Long time followers / readers may remember the struggle we had getting Ron’s older brother in a nursing home as he lost touch with reality and couldn’t care for himself. He actually knew it was happening and drove himself to the VA to get help, but it progressed so quickly. The VA stabilized him and sent him home, but he got both physically and mentally worse. He is a long time cancer survivor from the time when they over radiated cancer patients, causing his intestines to harden and die, requiring many surgeries to remove them to stop internal bleeding. So he got so bad he was constantly bleeding out from his butt and pooping everywhere along with not being mentally able to clean himself, up after himself, or even understand the issue.
Ron and his sister worked hard to get him into a nursing home that could care for him. It took a lot of money, his sister had to pay over 5 grand for the first month to even get him into a nursing home. Medicaid rules said a person had to be in a nursing home for a month before they could be covered my medicaid and medicare. Ron’s brother is very low income so he got a small $100 supplemental income from the military for his illness in the military, and had medicaid. But because he was on medicaid he couldn’t have a lot of assets and the nursing home would take all but 30 dollars of his income. Which meant Ron and his sister would have to put money into his bank account every month to pay his credit card bill, other expenses, give him extra money in his home account to buy treats and stuff, and his car insurance. The other siblings despite having far more money than Ron and I simply couldn’t find it in their hearts to help pay their brother’s bills. One sister tried a few times to help, but she was losing her own grip on the world and couldn’t figure out how to do it or would forget, so Ron and his other sister just started covering the entirety themselves. The paid off his card and sold his car. They had to stop his military supplement because that would have put him a few dollars over the Medicaid limit, and Medicaid was paying for his care. His brother went into the nursing home the end of 2019 or beginning 2020. That required twice a year expensive trips to NC.
Ron would drive up to NC and get a hotel room just outside the airport. Ron’s sister would fly into the airport and they would go to the town that the nursing home was in and get a hotel room. They would spend a week or so with their brother, buying him clothing or things he needed / wanted. At first they bought him electronics like phones but he was unable to use them and they realized that was useless. A year ago they moved Ron’s brother to in nursing home hospice care. And at some point they started doing Zoom calls every couple weeks first with the brother and family done by the home staff then hospice staff included.
While writing this Ron was heading for a nap. I went to restart the 17 year old dryer as it had stopped. It wouldn’t start. I looked and the door switch which had been getting flaky the last year gave up the ghost. It had all our only deep pocket bedding for the Purple mattress we bought. So no nap for Ron, he got up, together we pulled it out, he is cleaning it and trying to figure out how to get to the switch.
Over the last 3 and half years his brother got worse. Sometimes he would go months tracking reality, but then he would slip and lose touch with the real world. This year he has been out of reality, and a lot of the time his health was so bad he couldn’t really hold himself upright and needed support. Ron and his sister started getting calls this last month that his brother got out of bed during the night without calling for staff and tried to go to the bathroom by himself. He can’t walk. So he falls. It has happened I think three times. The first were minor but this last time was serious. Remember this is a nursing home, not a prison and they couldn’t restrain him in bed.
This time he fell and broke his leg bone right at the hip joint. The home and hospice people called Ron but they did not know how bad it is. He was so bad that when Ron authorized him to be taken to a hospital, the hospital called him and said he would only last a couple of days and that he had internal bleeding they couldn’t trace that may have been going on for a while. His brother had the issue with his intestine hardening and getting so brittle they would tear apart. The last few years the doctors removed as much as they could, but it was dicey if anything they stitched to would hold. That was yesterday. Ron and his sister were making plans to quickly go see him.
They may have just run out of time. As I am writing this at 2:32 pm on 4/10/2024 and while Ron was working on fixing the switch from the dryer the hospital called. His brother was stopping breathing and then after a few minutes would suddenly take a breath. The intervals are increasing as they watch him. Remember that he is on hospice, we knew he was dying for the last few years and so while all comfort measures can be given, no lifesaving care can be. No intubation nor resuscitation. We just had no idea it would be this soon or Ron and his sister would have gone to see him again. But normally a hip or upper leg break is hard for an elderly person to come back from, most people in their 80s who break a hip die soon after.
Ron is on his phone, but 17 years working in ICUs tell him his brother has only hours to live. The nursing staff at the hospital agreed. There is no way short of a Star Trek instant teleporter that Ron could get there in time. He so far is calling people and holding it in. But he is going to need all my sympathy and support tonight. Thank you everyone. But I may be a few days before I get back online depending on how much Ron needs me. He comes from a large once very tight family, 8 siblings. He has handled the loss of the older ones but it gets harder for him as he ages and more have died. He may need a lot of support. Best Wishes. Hugs. My love for all of you. Scottie
Scottie's Playtime 
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family 🕯
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Thank you Bee. Ron is holding up surprisingly well. But I guess his sister is taking the death really hard. Of course she and the brother were much closer in age. Hugs. Scottie
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This is one of those times I know you, Ron and his family need a hug, and it’s one of those times where your need outweighs my discomfort to hugs. So from the depth of my heart, I offer you all an embracing virtual hug. 🫂
🙇
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Thank you Barry. I appreciate that greatly. Ron is standing up well, he is a bit upset but not destroyed. He seen a lot of death in the ICUs and knew better than his siblings as to how bad his brother was, how close to death. He was prepared. But the sister he is closest too is really upset and not taking it well at all. I guess Ron and his sister are talking about going to the home to collect the brothers belongings. The sister is going to put the cost of cremation on her credit card. The brother had a small insurance policy but we will have to see how that works out. Best wishes. Scottie
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So much sorrow … I’m so sorry for Ron and all his family, and for you, dear friend. Like Barry, I am sending big tight hugs to both you and Ron.
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Thank you Jill. I appreciate it. Ron is doing well. He drove to the next town to get the dryer part and it gave him time to think things trough. He was prepared, he knew better than most how bad his brother was and has been telling me for months that his brother was going to die soon. He was correct.
While he is doing ok the sister he is closest too is not handling it well. I guess she is handling the cremation. Ron other living sister is upset, his living brothers are handling it and they have their own family networks. I will keep everyone updated. Hugs. Scottie
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I have no words … so I send hugs to all who lost a loved one in Ron’s brother. Especially to you and Ron, and I’m glad you two have each other to lean on for support in these troubled times. Loves ‘n hugs
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Sending big hugs and all my love.
Randy
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Hi Randy. Thank you brother. I will chat with you this weekend. It is just a lot of sudden financial costs we had not planned on right now. Hugs. Scottie
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Grief is one damn and damnable journey. If Barry can hug you, so can I, so take all you can use. Also let us know if we can do more. Darn it all, but if Ron’s brother is not in pain, that is a good thing. I’m so sorry for yours and Ron’s loss.
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Hi Ali. Yes Ron’s brother was suffering, especially after he broke his leg. Plus there was nothing they could do. They couldn’t even really immobilize it, and there was no way he could have lived through a surgery. Besides he fell, broke the hip, that day they X-rayed it, called Ron and asked him what to do, Ron told them to send him to the hospital as Ron realized how serious it was. 2 hours later the hospital called Ron and told him his brother was not going to last more than two days. They were correct, 2 days.
So all they could do was treat his pain. Plus his mind had already checked out at that point. To put it simply, he was not himself, he was gone. In his place was someone who knew no one, and couldn’t even talk to people anymore. The last time the family tried to do a Zoom call with him he couldn’t even talk to them and seemed unable to understand what was happening. So yes from all messures he is in a better state now. Thank you Ail. Hugs. Scottie
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Well, I could bite my fingertips off for saying that, anyway; I know better yet said it anyway. It is sensible, but does nothing for the people suffering the loss, and I’m so sorry about all of it; my little thing included, but mostly just because Ron and you and all have sadness. I wish I could fix it.
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Hi Ali. Please no, no, never feel that way. I hope I did not give you the impression your comment was wrong or offensive. Please feel free to share your feelings and beliefs here. We all know you are not forcing them on us, you are only sharing who you are and what you feel. For an example, I just wrote this to Ten Bears. Let me paste it here to share with you. But Ali, know I value you, I enjoy your time here, and I love you are a supporter of the LGBTQ+, and I am also glad you find comfort in your deity and beliefs. Never feel you need to censor your self.
I know you won’t try to hurt others here.
That is all that is needed. Hugs. Scottie
TEN BEARS
April 12, 2024 at 8:32 am Edit
Walk in Beauty …
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SCOTTIES PLAYTIME
April 13, 2024 at 11:35 am Edit
Thank you Ten Bears. That is one of the most beautiful grand ways to express death I have ever heard. Many people including Ron have beliefs about life after death. I wish I could. And when all the stress of arrangements slow down, I know it will hit him and he will want to believe his brother is still there somewhere. He often claims that in dreams his mother or other people who were important to him growing up are talking to him. I try not to rain on his parade and spoil his feelings. He knows I am too based in natural science. If it can not be show by scientific means, I cannot accept it as real. But I do believe in live and let live as long as one doesn’t hurt others. Ron believing in a different plane of existence where his family and friends are … well OK let him have it. It don’t hurt anyone and helps him. Best wishes. Hugs. Scottie
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Give Ron a huge hug from me. Grief is such a horrid thing to go through and I feel empathy for you both. I am so sorry for yours and Ron’s loss.
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Hi Suze. Thank you. I showed your comment and the others to Ron. He is greatly touched by all of you. His brother lived with us for four or five years. Ron is doing OK, struggling to get a lot done like getting the car serviced and packed for a quick trip to NC to get his brother’s belongings from the nursing home he was in. His sister is flying to our house and they will drive up together, stay overnight and come home. It is a 10 hour trip. Hugs. Scottie
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Our wishes to you and tell Ron we are thinking of him Scottie.
Bless you both, Ron’s and sister for trying so hard, and bless his brother too.
Roger and Sheila.
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Thank you, Roger. If you have read the other comments you know that Ron’s sister finally has expressed frustration that I have long had that the other siblings, all of them with more assets and wealth than us. His sister knows how desperate our situation is and has insisted she will pay for the trip up to get their brother’s stuff. But she is not overly wealthy herself. So I told Ron we will pay his half of the trip. We will find a way to make up the money somewhere. We would have come out ahead the last two months if we had not had sudden cat medical bills of %500 each. We can’t absorb those constant hits.
The sister stepped up when no one else would and paid the 5 grand to get the brother in the nursing home. He had to be there first before anything could move forward, which is a stupid rule to begin with. At the same time we know his oldest brother who retired with a lot of very highly valued stock and whose wife got over $170 grand in inheritance offered nothing to help. But Ron and I who live below the poverty line in the US helped his sister.
Roger we just went to the bank and took out a credit card to cover our costs in this. Why do the well off push the costs of what needs to be done on the ones least able to pay for it?
As I said his closest sister who with Ron has done all the visits and work, has said she will pay for the trip. I told Ron we will find a way to fund his part.
Right now we took funds out of our small savings to pay for the sudden need to have our car serviced. Ron is going to be very tired when he gets home.
Anyway, thank you Roger and also your wife for all your support. We / I am pretty raw emotionally right now. So thanks again for your support. Loves and hugs to both you and Sheila. Scottie
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I am sorry that the burden is falling unequally Scottie. This seems to happen often, as I recall from conversations in work.
And I can understand why you were feeling raw when you wrote this, and hope things will improve for you. For you have enough of your own burdens.
You have, as always our best wishes.
Roger & Sheila
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Oh, Scottie!
HUGS
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Hi MDavis. It has been a hard three months here in our home. But we are helping each other and staying strong. Hugs. Scottie
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I have sent you an email. 4/13/24, at 9:30PM (Batman is on after Svengoolie is how I know what time it is,)
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Hi Ali. Thanks for the note telling me. I have basically given up on keeping my email under control. James once spent an entire night at my desk reordering and setting rules to direct my email which helps immensely and I love that he did it … but now it only helps because when you say you sent one I can go to your name and there it is. But the mail comes in so fast and so much … blah I have so much else to focus on. One of these days I will use select all and delete all the open unread ones. Maybe that will get the list down from 4,000 plus it is now. I will go look at it now. Hugs. Scottie
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No worries-you mentioned last year, or a while back, anyway, to let you know if we send you emails. I used to have 2 busy email accounts, and holy cow, sometimes you do have to do the big Delete, and wait until the next email on ones that you read.
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