The sadistic bastard is playing with me.

I gave up about 5pm I think.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I went to bed.   I tossed, turned, rolled over until I fell asleep.  By midnight I was again awake.  The pain in my back and shoulders is too much to lay in any manner or direction.   I got up at 1pm and went to the computers.   The one loving this is Odie who is sprawled on my desk purring and snoring.   

I feel like there is a hand around my spine in the middle of my back.  It is squeezing and letting go, then gripping and pulling, then letting go, then squeezing again.   The pain can get so bad I have to take all of my allowed medication basically putting me asleep or unable to concentrate / reason well.  

At 10 PM I took a 12 hour long acting morphine, a backlofen, two 50 mg tramadol, and an 800 mg Ibprofen.  All are the max now allowed by FL law, as the legislature knows more than the doctors that are trained and treating me do.  I used to take much stronger morphine which helped but the Republicans in the Florida government who never studied medicine in any advanced learning feel that my pain is not worth their political posturing.  

At 2am I took another two tramadol’s and a baclofen.   

This was happening in several places in my spine.  They just gave me injections into my spine near the base.   The part near the yoke, I could tell you the place if my mind was clearer, but as Ron can tell you they have to go sideways into the spine so the needle is long and yes painful.   But they really help.   I am not sure if it is the same as they give women giving birth but it is great at stopping the pain.

But until now they have been trying to treat the middle of my back with muscle injections.   That has failed.   So I have another MRI for that section.  Also again my pain doctors are insisting I up my pain medications.   They want me on fentanyl.   I like what I have as I can control how much I take and how.   I lose that with the stronger medications.  It will flood my system regardless of my activities or what I wish.   But I cannot continue as it has been for the last three months.   I am at the end of my tolerance.   

I blame nothing but my own body and my efforts after the hurricane to help to return my home to a usable / livable state.   It caused a lot more damage and pain than I had before.   Too bad FEMA cannot pay for pain and suffering.   The wealthy can hire people to fix the problem or afford to stay elsewhere, us poor have to deal with it as we can.    I am at a loss as to what to do now, how to move forward.  The goal is to get the next MRI and see what it says.   If they can do injections into the spine to kill the pain, OK.  If not we have to think of the next step.   

Hanging out there always is surgery.   But every doctor I have talked to tells me it is a never ending slippery slope.  If I have the first one, I will need to have more regularly as the things hurting me back there will grow or happen even faster.   It will become an arms race in my spine.   

The reason for this post!   I have not been able to sit and process news, the most lately I can do is watch videos.  Those I think have value I have reblogged.   (even with the new chair there is a spike going into my middle back)  I have not looked at the comments in over a week.   I plan to do that this morning.   I have set aside the time to reply to as many as  I can.  Randy asked me today about the other blogs I went to and love.   I told him I just cannot get to them, every second sitting in my chair is like a nail gun driving nails into my back.   

Anyway I wanted everyone to know.  I want everyone to understand why I am not getting to the wonderful comments I love.   I will do so as soon as they inject my spine or increase my medications.    Hugs and lots of love to all.    Scottie

After writing this but before sending it I went to bed about 6 AM.  I got up at 10:30 AM.    Back to sitting in my chair trying to rev up my mind.   Hugs