It happened again. A story flashed up on my phone and I started reading it. It was the one about “troubled youth” and abused kids. I started reading it. Stopped reading. I tried to do other things. Couldn’t concentrate on anything. I was getting very stressed. Read the rest. Lost it, terribly upset, I went to bed. I was in bed for three hours this morning. I couldn’t stop my mind, I couldn’t get control. I tried hard to make everything go away. Ron came in a couple times to check on me. I finally managed to sleep. I recognized the signs of depression. Depression for me is to get to a point of complete retreat, wanting the darkness of nothing. I got back up, with lots of support from Ron and even the cat was all over me and is on my desk, I got first back on YouTube. I started streaming Sam Seder, trying to distract myself. I started at noon. I then went on my news feeds and tried to distract myself with more stuff. I admit it is hard to think at this time.
Every day I see child abuse stories in my news feeds. Today on Joe My God the catholic defense league guy said argued that it was unfair of the Ag of Pennsylvania to claim the church did child abuse because most of the victims were not little children but adolescents. Like that makes it better?
But please don’t say just ignore the stories. Just ignore them when they show up in your news feeds, so you don’t get yourself upset. But it doesn’t work that way. These stories build on each other. One, two, three of them may be OK today, but the fourth tips the lever, but on another day all the stories are OK, but the next day the first story trips the lever. The point I am trying to make is that the stories won’t stop, and I cannot tell if it will be the first story or the tenth story that will trigger me. By the time I get to that story that triggers me it is too late, it has already happened. I lost yesterday to a series of abuse stories and went to bed about 5 PM. Even Ron was surprised at how early I went to bed for what he thought was no reason. But the desire to make it all go away, depression, was too great for me to stay up. Ron tried to get me up at 8 PM. I tried, I sat on the edge of the bed, and I just couldn’t. I took off my clothes and got into bed. I was awake of and on by 2 Am and fully awake by 4 Am but I just couldn’t make myself get up. I finally got up at 5:30 Am. And I was doing well until I hit that story.
So on to now around 3:45 Pm. I am going to switch over to comments and hope I make sense, comments take a lot of thought power, I love them, and I want to do them correctly, answer them with my full mental ability, to me they are a discussion or conversation. But earlier I did not feel I could concentrate well enough. Lots of loves and hugs, let’s start the roller coaster ride. Hugs Oh and OT, the last two days the Cat, Odie, has had diarrhea and shitten all over the house and feels so bad he comes to me raising his butt so I see the mess and clean it for him (he won’t let anyone else in the house do it) I will make a vet appointment for him if it continues. The first day we had to decide if it was deliberate in the bathroom where his box is because he tends to have a territorial fight with James over who gets control over the bathroom that James uses and the boxes are in. But this is going on day three and it has spread to the kitchen and under the table. Hugs