I love this 23 / 24 year person.  He is so open and honest.   His personality is so energetic and engaging.   There are days I can hardly focus yet his videos entertain me while educating me.  

One of the reasons I am posting this video is when he talks about his body and sex along with how the person imagines themself or realizes them self during sex.   Cis people don’t have to face this.  People of any orientation who have not been abused or raped don’t have to deal with this.  I do.

I am a gay man.   I was abused during my childhood sexually and physically.   How to reconcile my desire for being loved by men while fighting the horror of my abuse is something I dealt with not just most of my life but still today.   How to take and enjoy the feelings of an act I want and agree with without triggering the memories of fear and horrible pain that it seems I can never forget.   How to do the act that was used to hurt me in a loving way with a consenting partner is a mental struggle even now.  Ron tells me I don’t have to keep asking if he is OK but in my head I am struggling with what is good or what is bad.  AM I ABUSING THE ONE I LOVE LIKE I WAS ABUSED!    Now Ron can touch me in bed when I am asleep without me reacting violently, but we are on our 33rd year as a couple.  It is strange our cats could get all over me and I wouldn’t react but let Ron walk into the room or even while we are sleeping touch me and I reacted violently.  I will soon be 60 and that past is a long time ago in history / terms of years but present far too often in my dreams even today.  Last night I dreamed of my abusers and them hurting my cat to force me to agree to their demands.   That was over kill on their part as they could have forced me anyway, they simply wanted to show they could take away anything I valued or loved.  

Sorry this went far beyond where I wanted it to go.   I enjoy this young man and his energy.   I hope you will also.   Plus he explains a lot of things that some cis people need to understand.   Hugs

I would love to leave comments open on this post as I think many people will enjoy what Noah is presenting.  Sadly, I don’t have the energy right now to monitor them and I know haters will want to argue debunked fringe shit.    There was a time I loved that argument but right now my health won’t let me engage.  I am getting better right now my heart rate is down from the high 140s to running in the 100s to 120s.   I still am having a struggle with breathing but it maybe asthma or allergies, I still need a doctor to help me out with it.  Right now the heart doctors have not responded, and the allergist appointment is late May.   So much for health care in the wealthiest nation that just proposed another huge boost in military spending.    I am like a wounded warrior going out to battle already deadly wounded.   So I am going to again shut comments off.  Trust me, I don’t like it.   But I have had this video in the cue to post for a while.  Notice the date of posting.   I am really trying to bring as much information as I can, but I admit I am failing.  Thank you.   Hugs