Category: Love

My wonderful brother Randy sent me a gift

For those that don’t know starting in 2013 my childhood abuse started to crash over me.  I struggled daily to work and keep it together but I had started to again self harm.  I would take a very sharp blade and draw it across my forearms and watch the blood flow.  Yes the feelings when I did that released good endorphins.  When Ron found out, he took to hiding knives, especially all his X Acto tools he had for the crafts he had.  But he forgot about my long time pocket knife, a jack knife I had had for a very long time.  I kept it to a razor edge.  

But in March 2014 I fell into total breakdown.  I wanted the memories to stop, I was reliving them constantly with full emotions and body feels including smells along with tastes.  I was close to choosing to end my life.  I was doing my best to hide it from Ron, but by this time I was refusing to leave my bedroom other than for my pain doctor visits, which Ron who was working 12 hour night shifts would take me to.  

This is where Randy stepped up, became my brother and maybe saved my life.  Randy had entered my life earlier and was a grand online commenter to my first blog and we formed a great friendship.  Randy is a really great writer, and anyone that has read his posts here knows he can write very well.  Far better than I can.  He started to send me his stories and I enjoyed them.   Then he sent a story about a man in a food court saving an abused child.   It triggered me into a bad episode because of the break down I was dealing with.  

I was very upset and wrote back to Randy about how his story was great and so real to life it had triggered me badly, and I was really struggling.  Randy right away reached out to me online apologizing and eventually as we kept talking he asked for my phone number.   This was before my total melt down when I started hurting my self.  Randy and I talked on the phone … which was rare for me.  One of the worst beatings I got as a kid was reaching up to the ringing wall phone and going to hand it to the adults there.   I was never to use the phone.  It was beaten into me.  Never touch the phone.  I now realized they were worried I would report my abuse.  

Randy and I got to be close friends.   Then when I started hurting my self, deeply cutting my arms, refusing to leave my bedroom, and wanted to die, Randy who was working 12 hour night shift in a hard job would have his phone on so if I felt myself slipping I could call him.   Hour after hour he talked to me, denying himself sleep as he kept me grounded.  I could call him anytime … and I did as I was about to use the knife on my skin I would put it down to pick up the phone.  I talked to him about everything I never told anyone.  I poured myself out to him and he was there.  He was the brother I really desperately need but never had growing up.  He became my brother in every way that ever matters.  

I tell all this because I have been under the weather and Ron just lost his brother.  So Randy sent me a gift.  He is a grand brother.   He sent me an insulated cup.   Here are the pictures.   Randy is one of a kind.  He does have a grand sense of humor.   I love him.  

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Careful… The Bible Is Not God

I strongly recommend everyone wondering about why there are different ideas of the Christian god.  This is why I love some Christians and pity / detest others.   The Christians looking for god, the deity, are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met.   The ones looking at the bible as god itself are some of the most horrible people I have met.  Hugs.  Scottie

The Christian/Transgender Intersection

The Rev has a wonderful way to think of being trans.  In order to be the person god wanted me to become, I must let go of what I was.  Or he rephrased, to be who god created me to be, I must leave / change who I was.  What a compassionate Christian man, a good person.   Hugs.  Scottie

Wichita East students walk out to protest anti-trans legislation

https://www.kake.com/story/50653908/wichita-east-students-walk-out-to-protest-antitrans-legislation

Thanks to Ali for the link.   

This is what terrifies the fundamentalists and right wing.   The acceptance and normalizing of kids / people who are not straight and not cis.  Schools have long taught kids to get along with each other and to not bully those who are different.  But republicans in red states want to change that teaching of acceptance and tolerance so they pass don’t say gay bills and anti-woke bills which simply mean get all representation of LGBTQ+ kids out of schools, libraries, and keep kids off social media.  It means stopping positive representations of LGBTQ+ people and stopping anti-bullying programs.  It means making LGBTQ+ kids targets of hate, anger, and labeling them as not normal.  It is othering them so they can be mistreated.   This is what it was like in the regressive past these older legislatures and fundamentalist religious leaders desperately want back.  These people want a straight cis Christian world only, no one else will be allowed.   Since these laws passed attacks on LGBTQ+ kids in schools and people in general have risen quickly.  It is a green light to thug gang rule.  Luckily the old kids won’t accept the intolerance and hate, but sadly it is working on the younger new students in schools.  They are being taught to hate and not accept the ones who feel different.   We have to stop these laws and reverse them.  Please help get the word out.  Please keep speaking up in support.  The haters and religious people on the other side are driven, they won’t stop, they will fight hard.  We have to also fight back as hard, and be louder than they are.   Hugs.  Scottie

https://www.kake.com/clip/15462622/wichita-east-students-walk-out-to-protest-anti-trans-legislation  Is the link to the video.

Wichita East high schoolers used their first amendment rights and walked out of class Tuesday to stand up for transgender youth rights. 

 

Dozens of Wichita East students made their voices heard at a walkout in protest of a piece of anti-trans legislation that bans minors from receiving gender affirming care. That piece of legislation is Senate Bill 233, and has already received approval from the Kansas House and Senate. 

 

“This will cause suffering that cannot be overstated. This will cause suffering,” said sophomore Juan Carlos Garcia. 

 

Garcia spoke up at the protest, to tell his peers about the importance of gender affirming care. 

 

“I have hope that those I love and those that need it will get their treatment. I hope that they will feel comfortable and I know if this bill is passed then they won’t be able to,” said Garcia.

 

Miles Wilson organized the protest, and he shared his experience as a person in the transgender community. 

 

 

 
 

 

 
 

 

 

“I thought I would not make it past 14, but I am 17 now,” said Miles Wilson, junior at East. 

 

The students discussed how validating gender affirming care was, and in a world without gender affirming care, many believe that would lead to an increase of youth trans suicide. 

 
 

“I hope that people learn that the students of East High are not going to stand for discrimination and oppression and we support the trans community and the cis kids here stand in solidarity  with the trans community and the trans community here will not sit back and let people oppress us,” said Wilson. 

 

The bill that started the protest is currently sitting on Governor Kelly’s desk awaiting approval or veto. 

 

After chanting, holding signs, and having a great discussion, the students said the walk out was a success. 

 

“We deserve to feel safe in our bodies, we deserve autonomy. We deserve happiness, we deserve to grow up,” said Wilson.

And Ron made a grand supper and I am falling out.

I love all our viewers and I really love sharing the news / things I know.  But as I often say with the strong medications I take and food working against my diabetes, I tire out in the late afternoon.  It is now 5:30 pm where I am.  And after the wonderful meal Ron made, I am crashing. So after posting this I am off to bed.  Where I have been assured by my 34 year long spouse he will be joining me soon … He made it sound like a promise was implied.  I like that … after I rest a bit and wake up. 

I helped a couple of hours before he got ready to cook, I took out the condiments of many things that one of us puts on their burgers, chicken burgers this time.  I got out pickles of two types.  Both sliced and full baby ones.  I got the lettuce out, I got the condiments out, which for us was mayo, mustard, two kinds of pickles both sliced and whole, ranch dressing, salt and pepper, lettuce, and maybe a few things can not think of such as which cheese either of us likes.  We don’t use the same condiments, but we both hate them refrigerated super cold.  The chicken burgers were wonderful!!!

As there were no potatoes or other ingredients, all I had to do was wait for the food bell.   Ron cooked the chicken patties in our grand deep fryer.  Here is a picture of the two sandwiches I had.  Yes it was a lot, but it was the most I had had all day.  So I did not over eat.   Hugs.  Scottie

Scotties chicken burger.

Homosexuality in the Islamic World | Al Muqaddimah

In this video, we’re gonna talk about homosexuality in the Islamic World. While today, the Islamic World and homosexuality don’t seem to go together, in the past, there was a rich tradition of homosexuality being expressed through stories and poetry. While it was never completely allowed, it did become an open secret. So, without further ado, let’s get to it.

Saddly it has happened that …

I tried from the time I got up, every minute that I could stand to sit in my chair before the pain drove me out to my bed or to at least move.  But still I am 2 days behind on the notification bell of blogs I follow and more important … My beloved comments.  I simply have run out of steam.  Ron brought me a supper of a huge roast beef / gravy sandwich which he admitted he knew was far too much for me.  He then cut it in half and added a few of the fried sliced potatoes, which are grand when hot, not such when cold.  Yes he loves me but he is on a kick to try to get me to eat more, which I don’t want.  He can eat as much as he likes, I never judge, but he seems driven to get me to eat more all the time.  In our last A1C tests his blood sugars were high while mine were very low.   Oh well.   I am not judging as next time it could be reversed. 

But the point is I have run out of steam.  I am tired to the point where every other key I hit seems to be the wrong one.  I need rest, the medications, pain, and the other stuff have had their say.  Love each one of you but sadly it ends here for today.   Good news, I will see you in the morning.  Normally the pain drives me from bed by 3 or 4 am so I might catch up then.  Hugs, loves. Scottie

No More Religious Exemption For Hate Speech In Canada

I love this.  The hate preachers in the US desperately need to hear this message.   He says spreading hate and inciting attacks on others is not the message Jesus wanted his people to spread, that is not freedom of religion.  It is so refreshing and wonderful to hear the message that this Rev. is talking about.  Makes me remember the Jesus I was once told about as a child.   Hugs.  Scottie

I finally had a chance to catch up with the grand Rev. Ed Trevors. Here are some clips

What I love about this one is that he talks about it is not his job and he doesn’t have the right to force or demand you to live his life, his ways.   Nor do you have the right o demand or force it the other way on him.  He says it is not his job to make you the same religion he is.  He says it is his job to show you the love of Christ in the gospels and if you decide it is not for you or you want a different church he is very fine with it.  He is not charged by his god to make you be the same religion / faith or join his church.  His job is to live god’s love, and by example show you that love.  He says if your faith says don’t do something, then you shouldn’t do it.  But only those who also believe like you, everyone else is free to do it.   What a refreshing thing to hear a religious person say.  Hugs.   Scottie

Running Without Sound – Gay Short Film

Coming to terms with who we are is hard enough to tell people, but for Sean he must come to terms with his exploration in a world that he cannot hear and a world that does not always hear him. A fascinating story of love, trust, and friendship.

I often wondered what my life would have been like if I had been a kid in the modern age where being gay was so much more accepting than it was for me in the 1970s with Anita Bryant spewing her hatred and lies about people like me.   Then I remember that today there are the Libs of TikTok and the red state governors / republican fundamentalist Christian legislators who are doing to LGBTQIA kids what was done to me back in the 1970s by Bryant.  Spewing lies and hate to make us hated as much as possible.  

But there is another part of my thoughts.  Like the boy in the short video I couldn’t find the spoken words to tell of my abuse and the signs I was showing people either they couldn’t hear or did not want to.  What if I had had the words to say as a four-year-old what was happening when I was asked to go next door, that even though the man was nice, kind even, it left my butt sore, and the hell spawn I lived with would make fun of me for it.  They knew, which makes me now believe the adoptive parents knew also.  Maybe they pimped me to him?  After all, someone had to tell me to go over there, to give me permission.  Yes the man was raping me.  But he was kind and nice to me.  Unlike at home.

Imagine as a 6 yr in first grade, in torn clothing who had bruises all over me who in class just put my head down on my desk and went to sleep because I knew there it was safe to do so because no one would hurt me.  To my little boy mind that was shattered when the teacher took me to what seemed to me a large room with some other adults.  Both male and female.  They asked me to remove my clothing.  I started to obey as I had learned not to disobey that demand … but when they told me to remove my underpants I started to cry, to sob.  I promised to be good, I promised not to sleep in school anymore, I begged them, I even said as I stood there after taking off all my clothing and they had me move in different ways while touching me to make me stand or show what they wanted to see, that I promised I wouldn’t tell as they asked me questions I dared not answer.  I kept repeating that, hoping they knew that I would cooperate and not tell so they would be nice when they used me.  They did not understand what I was saying when I said I promised not to tell.  I knew the punishment for telling, I did not know they were trying to help.  They scared me, because these were adults I did not know and the few times before with adults I did not know first what they did hurt really bad.    I simply did not have the words, I did not understand what they wanted, and I had no way to tell them what they wanted to know, yes I was being abused, I was being hit, I was being …  In a way that was somehow more traumatizing to me because in my 6 yr old mind I was about to be forced to please and give my body to these four or five adults … If I was lucky and they did not want to simply hit me to make me hurt even more. 

If only I could have heard them, and they could understand that which I had no voice to say.   I am really tired, I hate that just watching a short YouTube video can bring back such strong memories, making me feel those feelings, relive those events.    Hugs.  Scottie