My horrible summer in Canada

I have been distracted and unable to really function online the past week or more of days.  I have unfortunately been thinking / remembering / dwelling / reliving the summer of abuse I had when I was shipped off to Canada.  I guess the goal was to “make a man of me”.   I had a song I had recently learned and sang it to my self constantly along with “Lean on me”, “Bridge over troubled waters”, and a few others.  Songs about helping hands or someone willing to help.  But the song “Day is done” held a special meaning I created in my head as a small and tiny 12 year old boy desperate for help.  

I sent a request to Jill asking her to play the song without mentioning why.  She was kind enough to do so.  I had hoped the song being given Jill’s loving treatment of songs when she posts them would stop the intrusion of the memories of that summer from invading my life.  It did not.  So I wrote to Jill and explained why the song meant so much to me.  She was very gracious and we had conversations about it.   Again I hoped it would stop the memories.  It has not.  They are interfering with my interactions on the computer, I can not focus on stuff.  I get lost in my memories and emotions.  I want to hide in videos but I can’t even remember what I am seeing / hearing. 

I had mentioned to Jill that before on my other blog I use to talk a lot about my abuse when I felt the need to and that it helped me deal with it.   I also mentioned that I got attacked there for sharing my abuse on my blog because a couple of complainers felt it was upsetting, disturbing, and they got too upset reading it.  They complained it was turning off my readers but only a coubple said anything to me about not making the posts.   I think someone on this blog commented almost something similar when I wrote about the angry hurt rape I experienced by my teenage hell spawn sibling.  I asked Jill if I could share parts of the letter I wrote her detailing some of that summer.  She agreed and offered me comfort but also warned me of what I had told her of the complainters.  I think she did not want that to happen and upset me further.  

I took her advice and gave it a lot of thought.  Jill is a very smart compassionate woman who I admire.  But the memories won’t stop.  I even mentioned some of it to Ron in hopes that expressing that small amount would make the memories stop.  I try not to tell Ron too much of my abuse.  He is a wonderful loving man who knows I was abused physically, sexually, and emotionally, and he tries hard to comfort me when I have the nightmares and am in distress at night, when I thrash about, or wake screaming.  But again it is something I had never planned to share with him.  But when on a trip in 2007 I shared some of my childhood he had already had figured out I was abused, he just did not know how bad it was.

So in hopes it will help as my prior therapists have said it will, I will post what I shared with Jill, but I will edit it as needed.  ***Warning below is the story of the physical and sexual abuse I endured the summer I spent in Canada as a child. ***   If you do not want to know what I suffered, please skip the rest of this post.    Hugs  

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scottie-at-11 to 12

This is a picture of me that summer.  The picture was labeled 11 or 12.  But it was the summer after my 6th grade so I must have been 12 years old.  My birthday is in March.  I told Jill I was not sure if I was 12 or 13 but I must have been 12.  The dog is three-legged, named Prince, and was one of my only other comforts of that summer.  The woman watching me is the mother of my adoptive father.  I was always watched I guess to see if I broke a rule so I could be further punished.  To me the picture shows me still standing and being a normal boy despite what they were doing to me.  Hugs

As best I can figure out, I was adopted around the age three.  I don’t know if I had just turned three or how long I had been three but that is when the papers I found say I was, 3 years old when I was taken from the state of NY by bus to Vermont.  I have very vague memories of the trip.  The story about the song begins below.

I was 12 years old.  I was about to move into the Junior high school from our local small town school where the elementary school principal knew something was wrong and did what he could to protect me, to the joint JR / SR high school for the area in a nearby large town.  That summer my adoptive parents decided I should go live in Canada all summer from the end of school until start of the next, living with the adoptive father’s mother and her second husband.

The adoptive father was the oldest of 9 children.  His father was an abusive drunk who died when the adoptive father was starting the 8th grade.  He quit school to provide for his 8 siblings and mother.  He became an extremely well-muscled arrogant bruiser who loved bar fights and was well feared.  He hated the world and was very jealous of those that had an education and faired better than he did in life. It was that kind of anger at learning that caused him to ban me from having books including schoolbooks in the house for years because he felt I was not manly enough. But unlike his hell spawn boys he never showed me the secrets of the skills he did have, he was a master wood worker / carpenter with the certifications to prove it, a millwright, a skilled wielder, and other building construction related fields.  He was very talented with what he did, but his arrogant angry willing to fight attitude combined with his inability to understand math (other than tape measure measurements and basic addition / subtraction) kept him from ever advancing to the place in society he felt he deserved.  He also did not read very well and talked in an uneducated manner. He would be a proud maga today. He got the adoptive mother pregnant when she was 14 and, while she had very good intelligence something the adoptive father lacked, her schooling ended at that point.

Back to the summer I was sent off to Canada because the adoptive father did not want me around.  Please remember he had taken his anger and frustrations on me all my life to this point.  To say I was mistreated would be a huge understatement.  I was physically and sexually assaulted not only by him, but he made it clear to his hell spawn of two girls and two boys, all older than me by at least five years, they were free to use me or do to what they wished to me.  I knew not to complain.  But when I was in 1st grade as a very bruised slight boy in torn clothes who would put his head down on my desk and get some much needed sleep, the school investigated and the adoptive parents were accused of child abuse.  A story I will tell you if you wish, but not important to the song.  It caused the adoptive parents to move us three times in less than half a year to another state, back then to the same state, then again but a much smaller town.  The moved caused the charges to never be followed up on.  After that the beatings grew less and less severe, but the sexual abuse got much worse.

So at first I looked at the trip as an escape, not realizing what was instore for me.  The adoptive fathers mother married a man with a farm, it was a good farm but not great.  He had a married son that will become central to this.  After the adoptive parents left, I was sat down and explained the rules. I was to do as I was told, no argument or back talk, speak only to ask a question or when addressed, but otherwise keep my mouth shut, I would work as long as told, I would rest when given permission, I would obey all the time.  They explained that they were going to make a man of me.  I can only think that was the adoptive father’s directions, as it would happen outside the US so I would not have any help.   At first I thought it would be ok, I was used to mistreatment.  I figured I just needed to be good and work hard and it would be OK.  After all this was only for the summer. It got farther than I imagined very fast.

I will fast forward through most of the daily routine, the early morning being pulled out of bed, the working until I couldn’t stand up in the evening.  But here comes the point of this email and the song.  Sorry but to understand why it is so important to me I had to give you the background.

*** trigger warnings the worst of the abuse there ***

Almost every afternoon I would be ordered to the barn.  The worst part may have been I knew why and what was coming.  The son and wife of the adoptive fathers mother’s second husband would have canes. Sometimes to be extra cruel they would make me pick them up and hand them to them.  Remember these people controlled my life so there was no way not to go or to disobey.  The barn doors were closed and locked as I stood there shaking.  I was positioned facing a wall only inches from it.  Then when they were ready and positioned, I was told to “Run you little fucking bastard”!  As I turned and tried to run to find safety, they started to hit me with the wooden canes they used on the cattle. (one reason I refuse to use or have simple wooden crooked handle canes) They would chase me around until they had little slight tiny me cornered and beat me until I was on the ground.  I was ordered to my knees, ordered to undo Carl’s pants.  Open his belt, undo his pants button, pull the zipper down, and pull down his pants and underwear.  Then I was ordered to either lick his balls or take his penis into my mouth.  He was almost always hard by now but sometimes not.  I would suck him, give him oral sex, occasionally being directed by him or his watching wife to stop and suck or lick his balls, then return to giving him oral sex until he finished in my mouth.  When he came, I was to swallow and keep sucking his cock so that I got every drop.  If any drippled out of my mouth I would be beaten more with the canes, if I stopped before told I could, I would be hit with the canes.  During all the sex act part if they felt I was not trying hard enough to please him or for any reason she, the wife, would hit me with her cane.  During all this sex act time they both would be insulting me, calling me degrading names, threatening me with more beatings if I did not do better.  The worst was the times when after I had made him finish in my mouth and swallowed as commanded, pulled back up his underwear and pants, closed them up, sometimes I would be ordered to remain on my knees and not move.  By then my knees hurt so bad from kneeling on the concrete floor of the barn.  They would leave or move around the barn doing stuff, sometimes they would order me to follow them which was better for me as I could get off my knees.  Soon they would return or order me to get back on my knees, always with the threat of cane hits.  After the first couple times I knew what was to follow and I hated it more than all the rest. I would be ordered to unzip Carl and take out his penis.  Then put it in my mouth.  Then he would pee.  He would piss in my mouth.  I would be ordered repeatedly to swallow more, do it more quickly as it swelled out of my mouth as I franticly gulped down his pee.  If I did not drink as much as they thought I should I after I again put his cock back in his pants and zipped him up I would be beaten with the canes.  During all this time I would be told that I was a cum swallowing piss drinking worthless bastard and so much worse.  After they had their fun I was given free time until it was evening milking time when I was required to work again. I often begged just to give him a blow job to avoid the beatings and the pissing but that would have denied them a lot of their fun I guess.  Sorry to put you through this but most people have no idea of what my damned childhood was like.  Ron says it is an incredible miracle I am as sane or mentally, emotionally, physically stable as I am. And he doesn’t know this fuller account of that summer nor a lot of my childhood abuse, I cannot bring myself to tell him.  It is enough he must hear me screaming in pain or fear at night and try to help me, without burdening him with this knowledge.  And I struggle every day, and at night the nightmares come.

*** abuse part over ****

Now to the part about, the song.  Why it is an important part of my childhood and especially during what I just revealed to you.  See my adoptive mother revealed to me just before I left (as she laid on top of me … another story you might not want to know …) that my real father was alive and in NY state.  She described him or what she claimed he looked like and gave me a few small tantalizing things I was desperate for.  She gave me very little more than that but promised if I was a good boy while gone and pleased her more when I got home, she would tell me who he was.  I so badly wanted to know more, but she told me I had to earn that information.  I knew what that meant.  But if … the hope …!  I had recently learned the Day is Done song lyrics and music.  I could sing it from memory.  Every line seemed to be my unknown dad talking to me.  As I cried in the barn, in my bed, and all the time I was in Canada I dreamed of my unknown dad.  I knew if I thought of him hard enough he would know I was being hurt, that I needed him, and he would come to rescue me.  In my head I created so many dreams of him showing up, defeating everyone hurting me, saving me and taking me to a wonderful new life with him, my dad.  Every day many times a day, especially after the afternoon abuse, I sang that song to myself and dreamed of my savior dad coming to get me.

Sadly as an abused kid, I did not stop to think why I was up for adoption in the first place.  It did not occur to me that my dad simply gave me up because he was a man who couldn’t stop fucking every woman he met and already had a bunch of kids at home and more elsewhere. From what I have found out much later he may have been paid to do so by the adoptive mother’s father for some reason, at least the adoptive mother’s father paid for the adoption costs.  The adoptive parents never came clean with me and as you can imagine I long ago stopped believing anything they told me. 

So that is the story of why the song is so important to me.  During that summer of abuse it was the lifeline I clung to thinking it was something my dad was asking me, thinking if I believed hard enough my real dad would save me.  Like all such beliefs without facts to back them up, it was a lie and false hope.  No one showed up to save me.  At one point I was allowed to call my adoptive parents while the adoptive grandparents sat there and listened, and I begged to be allowed to come back home.  I promised to be a good boy, promised to everything asked of me, promised to never complain … but they already knew what was happening to me and felt it was good for me I guess, would make me more compliant as a teenager in their home. 


During the email conversations with Jill, I shared some more of the physical abuse I suffered.  Below is some of that, again edited.  Hugs

As a 4 or 5 year old I was taken to have my leg bone put back in the hip socket due to being “tossed to see how far I could fly” down the stairs for an afternoon. The doctors think that one of the reasons I have hip and spine damage so bad relates to those … fun times by the hell spawn siblings.  I remember my adoptive mother once laughing with friends as she described how my hell spawn sisters were holding me by the arms and legs throwing me into the air to let me land … sometimes on their bed.  But they suddenly went out to play and after a while she went to their room where she found me unconscious crumpled up on the floor and couldn’t wake me up.  Seems the hell spawn had thrown me into a closed closet door.   But no, I was not taken to any medical place to be examined and no the hell spawn did not get into trouble.  When you described me as something they could take out and play with and throw me into a closet when they were done you were more correct than you could know. For the first nearly 7 years I slept in a hallway as they did not feel the need to provide me with a bed or even a room.  When my older hell spawn siblings would take me into their beds I would enjoy the comfort, after paying the price for it.

If dear readers you made it this I thank you, and you have a far better understanding of me and my childhood than you did before.  Now friends I must, I really have to go do something, watch something, a funny video or a m ovie I can totally immerse myself in.    I so desperatly need to get the things in this letter out of my mind.   Hugs

American Family Association VP Sues American Family Association For Alleged Same-Sex Sexual Harassment – JMG

Hypocrites.  Another fundamentalist ideological right anti-LGBTQIA group caught harboring some members who engage in same-sex relationships while decrying them vehemently.  Hugs

Religion News Service reports:

A former vice president of the American Family Association, a Mississippi-based conservative group that promotes “the biblical ethic of decency in American society,” has sued the religious-right group, accusing leaders of firing him after he reported alleged sexual harassment and financial irregularities.

In a complaint filed Tuesday (Sept. 5), Robert Chambers [photo], former vice president of policy and legislative affairs for AFA from 2015 to 2022, alleges that another staffer, Ron Cook, made repeated sexual advances toward him, beginning in January of 2022.

Those advances allegedly included grabbing hold of Chambers’ face and ear and making comments about masturbation, according to the complaint. “I see you’re really good with that wrist action,” the complaint alleges that Cook told Chambers. “You’d really like me to take you and get a hold of you.”

Read the full article. Chambers says that he was fired for reporting the harassment. The firing reportedly came after the daughter of AFA president Tim Wildmon allegedly told others that she’d had a dream in which Chambers kissed her infant child on the lips and that she was afraid to have her children around him.

As a reminder, the AFA is arguably the nation’s largest and most powerful anti-LGBTQ hate group with tens of millions in annual revenue. The AFA is the parent organization of One Million Moms. In the 2016 video below, the alleged victim blames criticism of anti-LGBTQ laws on Satan.

Chambers last appeared on JMG in 2021 when he joined the attack on RNC chair Ronna McDaniel for a proposed partnership with the Log Cabin Republicans.

 

You’ll note that Chambers was accused of being a pedophile after reporting the same-sex harassment.

Of course. That’s their go-to attack. They have overused it to the point that it is losing its true meaning.

Alleged groper Ron Cook.

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Doggie is silently pleading “Help me!”

LOL I laughed, then I felt horrible for the pup, then I laughed.

Something, something, leopards. Something, something, faces.

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The Wildmon woman has a pedophilic dream so it must be someone else who gets fired.

Likely she faked that dream story to get him out of the way and out of the job.

 

Four hundred years ago she’d have had a successful career in the Jacobean witch trial industry pointing her fingers at innocent people and screeching “Witch!!!!”

I, for one, am shocked — SHOCKED!! — that one of the nation’s most virulently homophobic organizations is a seething HOTBED of repressed and handsy homothexuals!

The common link is that they are all Christian organizations.

it is amazing how the holier than thou crowd is always committing the things they are holier than thou about.

So Wildmon’s daughter has a dream about this dude kissing her child and he gets fired. Meanwhile Josh Duggar was fingering his sisters over the course of multiple years and had a phone chock full of kid porn and he’s a superstar.

Not just his sisters!

These Christians are just fucked up people forcing their dysfunction on the world.

It’s like the Land that Time Forgot.
He’s talking about Satan as a real entity, an actor in everyday affairs.
This is pure creepy.
No one talks like that.
It’s juvenile, from the mouth of a simpleton.
I have no idea what the hell this is all about, I just switched on that clip above and fell through the rift in the space -time continuum.

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That was my impression, as well. They talk about satan as if it’s a thing everyone accepts as real and true, and not a figment of bronze age (or earlier), illiterate shepherds who had to have something to explain why bad things happen in the world. It’s inconceivable to them that anyone would not have the same view.

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everyone knows it, you know it, i know it, they know it, i am the best groper!

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Virginia Republican Official Posts Obscene Anti-Biden Banner At Little League Game, Invites Boys For Selfies

Please tell me again how teachers are groomers?  Please tell me how books and movies with LGBTQIA characters are sexualizing lids?   This guy is showing drawings of a penis complete with hairy balls and sperm droplets labeled my kids, to 12 or 13 year old kids and had to break the rules / laws to get his truck as close to them as possible.  Think about this, a teacher can not have a rainbow sticker in the classroom or on the door because of these people, yet this upstanding member of the Republican Party who was a GOP leader can not only show kids dick drawings but take their pictures next to it!  WTF.   It is a game to these people, they don’t believe it in any way harms kids, in fact they support little girls being forced to marry older men and be forced to have babies.  It is all about enraging the base and removing the LGBTQIA from the public, from society.   Hugs

The Meidas Touch reports:

Ron Hedlund displayed a massive penis sign with the words, “Biden Sucks” written across it at a youth baseball game at RF&P Park in Henrico County, Virginia.

In a video captured at the event, Hedlund, who is listed as a Virginia GOP Central Committee Representative defended his sign after a community member said it was inappropriate because there were children present.

The man also had a “Fuck Biden” inflatable “air dancer” sign in the back of his pick up truck parked near the field. Hedlund celebrated and posted videos of teenage boys taking selfies with his massive penis sign at the park.

From a November 2021 report:

Capitol Police detain two men at the Virginia War Memorial’s Veterans Day ceremony in Richmond. On Nov. 11 after 11 a.m. when the ceremony began, officers noticed a man driving over a sidewalk and around barricades on 2nd Street.

The driver then stopped at the base of the amphitheater, which was blocked off due to the ceremony, with a ‘F*** Biden’ sign in the bed of his truck.

Police say the sign was ‘highly visible’ to the crowd at the ceremony. Members of the Capitol Police approached him and asked him to move. The man was identified as Ronald Hedlund, 60, of Glen Allen. Hedlund refused to move.

Hedlund, who also goes by “Ron Benghazi,” has a YouTube channel full of confrontations with the police. And of course, he has a money beg on the Christian site GiveSendGo:

Living in a free society comes with much responsibility and blood, sweat and tears. It also may involve numerous legal battles as corrupt local governments seek to usurp our rights many take for granted. I have been unlawfully arrested at the Virginia Capitol.

That charge was dropped after hiring an attorney for $2500. I have been charged with loitering and that charge was dropped, as well, after representing myself. Currently, I have been served a Protective Order that required hiring an attorney at $1500 and resulted in a 2 year Permanent Protective Order.

I now find myself needing another $2500 to appeal this travesty of justice whereby I will lose all my firearms for a period of two years unless I am able to overturn this legally unsupported Order. This Order is the result of citizens legally exercising our First and Second Amendement rights on public property in spite of objections of the Henrico County Manager.

 

He has raised a total of $25 in 26 days!

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isn’t that illegal? Isn’t he exposing minors to porn?

 

IOKIYAR

grooming, he says…

He thought that sign with “my kids” squirting out is ok to show anywhere much less around kids? Fucking freak

For anybody still wondering if sexual anxiety is the core of fascism, here’s your answer

i can’t imagine any parent (or other adults) supporting this childish behavior, no matter their personal politics – where are the adults?

also, i wonder, how many self-identity as people of faith?

Hedlund celebrated and posted videos of teenage boys taking selfies with his massive penis sign at the park.

There is a whole generation of young white men being turned into INCELS and taught all the violence that goes along with it.

The perfect definition of ‘grooming’. And the irony of course is that he has a sign that says ‘stop grooming our children’. FFS these idiots.

Christ! I live in Henrico county. Is this on the local news here? Hell no. Thank you Joe for giving us the news that TV refuses to give us.

We saw nothing on the local news either. BlueVirginia labels them the Gross Old Perverts party – but if not for Bitecofer, Kristol, Meidas, it wouldn’t get covered. Crickets from the Gov. https://bluevirginia.us/202…

It’s not Drag Queens, but far-right fascists who are the real groomers and the ones sexualizing children. Leave kids alone!

Grooming for fascism and dysfunction, particularly.

Question?? How is this not a 1000 times worse than Drag Queen Story Hour ?? He even posed for selfies with teenagers Grooming???

Boys only. No grooming here….

You know it’s 1000 times worse, we know it, even they, deep down inside know it. They just hate drag queens (queers).

An XXXL t-shirt does not hide the fact that you are obese, pal.

The “My Kids” is a new one. He didn’t just draw a penis. He drew a cumshot. Enjoying children posing in front of that is just gross.

 


 
 
 

A post I was going to make that took a horrible side step.

Please forgive me, This is not how I wanted to start this post.  Earlier I had a great plan and took pictures, and was so happy I was kind of humming to my self.  Then as I sat down to do this post when on the other computer screen came a video I shouldn’t have watched, I should have shut down.  It was a news station report on two young boys fostered (me adopted) and the physical abuse they suffered.  They suffered no sexual abuse, but the descriptions of the physical abuse sent all my former great happy thoughts fleeing as I totally understood their thoughts they might die and their struggles with the pain inflicted on them, I started to cry and shake and then damn it the vortex came.  It howled and tried to consume me, I floundered looking for something some handle, anything in my mind to grab so it wouldn’t take me and I could with stand it.  Fight it off.  

I put music on the other computer, wiping off the abuse video, I have no idea the songs I can not think on them.  The screen says the best soft rock of the 70s,80s,90s.  But I am calming down, remembering what I wanted to post, the great idea I have.   I must stop sobbing, Ron must not come out and see me like this.  Such a great day, great week, and yet … 

By my dogs that love gravy I wonder how my heart, my body can take these sudden panics, the mental sounds of the vortex coming for me, my body’s desperate attempt to flee or just to curl up in a ball and let it happen.  My heart rate is again down to 76.  According to my Apple Watch that monitors it, my heart rate went to 158.  Anyway.   I am calm enough to do the post I wanted to do.  But damn, I need to be more careful on the news I see coming across the many web feeds.  But I did not select the video, I was watching a new channel on the fires in Hawaii.

I want to just add that I was one step from activating the emergency Scottie needs help signal.  That is to Randy.   For those that never followed my old blog I had a breakdown in 2014.  I started self harming again and was trapped in my head by the vortex, reliving my childhood abuse.  I won’t and sorry can not describe it, but Randy who was working long night shifts keep his phone on all the time, called me repeatedly if he did not hear from me, texted me, and took hours long phone calls from me desperately trying to stop the nightmares in my head from the memories.  He went without sleep so many days just to be there for me.  When I say Randy is the best brother ever, I mean it, and that is part of the reason why.  It is not an exaggeration to say that after drawing a sharp knife or razor blade across my skin drawing blood instead of doing it again I would reach out to Randy instead.  It got to where instead of the blades, I reached for him.  Anyway those days are past now.  For good I hope.  Yet it still gets scary sometimes.    

Ok Ron got up, kept asking me what was wrong, I denied anything was wrong and told him my allergies were acting up.  He seemed like he was going to pursue it but then dropped it, and I am glad.   I just don’t want to deal with all that now at this time.   I am trying hard to let the past sink back in to the deep depths of the deepest part of the ocean in a chest wrapped in many layers of big chains, weighted down by as many happier thoughts as I can push against it.  

Ok my head is clearing and I want to do the happy bread post I started to do.   Hugs to all who want them.   Scottie

What is the Biblical Meaning of Sodomy?

We explore the origin and historical development of Sodomy and its association with Homosexuality.

Video is part of an ongoing LGBTQ Ministry taught be an instructor with 15 years of experience in religious education.

Biblical Perspectives on Homosexuality

00:00 Introduction
2:22 Sodom (Genesis 19)
7:48 (NEW) Sodom Additional Commentary
10:20 Romans1:26-27
16:00 Leviticus 18:22; 20:13
21:06 (NEW) Fourth theory on Leviticus
23:22 First Timothy 1:9-11 // First Corinthians 6:9-10
28:41 Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve

During the Fall of 2020, my college course on the “Theologies of Gender and Identity” was forced to go virtual. This video is one of the pre-recorded lectures from that course that I would like to share with a larger audience. Feel free to respectfully comment and question and I will respond in kind.

This lecture explores the traditional “texts of terror” or “clobber passages” that have been used to justify the marginalization of the LGBTQ people — namely Genesis 19 (Sodom); Romans 1:26-27; Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; 1 Timothy 1:9-11 // 1 Corinthians 6:9-10; and Genesis 1-2 (Adam and Eve). For each passage, we’ll apply exegetical tools to determine whether or not this marginalization is justified.

The format of this lecture features a compilation of previous videos from this channel’s Queer Theology series. Most of these videos have been updated and include an additional commentary in between each topic.

Recommended Reading: “Misguided Love: Christians and the Rupture of LGBTQI2+ People” by Charles Fensham; Chapter 4.

Florida’s Book Bans Come For “Raunchy” Shakespeare

Oh clutch my pearls, classical literature is not as pure as today’s fundamentalist Christian nationalist who just don’t want their children to get an education but they demand the right to stop your child or anyone from getting one.   This is not about parental control, it is about one minor fundamentalist religious group having complete control over the education of all the children in the entire state.   But only for public schools.  The schools paid for with tax dollars and that educate the lower incomes.  The private schools do not have to follow these stupid bigoted rules.   My dogs that love gravy, this has been a Christian Taliban moral police take over.   Next girls will only be allowed to attend school until the 8th grade and must wear ankle length dresses, and everyone will be in drab colors.  Hugs


 

Salon reports:

School district officials in Hillsborough County, Fla., have implemented a newly designed curriculum guide for English teachers that will see students reading only selections from William Shakespeare plays.

“There’s some raunchiness in Shakespeare. Because that’s what sold tickets during his time,” said Joseph Cool, a reading teacher at Gaither High School.

“I think the rest of the nation — no, the world, is laughing us,” he added. “Taking Shakespeare in its entirety out because the relationship between Romeo and Juliet is somehow exploiting minors is just absurd.”

Rolling Stone reports:

Schools in Hillsborough County, which includes Tampa Bay and the surrounding area, are mostly assigning excerpts by the English language’s most famous writer. The schools previously required students to read two of Shakespeare’s novels or plays, in their entirety, per year.

The decision comes as educators must prepare students for a new set of state exams that cover a wide variety of subject matter, and also, “in consideration of the law,” according to a school district spokesperson, which means teaching it could open educators up to disciplinary measures if a parent were to file a complaint.

The “law” in question is the new Parental Rights in Education Act, which prohibits teaching any content that is sexual in nature.

 

Start with the Bible. There’s tons of raunchiness in that book

It’s filthy!

It’s worse than filthy it’s fucking disgusting.

Raunchiness, murder, genocide, fratricide, infanticide (lots of this), incest, rape, molestation, racism, drunkenness, prostitution, immolation, cannibalism. It’s all there — so fun!

and donkey dicks and horse ejaculations. Or so I have heard.

Funny how the Bible gets a pass

[Jerusalem] saw this, yet she was more corrupt than [Samaria] in her
lusting and in her prostitutions, which were worse than those of her
sister. She lusted after the Assyrians, governors and commanders,
warriors clothed in full armor, mounted horsemen, all of them handsome
young men. And I saw that she was defiled; they both took the same way.
But she carried her prostitutions further; she saw male figures carved
on the wall, images of the Chaldeans portrayed in vermilion, with belts
around their waists, with flowing turbans on their heads, all of them
looking like officers—a picture of Babylonians whose native land was
Chaldea. When she saw them she lusted after them and sent messengers to
them in Chaldea. And the Babylonians came to her into the bed of love,
and they defiled her with their lust, and after she defiled herself with
them, she turned from them in disgust. When she carried on her
prostitutions so openly and flaunted her nakedness, I turned in disgust
from her, as I had turned from her sister. Yet she increased her
prostitutions, remembering the days of her youth, when she prostituted
herself in the land of Egypt and lusted after her paramours there, whose
members were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of
stallions. Thus you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when the
Egyptians fondled your bosom and caressed your young breasts. – Ezekiel
23:11-2

It needs a good editor!

Perhaps starting with

In the beginning Once upon a time God created the heavens and the earth.”

All Shakespeare’s female characters were performed by men in drag.

I’m just sayin’…..

Will MTG be banned from Florida schools? You never know when Large Marge might suddenly display photos of Hunter Biden’s penis.

“I think the rest of the nation — no, the world, is laughing us,”

Ya think? If it makes you feel any better, they probably didn’t start with this one.

Florida’s new education motto:

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No colleges outside of Florida will likely accept these kids who are getting fucked over

They are first in line at Liberty University doctoral programs.

They’ll get into faith based colleges

Good luck getting a job though

About that…

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Because Matt Gaetz’s girlfriends keep aging out of the job?

I think Texas might actually be a little bit worse about those child beauty pageants; Little Miss Texarkana, etc.

Teachers remove books out of fear

It is happening in Sarasota County too: “Teachers offloading books in DeSantis’ Florida, resellers say,” Aug. 4.

I work in a Sarasota County thrift store. This summer, the store has received thousands of books from schools and classroom libraries. They are marked with the names of teachers or schools.

It is clear from the wide variety of titles that teachers work hard to help every student feel validated and included in a diverse classroom.

I literally cried in the store when I saw the titles: Newbery Award and Honor Books, the highest award a children’s book can receive from the American Library Association, no longer available to children in their schools. Most of the books depict characters from minority and vulnerable populations.

Reading novels with characters that face struggles the reader does not experience develops empathy for others. Perhaps our governor could read a few and develop a little empathy himself.

Pamela Brown, Venice


https://www.heraldtribune.c… 

I feel sorry for all the youngsters in Florida who are being deprived of everything except a selective education which intentionally leaves gigantic holes in their curriculum.

Those who go off to college (esp. out of state) are going to find out they’re years behind their classmates.

Only the public schools. The elite private schools are not bound by the state curriculum and will be able to teach real history, literature, art, etc. Rhonda’s children go to private school.

The ones who are exceptionally smart will find a way to get educated. I’m concerned about the others. Not every child is going to be able to do what Tara Westover did.

 

Texas Women Win Case Against Abortion Ban

https://jessica.substack.com/p/texas-women-win-case-against-abortion

Thanks to Ali for the link.  Important news.   Hope it holds.  Hugs


Judge’s ruling allows for abortions in dangerous & doomed pregnancies

AUG 4, 2023
 
Tonight, a judge ruled in favor of the 15 women who sued Texas after the state’s abortion ban put their health and lives at risk. Travis County District Judge Jessica Mangrum issued a temporary injunction that will stop the law from being enforced against doctors who provide abortions using “good faith judgement” that a pregnancy is unsafe for the pregnant person, or that a fetus is unlikely to survive.

Texas will definitely appeal; but for now, people in the state with dangerous or doomed pregnancies should be able to get care.

I am so grateful for the women who laid their pain bear in public for the chance to change this law just a little—but so distressed that they had to fight so hard to be given this bare minimum of humanity. It makes me feel a bit ill, to be honest, that these are the kinds of ‘wins’ we have to hope for.

The lawsuit, brought by the Center for Reproductive Rights, required women to relive the horrors they were forced to endure because of the state’s abortion ban. One woman, Samantha Casiano—who was forced to give birth despite the fact that her baby had anencephaly and was missing parts of her brain and skull—ended up vomiting while recounting her experience. She said that talking about what happened “just makes my body remember and it just reacts.”

Lawyers defending the state, meanwhile, were extraordinarily cruel. One attorney said, “Plaintiffs simply do not like Texas’ restrictions on abortion.” Another not only frequently interrupted as the women spoke about their experiences, she also asked each one individually if Attorney General Ken Paxton had personally denied them an abortion. Plaintiff Amanda Zurawski, who nearly died after being denied an abortion, said, “I survived sepsis and I don’t think today was much less traumatic than that.”

There is a reason Texas tried to stop these women from telling their stories: there is no arguing with their experiences, no turning away from the horror these laws have caused. As happy as I am for the people in Texas who might be able to get the care they need as a result of this decision, I keep thinking about Terry—the young woman I spoke to in June—and how this ruling came too late to help her:

An American Nightmare: Young, pregnant & living in Texas

·
JUN 12
An American Nightmare: Young, pregnant & living in Texas

Content Warning: Descriptions of severe fetal abnormalities Some names have been changed to protect the identities of those interviewed.

You can read the judge’s ruling here, and I’ll keep you updated as I find out more about the practical implications of the decision.

A huge thank you to the women who came forward, and to the lawyers and activists who helped them.

To support Abortion, Every Day, consider signing up for a paid subscription:

TERFs Are Wrong About Biological Sex

Very interesting, wonderful calm delivery.  Informative.  Well reasoned with out a lot of science or medical jargon, just cutting through the bullshit.  Towards the end she even addresses those that still claim gametes are the real determining factor of a persons sex.   I enjoyed this.   Hugs

TERFs say the LGBTQ community is harming women by erasing biological sex. But can they even agree on what biological sex IS?

An abortion ban made them teen parents.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/interactive/2023/texas-abortion-law-teen-parents/

Two teenagers in a marriage they did not want simply because they had sex and she got pregnant.  They are unhappy, her schooling stopped, he was forced to join the military, and they are admitting they are not mature enough to get married or have children.  It is a horrifying true tale that the fascist Christian fundamentalist insist must be the only way in an advanced country for kids that have sex.  They had sex so it should screw up their entire life.  She thought she went to a real clinic, but it was an anti-abortion setup that told her lies to convincer not to get an abortion.  They have each talked divorce and I will bet good money in 7 or 8 years they will separate.  He talks about how if it were not for the kids, she dropped out of school and she also talks if she had just had an abortion …

Warning when I copied the article it started video audio I couldn’t figure out how to stop.  The original site did not have that audio. 

 Hugs


 

This is life two years later.

Deep Reads features The Washington Post’s best immersive reporting and narrative writing.

TAMPA — Brooke High was not ready to face her family. Sitting on the edge of her bed, hair dripping wet, the 19-year-old listened to her twin daughters cry in their high chairs on the other side of the door. One hurled what sounded like a plate. Then a bottle.

Her husband, Billy High, also 19, was supposed to be watching them. But Brooke could hear one of his TV shows playing on his phone.

She waited a few minutes, reminding herself of everything their marriage counselor had told her. Treat your partner as you would want to be treated. Soften your tone. Don’t yell.

She heard Billy finally take the girls out of their chairs. Then came a loud splash.

Brooke rushed toward the sound of her daughters, stepping over flecks of scrambled eggs and Pop-Tarts from the girls’ breakfast. One of the twins ran out of the bathroom, crying and drenched in toilet water.

“I told you to put the dishes in the dishwasher, and you stood here for 30 minutes,” Brooke said to Billy. “And then while you weren’t watching the girls they got into the damn toilet.”

“Are you going to give them a bath?” she said.

Brooke vacuums and Billy watches skateboarding videos as their daughters play at home in Tampa in June.

When Brooke met Billy at a skate park in Corpus Christi, Tex., in May 2021, she could not have predicted any piece of the life she was now living. She’d been gearing up for real estate school, enjoying long days at the beach with her new boyfriend. Then she found out she was three months pregnant. And because of a new law, she could no longer get an abortion in Texas. The closest clinic that could see her was in New Mexico, a 13-hour drive away.

She gave birth to Kendall and Olivia six months later.

Brooke, Billy and their baby girls appeared in a story in The Washington Post just days before Roe v. Wade was overturned last summer, thrusting the family into a polarized national debate and turning them into symbols they never imagined they’d become.

READ THE FIRST STORY

This Texas teen wanted an abortion. She now has twins.

June 20, 2022

For many readers, Brooke and Billy’s story was a Rorschach test, with each side of the abortion debate claiming the teenagers’ experiences as validation of their own views. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex.) called the story “powerfully pro-life.” Abortionrights advocates decried the Texas law that compelled an ambitious young woman to abandon her education and raise two kids on the $9.75 an hour her then-boyfriend made working at a burrito restaurant. People on both sides of the issue donated more than $80,000 to a GoFundMe account that Brooke created, providing a financial cushion the couple says has kept them out of debt.

At the center of the abortion debate is the question of how an unwanted pregnancy, carried to term, reverberates through the lives of those directly involved. The most prominent study on the subject, conducted by a pro-abortion-rights research group at the University of California at San Francisco, included interviews with nearly 1,000 women over the course of eight years. The study, which was published as a book in 2020, found that women who are denied abortions experience worse financial, health and family outcomes than those who are able to end their pregnancies.

Brooke’s future is still uncertain. After her daughters were born, she and Billy got married and moved into a two-bedroom apartment more than 1,000 miles away from South Texas, the only home they’d ever known.

If they didn’t have the babies, Brooke and Billy both concede that they probably wouldn’t still be together. Their teen romance would have flamed and faded, remembered by a few Instagram posts and the pink-wheeled skateboard Billy chose for Brooke at the skate shop by the bay.

Now, with two children, they are permanently linked.

Brooke and Billy play “rock paper scissors” to decide whose turn it is to change their girls’ diapers.
The hours Billy spends playing video games are a point of contention for the couple.
Billy and Brooke play with Kendall in their Tampa apartment as Olivia watches.
Brooke stays at home with her daughters full time.

Brooke is proud of the decisions she and Billy have made for their family. Billyis now a mechanic for the Air Force, where he enlisted so he could secure a steady income for his family, while Brooke cares for the girls full time. The twins are healthy and happy, absorbed by weekly swim lessons and the bedtime stories Brooke and Billy read aloud every night. At their one-year checkup, Brooke swelled with pride when the doctor called her daughters “really smart.”

But standing in her kitchen one morning in late May, listening to Billy run the bath for the twins,Brooke also recognized how quickly it could all fall apart. She and Billy fought often — about the messes he left her to clean, the hours he spent playing video games — and she knew they couldn’t manage without his $60,000-a-year military salary. She’d dropped out of real estate school without another career plan in mind.

“It’s a little bit scary,” Brooke said. “Billy and I haven’t been together that long.”

She doesn’t understand why some antiabortion activists see them as the ultimate success story.

“It doesn’t make sense to me that we would be that shining example.” Their lives, she said, were “so imperfect.”

In their Tampa apartment,Brooke could hear Billy blowing kisses to Kendall and Oliviaas they sloshed around in the bathtub, shrieking in delight. It was one of the things she loved most about him: He could always make them laugh.

Brooke gave her husband a half-smile when he reappeared in the doorway — a small reminder, she hoped, that she was still the freckle-faced girl he’d fallen for, not just the angry mother always making demands.

Billy picked up his phone without looking at her.

After Billy graduated from basic training for the Air Force last summer, the family moved across the country in the fall for his new job at a Florida military base.

Brooke and Billy made the long journey from Texas to Tampajust after Thanksgiving last year. They packed everything they owned into a U-Haul and drove 18 hours toward the promise of a new life.

Brooke couldn’t imagine a better military assignment. Florida was blue skies and theme parks, long sandy beaches with turquoise waves — far from her mother’s judgment and the same roads she’d driven down thousands of times.

In the passenger seat, she tried to absorb the changing landscapes speeding past her window. The French spellings in Louisiana. A sign that welcomed her to “Sweet Home Alabama.” The towering pine trees she craned her neck to see as they finally crossed into Florida. In 19 years, Brooke had spent just one week outside Texas.

“We’re moving to Florida!” she or Billy would say out loud every few hours, flashing the other a big smile.

They were really leaving, she kept thinking to herself. Even with two babies, she’d made it out.

Press Enter to skip to end of carousel

Four years reporting on people affected by abortion laws

Washington Post reporter Caroline Kitchener has covered abortion for more than four years. She spends a lot of her time traveling across the South, reporting from the states most affected by the fall of Roe v. Wade. In addition to her coverage of abortion-related laws and court cases, she strives to tell the stories of people at the center of it all.

Caroline has made three trips to see Brooke and Billy High in both Texas and Florida since she first met the couple in Corpus Christi in May 2022, following them as they went about their daily lives. She wrote a story about the couple and their twin daughters in June 2022.

Caroline kept in touch with Brooke over the following year. Readers would frequently ask for updates on the young parents — which prompted Caroline to continue her reporting.

1/3

End of carousel

For a few weeks, Tampa was bliss. Brooke made frequent trips to Target, happily selecting items to furnish their first home together — pots and silverware, a shower curtain covered in pink flowers. She felt that she was doing everything right as she chopped vegetables on her granite countertop, preparing a healthy meal for her family.

In the evenings, after Billy got home from the base, they’d sometimes take a picnic to a nearby soccer field, letting the girls run in circles while they lay on their backs and looked up at the sky.

“I love you,” she’d tell him at least once a day.

Billy would respond as he always had: “Love you more.”

Then, slowly, Brooke felt something shift between them. At first, she blamed a change in Billy’s schedule. He switched to working nights, leaving her alone with the babies from 2 p.m. until after 11.

Billy prepares for his shift as a mechanic, working on the KC-135 tanker.
Billy checks to see if he needs to shave.
Billy gets ready for work. He wasn’t excited to join the military but thought it was the only way he could provide for his family.
Olivia and Kendall play with their father’s hat. “I felt more able to take care of them,” Billy said about getting his Air Force job.

Every time he walked out the door in his uniform, she felt crushed by the prospect of the next nine hours. The babies were too mobile to take them almost anywhere without help. At the playground, they would shoot off in different directions — Olivia clawing her way up the jungle gym stairs while Kendall teetered on the edge of the platform — and Brooke couldn’t be in two places at once.

Her life quickly started to feel like an endless cycle of tasks, entirely predictable and stretching out into infinity. Cook lunch. Clean up. Play with the girls. Put the girls down for a nap. Change diapers. Cook dinner. Clean up. Repeat.

To get through it, Brooke would play reruns of “Friends” on the TV in the background, comforted by the voices of characters she felt like she knew in a city where she knew almost no one. In her first twomonths in Tampa, she watched all 10 seasons.

Brooke missed her husband desperately, but as the weeks wore on, she worried he wasn’t missing her back. She tried to keep her texts casual — “hey, how’s your day?” — hoping he would respond with the validation she needed: “I miss you, baby” or “Just a few hours until we’re together again.” Instead, he’d dash off a quick “work’s good” or, “it’s fine.”

Once Billy got home, he was often too tired to talk.

Sometimes she would call her dad, Jeremy Alexander, for advice, worried about how Billy seemed to check out other girls. Just like Billy, Alexander had his first child, Brooke’s older brother, as an 18-year-old skater kid in Corpus.

“Look, boys are boys,” he said he would tell her. “Give him time to be a man.”

Brooke was eager to give her life structure — to put concrete plans on the calendar and break up the long days. She’d thought about going back to school, but it didn’t seem possible with the girls at home. She worried about leaving them with strangers — and they couldn’t afford day care anyway. The GoFundMe money, which they’d used in part to furnish their apartment and pay off Brooke’s car, was already running low.

Eventually, she posted a message on a Facebook group for local military wives.

“My name is Brooke and these are my twin daughters,” she wrote, attaching pictures of her and the girls. “We moved here in December and haven’t had any luck finding friends. If anybody would like to get coffee, workout, or have a play date please let me know!”

Brooke drives to meet a new friend for a walk in Tampa.
Brooke stops to rest while out for a walk with her twins and her friend.
Brooke knew almost no one in Tampa when her family first moved there. She eventually sought out friends through a Facebook group for military wives.
Brooke pushes Kendall and Olivia in a stroller as she and her friend take a walk.

Until she arrived in Tampa, Brooke hadn’t fully appreciated how much support she had in Corpus Christi. They’d lived with Billy’s dad, and her mom was a 10-minute drive away. Someone was always around to watch Kendall and Olivia.

Brooke thought she and Billy needed time to reconnect — a few softly lit hours away from the babies, laughing with each other, lingering long after dessert.

She was thrilled when a new friend volunteered to babysit.

When Brooke arrived at her friend’shouse on the night of the date, she said, she noticed a few extra cars parked outside. Her friend’s husband opened the door with a bottle of tequila in his hand, a group of people drinking in the room behind him.

Brooke recalled handing over the girls, trying to focus on the night ahead. The deep conversation and the romance. She’d spentover an hour getting ready, pulling her hair back with a ribbon and donning the flowery sundress she’d worn the day they got married.

“I think they’re gonna be fine,” Billy recalled assuring her as they drove away.

But Brooke couldn’t shake the image of her baby girls plopped in an unfamiliar place, reaching for their mother.

“I’m just not okay with it,” she said she told him. “We have to turn around.”

Billy takes a break after struggling to land a skateboard trick. The marriage counselor he and Brooke were seeing encouraged each of them to take time for themselves.

Billy put his hands on his knees and looked down at the concrete quarter-pipe, the hot Florida sun beating down on his back.

He’d tried the same skateboard trick at least 30 times already, his phone perched on a nearby ledge, recording every failure.

“Commit or go home,” he said to himself in an empty skate park at 11 o’clock on a Sunday morning. “Commit, right here.”

But it was hard to commit without his friends around him, as they’d always been in Corpus. Sometimes he’d try to zero in on a stranger passing by. “This one’s for you,” he’d say under his breath, telling himself they were watching, even when he knew they weren’t.

Their marriage counselor had encouraged Billy and Brooke to take time for themselves — for him, a trip to the skate park; for her, an hour working out at the gym.

They’d started seeing the counselor in April, after one of their worst fights. And while Billy appreciated the counselor’s advice, he still felt a little guilty every time he came to the park. Especially in moments like this, struggling to land trickshe’d done before, he wondered whether skating was worth the extra hours away.

Back home, Billy had proudly counted himself among the Corpus Christi “park rats,” often heading to the skate park around noon with a tripod and a Tupperware of watermelon. His friends would scream his name when he pulled up in his car, coming over to talk through the tricks they might try together. When the skating was good, they’d stay for eight hours, leaving well after the sun went down.

Billy and Brooke met at a skate park in Corpus Christi, Tex., where they would spend days hanging out with a big group of friends.

Before he met Brooke two years ago, Billy had planned to live in Corpus forever, skating with his friends whenever they weren’t working. Then Brooke got pregnant.

At first, he wanted her to get an abortion. But he wasn’t going to push.

It was Billy’s idea to join the military. He wasn’t excited about it, but he couldn’t see another way to support a wife and twins. Everyone in his life — his parents, his favorite teacher — told him it was the right thing to do. So Billy committed, marrying Brooke at the courthouse last summer and signing an Air Force enlistment contract that would keep him in uniform for the next six years.

That was something he’d learned from skateboarding: You go for it, or you don’t.

Soon Billy was waking up to a loudspeaker at 5 a.m. at a basic-training camp in San Antonio, hustled out of bed with 43 other guys to do push-ups and run circles around a track. Every day he stood at attention, head shaved, right arm outstretched, for what felt like hours, waiting for an instructorto look him over from head to toe.

At night, Billy would lie in his cot and think of his girls back in Corpus Christi. Kendall and Olivia had just turned four months, old enough to wrap their tiny hands around his index finger. He would imagine Brooke’s blond curls, wishing he could get her advice on whatever he’d struggled with that day. His wife, he said, was one of the smartest people he knew.

“I miss you and our beautiful girls so much to the point that whenever I think of y’all, my eyes water or it feels like I need to cry,” he wrote in a letter after his first week of basic training. “I think about you every day and I wonder what you’re thinking of.”

Before he left to go back to Corpus, Billy got Kendall’s and Olivia’s names tattooed on his chest.

Billy adjusts a hand-painted skateboard with the twins’ names on it at home in Tampa.
After several attempts, Billy completes a trick at a skate park in St. Petersburg, Fla.

Returning home in his military fatigues, he wasn’t the kid at the skate park anymore. He was the man ready to show his commitment.

“I felt more able to take care of them,” he said. “I felt like I could do anything if I wanted to.”

Six months into his life in Florida, Billy felt proud to flash his credentials at the base gates. As an airman first class, he spent hours every day burrowed deep inside his assigned plane — the KC-135 aerial refueling tanker — inspecting the electrical and hydraulic systems. After two months of technical school, he could help fix most problems and send the plane on its way. (Billy was careful to say that his views do not represent the Department of Defense.)

But as much as Billy appreciated his new job, there were moments when he allowed himself to imagine a different life. If he didn’t have kids, he might be sharing an apartment with a few friends from the skate park, he said, moving on from the burrito place to Walmart, where the pay was better. Skating every day. Partying at night. No worries.

Those thoughts usually surfaced after Brooke yelled at him. Sometimes Billy knew he deserved it — he acknowledged that he probably did play too many video games — but other times he really felt like he didn’t. They would fight about money, especially toward the end of the month when they had to dip into savings for groceries. Most often, he said, they would fight about the babies, with Brooke accusing him of not doing his fair share.

“Once you’re put under all that pressure, you don’t want to be there anymore,” Billy said.

Kendall eats a cookie at home.
Kendall reaches for her father as he tries to clean her face after a meal.
Brooke and Billy rest in bed while their girls nap.
Billy puts his daughters down for a nap; he says he loves being a dad.

Some nights, he would go sit in his hot car, the lights and the engine turned off so Brooke couldn’t see him. There, he would consider the logistics of leaving, where the girls would go. To keep them with him, he’d have to switch to a day shift and figure out a way to pay for day care.

More likely, Brooke would take the girls back to Corpus. She would be miserable, he thought, probably living with her mom and resenting her lack of freedom, raising two babies alone.

And he would be without them.

Billy said he loved being a dad. He liked to lie on the floor of the girls’ room and feel the weight of his daughters as they climbed on his chest. When he threw them up in the air and caught them in his arms, they looked at him like he was the most important person in the world.

Kendall and Olivia made him feel good about himself and the choices he’d made. Walking through the aisles at the grocery store, tattooed arms holding two baby girls, he knew people were looking at him, impressed. He was proud of all the ways he defied their expectations.

After an hour at the empty skate park, Billy was ready to head home. His daughters met him at the door, holding up their arms for him to lift them up.

“Billy, will you put them to bed?” Brooke asked.

Of all the chores in his new life, this was one of his favorites.

One at a time, he held his daughters to his chest, kissed them on the cheek and laid them down.

Brooke goes underwater for a moment at a pool. She often thinks others are judging her when she’s out with her daughters.

When Brooke arrived for the girls’ weekly swim lesson, the other mothers were already in the pool. No matter how much extra time she allotted, somehow she and Billy were always late.

“I’m so sorry,” Brooke said, holding Olivia as she lowered herself into four feet of tepid water.

Brooke nodded vigorously as the swim coach rehashed the first round of instructions, eager to do exactly as she was told. She was acutely aware of the three other moms in black one-pieces, who all looked around 30. Between activities, they would chat among themselves, discussing their favorite jewelry stores and the habits of their doctor husbands.

Brooke wanted to impress them — to prove to them that the 19-year-old in a white bikini was actually a great mom.

While Billy had grown accustomed to approving smiles, Brooke knew to expect judgment everywhere she went. Receptionists whispered to each other when she walked in for medical appointments, wide eyes shifting from her to the twins. She’d always wonder whether they could tell how young she was, if they somehow knew she dropped out of high school.

Even her own mother, who helped convince her to have the babies, still seemed to judge the way Brooke was raising them, Brooke said. When they spoke on FaceTime, her mom would sometimes criticize the clothes Brooke chose for them or the way she did their hair.

Just once, Brooke wished she could be brave enough to say out loud the words she rehearsed when she was alone:

“Regardless of how I look, I’m f—ing doing it. So think whatever the f— you want.”

Brooke’s mother, Terri Thomas, said she is “very proud” of Brooke and Billy.

“They are doing an amazing job as parents and as young adults,” she wrote in a text message.

Brooke was determined to do a better job than her own parents, who she said sometimes left her to care for herself.Her dad gave her a cellphone at age 10, she and her father recalled, allowing her to hole up in her room for hours, staring at a screen. Soon after that, she said, she got a Facebook message from a much older guy who seemed friendly. A few days later, when he asked for a naked picture, Brooke sent him one.

“I’ll never forget about that,” she said. “I saw a lot of things I shouldn’t have seen, things I never want them to see.”

More than almost anything else from her childhood, Brooke said, she remembered the arguments — people throwing things through windows and punching walls. Someone was always yelling.

Brooke and Billy go swimming with Kendall and Olivia in Tampa.
At the end of basic training for the Air Force, Billy got his daughters’ names tattooed on his chest.
One thing Brooke says she wants for her girls: parents who stay together.

As she watched the girls sleep, Brooke would think through the promises she’d made to them. Kendall and Olivia would always feel safe in their own home. They would wake up every day and know, without a doubt, how much they were loved.

But there were other things Brooke wanted for her daughters that she could not control or guarantee. At the top of the list: two parents who loved each other — or, at the very least, parents who stayed together.

Brooke still thought about the night, back in March, when Billy suggested they split up.

The fight had started at the beach, when Brooke saw Billy’s eyes lingering on a girl in a bikini. He denied looking at the girl, promising he wasn’t interested in anyone else — which just made Brooke angrier.

“You’re not going to gaslight me when I saw you doing it,” Brooke remembered saying as they drove home, twins in the back seat.

Brooke had worried about other girls ever since they got together. Anxious about losing Billy, she fixated on every pretty girl he knew from work or messaged on Snapchat. Especially now that she and her daughters relied on him completely, her deepest fear was that he might find someone he liked better.

Back at their apartment, Brooke wasn’t interested in hearing Billy’s apologies.

“I don’t want to see you,” she remembered saying. “I don’t want to sleep next to you.”

Then Billy came right out with it: “I think we should get a divorce.”

They both froze as soon as he said it, they each recalled, absorbing the shock of hearing something they’d both privately considered but assumed they’d never say out loud.

“How is that even an option at this point?” Brooke said. “Where am I going to go? What’s going to happen to us?”

Billy got quiet, then left to go sit in his car.

Billy does a backflip as he and Brooke play with Kendall and Olivia at a playground in Tampa.

Brooke and Billy rarely think about the new laws that led them to this moment. Even on June 24, the first anniversary of the Supreme Court ruling that overturned Roe v. Wade, the abortion issue was just a passing thought.

“If I see it on the news, I’m like, ‘Yeah, that’s why I have two kids today,’” Billy said. “I think that for like a split second, then I move on.”

“Me too,” Brooke said. “I don’t really dwell on it.”

“If you’re not planning on having a kid,” Billy said, “abortion is much cheaper than raising people.” The new laws, he added, “create not a good situation to be in.”

But then he thought about Kendall and Olivia, and shook his head.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m tired.”

In the almost two years since Brooke and Billy ran up against the Texas abortion law — a novel statute that circumvented Roe months before it was overturned — more than a dozenother states have halted all or most abortions. The Texas law, which banned the procedure after about six weeks of pregnancy, has likely resulted in at least 9,000 extra live births, according to a recent study, making Brooke and Billy an early example of a family compelled into existence by an abortion ban. It’s too early to know how many babies were born becauseof the fall of Roe.

Back in August 2021, Brooke called an abortion clinic as soon as she found out she was pregnant. But it had no open slots, overwhelmed with patients racing to end their pregnancies before the new law took effect less than 48 hours later. Instead, Brooke got an ultrasound at a local crisis pregnancy center, not knowing that it was an antiabortion organization. There, employees told her she was 12 weeks along — far enough into her pregnancy, they said, that the babies had“heartbeats.”

She decided not to make the drive to New Mexico.

Now, at home in Tampa, Brooke stared at the wall, clutching a pillow to her chest.

“If I would have had the abortion …”

She stopped.

“I can’t even think of it that way now,” she said. “Those are our babies, and they’re people.”

Still, Brooke said, she felt sick thinking of all the young girls forced to carry pregnancies they didn’t want.

“If you really didn’t want something, and then you’re forced to go through with it … it’s still really very hard,” she said.

Kendall and Olivia run around at the playground.
Brooke plays with her daughters.
Billy has started to talk about having a son. Brooke says she wants to first make sure their relationship is strong.

Lately, Billy had started to talk about having a son. He wanted a little boy he could teach to change a tire, he said — a sidekick for what he called “boy things.”

When Brooke thought about it, sometimes the idea of another kid didn’t seem so crazy.

After their fight in March, Brooke and Billy had started weekly marriage counseling sessions. With the girls asleep in the next room, they’d sit in bed and FaceTime with the counselor, Brooke’s phone propped up on a plastic bin.

The counselor offered concrete suggestions for how to work through their conflict and move forward. Billy should try to be more communicative; Brooke, more trusting.

The sessions seemed to be helping, Brooke said. She and Billy were talking more, laying plans for their future. They would live in a blue house with a white fence one day, they’d recently decided — with a porch swing and a skate ramp in the backyard. The twins would follow their dad outside with pink skateboards and matching pink helmets.

But it was too early to be sure of any of that. Before Brooke brought another child into their family, she said, she needed to know their foundation was strong.

As soon as the girls were born, she’d gone to her doctor to get an IUD.

She had no plans to remove it.

Brooke listens on a call with a career coach at home in Tampa.

Brooke sat cross-legged on her bed and stared at her phone. Any second, it would light up with an unknown number. She’d been rehearsing what she would say all day.

“Be confident,” she’d written in her Notes app that morning. “Call within two minutes if they don’t call.”

The call was with a career coach, one of the final steps required to sign up for an online education program for military spouses. If she completed therecommended20 hours of work every week, Brooke learned, she could become a licensed personal trainer and nutritionist in less than five months — and then start earning $25 an hour.

Since she moved to Tampa, she’d seen the same advertisement pop up on her phone again and again: a photo of a man in uniform, lifting up a woman in Keds and skinny jeans. “No cost for education,” the ad said.

For months, Brooke had stopped herself from clicking on it. Why get all excited if she couldn’t make it work?

Butlately she had started to think about school differently: less as a luxury, more as a way to reclaim power over her life.

She attributed at least some of her newfound resolve to Judge Judy, whom she’d watched regularly since she was a kid. Sometimes, after a fight with Billy, she would hear the judge’s voice in her head, as she remembered it: “Always make sure you can support yourself,” Brooke recalled her saying to women who appeared in her courtroom. “Do not put yourself in a vulnerable position.”

As optimistic as Brooke felt after each counseling session with Billy, she knew there were still no guarantees.

While Billy is at work, Brooke reads the twins a story.
Brooke washes Olivia, who got dirty during a diaper change.
Brooke comforts Kendall after playtime with Olivia got too rough.
Brooke said she remembered advice that Judge Judy would give to women in her TV courtroom: “Always make sure you can support yourself.”

When the call came, Brooke picked up on the second ring. She told the coach why she wanted to be a personal trainer, just as she’d practiced.

“I think it would be a good fit for me,” she said. “As for goals, I’d love to complete the program, pass my exam and just learn a whole bunch of new things I didn’t know before.”

The program would help her find a job, the career coach promised. But when he walked her through a preliminary search for personal-trainer positions in Tampa, nothing came up.

“No, I don’t see …” the coach said. “There’s hairstylist, personal assistance provider …”

Brooke tried not to feel discouraged. When she hung up, and Billy asked her how the call went, she smiled.

“It’s really exciting,” she said. “It was a little scary, but I feel like I did good.”

As her husband kissed her goodbye and walked out the door in his uniform, Brooke imagined what it would be like to leave the house on her own every day — to drive to her own job and get her own paycheck.

She opened an email from the career coach and started filling out her forms.