie yesterday. He wants me to do a ‘daily thought’ thing. Well, I don’t really have time for daily thoughts (lol) but here goes.

I recently watched a Pierce Morgan episode where he confronted Neil DeGrasse Tyson for having the temerity to disagree with “the greatest mind” of the generation, his hero Elon Musk.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_aT9jbxrHY

Mr. Tyson commented that the idea of going to Mars is not practical. Not that he didn’t support it, but that something that costly, that reaching, that highly technological and requiring new technology, would not be good business – and if it isn’t an issue of religion or war, the idea was unlikely to be fulfilled. Pierce went on to ignore most of what Mr. Tyson said in order to Rah!Rah! Musk.

What was worse, in my mind, is that he couldn’t seem to find his way out of his prepared argument in order to really listen to Mr. Tyson. The result was that he spouted the very arguments that Tyson had already refuted without bothering to address those refuted points.

Shortly after that I watched a clip of ABC News speaking on an unidentified object in the sky. It was Venus, you know – the planet? Identified centuries ago, it’s orbit mapped and described and is available at the stroke of a few keys or on a handy free phone ap that shows the stars and planets in the night sky. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/bv8f7KHnz5Q

So What? Right? Well, my point is not that I’m so smart, because I am surely not. It’s not that I have this issue well in hand, because I surely don’t.

It is quite simply that we are bound to spiral and fail in any endeavor not for, as Pierce Morgan believes, the doubting of Elon’s great dream, but because the dream is nothing without the facts! We find our entertainment in make believe and our news in hypocrisy and innuendo. Don’t get me wrong, I never really liked school and I prefer my entertainment to be fantastic and unreal, but I want my news to be real and factual, and that is near impossible in our current dissemination of what is called “news”. We spend millions on debating the validity of transgender in NCAA sports when come to find out there are less than 10 in the 510,000 athletes. We have chosen to excuse our political leaders for their crimes yet seek to lock up children because “they should have known better”. We have allowed our children to be poorly educated and malnourished while the super wealthy demand tax breaks. We have chosen to believe the lies and made him president, and the first things he has chosen to do are the eradication of of the departments of Education, Energy, Environment and the National Academy of Science.

The use of fear and fabrication is not new to politics, to news pundits, to religious leaders, and of course, the downplaying of anything enlightening and thought encouraging is the true mark of a great propagandist and conman. I mean, “who are you going to believe: Me or your lying eyes?”

Clip the strings.

Hugs. -Randy

Is there a War on Christmas?

This is really an old topic, isn’t it….or should I say, isn’t it?? Should I give inflection to the question or to the statement? Frankly, I think the real war on Christmas is how we have forgotten Christmas.

I remember when I was young and we would go to the 11:30 pm Christmas Eve Service at our church. I didn’t want to go. I was tired, I’d eaten a huge meal at Grandma’s, and I wanted to play with my new toys.

But, Mom said it was our obligation to go. I don’t think she used those words. It was likely more like ‘Get your butt in the car and smile, dammit’, but you get my point. We were going whether we wanted to or not.

One of my favorite parts of the service – I had to be there, may as well enjoy what I could of it – was the point where we would all have our little candle and sing Silent Night. In the intervening years I’ve studied scripture and religion and psychology and sociology and I know many of the forces that impact the psyche in such an event, but I will die believing nothing so magical as being part of that majestic song together. Voices rising in approximations of the right keys, resounding off the walls and my heart and my mind as the flickering lights of our candles lent the moment collective peace. I so long to return to that moment of quiet tranquility amidst the press of folks setting down their varied tribulations.

Leaving the church at the end of the service was always a bit of a quiet catharsis. My mind felt a bit too wide, my heart a bit too full, and I just felt like it was a whole new world through those opening church doors.

So, when I hear people talk about ” the magic of Christmas ” this is what I think upon. I know I am supposed to contemplate the humble arrival of our promised savior. I feel guilty when I realize that I don’t. Maybe I’m too presuming, maybe I make too light of the impossible to imagine. Maybe I’m a bad Christian. I mean, that is what Christmas is supposed to be all about, isn’t it? The Triumphant Arrival of Christ in Bethlehem!! But, it’s not quite that for me. What I think on is the deafening absence of my worries, my failures, my unmet needs all in that quiet reverberation of out of tune mid-westerners singing Silent Night.

AS YOU walk among the streets and shops and hear Happy Holidays, know that not everyone comes together in the name of Christ. Not everyone knows Him, not everyone wants to know Him. Some come for love, some for loneliness, some for simple expediency and sales in the shops. What some need most is to hear a genuine heart-felt greeting from someone who cares, even if only in passing. I think that is Christmas.

Hugs.

Are Hard Times Coming?

I think we have all seen the videos about “Prepping”, and if you are like me they seem a bit paranoid, but I remember hearing from some who lived in Texas during that ice storm that knocked out power and had people freezing in their livingrooms. Now, as a Michigan kid, you have to understand that I find that incredible to consider that someone in Texas would be so cold as to have to deal with frozen pipes. And that perhaps underscores the biggest thing: we each are different; different lives, different climates, different environments, and what seems obvious for one is completely irrelevant for another. So, when you consider being prepared, there are no hard fast rules.

In short, I would recommend highly that you look into ways to have necessities, like air temp requirements, energy, entertainment, food and water. My considerations for this include a small room in my house that I can insulate with extra blankets, solar lights from the garden, a solar charger for my phone and pad, and simple easily managed food and water. I’m going to try to keep my car gas tank full, have a couple of gallons on hand extra in a gas can, and most importantly I’m doing my best to not be afraid but to be able to meet my needs if things get difficult.

I know there are readers that dealt with the really abusive and difficult times of being gay – like it’s all unicorns and rainbows now (sorry, that was too easy). This is something that I really don’t have the knowledge to speak on, don’t really have the experience, but definitely have concerns. Will we be hounded? I don’t think so, but I can’t help but to be concerned that those who want us rounded up and euthanized all seem to have cabinet positions under this particular reich. So, if I am prepping for needing to cover a couple meals during hard times, what about preparing for my safety when the gay police (and why did I suddenly get a vision out of the Village People?) come knocking on my door? Do I have a safe place to go to? Do I have a safe place to find socialization? As Scottie can tell you, this is a worry for me because I have a tendency to withdraw when I am stressed. I will be relying on social media, friends, and I don’t know what?

Are you making preparations? What are your concerns?

Hugs All;

Randy

Cry me a river

This morning I woke up to read that President Joe Biden pardoned his son, Hunter Biden, for any crimes, etc., he committed. And the republican right lost their shit.

You, who sought to humiliate and hound the only living son of a sitting president, are offended? You who put naked pictures of the his son up in open congress are aghast at his temerity? You who have excused attempted extortions, sexual assaults, tax evasions, theft from children’s charity, stated intentions of pardoning the people who assaulted the Capital, stated intentions of pardoning himself!, theft of State secrets… do I need to go on?… by your cult leader – you now beat your chest because the sitting president finally had enough? Wow. Yeah, cry me a damn river.

I feel it stacking up on me…

As I’ve mentioned before, Scottie encouraged me to share my – ok, we will use “unique” – perspective and experiences in my daily work life.

I will admit, this has been a bit of a week.

We have a bit of a partnership at the shop between myself and a very wonderful lady who has been there for 43 years. I can’t keep up with her. She has an ability to organize and handle problems that I do not… but they quite literally built the business around her. Would you believe this bitch went on vacation! I know, how rude is that~! So now I am flying around trying to do half of what she made look so easy and not drop the ball on the things I do daily promising myself to get a full roll of duct tape to strap her down if she ever hints at taking time off again. She has been gone for 8 days of work so far, only another 5 work days to go. Wish me luck.

We’ve had our first snow of the season. And, we’ve had excuses coming from one of our workers that “he can’t make it to work because it’s cold and snowing and he walks”. That didn’t pass when I was a kid in school, but I have to “understand”?

Now, I have a turkey – yes this story gets more ridiculous – I am now waiting on this idiot to come to work to receive his Thanksgiving Turkey, and I really couldn’t give a shit. Is that wrong of me? Why am I going out of my way for someone too lazy to come to work?

I’ve also mentioned in the past that I haven’t always responded the best to anger. It was really my wonderful and wacky dog that helped me with that. I needed that responsibility to help me think twice, that love to come home to, that absolute joy of life. I can’t tell you how much I miss her.

But also, If I am to be honest with myself, I’m still really disappointed by the vote. I’m still angry and afraid. I so wanted better things for our country, for our world.

I wanted to live in a world where people love who they want to love, express themselves genuinely, not indebt themselves in the healthcare gulags, not be forced to consider paying for electricity or eating.

I wanted to live in a world where education and intelligence are valued, where love is shared, where hope is prized. Will we ever get there?

I just hope for each of our sakes that we don’t get so wrapped up in the frustrations of life that we forget to live. I need to remember that there are still beautiful things in this world. I need to continue to look forward with expectation of better things.

I need to choose hope.

-Randy