The misadventure of my life continues.

I just got home.   About 1:40 PM.   Let me start this with saying the misadventure of my new eyeglasses is still continuing.  The abridged version is that after 6 weeks when they went to adjust the new lenses in the new frames the frames broke.   So two new frames and new lenses are ordered, and the second pair will be a midrange blue tinted just for my time at the computer.  They asked if I wanted a pair for that when I first ordered my new glasses and I declined as I have so many old frames taking up space around the house.  But Randy talked to me and explained how important the blue tint is for people who spend long hours on a computer like I do.   So this time I agreed.    I only had to pay for the blue tint in the second pair otherwise the doctor’s office is picking up the extra costs for the new frames and lenses other than what I paid for the first pair that went wrong.  

But that is not the misadventure I am talking about.   First I am just starting to feel well again after over a week of allergy attacks / and or a cold that had my face a swollen red hived cracked skin mess with swollen sinuses and watering eyes.    Needless to say I really did not feel well.   But I felt pretty good yesterday and today.    The universe seems to really wanted to make sure I was up for what was going to happen.  

Ron must go to Greensboro, North Carolina again.   His brother is in a nursing home up there and has dementia.   Ron has taken a trip up there every year, one year twice in that year, to first get his brother into and settled in the nursing home and to do all the legal / medical stuff involved.  Plus to see his brother.   One of Ron’s sisters has also been very involved.   She lives in both Texas and New Hampshire.    Normally she either flies into our area and stays with us then drives up to Greensboro with Ron or she flies in to the Charlotte airport.    In that case Ron drives up to Charlotte NC and gets a hotel room, next day picks up his sister and they go to Greensboro.   Then they come back to Charlotte and stay the night, sister flies out and Ron drives home.    

That is the plan this time.   Ron is leaving here on the morning of Monday Apr 11th.    Not that it matters but I have shots that morning.   So Ron called the Ford dealership to get our Ford Escape titanium that has a little over 40,000 on it serviced and the auto Butler detailing and paint coat service we bought extra with the car done.   They said bring it in this morning.  So we dropped it off around 9 AM and returned home.   At 11 AM I got a call on my phone, and when I answered it a very excited woman said “Mr. Miller, Mr. Miller, Where are you?”  I laughed and said “North Fort Myers and where are you?”   The woman replied “I am at the dealership and you need to be here right way.   You need to come back right now.” She was so hyper I got worried.    I asked what was going on and she told me I did not want to know.   Wrong answer I told her, she called me and now I want to know what Is going on.   

On the phone she wouldn’t tell me what happened except that they had damaged our car.  Bad enough that it would need to go to the body shop via a flatbed and they had no idea when it would be fixed.  She kept saying she did not know when I asked questions.   But no worries she said they had a loaner ready for us but needed me ( turns out she thought she was talking to Ron as he checked the car in and did not realize we were a same sex male couple.) to come in right away and sign some papers and take the loaner.   I informed her that my spouse was leaving for NC on Monday and if their loaners were not able to do that, we had a serious issue.   She got all flustered and said she would talk to her manager who would deal with it for us when we got there.   

When we arrived Ron said he wanted me to go in with him.  I normally handle these the car things other than dropping the car off as I let him drive the better car to the dealership and I follow him there and I take him back in the van.   The van doesn’t have all the nice electronic gadgets and gismos as the car does, which doesn’t bother me.  When we found the woman service person Ron had dropped the car off with, she basically tried to ignore me.   She told me to wait in the lobby and she would take Ron to see the car.   When I informed her it was my car also she seemed confused.   But I got a cart with only two seats she said.   Ron did not want a scene so I said fine, go take pictures and get all the information and I will wait in the lobby.   When Ron came back he was upset.   I knew it couldn’t be good.   She came back she still seemed to only want to talk with Ron.    I informed her that we jointly owned the car and if she checked the paperwork she would see we were a couple and in fact the phone she had called was mine and most likely I would be the one she and the dealership would be dealing with on the matter.    That gave her pause.    Then she said that their loaners couldn’t go out of state, I said that was her problem and not mine, but they needed to fix the situation.   She still kept saying she did not know what happened and wouldn’t tell us what all the damage was other than to say that it was totally covered by them and it needed to go to the body shop via flatbed truck.  She kept repeating it happened on the lot and not off the lot which was important because the services the car was there for were on the lot available.    There would have been no reason for anyone to take the car off the company grounds.    She went to again talk to the manager and when she returned, they had approved of us getting a rental car from a nearby Enterprise rental agency and the dealership was paying for it.   When I told her I really wanted to know what happened she said well she thought she heard something about a car carrier flatbed or other large truck but she really couldn’t tell me anything.  Remember she had been to talk to the manager several times and over an hour and half had passed between her call to me and now.    She knew what happened and the dealership did not want us to know.    Below are the three pictures Ron took.   I wished he had opened the hood and got pictures from the front but he did not think of it.   Before we left the woman asked if we had thought about buying a new vehicle or trading the escort.    The story continues after the pictures.


So we left the dealership and went down the street to the car rental place.   It is a very busy 6 lane road with 2 or more turning lanes.   We seen some signs saying entrance and so I went there, parked, and we went inside.   Turned out we were at their car sales department and after hearing why we were they tried to sell us a car.   I guess in these times I can forgive them, but they did not know my Ron and he was getting more and more upset and I needed to get this wrapped up and everything back to normal.   We got to the right building and told the nice young guy behind the desk the story and that we understood the dealership was paying for the car rental.    He agreed they were and started to set things up.   He asked Ron if he wanted me to be able to drive the car and it would be $25 dollars more a day.  Plus did he want their insurance for another $25 dollars a day.  As he talked and addressed Ron, I realized we had the same situation happening.   I told the guy we were a married couple and our insurance was joint and we preferred it.  I have to say I love how he readjusted.   It was no big deal but he got to cut out half of the spiel he had to say knowing it now applied to both of us.  I understood his position, he had assumed we were just friends and it was part of what he had to go over to gain as much profit for the company and cover them in case of issues.   Once he understood we were a married couple things went so much smoother.  This is the part of same sex marriage a lot of people cannot understand.   Marriage is about a lot of legal rights that are just assumed for male / female couples but must be insisted on and pushed for with same sex couples.

So long story shorter than it was for us.   We got home, Ron has to learn about the rental car and its features.  He has to get ready for his trip.  We had to return to the dealership to get his large maps and papers with notes from his prior trips there even though I offered to print him new ones, he wanted the ones he had his notes on.   I did not argue.  It has been 32 years of changes and adventures and understanding how we both have developed and aged is part of why we are a happy couple.   He is frustrated and upset so I asked him to just sit and chill while watching TV.  Everything can be handled in the next few days.   James has time off this weekend to teach Ron how to use the map system in the car.  It is going to be OK.  If car prices and the current issue with hyper inflated costs were not an issue I would simply trade the car.   We had planned to do so two years ago. The little car gets crap fuel milage.  That is why we bought it and it never got what we thought it would.  It is smaller than we really wanted because we thought it would be better on fuel and still have a very strong turbo driven acceleration.    I only bought the car because Ron was going on a trip to New Hampshire and he loved the car when we test drove it.  

So that is the daily misadventure that continues for us.  I thought you would want to know.   Now I have to deal with some left over laundry and house chores.    Best wishes.   

28 thoughts on “The misadventure of my life continues.

  1. Oh Scottie!! Reading this was way better than watching any soap opera!! 😛 Did the dealership ever tell you why/how your car got smashed? What klutzes!

    Sorry that Ron must make the trip again. Hope it’s just a regular visit and not anything serious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Nan. No the dealership has not been forth coming on what happened or even the damages. The only thing we could get out of them was that they would get back to us next week after the car had been gone over and examined by their body shop people. They refused to tell us how it happened to the point of saying that an investigation involving the police was involved and they were not able to say anything more. That was why the car was still there when we went back for the maps and papers Ron wanted they were waiting for the police. For some reason they were not moving the car. Maybe it is a fight between them and the towing company. On a side note you know how many times Ron has now made this trip, but he still wants the original maps I made, printed, and put together for him.

      The visit is not a regular just to see the brother. First let me address the brother. He has improved greatly under care. Being in a facility where he gets his regular meals, and his medications are monitored to make sure he gets the correct amounts but not too many and where changes in his grasp of reality can be addressed has made a world of difference. They have a program where the residents do face time with family. Ron and Diane are scheduled to do it with their brother every Wednesday at 3 PM. A staff member helps the resident get ready and set up the tablet. Then they start the call / facetime and leave. That lets the patient and family talk freely. At first it did not seem to go well. The brother was not really in our reality enough, talking about things in the distant past or that were imagined. He would claim to be where we knew he was not or talk about a move the next day to a different place we knew not to be true. In the beginning the calls were short because the brother would lose track and just end the calls, then call each of them back a dozen times wanting to know why the brother and sister were calling him. But now the brother seems to be in reality and the three of them seem to look forward to the facetime calls. I have listened to a few of them and I see a lot of improvement that I attribute to having a staff of people making sure things like nutrition and medications are eaten / taken and while the residents are free people they have the help needed to … do what is needed to keep well? Ron’s brother is not what people think of a person who is not in reality. He was in the military, he was a successful person in his life, he traveled the world. But then in his late 60’s early 70’s he started to have bad health problems due to cancer and the treatment for it when he was younger, say 30ish He started to lose track of reality. He is one of 8 siblings and that of them only Ron and his sister are still able to deal with trips to visit and do everything needed.

      I think the US needs more of this and a much better system for it. It took the sister paying over 5 grand out of her own pocket to even get the brother into the Medicare nursing home program. See the brother is well over the age of retirement but he is poor as are most people in this country. Nursing home care can cost between $5 and 10 grand a month for decent care. For poor people the system is you first have to be in a nursing home, then if you qualify to stay in a nursing home you lose all your assets. The brother is only able to have $30 dollars of his Social Security income everything else goes to the nursing home. The family is able to give him money into his bank account which Ron, Diane, and one other family member does, but the amount has to be carefully controlled and monitored by Diane as it cannot be allowed to go over a very small amount or the nursing home / government takes it. Basically anyone in a nursing home with only Social Security is to be destitute and have limited dignity. People with the ability to pay get a private room, people on Social Security have to share a room with at least one other person. We have to come up with a better system of helping the older people in the US who need daily care to survive. Other countries that have nowhere near the US wealth do far better at helping their elderly and poor. The people running the government want the poor to simply disappear, why waste government money on them?

      Anyway, sorry for the rant. The last trip was to get the legal documents signed and notarized giving Ron control over the brother’s medical if the brother is not in reality to make choices. The legal documents needed for financial control were done but there has been hang ups on the medical side. Diane oversees the financial side and Ron has been handling the medical questions as they arise. But the person in charge of getting it finalized, notarized, and filed into the system was no longer working there right after Ron gave her the paperwork and it has languished since. Repeated attempts to do it by email and certified mail have failed. So this trip is to try to get it straightened out and settled. These are legal documents and so have to be done correctly.

      So for Ron the stress over this trip is already high. He has to get this paperwork accepted and filed with the witnesses and stamps. It must be done while the brother is in reality and agrees to it still I guess. There are a lot of stuff I don’t understand, but I know that Ron is super frustrated by it as he has made two prior trips to get it done. These trips cost us a lot of extra money we could be putting to other needs. He has been in contact via phone with so many people who are working for the nursing home to try to get everything done this trip. So the car issue did not help him right now. And so tonight he needs a break. So we ordered Chinese food and are pigging out on a wonderful meal. I have eaten too much and will feel like I need so go to bed right away. I hope to stay up.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Randy. I never thought of that, of course it is on camera. I got the feeling they did not want to tell us what happened in case we were asked by a party in a legal action. They were right up front that they would pay for everything and I think they plan to get that money back from the towing company or such. So anything they told us could be a bad thing legally. That was the impression I got. They were very clear they would fix the car completely, the woman kept saying they would pay for everything and it wouldn’t cost us anything; they just wouldn’t tell us how or what happened. It does make me wonder. Hugs


  2. Wow, that is one dreadful misadventure, Scottie! I was thinking the car was on a rack and crashed, but if police were involved…my imagination is going in lotsa different directions.

    It’s just such a shame you and Ron had to be burdened by this mishap—especially when he has to go out of state.

    You did use the episode as a teaching moment about the importance of gay marriage in legal terms as well as all the other facets. I really thought this issue was settled, but then I also thought Roe was settled law, and…and…alas!!

    Best wishes,

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Annie. Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. No I live in the deep south so many middle to older age people still refuse to adjust. Not all older people are jerks but a lot of them still are, and the Republican / religious ones are outright hostile a lot of the time. Only doing so because they are required. I am sure that if the dealership did not have strict anti discrimination rules she would have been much worse than she was. She knew there was a line she couldn’t cross with out a complaint, but just acting like she was misunderstanding and did not know we were a couple until we were leaving was her way to be shitty to a couple icky gays and get away with it. The young guy at the rental place was cool, he accepted it fine and it saved him from having to do part of the spiel and get both our signatures, so it was good for him.

      The right / religious groups do not accept it is settled until they win. The wont compromise because it is for their god and their afterlife may hinge on if they forced you to do what their church doctrine forces then to do. It is part control over others lives, and part ego. My way is the only right way so everyone must live it also. I remember right after SCOTUS forced the country to accept equality in marriage the religious anti-same sex marriage groups vowed to make the right useless if they couldn’t get it overturned. The wanted to chip away at the rights marriage gives to same sex couples, the legal and financial ones, but only for same sex couples. The attempt is to create and enforce a separate and not equal marriage system. But all the horrible things they promised would happen if same sex marriage were legal never did happen, but they refuse to change their minds.


    1. Hello Ten Bears. I love it. She was walking the line pretending she did not understand the situation and playing at being confused both about our being a same sex couple and the car. She might have been clueless but I doubt it. I got the feeling that if the dealership did not have strict discrimination polices, she would have been hostile and nasty. At the end when I was very explicit about the situation she said “well, the rental place is over there, nice to meet ya” as she limply shook my hand then turned a walked away. Now that she was unable to play clueless she was getting out of there so she wouldn’t have to deal with us. It is now Sunday. We have not heard from the Ford dealership yet and the situation happened on Wednesday. I guess Monday I will have to call them.


        1. Just from what I can see, I’m guessing at somewhere around 2K in damage, give or take $500. There’s a lot I can’t see though. Hits like that break loose a lot of plastic tabs that line parts up for the fasteners. I’d guess that headlight has busted tabs even though it looks ok.

          I ‘think” I can see a wet spot under the front end there too. If that’s anything other than windshield fluid, not good.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hello Shelldigger. I sent your comment to Ron. I am trying to get in the correct mind frame to deal with the dealership. Clearly if they want to make it right I love that as it is a David vs goliath fight if we have to argue with them. Ron asked me if we should call our own insurance and tell them. I said no. I wonder if I was wrong? But I figured it was all on the dealership so why involve our insurance?


            1. Scottie, if you haven’t already, I DO think you should call the dealer and ask for an update. Just because they have provided you with a rental doesn’t let them off the hook.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Hello Nan. Did that yesterday. Got a big run around, over half an hour on hold, told the manager would call back in 10 minutes and he never did. That was in the morning around 9 or so. Ron got a call back from the service rep late in the afternoon.

                Notice they had my number and the car has my name first but the women Rep called Ron instead of me knowing he was out of town. She is the one that refused to deal with me and walked off after I informed her the car was jointly owned and we were a couple. She seems determined to only deal with Ron.

                The Rep said that their insurance had to seen it. Ron was not clear on what that meant. The auto body department had ordered the parts. Ron complained that our car was top of the line and the rental was a more basic model and he was not happy. The dealership is going to try to arrange a trade in NC for him in the area he is in. I doubt they will. When he asked for a detailed assessment of what was damaged and what was repaired she said she would get back to him at a later date as she did not have that info handy. Basically she was blowing him off. Next week when he is home we will go down there and raise hell if we don’t get more information and satisfaction. Believe me this situation is frustrating.


                1. Is there any possibility of contacting the actual car manufacturer? I think most dealerships are actually franchises and it would seem how they do business reflects back on the manufacturer.

                  Maybe it’s too big of a step, but it might be worth considering because something tells me you’re not going to get any better results during your visit next week. It’s more than obvious they know THEY are responsible for the damages and are afraid you’re going to sue.

                  Liked by 1 person

                2. Hello Nan. I agree. I think they are afraid we will sue. I think if car prices were not so high they would have made a great deal to us on a new one. But it depends on what they tell us the damage is what they did. Because as Shelldigger wrote there is an issue of a salvage title. But right now I am in the dark. So far I am not adversarial, but I could get that way.

                  Liked by 1 person

            2. It all depends. At least as far as I know. Insurance companies take the value of the car, compared to the amount of damage, and make the decision to fix it, or total it. I know nothing about your vehicle but it looks new enough it might not get totaled going through the ins co. Which means they’d fix it.

              But if it “might” be totaled, the ins co. would pay you the going rate for your car less the amount you might owe whoever you finaced through.

              Now the ins co. usually ends up with the totaled car, and they sell them. Shops buy these wrecked cars, fix them and resell them, but it now has a salvage title. The salvage title means you can’t get regular full coverage ins. You can only go with basic liability. They aren’t going to reimburse anyone with a salvage title, the current going rate of that car in non salvage state. That doesn’t bother a lot of people, but anyone who knows better, tries to steer away from salvage vehicles.

              I don’t see an issue with the dealership taking care of it, but I’d want to know everything I could know about

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Dangit, I was scrolling up and it posted lol.

                I’d want to know everything I could know here. I’d want to know if this is enough damage that an ins co. would total it. I’d want to know if this means you may have to get a salvage title. I’d want to know every damn thing they aren’t telling you right now.

                It’s probably fine, I don’t think it’s totaled. But I don’t know. They totaled my car from hail damage a while back, I didn’t think it was totaled TBH. Anyway that’s how I know about the salvage title stuff.

                I’d definately talk to someone who can answer the questions you may have right now, as the dealership looks to have clammed up.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Hello ShellDigger. Again great points. So far all they have told us is their insurance people seen it and approved the full repairs. They are having a delay getting the parts so the repair will take time. They said they will give Ron a better comparable Ford loaner car when he gets home, and the Rep says she is going to try to get him a better car in NC where he is. That is really all I know.


              2. Hello Shelldigger. Good advice, thank you. Ron wants to wait until he gets back on Friday and then both of us go to the dealership together. According to the dealership they are having trouble getting the parts and it will take a while to fix it. So we have time to think it out. The bad part was we wanted to trade it as it has a lot of equity in it (or did) but the prices of new cars got so crazy we decided to keep it. Ron is working with the dealership Rep person right now as the rental car is a shitty car and he wants them to replace it. First they said they would when he got home. When he told them he was very unhappy over it the person said they would see what they could do with the rental company for him to get a different one up in NC. I wonder if they will. Shouldn’t be a problem as the car we got here in Florida has Illinois plates.


        2. Hello Ten Bears. What would I tell them as so far the dealership is paying for everything? I am planning to call them tomorrow as I have not heard from them yet. Ron has taken the rental car the dealership is paying for to NC to take care of business up there. Right now I am left with questions only.


          1. It’s the point, man. They did over $500 damage to your car and then they … were rude to you, harassed you. Grant, there are better things for the cops too do, but if it were turned around you know they’d do it to you. People shit on us because we let them..

            Liked by 1 person

  3. Damn Scottie. I’m not sure I would accept anything from the dealership until I had talked to a lawyer. Accepting anything, could derail taking them to court over the situation. As this has yet to play out, play it close to the vest and see which way the wind is blowing. If it starts to look like you are going to get a good umm bending over, a lawyer definately needs to be involved.

    Wish you the best man.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Shelldigger. I agree. Depending on how it all goes is how we will react. It has been four days and we have yet to hear from the dealership. But the body shop may not work on weekends and the management may not work on Sundays either. Ron leaves tomorrow for NC. I don’t care for the rental car but it will do.


  4. Damn Scottie. I’m not sure I would accept anything from the dealership until I had talked to a lawyer. Accepting anything, could derail taking them to court later over the situation. As this has yet to play out, play it close to the vest and see which way the wind is blowing. If it starts to look like you are going to get a good umm, bending over, a lawyer definately needs to be involved.

    On the flip side, if they all of a sudden start being super nice and wanting to do all sorts of things for you, I’d consider that curious enough to discuss this with a lawyer. If they know damn well you have em over a barrel, it would be nice to know what’s in the damn barrel, before accepting a fixed car that has now had enough body work it might require a salvage title.

    Wish you the best man.

    Liked by 1 person

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