My wonderful brother Randy sent me a gift

For those that don’t know starting in 2013 my childhood abuse started to crash over me.  I struggled daily to work and keep it together but I had started to again self harm.  I would take a very sharp blade and draw it across my forearms and watch the blood flow.  Yes the feelings when I did that released good endorphins.  When Ron found out, he took to hiding knives, especially all his X Acto tools he had for the crafts he had.  But he forgot about my long time pocket knife, a jack knife I had had for a very long time.  I kept it to a razor edge.  

But in March 2014 I fell into total breakdown.  I wanted the memories to stop, I was reliving them constantly with full emotions and body feels including smells along with tastes.  I was close to choosing to end my life.  I was doing my best to hide it from Ron, but by this time I was refusing to leave my bedroom other than for my pain doctor visits, which Ron who was working 12 hour night shifts would take me to.  

This is where Randy stepped up, became my brother and maybe saved my life.  Randy had entered my life earlier and was a grand online commenter to my first blog and we formed a great friendship.  Randy is a really great writer, and anyone that has read his posts here knows he can write very well.  Far better than I can.  He started to send me his stories and I enjoyed them.   Then he sent a story about a man in a food court saving an abused child.   It triggered me into a bad episode because of the break down I was dealing with.  

I was very upset and wrote back to Randy about how his story was great and so real to life it had triggered me badly, and I was really struggling.  Randy right away reached out to me online apologizing and eventually as we kept talking he asked for my phone number.   This was before my total melt down when I started hurting my self.  Randy and I talked on the phone … which was rare for me.  One of the worst beatings I got as a kid was reaching up to the ringing wall phone and going to hand it to the adults there.   I was never to use the phone.  It was beaten into me.  Never touch the phone.  I now realized they were worried I would report my abuse.  

Randy and I got to be close friends.   Then when I started hurting my self, deeply cutting my arms, refusing to leave my bedroom, and wanted to die, Randy who was working 12 hour night shift in a hard job would have his phone on so if I felt myself slipping I could call him.   Hour after hour he talked to me, denying himself sleep as he kept me grounded.  I could call him anytime … and I did as I was about to use the knife on my skin I would put it down to pick up the phone.  I talked to him about everything I never told anyone.  I poured myself out to him and he was there.  He was the brother I really desperately need but never had growing up.  He became my brother in every way that ever matters.  

I tell all this because I have been under the weather and Ron just lost his brother.  So Randy sent me a gift.  He is a grand brother.   He sent me an insulated cup.   Here are the pictures.   Randy is one of a kind.  He does have a grand sense of humor.   I love him.