I stayed up late for me last night, then Tupac’s tummy feed me alarm went off at 3:21. So as Ron was already awake he got up to feed him which normally I do. But I couldn’t fall back asleep. So I got up an hour later. Then I answered a few emails. Then I opened the Male Survivor site that I have become very involved in. But before I could address the new posts there, I had an incoming voice over internet call. I spent an hour on that, talking with someone who needed me, someone I like and have a lot in common with. Then Ron got up late as he did not sleep well and it is dark and gloomy here with the storm.
Then I went back to my blog and started reading posts before I lost more of them. Halfway through I switched to comments and replied to them up to date so I wouldn’t lose them as I love comments. I learn a lot from the comments.
But as the day wore on I realized that I still had not read or dealt with the MS site posts I had open in another tab, so I switched to it. I spent 2 hours there reading others posts and adding my two cents worth, sometimes including my own abuse. I can do that freely there knowing no one will judge me or be shocked. To then return to my blog and start reading blogs of others …
To have an abuse survivor contact me via secured Session. He had some things to talk to me about so I went on voice chat. His concerns were legitimate and we talked for a long time until I really had to pee, so we ended the call. I like talking to him on this format, I just wish I had more time. But I am so tired right now. I have so many things I wanted to do today I did not get to. I had wanted to watch another episode of Picard, we bought them but I never have time to watch them. It seems I am running from one thing to the next.
Last night Ron woke me apologetically saying I was making sounds in my sleep and he was worried I was moving into a bad dream. I was, but I only thanked him without telling him what I was dreaming of. OK, I really need to go to bed. If I have missed getting to a post you have made or by my dogs that love gravy missed a comment you made, I apologize. I am just stretched really thin right now. I have bitten off more than I can chew as they say. Hugs. Scottie
Scottie's Playtime 
You’re doing fine. You’re sort of like me that way; you actually do one heck of a lot of important things, but if there’s even one thing that didn’t get done, you feel like you somehow failed. You did a lot, and all of it was important. Tomorrow will come, and you will do more. All we can do is all we can do, one foot in front of the other, and it’ll all get done. Maybe not when we think/hope it will, but it will. I hope you’re sleeping well.
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Hi Ali. Thank you. But I feel I can’t get enough done. I know it is not rational with my disabilities, my taking strong medications that make me sleepy, and my inability to sit at my desk for hours at a time. I get frustrated when a lot of abuse victims on MS site ask me stuff I need to reply to or comment on a post I made I need to reply to, then I have a new member who needs a voice call every morning for an hour or he crashes, then I try to grab some headlines from Joe My God, and when I get to my blog and those I follow I don’t even have time to see what you and Randy post before I have to jump in to not miss the new stuff. I always seem two days behind on blogs and comments. I have not watched the Picard episodes we already bought, I have not played Halo in months. In truth I feel like I don’t do anything not blog or news related. I can hardly do anything with my left shoulder it hurts so bad, but because I have a sinus infection the pain doctor couldn’t chance giving me the needed pain shot in the shoulder. I have artificially hip joints and if they get infected I might need to be hospitalized to clear it. My shoulder is torn and injured so badly it is basically useless. I need to have surgery but that is two years from now. To add to that I am again having break through abuse memories again I am having to fight and deal with, my nightmares are starting to come back. I have two very painful punishment posts I need to write out so they might not be so constant in my head, but I can’t find time.
Simply put I am stressed and not feeling well. I am glad you and Randy are posting, but I don’t want you to feel pressure and simply enjoy doing it. Last thing I want is for you to feel as I do, driven and failing.
I write this to explain how I feel right now. I have a sinus infection that is keeping me from sleeping, and my doctor gave me a strong antibiotic for 14 days that is to take care of it. I am on day one. I have had a cold I got on July 11 and after it left I had this infection and sinus infection. Don’t worry I will feel better soon and be more on track. Ron and Randy are worried about my time on the MS site bring my own abuse to my mind. I don’t think it is that, I think it is not sleeping, not feeling well, and being in a lot of pain, that is triggering these memories. Plus I have to deal with them anyway, that was my life. But once I am feeling better and sleeping again I will be in a better mindset. I thank you for being a wonderful caring person. I really like you. Hugs. Scottie
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Oh, Scottie, I’m so sorry this all has converged on you like this. (Also, I could bite my fingertips off for writing about running on the minitramp when you are so ill right now. But, I guess we all already know I can be a foot-in-mouth person, sometimes!) Anyway, here’s to sleep and feeling better soon. I know there’s no more I can do, so I’ll help here as long as it’s helping.
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Hi Ali. No no please keep writing about those things in your life as that really helps me stay grounded.
I am racing to get thought the comments. About an hour and a half ago now, Ron and I talked. He was really concerned about my emotional and mental health. He wanted me to shut the blogging computer down and go choose a movie to watch. I have not seen the now two or three years old SpiderMan and Dr. Strange movie, so he told me he wanted me to stop what I was doing and to find it on our streaming services or simply buy it on our prime account. He has come in three times to see if I had done it yet. I keep begging him I want to finish the comments first. So I am nearly there. I love him and how he looks after me. But I wish it was not needed. Hugs. Scottie
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