OK so we had the appointment with his new heart doctor. I liked him he smiled a lot and was a genuinely happy man even though it was clear he had a bent spine and so was hunched over. When Ron told him I was his spouse the doctor totally seemed OK. I was wearing my white pride hat as usual. He remembered Ron from the ICUs and asked if I was medical as well. I replied no Ron was the doctor in our family which got a smile and chuckle from him as Ron tried to protest that which made the doctor smile more. He said he would talk to both of us on my level, even if it was basic for Ron because he wanted me included. When I had a question he would answer it and totally include me in all the discussion. Ron has one blockage they think is 80% and and at least two that are 70% and one that is just starting.
The plan is to do a heart catheterization. They will go in through the wrist and prep the groin in case. They feed a sleeve into the wrist then thread a wire all the way to the arteries around the heart. They then open the blockage, put a stent surrounded by a balloon where the blockage was. If a part of the blockage breaks they can introduce medication right then to stop it from doing any damage.
Wow Ron and I had a huge argument. I dislike it and he totally blames it on me. But when the surgical center called to schedule him for the heart catheterization, and instead of taking the first appointment he asked for one three weeks later. I interrupted and said no you want it sooner if possible.
He kept the appointment for nearly a month and a week out. When he got off the phone I asked him to explain that. Wellhe replied I have Diane flying in on 3-28, and we are scheduled to fly out april 2nd. I was angry and argued with him that this same thing killed his sister’s husband and if he asked her she would agree he needs the early appointment. Which was when he fucked around and after we had a huge fight where I told him that his sister could get her friends and her husband’s friends to do what she had wanted Ron to do. She wants help with the moving company and then driving from Texas to here. When he calmed down from our argument he called her and she agreed with me. So then he was so angry that we had another exchange. I was trying to stay calm but he was so upset he was almost out of control, throwing things. I asked him to think of us. If he suffered a heart attack on the road or moving around furniture at her house he could easily die. I couldn’t keep or repair this house. I would not be able to keep Tupac and no one else around us will let him live with them or pay the 75 dollars for his thyroid medication every 6 to 7 weeks. He is incontinent and he leaves poops dropping out of his butt because he was hit by a golf cart and it damaged his spine and nerves. So he would have to be set on the rainbow bridge. I told him I would end up having to rent a room at Randy’s as he has offered it. Ron was furious and said I was thinking only of myself and I replied he was thinking only of his sister.
But by then it was too late to get in touch with the scheduling department. The heart place is huge and they have their own surgical center there. They only do six procedures on an operating day. So he hopes they will call him today. I worry that he will not be able to get a quicker date so I don’t know what will happen. Hugs
Scottie's Playtime 
Scottie, I’m so sorry about this. It’s very difficult to be the spouse of a stubborn husband, I’m aware. All any of us can do is all we can do. I think you made your wishes and thoughts known, as did Ron, and I guess my best advice is to let it be for now. If it’s making him angry to discuss it, then the fighting won’t end, and neither of you will be the better for that.
Not that you have to do what I say, nor do I expect you to! I’m only tossing it out there. It’s possible that if you maybe just drop it, he’ll change his mind, and even arrange for an earlier appointment (though not as early as you were hoping because the facility is so large.) You can let your feelings be known by not speaking, if I’m making sense. Like those old 60s shows, where one spouse doesn’t speak to the other? You still do the other interactions and what you need to do, but instead of speaking, you just move along with your flow.
I understand writing the scripts for all the possibilities. I truly get that; I used to do it myself, and still do, though I catch myself before I spiral. It’s a thing I have to govern in myself, often. As a person who seems to be always waiting for the other shoe to drop, I like to have plans B-Z in mind, just in case. It is important to prepare one’s brain for possibilities, especially for those of us who have always had to be ready for anything when we were younger. But maybe try, please, for Ron, for Tupac, for you, try to not do it as often as I’m sure you are doing (because I would be fighting myself with it if I was in your position.) I say that because it is a fact that while you’re preparing for all these things, the universe will be doing its thing, and even if one of the worst possibilities happens, life around you may have worked out on the aspects for which you’re planning. That happens more often than not.
Staying in the moment-simply in the day, even-is difficult to begin doing. But it becomes easier as you do it. I hope I’m making sense here. I’m not saying you don’t have things about which to worry! Only that if they’re not happening now, no need to deal with them now.
I’m going to send you an email today. How about you check that after while? I’m not on it yet, but I will send it today, probably before 2 PM my time (I think that’s 3 your time.)
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