Now you too can smell like a MAGAt Read on Substack

Donald Trump’s latest grift is cologne which can be added to the long line of other useless crap bearing his name, like Trump sneakers, Trump watches, Trump guitars, Trump coins, Trump stock, Donald Trump Jr, etc. Like most things Trump, there are no refunds. Trump learned that with Jr. Naturally, all proceeds go directly to Donald Trump.

Trump announced the “fragrance” on his shitty social media platform with a photo of him sitting a seat away from First Lady Jill Biden. This is a sign that Trump will take credit for all of President Joe Biden’s accomplishments, just like he did with President Obama’s accomplishments. Why didn’t he put his wife in the post instead of Dr. Jill Biden? Maybe Melania already learned to sit several seats away from Donald…or is often the case, several states.

The new cologne costs $199.00 and comes in fragrances for men and women, because why should women be left out of the grifting? It’s called “Fight Fight Fight” because Trump can’t remember anything longer than three syllables. In case you’re a Republican, a syllable is a unit of pronunciation having a vowel sound that’s with or without surrounding consonants. For example, “Space Force” has two syllables. “Build the wall” is three syllables. “Cult” is one syllable. “Lock her up,” “Send them back, and “Daddy’s home,” each contain three syllables. Who knew syllables could be creepy and racist?

Trump said this cologne is a “great gift for the family,” if your family wants to wear cologne from a bottle that looks like a Pez dispenser. Yes, Trump’s head is the bottle cap, jowls and all.

So, what does the cologne smell like? The website for it doesn’t describe the odor…er, fragrance, but let’s take a few guesses. It could possibly smell like Russian hookers, Cheetos, golden showers, a Trump diaper, six-day worn tightie-whities, shitshow, dumpster fire, Stormy Daniels after 18 hours on a porn set, Ivanka, the inside of Putin’s ass, classified documents, the inside of Trump sneakers, hair spray, Big Macs, ketchup, KFC, Elon, covfefe, etc, etc.

And like most Trump merch, the cologne is a conflict of interest. Of course, America doesn’t care about corruption anymore. It’s also guaranteed to be cheaply made and ridiculously overpriced like Trump shoes, Trump watches, Trump guitars, Donald Trump Jr, etc.

I do think it’s a good idea to spray something on MAGAts so you’ll know when one is in your vicinity. My biggest concern is that the Oklahoma Department of Education will force every public school student in the state to be covered in Trump funk.

Good luck to Trump trying to sell this smelly shit to people who haven’t discovered soap yet.

On another note:

I patted myself on the back two blogs ago about my ability to produce a daily cartoon while traveling, which is HAAAAAARD. Not only did I produce a new cartoon every day on my trip, but I think created some good ones.

The cartoon I drew on the flight between Reykjavik and London made The Washington Post before I even went to sleep that night.

And I found out yesterday that not one, but TWO of the cartoons I produced during my trip were published by Newsweek Japan. How about that? Cartoons I drew in Europe were published in Asia.

It’s always fun to see your work in another language, especially Japanese since it’s so artful in text. This cartoon was drawn in London. I didn’t know the Japanese could appreciate something so dark.

This cartoon was drawn in Dublin. As Lester Burnham said in the film American Beauty, “I rule.”

Drawn in 30 seconds: (snip-MORE)