There is something that has been preying on my mind and it is effecting my sleep and my day, every day.   It is not critical yet.  I started the post then sent it to draft.  The issue is my memories of two of the methods used to punish me when I was 3 until the family moved about when I turned 7 years old.   It is painful to think of and I know it will be even more painful for those who read it who did not live my childhood.  I started a post and then shoved it into drafts until I could decide to publish it. 

Here is the thing.  I have come to care about my viewers, and I really have learned to care about people, all people, every person in some way since my miserable childhood.  I have learned to see most people as good, and learned the hard way to recognize those that are not.     I try to find the best in people, try to find a way to understand them. 

I know if I write out what is inside me, it will hurt people, the people who come here.   I have even hesitated to put it on the Male Survivor forums I belong to as there are a bunch of new people struggling and I don’t want to trigger them.  I reached out to a good online friend there who had been pimped out all his childhood, professionally from 9 until 24 when he ran away.  Like me right from his earliest memories after being adopted he was abused and sexualized.  I asked him if he thinks I should write it and post it.  I will look for his response tomorrow.   

But while I may put it there, the question I have is should I put it here.   There are new people here also, and there are new authors, Ali and Randy.  Their followers may be shocked by what my childhood was and leave the viewership.  I am confused, I am hurting, and I am struggling with this.   I always used my blogs before to tell of my abuse before I even told Ron about them.  But now I am torn.  I want to get this out, yet I want to protect people.  

Ok wonderful people who come here and read our posts.  What do you think, please be honest.  Should I write what I am feeling, what is bothering me here, or try to keep it bottled up inside me and maybe only share it there on MS?  Thanks.  I do care about each of you.  Best wishes and / or Hugs as you prefer.  Scottie