Men Need To Talk About Their Sexual Abuse | Seth Shelley | TEDxUNBC
One of the guys on the MS blog shared this with all of this. Hugs. Scottie
Pastor Seth Shelley takes us on an emotional and at times difficult journey about male sexual violence. He brings forward his own story of sexual assault to ask men to open up about their personal stories too. Recorded at TEDxUNBC in Prince George, BC.
Seth speaks to an issue common around the world, sexual assault. However, it is men who also need to share their stories of abuse. Far too many men are silent about their own stories of trauma and eventual healing. It is our society’s ideas around masculinity which prevent men from opening up, and steal their narratives from them. Only through sharing with friends and family do we reclaim our stories for ourselves.
I am an older gay guy in a long-term wonderful relationship. My spouse and I are in our 36th year together. I love politics and news. I enjoy civil discussions and have no taboo subjects. My pronouns are he / him / his and my email is Scottiestoybox@gmail.com
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3 thoughts on “Men Need To Talk About Their Sexual Abuse | Seth Shelley | TEDxUNBC”
It is important. No one really thinks bad things can happen to most men, but they can. And everyone needs to be able to talk about it when they need to talk about it. Women went through this over rape, and abortions, domestic battery, breast and other cancers, etc. We have to share, because it’s like a warning for all of us, and people don’t think about it because it’s “women’s things.” But discussion is also how the “victim” terminology gets flipped to “survivor” terminology.
Some people never share as it’s not their way, but when a person needs to, they need to, and absolutely should be able to share.
Hi Ali. Yes thank you for understanding. I know people on the MS site who share their histories, their stories that say they never could do it in real life with people they know. The shame they feel, the constant worry will they think less of me, am I still a man because another man or even woman used me against my will, raped me.
One thing I noticed. When a woman gets raped the jerks act like she deserved it, ask what was she wearing. When a boy or man gets raped they don’t ask that, they ask why you let it happen and did not stop it. Like every man is Rambo or Chuck Norris on TV. Like if a boy or man gets raped we have to turn in our man card, but also it can invite other sexual attacks. I don’t know if it happens to women that if she tells it invites more rapes, but many young guys have said that they told someone and it got out and they were attacked and raped by others. Part of that is the four Fs. The types of behavior abuse victims learn. I have used all of these.
Fawning, where the person acts like they want to please the attacking person and goes along with it so they will not be hurt worse.
Flight, getting away by any means possible, run. Fight, if you have a chance or you can try to fight back or argue the situation down.
Freeze, your body locks you out, is unable to stop what is going on, lets what is going to happen happen because you can not stop it.
I have at times in my life done all of them. One is not worse than the others. No one should be blamed for not fighting when it is hopeless to win, not one should be faulted for fawning if it saves them a beating or worse pain when it is going to be done to them anyway. No one should be ashamed of running away. No one faults a woman for running away. Men get the side eye and asked why they did not just defend themselves.
Thankfully that has changed in the last 15 years. I noticed my doctors take a much different view of it than was done years ago.
I recently changed primary care doctors and just told him I was an abuse survivor of long time child emotional, physical, and sexual abuse and things dealing with me removing my clothing or touching me would have to give me time to adapt my mind to it and set my defenses. I asked is he had an issue or if it would be a problem. He seemed surprised I asked him, and promised me it wouldn’t and he would respect my boundaries. And he did. The one time he touched me and I gasped and flinched, he immediately back way and asked if I was ok and to let him know when or if he could continue. I like it. It was respect that a lot of old doctors like mine before who retired did not give to abuse survivors. Their attitude was get over it.
Sorry for the rant, I hand the soap box to the next in line. Hugs. Scottie
Scottie's Playtime 
It is important. No one really thinks bad things can happen to most men, but they can. And everyone needs to be able to talk about it when they need to talk about it. Women went through this over rape, and abortions, domestic battery, breast and other cancers, etc. We have to share, because it’s like a warning for all of us, and people don’t think about it because it’s “women’s things.” But discussion is also how the “victim” terminology gets flipped to “survivor” terminology.
Some people never share as it’s not their way, but when a person needs to, they need to, and absolutely should be able to share.
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Hi Ali. Yes thank you for understanding. I know people on the MS site who share their histories, their stories that say they never could do it in real life with people they know. The shame they feel, the constant worry will they think less of me, am I still a man because another man or even woman used me against my will, raped me.
One thing I noticed. When a woman gets raped the jerks act like she deserved it, ask what was she wearing. When a boy or man gets raped they don’t ask that, they ask why you let it happen and did not stop it. Like every man is Rambo or Chuck Norris on TV. Like if a boy or man gets raped we have to turn in our man card, but also it can invite other sexual attacks. I don’t know if it happens to women that if she tells it invites more rapes, but many young guys have said that they told someone and it got out and they were attacked and raped by others. Part of that is the four Fs. The types of behavior abuse victims learn. I have used all of these.
Fawning, where the person acts like they want to please the attacking person and goes along with it so they will not be hurt worse.
Flight, getting away by any means possible, run. Fight, if you have a chance or you can try to fight back or argue the situation down.
Freeze, your body locks you out, is unable to stop what is going on, lets what is going to happen happen because you can not stop it.
I have at times in my life done all of them. One is not worse than the others. No one should be blamed for not fighting when it is hopeless to win, not one should be faulted for fawning if it saves them a beating or worse pain when it is going to be done to them anyway. No one should be ashamed of running away. No one faults a woman for running away. Men get the side eye and asked why they did not just defend themselves.
Thankfully that has changed in the last 15 years. I noticed my doctors take a much different view of it than was done years ago.
I recently changed primary care doctors and just told him I was an abuse survivor of long time child emotional, physical, and sexual abuse and things dealing with me removing my clothing or touching me would have to give me time to adapt my mind to it and set my defenses. I asked is he had an issue or if it would be a problem. He seemed surprised I asked him, and promised me it wouldn’t and he would respect my boundaries. And he did. The one time he touched me and I gasped and flinched, he immediately back way and asked if I was ok and to let him know when or if he could continue. I like it. It was respect that a lot of old doctors like mine before who retired did not give to abuse survivors. Their attitude was get over it.
Sorry for the rant, I hand the soap box to the next in line. Hugs. Scottie
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Scottie, I’m so glad you found a male doctor who’s so evolved! Many know and understand, then still patronize the patient, rather than respect them.
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