9 hours of fear and frustration.

Since I got my steroid back shots I have been able to sleep great with much less pain. So I did not get up this morning until 5 am. Ok late but very happy to be sleeping well for a change. But soon my happy turned to ashes. After Ron and I worked together, as he decided to get up with me as he wanted to work on the outside stuff before it got hot, we fed cats, got coffee, and all else. Then I sat down at the command consoles and went to work.

I started videos and started the dump and reinstall of the Blogging computer. Everything went great. All programs installed … until I installed Vivaldi. Clicked on the bookmarks bar at the top for my Scotties Playtime blog. Yes the page came up. Then I went to the log in. Signed in with out much thought as it always works that way so why sweat it. The log happened and on the top of the Playtime window was the notification bell I love. I clicked it. My stuff was not there. I went over to the admin button and again nothing of mine was there. No matter what I tried to do I was getting the wrong stuff. I figured the install went bad. But first I spent a few hours trying to make the WordPress / Jetpack coming up work.

I dumped it again. Loaded it up partly and went to Vivaldi again and the same happened. Now I could use it on the other computer. I was supper upset. I figured maybe the order I was loading it up in was the issue so I dumped it again. This time I reinstalled the Windows system very carefully and was careful of every setting. I slowly added programs and checked them, I cleaned the computer between every step. I was very happy with the install. About 8 hours had gone by and I had not eaten or showered nor did anything else. From 5:30 am to about 3:45 pm I worked only on this and worried about it. When Ron asked me why I was so upset I told him my blog is really my life, it is my window to the world and something was causing me to lose my window, my world, my friends.

So as the last thing I installed Vivaldi. Remember it was working great on the Video computer and I was blogging from there. Imagine my horror when I brought up my Playtime and everything looked great. Then I clicked the sign on button, it came up with the name Scotties…….. and I clicked next, the computer put the password in. I hit the button and my blog came up with the write button and the bell button that I use to do posts and reply to comments along with read other blogs. I hit the bell and my heart sank. It was the same. I had already tried it with Chrome and Firefox so I knew my blog was OK, … my heart felt like it was heavier than the very large cat we have named Odie who has lost weight but at 26.1 pounds is still a struggle for me to lift. What could possibly be wrong.

I debated pulling the drives out and doing a 35 sweep wipe on them but as I did the installs I wiped them quickly so that did not seem likely to be the problem. In despair I cleaned everything, cleaned all the saved data / cookies in Vivaldi. Then opened the Playtime saved bookmark. My page came up. I clicked the sign in button and my blog name came up. I sat there depressed, I was tired, very very sore, I had not eaten but Ron made me take a donut because of my sugar, and I started at the sign in. The computer people reading this can already tell the problem and what I was doing wrong. Something that had not happened on the first time I installed Vivaldi.

When I installed it originally I had it take the bookmarks, passwords, and all important stuff from my Chrome long time forever browser. What I missed … I have had Chrome for all my blogs since 2007 and all my blogs start with the same thing … Scotties. I am used to Chrome putting up the right sign in for Playtime as it did for every other blog. What has caused me a day of anxiety, anger, fear, doubt, and worry was Vivaldi was offer all of those former ones that Chrome saved but never used with the Playtime sign in.

As I sat there glaring at it I began to see it, the problem. Yes the username did start Scotties … but the end was toybox. A blog I lost years ago in deep frustration. It kept trying to sign me into a blog I no longer had. Being WordPress it remembered and offered it to me as a sign in even though it was long gone. I retyped it to Scottiesplaytime, put in the correct password. I took a deep breath and hit the sign in button.

My blog returned in all its glory. It was there and I was back. Oh by my dogs that love gravy I think I was experiencing something like sexual satisfaction. So I am happy, the truth is I was stupid and taking something for granted that I should have paid attention too. I could have been back up at 8 am with everything ready. Now I have to go take a shower, and have something to eat. But I will be back later if my back and butt will stand it. Loves, Hugs, Best Wishes, and so many happy breaths. Scottie

I had shots yesterday

So for those that may wonder why I may be a bit erratic the next few days … I got trigger point steroid injections into my swollen back muscles. 12 painful muscle shots in the back. I will also have to dump and rest the blogging computer. When I was doing the updates on the reset I had to restart it a few times during the install and it screwed up some of the settings and installation. The start menu is messed up and the power sleep settings wont set properly, plus some other things. Hugs. Scottie

Good, Bad, Maybe?

As some may know I had 100s of open tabs in different windows way back to January 1st. They were of comments I wanted to reply to and posts I wanted to to make on stories. But just trying to get through a single day I am lucky to stay with in two days behind so never get to the top, much less the old tabs. Also some of you may understand I switched to a new browser I really like, Vivaldi. I have been wanting to get back to doing videos and the only holding me up was my sound quality. To use my Bluetooth Apple earbuds in the computer I had to change my Bluetooth adapters.

One of the features that Vivaldi has is a session remember feature that can remember your open tabs and return them if you close the browser or even shut down the computer. It can even be set to save automatically which I love. I had my settings set to remember the session of that day. I got new adapter last night. This morning I tried to set it up on the video computer, which is not the one I was using for recording because it had a stronger signal than my older one. I was going to put the one on the video computer on the blogging computer because that adapter was even older. But when I switched the one on the video computer to the blogging computer it wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t work and I ended up shutting down and starting them many times. Reloading drivers, trying work arounds, nothing would make it work. But the new adapter will work on the blogging computer that I use for recording, and so I put it on that computer and returned the original one back on the video computer.

Now for the bad. I bet some of you can see it coming already. New browser, different way to remember open tabs … during the struggle to make the old adapter work on the computer it refused to do so, I kept restarting the blogging computer. Now on Chrome that was not a problem because the tab order was stored in the history and would be able to be recovered. Yes Vivaldi has a history but not in the same useable way. As I opened pages to get new drivers and then shut down the browser saved those as the current session. Oh yes.

When I got everything back up and working imagine my shock on going to sessions an clicking restore session I got only the pages I had opened the last time I shut the computer down … everything from before was gone. Nearly five months of saved tabs in 6 different windows gone just like that. And no I can’t get them from Chrome because the compulsive person I am I cleaned that browser as soon as I decided I like Vivaldi better. What I have done now is change the auto save to the last three sessions.

When I told Ron this he seriously said it maybe for the best. He said the older stuff was bothering me, I felt driven to keep it yet couldn’t ever find time to get to it. This may relieve me of some stress and let me concentrate more on the today stuff I want to do. I love the way he looks at these things. I will choose to look at it the same way. The unexplained computer powers of the webverse have decided to remove that burden from my shoulders. But by my dogs that love gravy … couldn’t they have asked first? 😀😂🤣😃😍 Hugs. Scottie

So for the third day …

As many of my readers will know I have been trying to move from my long time browser to something less invasive. I tried Firefox and took an entire day to move everything to there. That took forever. But I did not like the way it worked with the websites I like to visit.

While several wonderful readers told me of their browsers either used them or my security settings wouldn’t let them download. Lucky for me Barry, a frequent reader and commenter read of my struggles and suggest one I have not heard of before. I am trying it and so far like it. The issue will be the history. Will it save my open tabs so I can reopen them if the window closes. I did see and turned on auto sessions saving which is supposed to save and allow to be reopened another time. I hope it works. Hugs. Scottie

Some things changed

I don’t know if it is something I did or a change by WordPress but I can’t post the way I used to any more. As soon as I go to post an image by copy and paste, it wipes out classic and puts it in a block format. I I was writing something it removes it all. To add an image I have to first open a new block and then paste it or lose everything. I hate it. But it is happening in both Chrome and Firefox. If anyone else is having this issue please let me know. Thanks. Scottie

I think I seriously screwed up.

Due to my growing unease about how much data google collects from everyone who use their products including Chrome, which was my preferred browser, I spent the entire day transferring every open chrome tab I had to Firefox. Now that I try to use it to post I think that was a huge mistake. As I have the setting it is unusable. It wont even display tweets. Plus posting is a nightmare the way I do it when using Firefox. I may have to spend another day changing everything back as I don’t know if I can transfer tabs between computers as I use to with Chrome to clean one. It better be better when I start tomorrow or I am going back to big brother. Hugs. Scottie

Why I am not posting much or answering comments

Over the last few days I noticed I had malware on my blogging computer. It refused to let me flush or clear my network adapters, and I was being constantly logged in to Texas unless I specifically moved it to another place. Still even then I am not able to flush the network adapters on either the computer nor NordVPN. I download and open a lot of stuff and stuff that I suspect might be sketchy, but I can normally fix it with minimal effort. This one took more work and will be a few hours before I am fully back to full speed and power on it.

The video computer, the one I use to play videos on because it is a slightly less powerful CPU but has the same 16 GB of ram and the same medium priced graphics card, is not effected. When I tried the network flush it works. The plan for this morning is to reset the Windows and reload my programs. But … the local Windows reset / reinstall did not clear the issue. The second reset / Windows cloud based reset where it downloads a new copy of Windows, failed to clear the problem also. So I got out one of the store bought Windows program install USB and ran it, wiping out the existing C drive entirely and formatting all other drives. It worked, but this one is out of date by years so it takes a lot more updates and I have to redownload all my 100s of themes from Windows Store. I also then have to download all my programs, including all my security programs and clean up programs. So much work so I won’t be getting to comments until later. I do think I know where the malware came from. Of course the only way to prove it is to reopen the same files, and then if it is that, I would have to do all of this over again. Not worth it right now. I will just watch when I go to that site to see if it happens again and if so … well you know. Have a great morning everyone. Hugs. Scottie

Some changes long past time due

As the title suggests I am making some changes to the way I deal with blogs I enjoy, comments, and email. I have always signed on, quickly looked at the bell notifications, then got enough read / answered that if more poured in I wouldn’t miss too much. Then I would do other things like email. Often during this time or if I was not well I lost everything in the bell notification as it only allowed so many. I was constantly missing comments, which in truth is more important to me than other things online. Not sure why it has taken me to come to this change, except that if I am comfortable with something, I am the perfect frog in the pot of the hot water. Now the water is hot enough I am forced to jump out of it.

I love the blogs I follow, and I hate being rushed in reading them. But comments on my blog have to come first. I love them, I adore them, I am willing to put in the extra effort for them. I do not want to miss any more of them. So here is the change.

What I did this afternoon works for me. I had to do some other things and when I signed back on I was pissed that all my caught up stuff was no longer caught up, and I lost stuff. What did I lose? I don’t know, that is what bothers me. So I went to the top of the bell and worked down finding every comment and replying. Then when I got all them answered I went back to the top of the bell and got the new comments.

Going forward when I get up and sign on, start all my systems, I will start at the bottom of the bell notifications looking for comments. I will move up the list replying to comments. Then I will check my email and answer that, something I have not really done since … well at least a decade ago. Then I will go back to the bell notification and start reading all the grand blogs from the people I enjoy hearing their thoughts and leaving my own on. During this I will go back to the top to check for comments. If during this your blog drops off the bell notification list I am really sorry, I do love reading your blogs, but the list has gotten too long, my health is not well, and I just get too upset not keeping up. To the point I keep hundreds of open tabs, I think the count right now I keep open is near 500. I doubt I will ever get to them, answer them, or post them … some are news articles I wanted to post, but I save them with a hope. I will be going through them catching the comment left two or three months ago, then delete the windows. I just looked I am keeping tabs of blogs or comments from 3 months ago hoping to somehow get to them. It is past time to stop pushing and punishing myself. Ron is at his wits end on this. I set my alarm and got up at 3 am to start today. Yes I have to take breaks, and go lay down, I can only sit for five or ten minutes at a time, so I am up and down and laying down up at the desk, standing walking, sitting, going back to bed … I am exhausted and my health is failing, and Ron says one of the reasons is I feel driven by the stuff online. I just am recovering from a stomach virus causing me to vomit all day yet when I could sit I was at the computer. When my body drives me to bed I do it from my phone and tablet. I read news and post it. I put a keyboard on my old tablet to answer comments from there. It is not the best but it works.

So I am sorry if I miss your blogs. I am sorry if you post something really grand I think needs to be shared. I have to back off. I have to set priorities. I have gotten myself into a rut, pushing far past what my medications can hold until I am in tears trying to deal with stuff. I fall asleep at my desk after telling Ron I am going to bed. Then we argue about it.

Anyway everyone gets the point, I am just flogging the dead horse and making my self out to be a martyr at this point. That is not the case. Sorry if I give that impression, but reading over this I feel I have. None of what I do is anyone else’s fault. I do it because I enjoy it and love it. These computers are my ability to move outside the walls of my home, to connect with a larger world. I am addicted to it. But like any addiction it is hurting me, so I need to curb it. For example right now I just got up and walked around the kitchen because my right hip, the first hip I had replaced back in 2004 is burning, hurting, killing me so badly I am having to finish this sitting sideways. What people don’t know is that how I do a lot of my online posts and comments. I do a few minutes, get up and move, do more, go lay down, take more medications, get back to the computer. Ron says my exercise regiment is how much I have to keep moving to help the pain in my hips and back.

So let us all hope this gives me the chance to answer any comments without missing them. Please keep them coming, I love hearing other peoples thoughts and ideas. Plus as Ron says there is a bit of argumentive streak in me from the time I spent soaked in the bile and vitreol of the adotptive family. Hugs. Loves to all. Best wishes to those who understandably don’t want to be hugged I was there once myself. Scottie

Sweden’s parliament passes a law to make it easier for young people to legally change their gender

https://apnews.com/article/sweden-vote-legal-gender-law-minimum-age-9cfb3c6879ae03c3187f520eed308377

One of the anti-trans haters go to things is that the European countries are reversing themselves on pro-trans beliefs. It is all selective misinformation and ideologically driven attempts to deny the progress in medical science / understanding over nearly 50 years. Their goal is to roll society back to when the LGBTQ+ had no representation nor equality. It is entirely to create the idea that trans kids / people and their best medical practice is wrong and shouldn’t be. But this article again shows they are incorrect. Just so those who are denying the progressive trend for trans rights in the European countries, a quote is below. Hugs. Scottie

Elias Fjellander, chairman of the organization’s youth branch, said it would make life better for its members. “Going forward, we are pushing to strengthen gender-affirming care, to introduce a third legal gender and to ban conversion attempts,” Fjellander said in a statement.

Last Friday, German lawmakers approved similar legislation, making it easier for transgender, intersex and nonbinary people to change their name and gender in official records directly at registry offices.

A view of the Swedish Parliament as lawmakers vote on the new gender identity law, in Stockholm, Wednesday, April 17, 2024. The Swedish parliament passed a law Wednesday lowering the age required for people to legally change their gender from 18 to 16. Young people under 18 will still need approval from a guardian, a doctor, and the National Board of Health and Welfare. The government of Prime Minister Ulf Kristersson has been split on the issue.(Jessica Gow/TT News Agency via AP)

BY JAN M. OLSEN

Updated 12:17 PM EDT, April 17, 2024

COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) — The Swedish parliament passed a law Wednesday lowering the age required for people to legally change their gender from 18 to 16. Those under 18 still need approval from a guardian, a doctor and the National Board of Health and Welfare.

No longer required is a gender dysphoria diagnosis, defined by medical professionals as psychological distress experienced by those whose gender expression does not match their gender identity.

Sweden joins a number of countries with similar laws including Denmark, Norway, Finland and Spain.

The vote in Sweden passed 234-94 with 21 lawmakers absent, following a debate that lasted for nearly six hours.

Sweden Democrats, the populist party with far-right roots that supports the government in parliament but is not part of the government, opposed the law.

Jimmie Akesson, leader of the Sweden Democrats, told reporters it was “deplorable that a proposal that clearly lacks the support of the population is so lightly voted through.”

But Johan Hultberg with the Moderates of Sweden’s conservative prime minister, Ulf Kristersson, called the outcome “gratifying.” Hultberg called it “a cautious but important reform for a vulnerable group. I’m glad we’re done with it.”

Kristersson’s center-right coalition had been split on the issue, with the Moderates and the Liberals largely supporting the law while the small Christian Democrats were against it.

Peter Sidlund Ponkala, chairman of the Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Intersex Rights, known by its Swedish acronym RFSL, called the law’s passage “a step in the right direction” and “a recognition for everyone who has been waiting for decades for a new law.”

Elias Fjellander, chairman of the organization’s youth branch, said it would make life better for its members. “Going forward, we are pushing to strengthen gender-affirming care, to introduce a third legal gender and to ban conversion attempts,” Fjellander said in a statement.

Last Friday, German lawmakers approved similar legislation, making it easier for transgender, intersex and nonbinary people to change their name and gender in official records directly at registry offices.

In the U.K., the Scottish parliament in 2022 passed a bill allowing people aged 16 or older to change their gender designation on identity documents by self-declaration. It was vetoed by the British government, a decision that Scotland’s highest civil court upheld in December. The legislation set Scotland apart from the rest of the U.K., where the minimum age is 18 and a medical diagnosis is required.

My wonderful brother Randy sent me a gift

For those that don’t know starting in 2013 my childhood abuse started to crash over me. I struggled daily to work and keep it together but I had started to again self harm. I would take a very sharp blade and draw it across my forearms and watch the blood flow. Yes the feelings when I did that released good endorphins. When Ron found out, he took to hiding knives, especially all his X Acto tools he had for the crafts he had. But he forgot about my long time pocket knife, a jack knife I had had for a very long time. I kept it to a razor edge.

But in March 2014 I fell into total breakdown. I wanted the memories to stop, I was reliving them constantly with full emotions and body feels including smells along with tastes. I was close to choosing to end my life. I was doing my best to hide it from Ron, but by this time I was refusing to leave my bedroom other than for my pain doctor visits, which Ron who was working 12 hour night shifts would take me to.

This is where Randy stepped up, became my brother and maybe saved my life. Randy had entered my life earlier and was a grand online commenter to my first blog and we formed a great friendship. Randy is a really great writer, and anyone that has read his posts here knows he can write very well. Far better than I can. He started to send me his stories and I enjoyed them. Then he sent a story about a man in a food court saving an abused child. It triggered me into a bad episode because of the break down I was dealing with.

I was very upset and wrote back to Randy about how his story was great and so real to life it had triggered me badly, and I was really struggling. Randy right away reached out to me online apologizing and eventually as we kept talking he asked for my phone number. This was before my total melt down when I started hurting my self. Randy and I talked on the phone … which was rare for me. One of the worst beatings I got as a kid was reaching up to the ringing wall phone and going to hand it to the adults there. I was never to use the phone. It was beaten into me. Never touch the phone. I now realized they were worried I would report my abuse.

Randy and I got to be close friends. Then when I started hurting my self, deeply cutting my arms, refusing to leave my bedroom, and wanted to die, Randy who was working 12 hour night shift in a hard job would have his phone on so if I felt myself slipping I could call him. Hour after hour he talked to me, denying himself sleep as he kept me grounded. I could call him anytime … and I did as I was about to use the knife on my skin I would put it down to pick up the phone. I talked to him about everything I never told anyone. I poured myself out to him and he was there. He was the brother I really desperately need but never had growing up. He became my brother in every way that ever matters.

I tell all this because I have been under the weather and Ron just lost his brother. So Randy sent me a gift. He is a grand brother. He sent me an insulated cup. Here are the pictures. Randy is one of a kind. He does have a grand sense of humor. I love him.