Hi everyone. I am in the waiting room and they just took Ron into the OR. So we got up at 3:30 am. We showered and packed our stuff. I forgot the sandwiches but I do have my chips and pretzels. Of all the people waiting I am the only one eating. I did not eat at home because Ron couldn’t eat and I felt it would be mean as he couldn’t eat and it would’ve mean. I am not really hungry but I took my medications and I am diabetic so I need something in my stomach.
The good news is his OR nurse is a friend of ours from our ICU days. She is a really great nurse and it is grand Ron had someone he knew. The bad news is the doctor was not sure if stents were the best course of action. Instead of by pass surgery. He will check to see how bad it is and if stents would work as Ron is a diabetic and stents tend to clog in a few years. So once he gets in there he will measure the pressure. Then he will explain to Ron if stents are appropriate or if a bypass operation would be a better option. Pretty scary. Hugs
Scottie's Playtime 
very scary. Take care, m’dear, it sounds like Ron is in good hands, and they seem to be proceeding carefully. and yes you need to take care of you, as well. (But then you knew that)
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Hi Judy. Thank you. I will do a video sometime this weekend. But just to let you know and I will copy this to reply to others, I had only gotten a few hours of sleep in days and I was so sore and tired that after I got Ron there, was with him in a private preoperation room I could hardly stay awake. I struggled so hard and it was getting worse. After they took him into the OR and showed me to the waiting room I struggled to write the above post, and after I sent it I fell asleep. I was awakened by the nurse who called for me after Ron was done which they say should be about 45 minutes. I did notice that everyone in the waiting room was gone except one other older man who was also sleeping. I think it was much less as they did not do stents. But as Ron did not require stents and only had the catheterization our wait time was two hours. But in those two hours I struggled to stay awake and Ron said I kept dozing off. I thought I was there to keep him awake but we were doing that for each other. Also if I stood up to move I got dizzy and nauseous. But the good news was no real blockage and the CT scan was in error. There was a minor blockage of less than 50% that could be treated with medication. The bad news was the restrictions Ron was under would now be extended one more week. As he was leaving Saturday morning for Texas my relief from doing everything would have to wait two weeks. Once I got him home I got him a couple of the sandwiches I had bought to eat during what I thought would be a 5 to 7 hours wait. Then my body totally gave out. I went to bed and slept hard for 4 hours. Randy called me then and I talked to him for a few minutes and went back to sleep for hours. Then I got up and made Ron supper and took care of the cat. There was more but that is the highlights. Hugs
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It is scary if you choose to look at it as such. But you are there, now, and Ron is in precisely the hands he needs for his best treatment. They’re not going to hurt him.
I know recovery from bypass is longer and more painful; it will be good if you will ask the hospital social worker to help you set up some home health for a few weeks. I am aware of this because my stepmother used to have a bypass about every 8 years. Also, my dad ended up getting bypass surgery rather than aneurysm surgery after his BP went so high he was having a large stroke, and went into MI. (In 1995, and care has advanced since then though he had sweetheart care then.) Anyway, You guys have the advantage of those advances, and of being informed early on in the day. Anyway, I hope you check back here, and then check in with the social worker there. Please do it, Scottie. Help is warranted even for the very healthy. You can do it!
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This is my hope as well, that Ron has considerate care. Also, the familiar nurse is there to advocate for the best course so he isn’t alone when dealing with the decisions.
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Thank you Ali. I know you read the comments I post to others so I won’t post the comment I made to judy here for you to reread. I appreciate your suggestions and your reassurances. I also thank you for sharing with me your family experiences.
Can I ask you a separate question in this space? If you choose to read and respond I am struggling, still struggling. Yes part of it is Ron has not recovered his mental abilities which have been getting worse and worse. I will talk with you on that later as I am not sure how much is stress induced for him and what is a real decline in his cognitive abilities. But before I leave the topic, even he is seeing he is saying things, saying he will do something that minutes later he forgets totally about.
I am struggling Ali. Ron is 100% focused on his sister’s needs. I don’t complain about that and I see how he has slowed and even came to me to ask how to do things he did with out thought a few years ago. But I hurt myself last Sunday doing something Ron’s anxieties insisted be done and I am struggling to move and to handle the pain. The first two days I took a lot of pain medications, more than I should have, which made me sick as all get out on the third day. So all week I have been sick and sore and struggling. Ron has been focused on all the needs of his sister to the point he forgets to respond to my texts or calls. Today I had allergy shots. They normally make me feel crappy.
So he has been with his sister all morning he gets home slightly after I do. I saw how he was and made him lunch. Then he rushed back off to his sister’s new house again. It seems this morning instead of him doing what he told me, they went shopping for her new appliances. Now he got home late, near when I normally go to bed and asked me as he was struggling to walk up the stairs if I still wanted supper. I told him no thanks.
I am not normally jealous, as we have had a semi open relationship with each person being able to have sexual partners if we feel we need them for something we are not getting at home. But I find myself feeling really not comfortable with the time and subservients he shows his sister. Yes she has been good to us but he spent most of december to march with her in Texas and then again he flew out to bring her back here, then since she has come back here he as been 100% at her beck and call and makes his plans around what she might want. I hurt myself because he demanded heavy stuff be moved in the family room because he was afraid his sisters stuff would come and they wouldn’t have room for it. He had just had a heart catheterization and was under orders to not only do house work, no way I was going to let him do that. But then he insisted I do it. To hell with my needs is how I feel because his sister’s stuff has not even left Texas. I hurt myself and made myself sick to please him and he can’t stay home long enough to help me in the house. At this point I struggle to move, can’t bend, and want only to sleep. I am from the blood tests either very anemic (he offered to take a steak out for me this morning as that is what they recommended every time I went anemic before that I eat lots of red meat) or have some form of cancer. When it was really bad I was eating red meat almost every day. But when I got home today I asked Ron when he got back from going shopping with his sister if he took out the steak, he said no he forgot. So here we are. I have done the laundry since I have been home, cared for the cat, and am sitting in my chair at my desk wanting to take pain medications but not wanting to get sick again. While Ron seems to forget we needed to pay bills today. Anyway thanks for listenting / reading. This will work out one way of the other but I hurt too bad right now to care. Hugs
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Well, I hesitate to write a whole lot of specifics in this space, just because it’s very public. I may send you an email; if I do, I’ll let you know here, OK?
It does seem as if you and Ron should talk. Although, if he is slipping, that may not help. Do you know if he is having trouble remembering things he tells his sister he’ll do? Maybe you can summon yet some more fortitude to find a way to check in with her about his behaviors with her. I guess I’m asking, because if he isn’t slipping with her, he’s likely on overload when he gets home, which means he also should cut back. You definitely should cut back! I was thinking I’d lay off posting much for a few days as you take back your blog, but maybe it’s bad timing? I haven’t set up anything for tomorrow yet, as I’ve been watching storms here. I thought we were done, but sometimes we get some of Oklahoma’s really bad storms, and they can wreak havoc up here, although our temps have cooled well below level of concern, and our dewpoints have dropped. Still, I guess something they have could build down there and become a problem here.
Anyway, if you see this tonight, let me know about posting. I really think I’d-kindly and from concern-visit with Sis about Ron’s behavior around her. I sure do hope he’s doing OK there, and just needs to cut back.
Or you can Uber a housekeeper! (Sort of being funny, as much as possible in your situation.)
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Hi Ali. If you can please keep posting for a few more days at least. I am in no shape to blog. I want to concentrate on replying to comments. I am having to do a load of towels every day due to the cat. He can’t help himself and we keep everything covered with puppy pads and towels. Ron is not tracking mentally and he knows it. We thought it was his heart issues but the heart doctor said no, so we have to look elsewhere. He doesn’t want to deal with it. You tell him something and if he doesn’t do it right then he forgets. Simple things like he will make himself a sandwich or toast and cheese wiss and leave everything on the counter when done. We rinse the spoon used to feed the cat his wet food so we don’t dirty more spoons, Ron forgets to do it. There is more as his anxieties are through the roof. He gets a scam text and freaks out thinking it is real. The good news is he can still be talked to. I can calm him down and keep him from doing something stupid. But I feel as tired as I am like I am raising a toddler. I follow him around putting everything back in the place it goes or in the fridge. I will be OK, mornings are hard for me. My pain medications wear off at night and I wake up very sore. Again post if you can and want to but if you need to do so it is OK for you to back off. It is OK and I don’t want you burning out. Hugs
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I can help, no worries. I thought you might be in the mode of your blog because you put out a good amount of material here the other day; I thought it was time. I have several things I’ve emailed myself to post that I haven’t, so no worries about that.
Just take good care. And check in with Sis when you can, to see how consistent Ron’s behavior is. If he’s fine with her, it may be that he doesn’t realize he needs to attend to the home fires a bit after his long stint of helping Sis.
Bless Sis’s heart; this is all likely distracting her from her grief really well, but the fact is we have to sit with that, too, so we can manage it. She can probably use a little time for that.
And that time can be devoted to you and home.
Only my .02.
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Thank you Ali. Ron just told me that his sister here, Diane, sent three boxes of expensive knives, poker stuff, and binoculars to sister Joyce house to store for her. She knows her sister is far worse than Ron, the loss of mental abilities runs in the family. Jouce is much worse and for years not tracking at all. So of course when the boxes got there she called the family nephews to give it all to the family. She forgot she was to store them for Diane. Diane and Ron were upset at Joyce. I said what is wrong with Diane, she knew better, she knew Joyce was really bad. Ron then told me Diane is not fully there either. Damn is that Ron’s mental state talking or is Diane really deteriorating? She seems fine to me when I have been around her. I told Ron she needs to tell Joyce and the nephews to bring the stuff back as it was expensive and Diane wanted to keep it or give it out herself. But Ron says that is not his family’s way. So precious memories from her husband are gone. What am I dealing with here? Scary. Hugs
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Well, I guess first, without sounding heartless because I’m sorry that happened, but this is not your situation to deal with.
Ron is, of course. Maybe things are starting with him. I’d suggested visiting with Diane about it because you’d mentioned, a few weeks back, that she’d told you about noticing some things with Ron; I thought she’d be a good touchstone. But, you’re right there with them, so you’ll know. The only thing I can think of to tell you is to keep your own cup as full as you can so you can care for Ron when he needs it. We’re out here pulling for you, Scottie!
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I have six stents; got my first three 15 years ago and they are fine. Got the rest about five years ago. A bypass was offered and I turned it down in favor of the stents. I too am diabetic, so the possibility of them all going clogged up was a small concern. So far so good. George had a quint bypass about five years before he passed away (from a stroke). It took him a good two years to recover to about 75% of his past abilities. If he had not had a stroke I assume he would have fully recovered by now. I am sending out good thoughts and wishes that Ron does well and only has to have the stents, instead of a more invasive surgery. Take care of yourself my friend.
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Hi Suze. Thanks for the reassurance. It felt great when the doctor afterward said it was far better than we were told. He has one blockage less than 50% and the artery has great pressure flow. So it can be handled by medication. The heart doctor felt it was so minor they made his follow up for nearly a month from the procedure. We do have to find out why he is struggling with memory and his thought processes. He has gotten very forgetful. It has gotten a lot worse. Hugs
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it could be nothing more than a vitamin deficiency as far as the memory problems, or it could be a brain disorder…or it could be a tmi (transient ischemic attack) issue. I hope his doc figures it out and Ron gets the appropriate care. Stay strong my friend.
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