Why it matters 3, by Randy

Why it Matters III

Perhaps it was a poor choice. Some would certainly say so, while others, me included, found it a fantastic and hilarious romp into the absurd. Nonetheless, wisdom be damned, there he was. Dressed as a woman. He said he felt there was no choice. He said it didn’t change who he was, only allowed what made him distinctive and what he found to be imperative the opportunity to exist rather than be closeted and slowly dying in the darkness, the loneliness, the loss of all that was dear. The person he was, the identity that he felt in his heart wouldn’t change with the dress, it wasn’t the dress or the men’s clothing that made him who he was, it was only the outward appearance shown to a world that rarely gave a damn.

For a while, as he navigated this new life as a woman, he felt mostly complete. The children loved him as he watched over them, cared for them.

The stuffed bra was something to get used to, something he had to learn to reach around. The make-up was daunting, but convincing. The wigs, the garters and hose, and the dresses. They were new, different, and they allowed his genuine being to be there. In the mirror held his alter-ego, staring at him soul to soul, questioning his motives, his beliefs, his methods to obtain that which he realized was his greatest calling. We all have those moments; I do as I look into the mirror in the mornings as I prepare for my day. What will today bring? Who will I be when incidents and consequence calls? Do I even believe what I say I believe? Do I live what I believe?

Perhaps you have already seen through my deception as I bring my most favorite and troubled actor’s great film into this debate. Robin Williams was the great storyteller, the comedian who made the world laugh. Who knew his pain?

Who knew, despite how he was loved, that he felt so alone and lost. Behind the makeup, behind the laughter, behind the scenes of all that drama he brought to us beat the heart of a man who would leave us all too soon. It became all too obvious that we never knew him at all. We never knew what worried him, what he feared, what demons chased his dreams. We laughed at his characters as he made it all right with the world and brought about a happy ending in just a couple hours. If only it would.

To all those struggling to be free, I pray you may be one day. Never give up. Never surrender.