I helped Ron make supper and I am emotionally struggling.

For some reason the YouTube algerithum wants to send me more and more child abuse stuff.  I went to the bedroom to take my testosterone shot while listening to YouTube on earbuds. Suddenly, as I had my pants down and was about to inject myself YouTube decided to play child abuse songs.  I was not in a position to change the channel, so I stopped the feed until I finished my task.  But it left my mind open and memories and stuff started cascading into my mind.  I was in criss for 30 minutes until I pulled myself out of the cycle as I heard the vortex coming for me.  If I let the vortex take me it takes hours or days of effort to drag myself out of it.  Luckily I was able to respond / deal with it all, spent 30 minutes crying in the bedroom before coming out so Ron wouldn’t know.  He suspected something but did not pry, only saying he loved me.  I am so tired of this cycle.  There has to be a better way, a way with out all these triggers.  All these things that remind me of the past. Any way I am OK, I have to be.   Hugs