It’s too quiet. It’s too quiet!! The walls echo emptiness and absence, and it’s tearing my heart.
In April of 2010 I wanted a friend. I wanted one who would keep watch over my safety, driving off strangers and those who meant me harm. I wanted a friend who would stand tall and let none pass that meant me harm. And so, I went to a friend of a friend who found those who no one wanted with hope she could find me such a friend. As we spoke this maniacal blur of black and grey came ripping into the yard, eyes wide, teeth sharp and white, claws digging up tufts of grass as she made corners and then straight towards me with an unknown intention.
“Watch that one,” the lady said. “She came to me as one too wild to be homed.”
And then this wild child launched herself into my lap and laid her head on my chest, looking right through me with soft brown eyes full of mischief and hope. “Well, looks like you have been claimed,” the lady said.
“What’s her name,” I asked.
“Grace,” the lady said. “I found her just before she was to be put down at the pound. I told you she is said to be too wild.”
“Yeah, she looks vicious,” I laughed. 
Yet, claimed I was, a man no one wanted by a dog no one wanted, and both of us thought by some better off with a bullet. And so, Grace came home with me, this wild one that would protect my home and safety, just as I wanted. Just as I thought I needed.
As time went, she proved to me how wrong I was. Grace was not a guard dog. She didn’t stand boldly at the gate, the fear of strangers everywhere. In fact, one of the neighbors referred to her as a slut – taking love from anyone. I didn’t know if I was offended by that or not, but she was right.
As time passed Grace helped me deal with my anger, my desire for violence, my desires to just get in my car and drive away from it all. Grace taught me discipline and responsibility. 
Most importantly, Grace taught me love and loyalty. I did not receive the guard dog I wanted that day, but was instead blessed with the best friend I deeply needed.
Last summer Grace began to limp. She was coming on 14 years old, so arthritis is expected. But, the arthritis medications didn’t help. Still, she lived a happy dog, and though she couldn’t do zoomies anymore, she loved to be with me outside or between my feet while I sat in my chair. 
There was nothing wrong with her tail, that’s for sure, and she was sure to tell anyone who could reach the box that she was ready for a bone no matter how bad her leg hurt. Two weeks ago I found out that she actually had cancer as her pain was getting worse and worse.
Still, my happy girl was glad to see me, quick to cuddle, quick to make me feel wanted, needed, loved.
On Thursday I overcame my selfishness and said goodbye to my sweet friend of 13.5 years. She laid her head in my hands one last time, a slight look of confusion on a face wet with my tears as the vet helped her move on. I held her to the end, my sweet friend, and experienced pain I just didn’t know a man could as I drove home. Alone.
Thank you, my sweet girl. You will forever be the better part of my heart.
Scottie's Playtime 
I take it this happened before the cats?
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Hi Nan. Randy wrote this, not me. This is his tribute to his wonderful friend. Hugs
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Oh! I didn’t see his name anywhere … but yes! A beautiful tribute. He’s quite a talented writer.
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Hi Nan. I understand. Normally I do add his name, but this time I felt it was important to post his tribute just as he wrote it. Grace was such a wonderful part of his life I wanted his full range of emotions to shine in the post. Hugs. Scottie
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Thank you for doing this Scottie. And thank you for being sure to make this about/for Grace.
hugs!!!
randy
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Thank you, Nan.
randy
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I’m hitting return to fast! Sorry for the late response. I had to get out of this empty house. I was so surprised by how silent these walls became. Grace was such a huge part of my life – not a full day absent from her for thirteen and a half years. Don’t quite know what to do with myself.
Hugs
randy
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Hello Brother. That is understandable. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Loves and Hugs. Scottie
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It’s never easy, to, say goodbye to our, beloved, pets, but, keeping them alive and in pain, is, cruel, and, no matter how difficult, we must, choose for them, what is, right, as we do not, want our, beloved, pets to, suffer, it’s never, letting go of what we love, but, knowing that, they won’t be in pain anymore, gives us that, solace…
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Hi Taurusingemini;
Yeah. The hard thing is knowing when the bad is overcoming the good. I’ll always doubt myself on this, but it was time to say goodbye and let her be without pain.
Thank you for your kind words.
randy
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Randy, I am soo sorry for your loss. I know you’re inconsolable. It’s so very hard to keep our deal with our pets-they take care of us and help ease our pain, we do the same. It never feels like the right thing to do while you’re doing it, I know. Please accept my fullest wishes for your peace and comfort. She’ll be on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, whole and healthy, when you reach it yourself. If there is anything I or anyone who read this can do, don’t hesitate to reach out. It’s tough.
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Thank you, Ali;
Scottie was right, this was very helpful.
Randy
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I hit return too fast. I also wanted to thank you for your very kind words and offer of help.
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Aww, you’re welcome. Take good care of you. It doesn’t seem possible now, but Grace has sent a four-legged soul out looking for you; they’ll know when it’s time, and will find you. Somehow our doggies always know what we need, and when.
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What a beautiful story about a beautiful companion. I’m so sorry that Grace’s life had to end, but the memories you had with her will live forever in your heart and mind, Randy. Coincidentally, we had to do the same with Pandi, one of our cats on Thursday night. She, too, had cancerous tumours but had not been in pain until Thursday night. They are part of our family, not just pets, and we will always carry their memory with us. Hugs
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Hi Jill. Sorry to hear about Pandi. It is always so hard when they leave us as they fill such a large part of our lives and hearts. Will you be doing a post on Pandi? Hugs. Scottie
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Thanks, Scottie. Yes, we’ve lost so many over the years, and each one continues to fill a spot in our hearts. But the memories far outlive the sadness, and we still have four to shower our love upon. Pandi was complex and I doubt that I’ll be doing a post about her, but … you never know! Hugs
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You are right, Jill. And, thank you. My utmost condolences on your lost of Pandi. For the first time, I think I actually understand what that means.
Hugs
randy
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Thank YOU, Randy, for your heartfelt post. And condolences on the loss of your sweet Grace. Always remember that “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” I will always cherish the memories of Pandi, as you will those of Grace. Hugs
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Hi Everyone;
Thank you for your comments and friendship. Saying goodbye to my constant companion, my friend, was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do, and I felt completely inadequate to put in words what she did for me, what she meant to me. Scottie suggested I do this tribute to her, and I’m glad he did, as a way to help me through this, and maybe to help others go through their own.
One of the things I learned was – well, I fear being vulnerable. Some of you can understand that. And there is no way to keep the mask on, to maintain the image of strength and the castle walls with tears running down your face. One of Grace’s last lessons to me was that it was ok to be not ok. I don’t care if someone saw me crying there or on the way home. She was worth every tear and more.
Thank you Scottie and everyone.
Hugs.
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