OK I should go to bed but the war between my pain and my steroids that got me able to walk again. So after a visit with the most understanding primary care provider I have ever had, he started talking about how I am still very anemic, and I am showing my iron is very low. He went over the three situations why that could be happening.
He explained his reasoning, I either am bleeding out like a woman with her normal monthly discharge. He smiled as he said I doubt that is this case. He then looked over the rest of the results and informed me I have a serious problem developing.
The doctor looked at my elevated results and the other bottoming out results and quietly explained there are three causes. None of them are good.
I could be not getting enough iron in my diet which I explained to him Ron with our limited budget tries to at least twice a week to give me red meat. He will deny himself that beef even when I beg him to take some. He wants our limited funds to give this to, to me
The doctor explained that there were two other reasons I was having these results. He worried I was bleeding, and that would be internal. Also I could not be absorbing iron which is a thing a lot of people have. I did not know that.
So I listened to the doctor who is very responsive to me and knows my abuse I and told him I was OK with doing a lower GI. He tried to offer me an out but I explained I had listened to what he told me the last visit and if he felt it was so important, I would do it.
Then he asked about the PSA raising numbers and I am sad to say I reacted badly. When he brought it up I started to freak out. He was saying how the numbers were progressing, and I got very upset, interrupting him, grabbing at my hair and told him … look I just got myself willing to let a lower GI happen where something will be put up my butt by people I don’t know ……
At this point I was standing pressed back against the wall of the room I was panicking because of what I thought he meant. To the doctor’s credit, he was not suggesting that. He stayed calmly on his chair and told me he wouldn’t ever ask that of me. He only was suggesting that if it was warranted, he would work with me on an appropriate echo or MRI for the procedure.
Because I was so upset he did not do the normal touching of the body but did ask if he could listen to my front with his scope and then when he asked to put the stethoscope down my back I agreed but I guess I got so upset he only did two. In my defense afterward, I offered to take off my shirt and let him repeat the tests. But he refused to do that to me, saying never would he put me through that.
I am going to bed, but the cartoons / memes / news posts may not get out. It is 8 pm my time. I will have to get up by 3 am to do it for everyone. And to tell you honestly right now I am very tired. I love doing this post.
However this weekend I have told Ron I will sharpen all the knives in the house. I do it because I can and it is good for the house. So if I am not posting or such just Know I am dealing with home stuff. Which I love as much as this blog. Hugs and good night
Scottie's Playtime 
Scottie, how you are is as important as WHO you are. Never mind the damn cartoons, they keep. You may love doing the post but never feel compelled. It sounds like your doctor is wise and careful, a keeper. And so are you. Sleep well.
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Hi Judy. He really is the second most understanding doctor I have ever had. I was forced to tell my pain provider of my childhood abuse when she noticed the self harm on my arms. She was the one who worked with Ron when I had my total breakdown in 2014 and gave up on living to get me back into society again. It was a long two-year struggle for both of them as at first I would just lay on the bed waiting to die, not eating, not wanting to live.
This doctor has been so understanding of my needs that I totally respect what he wants or needs me to do. I remember the first time I saw him, I took the chance of telling him of some of my abuse, and then when he was touching me I guess I started to get upset. He backed off to the wall on the other side of the room, and when I calmed down he said, “Just let me know if or when I can continue; it is up to you”. When I said I did not feel comfortable, he agreed not to touch me again and I buttoned up my shirt. That was when I knew I could trust him. Hugs
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I echo Judy’s comments, Scottie. Pls do what you must for yourself and Ron. We can wait for the post.
I’m relieved to know you’re in the care of an empathetic doctor who will guide you through all this. Sending you my most positive thoughts as you move through this difficult time.
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Hi Annie. I wish I could post as you do; your posts are so indepth and informative that I learn a lot when I read them. Yes he is the best primary care doctor I have ever had. And in truth because I was brave enough to tell him he was the second doctor I felt comfortable enough to tell him. He has been very supportive and never pushed. In fact worried about how a colenoscapy might affect me he let me have three months to think about it, telling me he wouldn’t mention it again if I refused. But he is worried that I may be bleeding internally and not know it. Plus with my bad eye sight, I do enjoy doing the cartoons / memes / news posts. But I understand what you and Judy are saying. Yet in a way I feel it is my duty and I let people down if I don’t get them out. It gives me a reason to go to the computers in the morning. It is how at this point I can contribute to society as best I can.
Oh, and good news! I had my spine surgery on Tuesday of this week, the 21st of July and I can walk again without a walker or needing my wheelchair. I am so happy. The doctor wants me to try walking around the house, keep a cane with me and then try walking outside more each day. It is a start. Hugs
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Hello my very wonderful Brother. I know this is rough, and I wish I knew how to make it go away. While I was reading your post this song came on, and while it isn’t a direct match it did bring some very wonderful encouragements to mind and some very real heart tugs.
I’ve been honored and blessed to have such a wonderful brother. Though you have dealt with far more than your share of tragedy and horror, you also have wonderful stories of triumph, courage, strength and grace. You have given love, hope and wisdom to me and I don’t know how to put that appreciation into words. So, maybe – again – this song video isn’t a great match, it is one that made me think of some of the great things you bring to this world. Stay strong and pull joy out of every moment.
Hugs and Love. Randy.
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Hi Brother. Thank you for the inspiring song. You know far more than most what I dealt with and still do. But as we talked about on the phone it will be just like the last one I had and like this recent back surgery that lets me walk again without my walker or need of my wheelchair. I was on the gurney, the nurses rolled me over and the anesthesiologist asked me to put my nose into the top part of the headrest and said, “When we get you an arm rest for your right arm, I will put you under”, and I was gone. I woke up in the recovery room and the nurse and Ron along with me joked about having seen far more of my hinny than she wanted to. It will be the same with the IG. It is just the idea at this point in my life of someone putting something up my butthole without me being in charge of it. Again it is a very small point, but in my mind it is something I have to deal with. Hugs
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