As Gwen Stefani said, “This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Read on Substack
If you’re the president of the United States and you want to do a lot of corrupt bullshit, the first thing you do is hire corrupt people who will support your corrupt bullshit.
A sure way to tell someone is corrupt is by offering them a bribe. If they accept the bribe, then they’re good to go because they’re up to no good. Years later, when you need a corrupt Attorney General to vouch that accepting a $400 million plane from Qatar isn’t corrupt, Pam Bondi will tell the public it’s not corrupt, even though it is.
And then, when you need your spokesgoon to say something super ridiculous to defend you over selling access to the Oval Office, you hire Karoline Leavitt. Leavitt said it was OK for Trump to be at his golf club, hosting the top buyers of his crypto because he was off the clock, attending in his “personal time,” as though he’s just a guess. Get the fuck out of here.
The White House claims that Trump’s assets are in a “blind trust” managed by his two idiot kids, Sniffy Jr. and Eric. (snip-MORE, and it’s good!)
Republican bill cuts food aid for elderly, low-income, & disabled Americans by Ann Telnaes
and increased funding for their own version of Supplemental Nutrition and Assistance Program Read on Substack
Of course, Donald Trump doesn’t take weather forecasting seriously. He thinks you can move a hurricane with a Sharpie. Or, he thinks only he can move a hurricane with a Sharpie, because everyone’s supposed to listen to the Almighty Trump, even hurricanes.
Naturally, the National Weather Service isn’t going to be spared from DOGE cuts. Who cares if we’re only about two weeks from hurricane season? Last season, there were 18 named storms, 11 hurricanes, and five major hurricanes. It was the first since 2019 to feature multiple Category 5 storms. Hurricane season 2024 also closed the most Waffle Houses (I made that up, but it’s a thing).
And it’s tornado season, bringing 42 deaths to Missouri, Kentucky, and Virginia over the weekend. Would there have been as many deaths if there hadn’t been cuts to our weather systems? The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) and the National Weather Service (NWS) are crucial for the nation’s emergency-response system. Hurricanes are easier to track, but tornadoes don’t give much time at all to prepare. And now, the offices that track them are understaffed because of Trump and Elon (an unelected billionaire bureaucrat).
Five former NWS directors from both Democratic and Republican administrations wrote an open letter on May 2, stating, “Our worst nightmare is that weather forecast offices will be so understaffed that there will be needless loss of life.”
Climate scientist Daniel Swain said, “The net result is going to be massive economic harm. As we break these things, eventually it will become painfully and unignorably obvious what we’ve broken and how important it was. And it’s going to be unbelievably expensive in the scramble to try and get it back—and we might not be able to get it back.”
After the NWS’s first wave of firings and early retirements under the Trump regime, staffing at the service’s 122 field offices across the country has dropped to a 19 percent vacancy rate. Fifty-two offices are now considered “critically understaffed,” meaning a shortage of more than 20 percent. Some branches are down by more than 40 percent. The good news is that the budget for White House Sharpies has gone up.
There has also been huge reductions and cancellations of weather balloon launches, which are supposed to happen twice a day at every forecast office across the country. According to reports, they’re being saved for Trump’s birthday parade on June 14, which also explains the nation’s shortage of cakes and hot dogs (joke, but the parade is real). (snip-MORE, along these lines that should be read.)
Donald Trump set another trap for a foreign leader in the Oval Office. This time, it didn’t go like the trap set for President Volodymyr Zelensky (where Trump and JD harangued him for not surrendering to Putin), but more like the trap he set for a reporter, claiming a doctored pic of Abrigo Garcia with MS-13 labeled on his fingers was real.
This time, Donald Trump was trying to lecture South African President Cyril Ramaphosa about White genocide in his nation. This would be like me going to New York City and lecturing the locals that C.H.U.D.s are real.
I could tell them that I saw a documentary hosted by John Goodman on HBO back in the 80s proving that Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers are living in their sewers, leaping out at the right opportunities to grab old ladies while they’re walking their dogs for a late-night snack. The reason you’re not hearing about the C.H.U.D.s is that the liberal media and the Deep State are working together to hide it until you and your Schnauzer or C.H.U.D. meat. Why should they think they know NYC better than I do, because they actually live there? Hmph!
Did you know that last April, C.H.U.D.s ate 27,687 human beings, three Schnauzers, two poodles, and one of those skinny hairless cats that nobody is sure is an actual cat? I haven’t actually researched or verified these numbers, but someone on the internet said it’s true (that was me). And, most of those eaten were White people, because White people are the most persecuted segment of civilization in world history.
That has to be true because people like Donald Trump, Elon Musk, Stephen Miller, Tucker Carlson, and crazy old White guys wearing MAGA caps on the city bus keep warning us about the Great Replacement theory, where White people are being replaced by Mexicans and other people with suspicious skin tones. It has to be true because I saw another documentary, this one hosted by Mel Brooks, showing a Black man screaming, “Where all the White women at?”
I’m telling ya, White people can’t catch a break anymore, especially the White billionaire president (sic). Just this week, he was forced to listen to a Black man in the Oval Office refuse to be browbeaten to agree with his conspiracy theory. What next? Is someone going to park a Venezuelan food truck in front of the White House on what was White Lives Matter Plaza (there’s one near L’enfant station and it’s amazeballs)?
Ramaphosa was sitting next to Trump, engaging in fake pleasantries, talking about golf and other assorted bullshit, knowing he was sitting in a trap. Fortunately for the South African prez, the trap springer is a moron (person, woman, man, camera, TV). Ramaphosa said “listening to the stories” of South Africans would help Trump better understand the bullshit he was talking about, except Trump doesn’t listen. But then, Trump had the lights dimmed (It’s a trap!), as a MAGAt aide turned on the TV and played a video of South African opposition politicians singing apartheid-era songs about shooting Boers, a term that refers to farmers or Afrikaners (the term for White South Africans). The video was several years old.
Drone footage showed supposed Afrikaner graves marked by white crosses. Then Trump whipped out newspaper clippings (probably all from Breitbart) about recent killings in South Africa, muttering, “Death, death, death, horrible death.” My gosh. It sounds like there might be an agenda here.
It must have been tough for Ramaphosa to sit still when Trump said White genocide is “sort of the opposite of apartheid.” Read the room, Grandpa.
Trump got distracted when he called NBC reporter Peter Alexander a “jerk” for asking why he accepted a $400 million plane from Qatar.
Trump said rhetorically, “Why did a country give an airplane to the United States Air Force? So they could help us out, because we need an Air Force One. That’s what that idiot talks about, after viewing a thing where thousands of people are dead,” that Trump had made up. He’s so touchy when called out for taking a bribe.
Seizing the moment and embarrassing Trump, Ramaphosa said, “I’m sorry I don’t have a plane to give you.” Not realizing that Ramaphosa basically said, “I’m sorry, I don’t have a bribe for you,” Trump said, “I wish you did. I would take it. If your country offered the United States Air Force a plane, I would take it.”
Trump is an idiot.
There is no White genocide. It’s a lie that racist Elon Musk (who was in the room with Trump and Ramaphosa) has been pushing for years. (snip-again, MORE along the same lines; it ought to be read.)
Tomorrow is the fourth anniversary of Donald Trump’s white nationalist insurrection, when he called MAGA terrorists to come to Washington, DC on January 6, 2021, to stop the certification of Joe Biden’s election victory over him.
Trump lost the 2020 election fair and square.
Trump is the first president to refuse a peaceful transfer of power. He refused to cooperate with Biden’s transition team, a courtesy President Barack Obama extended in 2016 and after Trump’s victory last November (gag), President Biden extended to him as well. Both Democratic presidents hosted President-Elect (sic) Trump in the White House.
Trump ordered his MAGAts to attempt the insurrection after failing to overturn the election through court challenges, installing fake electors, calling election officials to intimidate them into giving him extra votes that didn’t exist, and even having his goons harass and intimidate election workers.
Trump’s white nationalist terrorists assaulted at least 174 Capitol Police officers on January 6, 2021, with 15 hospitalized. There was one death from a stroke and four suicides afterward. They also caused over $30 million in damages which Trump should pay for.
Two of the terrorists died from natural causes, one died from a drug overdose, and another, Ashley Babbit, died from a gunshot wound.
Over 1,500 were arrested, including Donald Trump. This nation has forgotten about the insurrection and has returned Trump to the presidency (sic). After January 20, Donald Trump plans to pardon all of the white nationalist terrorists who attacked our nation.
These people were looking to murder Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Vice President Mike Pence. Now, they will be rewarded.
I had a Lyft driver on New Year’s Eve ask me why I don’t support Donald Trump and I answered, “Because I love my country.” The elderly white driver (surprise) replied, “Donald Trump does too.” I have a serious inability to tolerate bullshit and I probably got a one-star rating from him after I replied to his response, “Donald Trump does too.” Thankfully, he made his dumbass ignorant comment near the end of the ride, where a guy ambushed me with Jesus pamphlets. I went straight from Trump freak to Jesus freak. I was glad I was getting out of town.
That’s our country for you today. Half this nation believes Donald Trump was right to send white nationalist terrorists to attack the Capitol to make him an unelected dictator or they don’t care.
Marjorie Taylor Greene doesn’t just want to ignore January 6, but she wants to make it a national holiday. Hey, we’ll all get a day off. MTG is also concerned that a snowstorm tomorrow will “disrupt” Trump’s certification. That’s rich.
Speaker-hanging-by-a-thread Mike Johnson doesn’t want to investigate January 6 but investigate the investigators. The new Department of Justice under Donald Trump and Pam Bondi will be looking to prosecute people like Rep. Bennie Thompson, who chaired the J6 Committee, and former GOP Rep. Liz Cheney, who co-chaired the committee. The DOJ may also be weaponized against people like Special Counsel Jack Smith, Attorney General Merrick Garland, and even President Joe Biden.
Other Republicans encouraged J6, attempted to dox Speaker Pelosi’s location, gave them pre-insurrection tours, and later called the attackers “protesters” and “tourists.” Goons gotta goon.
On January 6, some will celebrate. I will encourage you to remember that our incoming president (sic) is a terrorist and a national security threat.
Two days that will make me sick to my stomach this month is tomorrow, January 6, and January 20.
I’m gonna get drunk.
Creative note: Both of my proofers had disgusted reactions to this cartoon which is exactly what I was going for. Also, I hate layers in Procreate. This cartoon has nearly 40 of them. I would usually just write “pardon” over and over again, but I thought the placement would work better with the layers, but that’s just as much of a PITA to me as lettering. My layer-loving friend and colleague Phil Hands should be happy.
Scottie's Playtime 