I have been barely functioning all day. I feel right now the best I have since I got up at 1 am. I keep going back to bed, can’t sleep like I can not sleep at night, so I get up. I am so tired, I just don’t want to be. I want to sleep. I went to Ron a few minutes ago, told him I had answered all the comments I had, replied to everything, but I had not been to anyone else’s blogs in a few days. Then I told him I just don’t want to do it. I am tired. I want to shut the blogging computer down and finish my Spiderman movie I started watching, maybe watch some Star Trek Piccard.
Ron came over and hugged me, and said he thought that was a great idea. He wanted me to do that. I tried again to justify it with I was so tired. He told me, Scottie you have not been sleeping, ten minutes here, 20 minutes there. The longest I have seen you sleep in days has been 45 minutes. You’re exhausted and you’re hurting yourself. The medications you take should put you to sleep but they are not. When you do sleep you moan, cry out, move defensively. You’re not resting. You need to lose yourself in a move and go to sleep.
I have my heart doctor appointment in the morning. I had to cancel an appointment for Wednesday as I was feeling far too sick to do to it. I need to make this one tomorrow. So I am sorry to all the grand blog creators, all the meme wanters but I can not do it, I am done blogging today. I may just now go to bed. Or watch a movie. I think bed. Loves. Hugs. Scottie
Scottie's Playtime 
Movies in bed.
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Hi Ali. I did not watch the movie. I started to, couldn’t concentrate. Ended up going to bed. Couldn’t sleep. Then did sleep. Ron came to bed at 10 pm, I went to sleep until 12:02 am. I lay in bed until 2 am waiting to go back to sleep, but my mind wouldn’t stop and my body was in pain, so I got up. This afternoon I went to bed and got about 45 minutes of sleep. Ron is trying to push me to eat, but I am not hungry at all. Hugs. Scottie
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OK, this might work. Think of all the times you wanted to eat, but shouldn’t have so you didn’t, and eat now to make up for those.😊 I recall that you’ve lost quite a bit of weight; you can eat just to feed the machine. I think it’ll help you.
But you’re a grown guy, so you’ll do what you gotta do. I’m sorry you didn’t get to rest.
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And you’ve made some great posts today. You brought back a lot of readers to comments!
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Hi Ali. I am heading to bed and I am very tired. The thinking of times I was hungry, god Ali you must have missed the posted I did when I had malnutrition and collapsed in front of my Grandfather and he took me to the ER and had me admitted. I died! Yes I was in the child ICU and coded, and they brought me back.
No sorry no religious experience. I felt so much pain and a deep heaviness on my chest like an elephant was sitting on me. Then it went away and I felt like I was underwater slowly rising to the surface …
Then I came back to people all around me shouting orders, scaring me, and they must have given me something because I went right back to sleep.
Anyway what great posts did I make? I can hardly get myself to look at the blog other than comments. I try to deal with it, to look at what you and Randy post but I … well I need to readjust guess. Hugs. Scottie
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🫂 I’m on DH’s laptop just now; I found this great hug emoji Janet and you use, but it won’t put it in there more than once. Oh, well.
I have no words; I was trying to be cheering, and failed. I actually meant before this round of stuff started last year, when sometimes you’d have to check sugar and forgo something or other that you really wanted. I’m so sorry for triggering.
I am tripping over my tongue-except-fingertips these few days. I’ll work harder. I do remember a post where you mentioned your grandpa kept you, that you’d been kept hungry before you got there, and had malnutrition. I didn’t see the one about the death experience. It must have been before my time. But I’m very sorry. I think it’s too late for you to see this tonight, but you’ll get it in the AM.
The posts you posted today (8/9)were awesome.
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Hi Ali. Dear sweet lady you did not trigger me, right now I am not feeling well and almost always in a triggered state. I ended up sleeping most of yesterday and all last night. Instead of waking at my normal 1 or 2 am I slept until 4. Then still felt bad so went back to bed at 4:30 and slept until 6:15 am. Ron said it was the first night in a long time I did not act agitated, cry out, move and kick, nor did I verbalize as I sometimes do. He had hoped it was a good sign because I was not sleeping that maybe I was on the mend again. It is weird, I will have to go back and look at what I posted, I can not remember at all. But I am glad you liked them. Never fear what you post or comment, you are doing fine. I hope soon I can get to the blog. I put 6 items in open tabs I want to post but I doubt I will do it today. Hugs. Scottie
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No worries, it was some current stuff. I only wanted to mention to that you’d posted, and they were things you usually post, and people came and read them. This sounds hopeful, as to the mending. If you want to send the links of the tabs to me, I can post them; I guess that’s almost as much effort as posting, but do as you will. The tabs will be there tomorrow!
I’m just pretty sure everyone who reads here misses you, and likely are tiring of me and my shrillness and quirky humor!
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Hi Ali. How can anyone be tired of you? I do have a question, are you enjoying posting? Do you think you would like to do a blog of your own? I think you are a natural blogger. I am setting up to do more videos like I used to do. I think instead of posting about news I will leave that to you and Randy, and I will do videos with my view of the news items and my opinion of them. I used to do them all the time. I have to buy new software for it, but Ron liked them and thinks it will help me over my current issues. But I really do not want to stress you or Randy. Randy loves to write, but has a high pressure job and he works very long hours. You have a life, (what is that like Scottie asks), and I would hate it if doing this was interfering in your enjoying your life. Remember you like cooking, you can insert pictures of your cooking and make it a post like I have done. Also if you have any questions or requests please ask me. I love what you have done, I just worry that maybe you are not enjoying it. Hugs and loves. Scottie
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I’m feeling fine about it, please don’t worry. I only worry that my posts dominate, which may be too strong a word, but I don’t want to take up all the space, especially when you have a day that you want to blog.
I appreciate your comments about how I’m doing here, really. I was going to have a blog, but really, whatever I would do is already being done. Being a substitute or guest blogger is really better for me, when I do it. I just don’t want to take up the whole blog! Because I do get chatty!! 😀
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Hi Ali. It was nearly 12:30 today before I could get to the blog. I don’t know if my time management is off or something else. It seems every day something comes up to stop me from getting to the blog. Don’t worry, if I want to post I will, so don’t worry about your posting.
I am finding that I care about people, and now maybe too much. My instinct to help people has been triggered by being on the Male Survivor site so that I am always trying to help people suffering there. All they want is what I needed, to be able to voice my history, my story to be heard. Also for people to acknowledge my history. My problem is it takes me 8 hours or more and I have a very needy badly abused person who was kidnapped at age 7 who needs my attention two or three times a day for an hour or more at a time. Today we had to drop the car off at 7:30, go get it at 10. That took time. I seem to not have enough time to do everything I want to do.
Ron begs me to watch shows and movies … when do I have time, who do I short? And do I feel guilty for doing it? Oh Yes! Every minute I watch a move or TV show I feel I am cheating the blog or someone who needs me.
Oh never worry about getting chatty, that makes a blog. Feel free to make posts of you talking about stuff you like, you want to say. It doesn’t have to be things other people post or say. Have an Ali’s Corner or such. I am glad you are having fun and enjoying it. I did when I started. I still do. Just have fun, it is your voice, but please don’t do what I did and make it more work than fun. Thanks and hugs. Scottie
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I can tell you this-every time you feel guilt working on you while enjoying a movie or TV show with Ron, just take a look at him. The guilt will recede. Your first obligation is to Ron, though I know we don’t consider our mates to be an obligation. But you know what I mean. I promise it works, just looking at them, and the guilt will go away, then you squeeze his hand, and if he asks you why, just say thank you and take a deep, healing breath.
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