Sith and Boogers by Clay Jones
Another bad pick in the Oval Office Read on Substack
Elon Musk visited Donald Trump in the Oval Office yesterday and was a total disgrace.
Elon, who was in all black, wearing a black T-shirt and a black MAGA hat, said he was “open” and “honest” in his work finding waste and fraud in federal spending.
When asked about his lie that $50 million was spent on condoms for Gaza, Elon said, “Some of the things that I say will be incorrect and should be corrected. Nobody’s going to bat 1.000.” A good example of “some” of the things he says that are incorrect is his statement that DOGE was “open” and “honest.”
Before you tell a lie, like Elon’s condom bullshit, you can easily look up the facts, like when Elon lied about the last budget and claimed it included $300 billion for a football stadium in Washington DC, Congress would get a 40 percent pay increase, or that it funded bioweapons labs. Elon could have looked all this shit up before posting about it on his platform X/Twitter…over 100 times within 24 hours.
Unfortunately, we can’t fact-check Elon’s claims that the federal bureaucracy had been corrupted by cheats and officials who had approved money for “fraudsters.”
We can’t fact-check his claim that officials at USAID were taking “kickbacks.”
We can’t fact-check his claim that some officials “managed to accrue tens of millions of dollars in net worth while they are in that position.”
We can’t fact-check his claim that some people were receiving Social Security benefits at the age of 150.
We can’t fact-check his statement, “There are quite a few people in the bureaucracy who have ostensibly a salary of a few hundred thousand dollars but somehow managed to accrue tens of millions of dollars in net worth while they are in that position.”
The reason we can’t fact-check any of that is because Elon didn’t provide any proof of his claims and DOGE is operating in secret. There is no transparency with DOGE. None, nada, zip, zip, zippity-doo-dah, none.
Here’s a case of irony: The employee Musk claims made millions off the government had to file a financial disclosure form. Elon does not because Trump designated him a “special employee.” So just as we can’t see Trump’s tax returns, we can’t see Elon’s either.
When asked about the conflict of interest of him scouring billion-dollar contracts while his company Space X has billion-dollar contracts with the government, he said, “First of all, I’m not the one filing the contract. It’s the people at SpaceX or something.” As Sarah Marshall said in the great film Forgetting Sarah Marshall, “bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.” It’s still a conflict of interest, even if he’s not lying.
Elon said, “I don’t know of a case where an organization has been more transparent than the DOGE organization. He also said, “We are actually trying to be as transparent as possible,” and then some more crap came out of his mouth when he said, “So all of our actions are maximally transparent.”
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
Without exhibiting any self-awareness, Elon said the bureaucracy is an “unelected, fourth, unconstitutional branch of government, which has, in a lot of ways, currently, more power than any elected representative. That might be the only thing Elon said that is true other than when he said, “There are boogers in my ears.” We’ll get to that.
Elon also lacked self-awareness when he said this bureaucracy “does not match the will of the people.” That’s true because nobody voted for Elon.
A lot of Elon/Trump defenders say we did vote for Elon because Trump said Elon was going to find government waste if he won the election. What Trump did NOT say was that Elon would fire people himself, cut government spending himself, gain access to all our financial information, or hire Nazis to help (which he has rehired after momentarily firing him).
Elon also really really really really really lacked all fucking self-awareness when he said, “The goal is to “restore democracy. If the bureaucracy’s in charge, then what meaning does democracy actually have?”
People like Musk and Trump don’t know the meaning of words like “democracy.” When they say “democracy,” they mean fascism. When they say “patriot,” they mean traitor beholden to Vladimir Putin, whom Trump surprised with a phone call today because it’s two days before Valentine’s. And when Trump says “vegetable,” he means ketchup.
Every MAGAt who defends Elon’s claims is too stupid to realize they don’t see any evidence of his claims. A few days ago, an Elon-defending MAGAt asked me, “What do you have against transparency?”. Again, total lack of awareness. People who defend Elon and Trump take them at their word, which is bizarre because they’re both huge sack-of-shit liars.
Trump and Elon talk about fraud and theft in the federal government while taxpayers are paying millions for Trump to sleep in his own bed at his bedbug-ridden golf resorts. Remember when Trump tried to host an international summit at one of his golf clubs? If you believe that was the best venue in the nation for a G7 summit, then let me sell you some golf club memberships and some bridges.
The only person who didn’t lie to the press in the Oval Office yesterday was Elon’s booger-mining kid, named X. At one point, X, who is Elon’s 11th child, stuck his fingers in his father’s ears…the same fingers he was picking his nose with. Trump seemed very uncomfortable with the kid in the room, probably because he’s jealous that X has at least outgrown his diapers. X can probably also hold a water bottle with one hand.
Elon wants to cut funding to feed children living in poverty, but his little trust-fund baby has so much White privilege that he gets to pick his nose in the Oval Office because his dad has so much White Privilege that he’s not required to wear a suit and tie in the Oval and instead can come dressed as a Bond villain.
Now there will have to be DNA experts to figure out which boogers under the Resolute Desk belong to Little X…and which belong to Trump.
Drawn in 30 seconds: (snip-go watch)
