Category: Scotties Rants / Blog Information
I am angry.
I have not been well. I have heart rates in the high 140’s. Twice I have gone into serious atrial fibrillation territory. Yes heart attack or heart shut down. The doctors are changing my medications to get my heart rate, my pain, my other issues under control. I get very few hours right now on the computer to read what I think is worth reading and even less to share it. Now I am hearing that because I have not been able to get to comments due to my health and thinking the people who come here would be science based reasonable people who would understand the majority of the medical community agrees with trans affirmative care I could rest while my doctors find ways to help me.
Turns out I was wrong. Decent people would have understood the situation I am under, how some days I struggle to breathe with my heart rate so high, how sitting in my desk chair causes me to feel ever building pain and yet I don’t have the money to buy / build the things I need to keep doing what I did.
Turns out the anti- trans trolls who I already fully debunked moved in in my absence and tried to full spread their lies, their myths. In the process they have sucked in normally reasonable people. All because I was not feeling up to getting to the comments something I have been struggling with for the last year.
I thank those that contacted me with the situation. I do my blog to counter the misinformation and hate put out by the regressive religious right. My side is backed up by science and peer reviewed studies, something the other side cannot claim. They want to hold on to tradition, to the way it always was in their lifetime, not realizing before that it was different also. I am done and angry.
Let me say that again. I am pissed off and angry. For now until I can go back threw all the comments and correct the misinformation and hate I am shutting comment off on things I post, if I manage to find time to post anything at all.
Last night I went to bed about 7 PM, my pulse was racing, my pain high and due to my medications and my supper I was very tired. I had a good blood sugar before supper of only 104, but I knew to cover more than that with my insulin. I had more tabs open and things I wanted to get to on both computers than I can describe. I would love to share that news with everyone, but the regressive haters seem not to want that. OK then if it is a constant fight on FACTS you want to have I guess I have to divert what energy I have to that.
The truth is on the progressive accepting side! The regressive traditional side is wrong. Just as it has always been for all of history! The earth is not flat, the sun doesn’t rotate around the earth! Black people are not less than whites, Jews are not evil as a group. Grow the fuck up all you people who say that it was not that way before. Yes I am angry. I don’t feel well and I must now deal with people that think the Florida administration that claims vaccines are bad and dangerous to your health has the right take on teaching. Dogs that love gravy do you people ever get out of your bubbles and look around the world. The rest of the world is leaving the US behind on how to treat people, education, healthcare including child / mother death during childhood. The last bastion of resistance in a capitalist society is centered in the US while the rest of the developed nations soar above us in how they treat their people. But you in the US just keep worrying about who uses the bathroom and be suspicious if they don’t look how you think they should. Oh crap those undeserving people might get enough government assistance to eat a full meal today. Keep watching so the corporations can steal everything you have with the government supporting them!
So to those that sent me messages of the mess my comment sections have become I thank you. To those assholes who wanted to abuse my faith in humanity I am going to deal with you. And I am angry! Hugs
The two screens I have been trying to get to
Hello everyone. Here are the screenshots of the stories I want to read and then I have a story to tell everyone. Notice the open tabs. 
But what I really want to talk about it four days ago a woman I have done computer work for in the past. She knew I had pulled back from helping people during Covid but she had hired someone to help and things were worse and now she couldn’t even get online and her computer refused to respond to the keyboard. She said she did not know who to call and I said I would help. I went to her home and I got angry at the story she told me. She was being scammed. A couple years ago during Covid her old computer died and she wanted to just get an inexpensive computer to do her family genealogy hobby and a couple other things, but she really did not spend much time on it. The couple is in their 80s. The computer person sold her a really old poor laptop, A Toshiba Satellite L505D-S5983. I came with windows 7 so the computer person sold her windows 10 at a profit. Then the computer person set the computer up with an anti-virus. I looked up the company and it has a good reputation, but one thing I noticed was the product was sold as a business product so covered a lot of computers in your business setup. I noticed the price was reasonably low for that kind of deal but again the company had good reviews and ratings. When I was telling the woman this she asked me the price and I told her, a little over $33 dollars. From the look on her face I knew something was wrong. The computer person she had bought the computer from who set it up was charging her over $50 dollars for the security software. Also the woman paid a fee to the computer person so that if the computer had an issue the computer person would fix it but again a cost, a reduced cost because of the repair deal but still a cost. Then because of the problems the computer person let slip that they had remote access to the computer and complete control over it. The woman who called me was angry and upset, she did not want this and know what to do. She was being legally scammed which she stopped any business relationship with that computer person because if I couldn’t repair her computer she would replace it or just go without. I explained to her I could reset it and get her functions back while removing the remote control set up the other person had installed. I explain the computer had a small AMD dual core processer so was going to be easily over loaded and that was why after starting the keyboard seemed not to be working because the computer simple need a lot of time to get to the new commands. There was too much happening at start up that was set up by the other computer person and the remote software, plus the security software was set to do complete scans and do updates when the computer started taking all the resources. Yesterday Ron and I got the laptop and accessories she wanted me to fix. Before I connected it to my systems, I backed up the data on the computer to two different separate drives. After making sure it was backed up I reset windows still offline. That took all day yesterday. Then this morning I went through the settings and privacy of the system, and only when I was sure as I could be I connected it to my set up putting it online. I then reset windows from the cloud. The download was quick but the computer is stressing to install windows and is at 26% moving very slowly.
It makes me angry that people think nothing of taking advantage of older people who live in an old mobile home park just trying to have something when everything costs so much these days. I ask why someone would try to milk these people of their very few dollars. I told her I would do my best to take care of their computer needs like I did before Covid. But they have had enough and are selling their home. The hurricane Ian really frightened them. I am investigating if windows defender is a good option for a security system anti-virus software. Hugs
I hope this will help explain why I am so frustrated.
I have been able to get to my computers on and off today. Most of my day I sit at the computer for a few minutes and select a few news articles to read, then I have to leave the computer for some reason often to lay down due to pain. Then at the end of the night like now that I am tired and want to go to bed, I have my news / bloggings screen like this and that doesn’t include the many videos on the other screen I wanted to watch yet have not been able to watch yet. I am so frustrated these days. Hugs
A little while ago hurt myself bad
While watching the morning Sunday broadcast shows I was helping Ron deal with getting Sunday breakfast together. Ron likes to do a big breakfast on Sunday morning, but as we age it has shrank in size but not in stuff. As we were getting stuff out of the bottom freezer drawer Ron was on one side I was on the other. After getting stuff out I was holding a couple things in my hands so I lowered down and stretched out to place them on Ron’s side of the large drawer to better even things out in the freezer. As I was putting the first of the things down I got a horrible stabbing pain in my middle back and then the muscles contracted adding more pain. I gave a gasp and cried out. I dropped the things in my hands and partially stood up, turned and leaned up against the nearby door frame and just tried to breathe. My right leg from the calf down went numb. Ron rushed over to me but the damage was done. I was in trouble. I shuffled to my desk, took more medications, sitting was very painful, but standing was also very painful each time I tried. I am not going to be able to help Ron with breakfast as we planned. Just that damned quick a mistake, an action without thinking has seriously impacted me this morning.
A time later. Ron made a great breakfast of hashbrowns and an egg scramble with mushrooms, tri-colored peppers, and bacon. Normally we have ham steak and maybe sausage with breakfast but after I hurt myself Ron declared we did not have those things and did not need them. Plus we had toast. I ate until I was a bit overfull. I won’t be able to help him clean up like I normally do and when the current show “Face the Nation” is over I am going to bed for a long while to release my back. I took extra medication when it happened and that plus the food is making me very tired. I hope when I get up, I can get to some comments. If you don’t hear from me, you know I was not able to do so. My right foot still is screaming with the stinging numbness feeling. Hugs for everyone.
Let’s talk about Elvis helping us see the future….
Quick update on me before the video that has information that everyone should hear. I hurt so bad right now I can only stand a few minutes before the pain is so bad I either have to sit or fall. Of course it is better earlier when I first get up by noon or 1 PM I can barely get up and go to the bathroom before the pain is so severe I am in danger of falling down. But if I sit the pain builds up in the upper part of my back instead of the lower part so again I have to move. Mostly right now it seems I get about 3 hours up at most and then 2 hours laying down. When I take enough medication to help cover the pain which lately has been the maximum of my medications, the next day I am sick to my stomach and have nausea issues. Think of it like being on a drunken night out at the bars, and how you would feel the next day. That lasts until I get enough medication back in my system again, and then if I take the maximum again I am sick the next day. It is a cycle I cannot stand. Be pain controlled in the afternoon and rest of the day while befuddled with confusion of the medications and the next morning wake up sick with a rolling stomach and nausea that either makes me vomit (three times yesterday) or just feel like I am going to vomit such as today when I did not vomit but felt I could until about 1 PM. I have an MRI on the 25th. I am losing the good from the last set of spine shots in the bottom of my spine, so tomorrow I need to call the pain clinic and see if they can adjust my appointment to get another set of spine epidurals for all three sections. Right now I am spending as much time laying down as I am upright. However this morning and yesterday morning Ron and I did take a short walk as we used to before the hurricane. It is much shorter than the other walks were because my back gives out and his hip starts to bother him too much to do a longer one. If the new spine shots don’t fix this, then I need to change medications to fentanyl or something as strong. The doctor tells me that fentanyl is much stronger than the medications I am currently taking. One last thing. Randy my wonderful brother has tried to get me to look at getting an over the bedside table like hospitals use and using a couple of the old laptops we have or at least the bedroom TV and a laptop to read and answer comments which I bitch constantly I am missing. Today Ron and I have started talking about it. It will depend on what the doctors can do. Hugs
I can hardly breathe but I have taken more medications and it is getting easier.
An update and a photo. The update from last week is the testing seriously poisoned me and I was very sick. When I told that she was cruel and even told the doctor I should report him to the Geneva Convention both were stunned until they looked at my back. Then they kept saying I should have called in. But I reminded them I was reacting so badly during the midweek visit they already claimed it was a serious problem and gave me a list of things to avoid in products. On Thursday Ron started using every medication we could get including the ones given me from the allergy office. By Friday afternoon I was a raw mass on my back and so sick I was throwing up. Ron wanted to take me to the emergency room. I decided to take a bunch of Benadryl as that was what they would do in the ER. It was a long weekend.
Today I was starting to feel better, but still so very tired. But ready to seriously get back to my blog rather than just read / watch stuff and post it. But the universe is not done messing with me yet.
Ron has not been feeling well either this last week he has been in a lot of pain in his back and hip. But today he decided to put up the shelves I have been asking for … a long time. Due to the small space and James being at work I needed to help Ron. That was a mistake that couldn’t be avoided.
The effort involved with putting up the shelves aggravated and caused serious spasms in my back. Due to that I started having trouble walking and couldn’t stand without support. Lucky for me I have lots of great canes. The pain caused my heart at one point to peak at about 168 and go out of rhythm for a bit. I took my medication and it settled at about 115. Then slowly slowed to 95, 85, and then down to 83. Right now it is 80. But the good news is my disk has a lot less stuff on it and will have even more stuff tomorrow when I feel like moving more of the wired stuff. Odie is happy he has more room to spread out. I did not get back to the comments and other blogs like I planned today but I sure have that as my goal. Anyway here is a picture of the new shelves long after the sun went down and I could stand again. I was able to move a lot of stuff off the desk which was over crowed and yet the other set of speakers the cord is too short. I have to look in my many boxes of extra cords for an extensions of the right wires / jacks … (What I want is a new set of much better sounding surround sound speakers …) Hugs and lots of love. Scottie Oh Yes that is Odie on my desk, now that Tupac is a house permanent person Odie is making sure he gets as much desk time as possible. Hugs
What the allergy test on my back looks like
Yes it itches and burns. This morning they take them off but I still cannot wash it or scratch it and Friday the doc sees me. Hugs
clearing up what I said the testing was for.
Monday I mentioned I was going to have testing done and said it was for heavy metal poisoning. That was a misunderstanding from the person who set up the appointment because Ron my spouse had that same testing a few months ago. My testing had to do with the different things in shampoos, lotions, soaps, and some minerals. They also want to start my allergy shots again. But that will involve doing this same kind of testing I think before they start. I am headed of to bed, I am very tired and my back hurts so bad I can hardly breathe. Oh and enjoy the meme I included. Best wishes and hugs.
The sadistic bastard is playing with me.
I gave up about 5pm I think. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to bed. I tossed, turned, rolled over until I fell asleep. By midnight I was again awake. The pain in my back and shoulders is too much to lay in any manner or direction. I got up at 1pm and went to the computers. The one loving this is Odie who is sprawled on my desk purring and snoring.
I feel like there is a hand around my spine in the middle of my back. It is squeezing and letting go, then gripping and pulling, then letting go, then squeezing again. The pain can get so bad I have to take all of my allowed medication basically putting me asleep or unable to concentrate / reason well.
At 10 PM I took a 12 hour long acting morphine, a backlofen, two 50 mg tramadol, and an 800 mg Ibprofen. All are the max now allowed by FL law, as the legislature knows more than the doctors that are trained and treating me do. I used to take much stronger morphine which helped but the Republicans in the Florida government who never studied medicine in any advanced learning feel that my pain is not worth their political posturing.
At 2am I took another two tramadol’s and a baclofen.
This was happening in several places in my spine. They just gave me injections into my spine near the base. The part near the yoke, I could tell you the place if my mind was clearer, but as Ron can tell you they have to go sideways into the spine so the needle is long and yes painful. But they really help. I am not sure if it is the same as they give women giving birth but it is great at stopping the pain.
But until now they have been trying to treat the middle of my back with muscle injections. That has failed. So I have another MRI for that section. Also again my pain doctors are insisting I up my pain medications. They want me on fentanyl. I like what I have as I can control how much I take and how. I lose that with the stronger medications. It will flood my system regardless of my activities or what I wish. But I cannot continue as it has been for the last three months. I am at the end of my tolerance.
I blame nothing but my own body and my efforts after the hurricane to help to return my home to a usable / livable state. It caused a lot more damage and pain than I had before. Too bad FEMA cannot pay for pain and suffering. The wealthy can hire people to fix the problem or afford to stay elsewhere, us poor have to deal with it as we can. I am at a loss as to what to do now, how to move forward. The goal is to get the next MRI and see what it says. If they can do injections into the spine to kill the pain, OK. If not we have to think of the next step.
Hanging out there always is surgery. But every doctor I have talked to tells me it is a never ending slippery slope. If I have the first one, I will need to have more regularly as the things hurting me back there will grow or happen even faster. It will become an arms race in my spine.
The reason for this post! I have not been able to sit and process news, the most lately I can do is watch videos. Those I think have value I have reblogged. (even with the new chair there is a spike going into my middle back) I have not looked at the comments in over a week. I plan to do that this morning. I have set aside the time to reply to as many as I can. Randy asked me today about the other blogs I went to and love. I told him I just cannot get to them, every second sitting in my chair is like a nail gun driving nails into my back.
Anyway I wanted everyone to know. I want everyone to understand why I am not getting to the wonderful comments I love. I will do so as soon as they inject my spine or increase my medications. Hugs and lots of love to all. Scottie
After writing this but before sending it I went to bed about 6 AM. I got up at 10:30 AM. Back to sitting in my chair trying to rev up my mind. Hugs
Scottie's Playtime 