News From Clay Jones

Stroke Updates by Clay Jones

I recently transferred to the rehab center, which is just across the street from the hospital. Today I took a cognitive test, I took a speech pattern test, and I took a physical test. Every day from here on out, I will be taking a physical test, which we call PT. They usually wanna work people till they wanna quit, but they haven’t had that problem with me yet, not because I’m super amazing or awesome, but because I really want to beat this shit as quickly as I can.

My friend Melissa Colombo came by and brought me some clothes. Nobody can go on Facebook and ask people to bring them shorts, T-shirts, and underwear while they’re in a rehab center, but I can. Hell, I once got people to send me self-addressed stamped envelopes for messed-up business cards. But I sent out a request on Facebook for someone to bring me some shorts and T-shirts to the rehab center. All I had this morning was just a road in the hospital, and my ass was hanging out.

A few people offered to ship me stuff, but that wasn’t the issue. I have money. I could easily order something. But I need something now because, let me put that again, my ass was hanging out. So my friend Melissa brought me some clothes. Funny thing is, someone else went ahead and quickly ordered me some stuff, and that was Leslie Elliott.

I want to thank Melissa and Leslie for literally saving my ass.

The next 10 days are going to be more PT. I am expected to be in this place for at least 10 days. After that, I’m expected to go home. The thing is, I live in a second-level apartment, and I want to be able to walk into my apartment and take care of myself again. Unfortunately, I’m nowhere close to that yet. Walking, taking steps, things are extremely difficult right now, and even grabbing things is impossible, but I am further today than I was yesterday.

If you have donated to me either by becoming a paid subscriber to my Substack, or donated through PayPal, or donated through Venmo, or donated through Zelle, and I have not sent you a message, please accept my apologies. I want to thank everybody who has supported me through this. The outpouring of support has blown me away. In fact, it’s blown away the entire cartooning community. We are all very impressed and overwhelmed by your support, especially me. I just wanna say thank you. I’m never going to stop saying thank you.

And on that note, I was just visited by a former photographer from the Free Lance-Star, Suzanne Carr Rossi. She brought me pants.

And now the Facebook updates from the past few days.

Today, October 16, 2025

Remember when Donald Trump took that cognitive test and bragged about it? Remember that he had to repeat “person, woman, man, camera, TV”. Trump said. “They said nobody gets it in order, it’s actually not that easy. But for me it was easy. And that’s not an easy question.” He is right.

It’s not an easy question when you have to answer five minutes later.

It’s not easy when the question is “bridge, Sarah, justice, banana.” It’s not easy when you have to remember photos that include car keys, a comb, and a helicopter five minutes later.

It’s not easy when you have to remember letters and numbers in the sequence of 1, A, 2, B, 3, C, 4, D, etc, to ten.

It’s not easy to count backwards from 20.

It’s not easy to have to draw a clock and other shapes with your left hand when you’re handed and your right hand is kind of dead from a stroke.

It’s not easy to do any of the stuff after having a stroke, but I did it. The thing is, nobody told me I was great or amazing for it. Sicophants didn’t fawn over me for it. Nobody threw a parade for me because I remembered five words. Idiots didn’t go until late-night TV to tell me I was a genius for it.

Donald Trump wants you to treat him like a baby for remembering five words.

Donald Trump never suffered from a stroke.

So why was Donald Trump given this cognitive test?

Who knew that my stroke would become part of my research?

October 16, 2025

Ok, Peezeheads!!! Who wants to volunteer to help out a stroke victim, and possibly an opportunity to see my ass?

I am at Encompass in Fredericksburg. I need someone to bring me a few button-up shirts. I can’t use a T-shirt because my shoulder is messed up from the stroke. I also need a pair of shorts. I just need athletic shorts, nothing with buttons or belts, or zippers.

I could also use some underwear.

At this time, I am still wearing the gown from the hospital, and my ass is hanging out. Fortunately, the entire nursing staff has told me that my butt is not too hairy, but maybe they’re just being nice.

Update: I am only asking local people to help. I need this stuff today, not delivered by Amazon. Thank you.

Update update: Melissa Colombo to the rescue, and then Leslie Elliott, and my friend Suzanne.

October 15, 2025

So many people have touched me this week, and I’ll never be able to you how much it means to me.

As I was being rolled out on a gurney to be taken to the rehab center, an old friend I hadn’t seen in nearly a decade was waiting outside my hospital room to see me.

I want to cry. I love you, Rhonda.

October 15, 2025

I had an MRI this morning after the procedure scan my heart. They were looking to see if there was a hole or any other abnormalities in my heart that may have caused the stroke. As it turns out, there’s nothing wrong with it.

But the MRI was brutal. You can’t move, your back hurts, you don’t know when it’s going to end, you are continuously being asked to hold your breath, and they’re playing 90s music made by other people. Instead of Pearl Jam, you’re getting Pearl lame.

It’s time to go. They want more blood.

October 15, 2025

I am being moved tonight to a rehab facility. I think this is good news.

October 15, 2025

One of my nurses was training another nurse this morning. Just as the trainee was applying alcohol to my skin, in order for me to inject myself with insulin (yes they are making me inject myself), I decided let out a little scream. AAAAAGH! The trainee jumped, and the other nurse laughed her ass off, and said that was great.

They both said that they’re going to remember me.

Damn straight.

This is the GoFundMe set up by Kevin Necessary and Jack Ohman

This is a cartoon drawn by John Buss.

May be an illustration of text that says 'JohnBuss John Buss SS repeat1968- ထ်မ CLAYTONZCOMY CLAY OONZ.COM SORRY MR. JONES, SAYS HERE YOU'RÉ NOT DONE FUCKING WITH FASCISTS.'

How to draw Peezy by Dave Whammond, and he’s trying to get more cartoonists to join in. I hope it happens because I would love to see more of my colleagues’ renditions of our favorite pizza.

May be a doodle of rat, pizza and text that says 'PIZZA RAT WHAM-N'

Open Windows

(snork!! -A.)

Johnson announces campaign to get Trump a Nobel Peace prize by Ann Telnaes

The Speaker continues to display his fealty Read on Substack

The Speaker of the House will lead the effort to convince international parliaments and presidents to nominate Trump.

Another Bit From Jenny Lawson!

(I love the top piece, but after reading the story, I also love the second one! Wouldn’t they be great to color? -A.)

Another project I will start and probably never finish, but will enjoy until I forget to do it again. by Jenny Lawson (thebloggess) Read on Substack

Hello love!

It is spooky season and so I’ve been doodling dark little things. Last year I started writing and illustrating an eerie little children’s book that I will almost certainly never finish because I am the queen of distraction. I have a true crime story about my family I’ve written but has never published. I’m working on another weird project now about invisible women that I suspect will never find a publisher but is a passion project I can’t let go of. And then this week I started doodling and found myself accidentally making an alphabet book for dark children.

Will any of these projects ever get further than being shared with friends like you and then packed into a box for my maybe-grandchildren to be baffled by when I am gone? Doubtful. But still, I create. And I hope you do too. Because there is such delight in seeing something strange come out of your head and become real, even if no one ever sees it but you.

The doodle above this sentence came with a story in my head about a monster named Fred who was sad that none of the tiny beings ever built a hat on him. I wanted to find a way to show him licking the little boat but every time I tried to draw a tongue coming up from the water it looked like a penis and that’s not really the story I wanted to tell (but is one I’d read) so instead I’m imagining that his tongue is under the water and is keeping the little boat afloat because the man inside doesn’t realize there’s a hole in the bottom of his boat. He floats along…keeping his eyes peeled for sea monsters…unaware that he’s only alive because of one. There’s a story there. Maybe one day I’ll write it.

But not today because today I’m doing final-final-final edits on my new book (did you know that you have to do edits over and over with different types of editors?) and I’m STILL finding stuff to fix. I’m so worried about this book. It’s so different from anything I’ve written before. I hope it finds a safe harbor, with people who will love it even though it is so very strange. But no matter what, I’m giving myself a high-five for finally (almost) finishing a project. Celebrate those wins, y’all.

Hugs,

Poster Ideas/Graphics

No Kings Day- October 18th by Ann Telnaes

Suggestions for posters Read on Substack

As I’ve said before, please feel free to use my cartoons for your posters (just no altering text or images, please). Contact me either in the comments or email for the hi-res file (atelnaes@anntelnaes.com) . Here’s also a few suggestions from my archives if you don’t have a particular one in mind.

Stay safe and be loud with your First Amendment Rights.

UPDATE: Thank you for all your requests and my apologies for not being able to respond to your added kind messages. Even if you’re only getting the attached file, I’ve read and appreciated them all.

***Liza Donnelly and Steve Brodner are both offering their excellent editorial cartoons to download for posters.

Another Look At October 12th

(Snip-please click through and read the whole thing; it only takes a minute or two. OK; here’s a bit more-)

(Snip-OK, now go read the whole thing! Seriously, it’ll only take a minute!)

https://theoatmeal.com/comics/columbus_day

An Interesting Bit!

Telling of the Scuba Spider & the Slow-Motion Climate Crisis Storm by Jerileewei

How a French Quarter Phantasm Teaches Writers to Stop Drowning Their Audience Read on Substack

Recently some of the Cajun Chronicles Podcast Corporation writer staff enjoyed a well attended writers conference at a ritzy island resort about as far away from Louisiana as you can get. Some of us were aware of the show Mother Nature was putting on there. Not only in terms of their native flowers and fruits, but also the job certain natural Apex Micro-Predators play around the world in the grand scheme of pest control and climate change globally.

Once home, those lessons and lessons about writing creative technical content were sources of wonderment and inspiration. Louisiana is no stranger to all things buggy, nor the climate change side-effects we have always been experiencing with rising waters all around us. Similarly, those among us struggle with solutions to writing and broadcasting the messages we all need to heed on such important topics.

Great Heron casting a scary shadow over the bayou for the Scuba Spider.

A Fishing Spider Story Exercise In Creative Nonfiction Oddity

The thing about the Louisiana bayou country is that its weirdness is not just for show, cher. It’s a matter of absolute, high-stakes survival. It is an ecosystem that has perfected the art of the improbable. Take the Dark Fishing Spider, Dolomedes tenebrosus, the one whose leg span can cover half your hand. She is one of the largest spiders in North America, yet she operates with the silent precision of a naval scout.

You’re floating placidly in the moss-draped gloom of the Atchafalaya Basin, and there she is, perched carrément (directly) on a gnarled bald cypress knee. Her nickname is Scuba Spider. Unlike her cousin, the Six-spotted Fishing Spider (D. triton), who is a permanent waterside resident, D. tenebrosus often wanders about. She’s basically a French Quarter phantasm land tourist with aquatic superpowers. Uniquely, her front four long legs still rest on the water like silent radar antennae.

Here’s the first oddity: She doesn’t spin a trap-web to catch supper. She uses the very surface of the water as a vast, vibrating, liquid snare. That surface tension, which allows a single droplet of dew to hold its perfect sphere, is her hunting ground. To your amazement, a Yellow Fever (Aedes aegypti) mosquito lands, an unlucky Cocahoe Minnow (Fundulus grandis) minnow surfaces, or you see a mayfly struggling.

Those water disturbances, even a tiny ripple, are all the information she needs. She bolts across the water, comme ça (like that), defying gravity and the laws of physics with a waxy-haired gait, grabs her prey, and retreats just as swiftly. She is an apex-predator extraordinaire! As an Eight-Legged Lagniappe

The truly bizarre part of her story happens when danger comes. If a hungry Great Heron swoops too close, or a massive Alligator Gar glides by, this spider doesn’t run toward the shore. She, as we say in Cajun French, simply plonges (plunges/dives). Happily, for her, she’s not drowning. She’s engaging in a peculiar act of biological brilliance.

Her entire body is covered in fine, dense hairs. As she slips beneath the surface, these hairs trap a thin, glistening layer of air, her personal silvery scuba suit, that surrounds her like a portable bubble. She becomes a living submarine. She can cling to an underwater root, or the submerged bark of a Bald Cypress tree.

There she sits, breathing her little pocket of swamp-air, and waiting out the trouble for up to half an hour. She makes the L’Affaire Fini threat simply disappear. That fact, c’est vrai (that’s true), is a mighty fine trick.

Now, here is where the bayou’s natural spider oddity connects to a deeper, more human reality. She shows how to tell scientific facts about climate change and its effect on nature factually without putting your audience to sleep. That’s because the constantly-evolving existential crisis of the climate often feels a lot like that of the ol’ White Heron. It’s a huge bad case of the vois-là, an inevitable danger that you can’t run away from.

The way some creative technical writers are trying to capture that reality is just as strange as a certain spider species’ scuba dive. When you can’t outrun the misère (misery/trouble), you have to find a new way to tell the story.

Silloette of Great Heron and its shadow over the image of a sinking Louisiana into the bayou and a Scuba Spider.

This is so much like very act of writing creative nonfiction through the climate crisis has its own set of odd, profound, and fun facts:

Odd Fun Facts of Writing the Existential Reality

1. The “Slow Violence” Problem Demands New Forms

The climate crisis rarely involves a neat, dramatic explosion. It’s mostly “slow violence.” The gradual, almost invisible rising of the water, the creeping salinity, the erosion of the marsh. The odd challenge for the Louisiana writer, is that they have to invent entirely new, often experimental, narrative techniques just to make a slow-motion disaster feel as urgent as a gunshot.

This is why you sometimes see writers like us using techniques like fractured chronology, list-memoirs, or braided essays. They are desperate attempts to make the un-dramatic and continuous nature of environmental trauma feel viscéral (visceral) to the reader.

2. The Rise of the “Carrier Bag Narrative”

Forget the epic traditional story of the single hero conquering the storm. Many climate writers are advocating for author Ursula K. Le Guin’s concept of the “Carrier Bag Theory of Fiction.” The odd fun fact here is that the best climate stories shouldn’t have a single, satisfying plot arc (a triumph!). They should be a messy “bag” full of diverse voices, ongoing processes, small acts of loss, and fragments of hope.

Strive for mirroring the complex, non-linear reality of the crisis. This form rejects the idea that a single person can ‘solve’ the problem, instead emphasizing the power of collective, ongoing endurance. (snip)

Some News

I haven’t posted Clay Jones’s work in a while, though I’ve read it on Substack. His work is important, but I haven’t had the heart to post it; we all know what’s happening all around us, and I’d rather post solutions and mental health minutes. Anyway, this is news that is not good, though it could be so much worse. sigh

Dear Readers by Clay Jones Read on Substack

Dear friends, lovers, and co-conspirators,

Unfortunately, this week I had a stroke and my right side is partially paralyzed. This means the streak is over, and I have to relearn how to use my hand and my voice.

Please bear with me until I figure this out. I appreciate everyone’s love and concern. I will see you when I see you.

This post was made with great difficulty using voice messaging. Please do not call or message me.

I love you all,

Clay Jones

Oh yeah. They also discovered I am diabetic, and of course, the Eurotrip is off. (snip)

Josh Day Next Day!

TV Alert For This Week:

Once more, remember Josh Johnson is hosting The Daily Show tonight through Thursday. If you receive Comedy Central, there you are. They have a YouTube channel, (just click that;) and they stream on Paramount +. Don’t forget! 🌞

Redirecting Human Evolution:

“Every day that you choose inclusivity over segregation, you redirect evolution.” ― Abhijit Naskar, Sonnets From The Mountaintop

“Every day that you choose inclusivity over segregation, you actively redirect evolution from a human-looking species to human species.

Grown adults never try to fit into childhood clothes, then why should grown humans try to fit into tribal customs!”
― Abhijit Naskar, Sonnets From The Mountaintop