Funny story in a grocery store

I had to take Ron to get his eye appointment as he would be dilated.  On the way back to our home, we stopped at the Publix store just a mile or two down the road from us, and where we are well known.  While checking out we were chatting with the cashier and the young woman bagging the groceries.  I really like the Publix stores and their employees.   Very friendly and helpful, and the people doing the bagging always ask if they can help me out to the car with the groceries.  As we were leaving, the cashier asked if Ron and I were brothers or something, noting how well we got along and were often together.   I looked back and said no, we are spouses and married.  She beamed and was congratulating us, the young woman doing the bagging started clapping while also beaming.   I knew some of the people working there knew we were a couple, I had already been asked before.   Only one person struggled to understand it as he was new to the country, but the other staff rushed to explain it to him.  Once he understood, he seemed OK with the idea, if still confused.  I could tell from his very deep accent, he simply had not thought of two men being married.  But back to today, as we stood there, I looked around.  In the check-out aisle next to us, another cashier and bagging person were both smiling and nodding and most of the people in line did not seem bothered … except the woman in the front being checked out.  She stared at Ron and me with a horrified, shocked look on her face.  She looked like she had just smelt the worst sewer smell she had ever smelled and felt the poop running down her leg.  I almost laughed as it was so over the top.  Ron thankfully missed it and was saying goodbye to everyone as we started walking out. 

But it stuck in my mind.  Publix is known for being a semi religious company, they make it a priority to treat staff well, they have a strong pro LGBTQIA policy, they hire disabled workers a lot, more than any company I have seen.  One of the bagging persons is a young man with only one hand and good arm.  His other arm is smaller, thinner, and yet he can bag groceries with the best of them.  Another is a very mentally challenged young adult who lives in our park, who has worked there since he was a teenager.  One of the cashiers is an 84-year-old woman with oxygen they treat like a queen who is loved by all and lives to come to work.  Which brings up another point, not all religious groups are automatically anti-LGBTQIA.   Publix is not.  They are very supportive of the LGBTQIA.  

This woman with the horrified face is an example of what is happening more and more in Florida.  Five to ten years ago there was only acceptance of Ron and me.  Sometimes it was stumbling but very supportive.  Now it is about 70-30 to if the response will be positive or aggressively negative.   In January 2015 Ron and I went to the clerk of the court to get married, we were the first same-sex couple in Lee County.  There was a slight delay in our ceremony, not because of anti-same sex marriage feelings though.  All the clerks wanted to be the ones to marry us.  When they told us what was going on that the entire office wanted to be involved, we invited them, all who wanted to come.  The office took an unofficial break while we got married with the entire office staff in attendance.  The package we paid for was a five-minute ceremony with a dozen pictures.  It took nearly an hour and I have hundreds of pictures.  So the Florida of then was very progressive.   Sadly, that has changed.

I have grown my hair very long.   While I clearly am not trans and don’t pretend to be, I get a lot of animosity for that, a lot of hostile looks.   And also some very leering scary ones where someone is making it clear they think I am available to … rent.  I am an out of shape, fat, 60 year old man, with a very large belly and walk with a cane!  What kind of freak do you have to be to think I am a sex worker because I have very long hair.    Either that or they are the most desperate involuntary celibates I have ever seen.  But back to the story, I have over the last year faced push back when affirming that my spouse is Ron, a male, when filling out medical forms and in doctor’s offices.  When at a new provider the MA was taking my information, and it came to emergency contact and family, I stated Ron and our relationship.  She paused, then got up and left.  After a few minutes a different MA came in and continued with no explanation of the change.  But I knew.  It is again becoming the 1990s again, and I feel too old to take on that same fight. 

The great news is how happy everyone seemed at the store when I answered the question with “He is my spouse, we are married”.  The bad is at least one person was openly horrified like I would gay her right there, how would she explain that to her family and hate preacher.  The bad news is DeathSantis and his people have made Florida a lot less accepting to those not white fundamentalist Christian nationalist cis straight people.   When do the lynchings restart?   Hugs