A very religious woman I do tech work for.

This woman is a good person.  She goes to church there or four times a week.  She volunteers 4 days in the church thrift stores. She is not a bad person; she really is very nice, not just bright.  So one day I was working on her computers, and it was something I needed to do about 3 times each month.  

As I was working on her two computers, she kept telling me about her god’s love.  Until I exploded!

Where was your god every time I was repeatedly raped as a kid, and why did he not stop it?  Did he enjoy watching it? I admitted shouting.  

She was silent for a few seconds.  Then she said, Scottie, he was holding your hands. Really, I know the guys holding my hands. I knew the girls who were holding my head to force me down on their sex organs.   I nearly walked out of the house. That level of stupidity is stunning, that level of excusing the abuse I had as a kid, to give her god credit.  

I did finish the job.  I also asked her if she wanted me to work on her stuff she kept her god herself.  For the last 10 years that has been the truce we have.  She still thinks her god is the entirety of existence, and she doesn’t seem to understand that her god watched each of my rapes, the violent rapes, the forced to drink urine, the tied to a stair rails so I could be raped by teenage males.  Damn I have to get some relief. I think soon my head will explode. Maybe it should. I am tired.   Maybe …maybe. No, not yet, not now.  I promised Randy I would tell him before I did. Not yet, not now.  But ever closer.

I just don’t understand why a good god would have watched what happened to me and let it go on, no matter what about free will. What about my free will not to be raped or forced to give blowjobs?  Doesn’t that count to her god?    Hugs