OK as everyone knows, I am not functioning well. I don’t see very well and there are things I’m not getting to. Comments. I promise soon I will get to more comments simply because I like them.
But because I talk about my abuse a lot and I think I shouldn’t talk about it so much, a question was asked. A scary question. Am I suicidal?
I am a lot of things but no, I am not suicidal. I have a lot of self-hatred thoughts going on, and I desperately want to self harm. That desire has been growing all year. I keep finding ways to deny it, but I admit it is getting worse.
Self harm. Even now I look next to me and I see my trusted Jack knife that made so many prior cuts. And I really want to reach for it off the shelf. It would be so easy; it is right there.
Yet no! It is not time. But do I want to? Oh yes!!! I really do! But how to move forward with my wanting to do this. One step at a time. Hugs
Scottie's Playtime 
I’m glad someone asked. I was concerned but couldn’t find the words. I found reassurance in your comment about warning your guy before you did anything.
My understanding of self-harm is that it introduces a distraction in the form of a more manageable pain. I don’t know, I just read that somewhere.
In this context, I encourage you to write about what you’re going through in flashbacks and what not as long as it helps you. Anyone who can’t deal with your posts can skip them with a trigger warning. So you’ll be hurting no one and, hopefully, helping yourself.
(you can’t even novelize this bastard, you’d get CPS down on your ass asking where you saw this and didn’t report!)
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