I am leaving for the second part of my book tour in 10 hours and I have not done laundry, packed, or (if I’m being honest) unpacked from the first leg of book tour. In spite of the fact that the first stops were so lovely and fun and filled with fellow weirdos who completely understood my anxiety, I am once again convinced that everyone will hate me and no one will show up and probably I will be eaten by sea lions. So right now I am writing this to you and reminding myself that everything will be okay.
I did lots of little drawings this week but Hunter S. Thomcat is laying on my sketch pad and I don’t want to move him so instead I’m sharing a drawing from the book because I drew it when I was having a high anxiety week and it feels fitting to come back to it now. Just a reminder that even when things feels scary, you can always make a little oasis in your mind. My spell check tried to change that to “you can always make a little oatmeal in your mind” and I’m feeling very relieved that I caught that because that’s even weirder than my normal letters to you.
I had a few other ideas I could have gone with today, but I decided to put them aside and have a little fun with something I wrote a few days ago. I honestly didn’t expect to draw this cartoon the day that I wrote it, along with three other ideas, but as I showed each of those ideas to a couple of friends, it was the one that made them both laugh.
So I decided to take it easy today by drawing this, and I still ended up working until 6 PM on a Saturday. Basically, I feel like this is a cartoon I did not have to draw, but I just wanted to. If nothing else, I should get some satisfaction out of it because I always end up pissing off a MAGAt or two anytime I bring up the word taco.
Fine. I’ll come clean. The biggest reason I wanted to draw this cartoon was for the twist on the Jack in the Box car antenna.
I never thought anyone would put ketchup on a taco, but one of my friends told me some people do. And I thought putting ketchup on eggs was gross. Taco Bell doesn’t stock ketchup, do they? (snip-a bit MORE; click the title. Also I know a couple of people who put ketchup on their Mexican entrees, and yeesh.)
Melania Trump came out of nowhere yesterday to deliver a 6-minute address to let us know that she never had a relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. OK, did somebody ask?
Delivering scripted remarks at a podium in the same room Donald Trump used to address the nation on the war in Iran last week, Melania declared that she “never had a relationship” with, or was ever one of the victims of the late pedophile Epstein she also claimed she never had a relationship with Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell, despite there being an email between the two where Melania signed it with “love.”
“I have never been friends with Epstein,” she said in her statement. “I am not Epstein’s victim. Epstein did not introduce me to Donald Trump.”
She went on to say that she and Donald were invited to the same parties as Epstein “from time to time” as “overlapping in social circles is common in New York City and Palm Beach”. But she specifically denied that her emails to Maxwell were anything more than “casual correspondence.”
Melania claimed that she met Epstein for the first time in 2000, at a party she attended with Donald. “I had never met Epstein and had no knowledge of his criminal undertakings,” she said. “Numerous fake images and statements about Epstein and me have been calculating (sic) on social media for years now. Be cautious about what you believe.”
The Epstein files released by the Department of Justice earlier this year did contain one brief exchange that appeared to be between Melania and Maxwell. It was signed: “Love, Melania.”
The first email, sent by Melania in October, 2002, with the subject line “HI!” begins “Dear G!” Melania writes that there is a “nice story about JE in NY mag” before asking Maxwell about their travels and to call them when they are back in New York.
In her reply, “G. Max” wrote that while they are already on their way back to the city, they would not have time to see Melania, but they would “try and call.”
Melania and Ghislaine were photographed together a little over two weeks later. Two months later, Epstein was presented with the infamous birthday card containing a drawing of a naked woman and a weird note by Donald Trump. But remember, they’re all just casual acquaintances.
Then, Melania called on Congress to take sworn testimony in a public hearing from Epstein victims…probably just so long that they don’t compel her to testify. They forced Hillary Clinton to testify, who never met Jeffrey Epstein or Maxwell, and congressional Republicans are not going to force former Attorney General Pam Bondi to testify, but sure, let’s hear from all the victims whose names Bondi left unredacted, while leaving Melania alone.
So what spurred Melania to make this public announcement from the White House when Donald Trump is trying to distract all of us from the Epstein files? What was the point of starting a war with Iran to distract us from the Epstein files if Melania was just going to turn our attention right back to them a month later?
Trump even said that he didn’t know this announcement was going to happen, and it took him by surprise, like Kristi Noem’s husband with helium-filled balloon titties.
What happened? Did Barron ask, “Who’s my daddy?” Did Barron ask why there were so many photos of his mother and father with a pedophile? Did Barron eventually come around to asking why there are so many nude photos of his mommy on the internet? Did Barron ask about his father’s claim that you are allowed to grab women by the pussy as long as you are famous? Maybe Barron’s follow-up question was, “Mom, am I famous?” (snip-MORE-it’s great! Click the title to go see.)
James Prigioni makes popular gardening videos on YouTube. In one, he wanted to see if he could grow a whole tomato plant by planting the seeds from a tomato on a McDonald’s burger. He picked up a Deluxe Quarter Pounder with cheese, pulled out a tomato slice, and removed two seeds. After rubbing the seeds on a paper towel to remove the protective coating, which can inhibit sprouting, they were ready to plant.
Trying out different seed-planting methods
But like any good scientist, Prigioni wanted to try a different method for testing McDonald’s tomato seeds. So he pulled a slice of tomato from a second Quarter Pounder and, instead of extracting the seeds, planted the entire slice.
With the help of a heat mat and a grow lamp, both sets of seedlings germinated and sprouted in soil-filled red Solo cups in about a week. After they were fully established, Prigioni separated the plants so they could thrive individually before being planted outside.
He planted one of the plants in the ground outside and another in a 5-gallon bucket. He then showed how he culled the lower leaves as they developed blight and used a tomato cage to support the plants as they produced fruit and grew heavier. He also added extra fertilized soil and mulch to the bucket plant.
The harvest was unexpected
After three months, the plants were producing abundant fruit. The bucket plant didn’t perform as well as the in-ground plant, which Prigioni said was due to insufficient watering during very hot days. The bucket plant also ripened faster, likely due to the stress it had been under. Still, it was an impressive harvest, especially for a plant that started on a McDonald’s burger.
The in-ground McDonald’s plant was even more incredible, with dozens of tomatoes dripping from it.
“I expected this tomato to grow,” Prigioni said, “but I did not expect this.”
The fruit from both plants tasted good and sweet, he said. By the fourth month, the in-ground plant was starting to struggle with its health, but not with its fruit production.
“The plant had so many tomatoes on it that it seemed like it was having a little difficulty ripening that much fruit at one time,” Prigioni said. “I mean, I have had some plants with a lot of tomatoes on them, but never in my life have I seen a single tomato plant with this much fruit on it. I was completely blown away.”
How the McDonald’s tomatoes compared
He said one of his favorite parts of the experiment was seeing what kind of tomatoes would grow from the seeds. He thought it might be a beefsteak variety, but it turned out to be a Roma type. However, he surmised that the McDonald’s tomato was likely a hybrid, based on its ripening characteristics.
Prigioni also shared how the McDonald’s tomato plants compared with his other tomato plants.
“In another area of the garden, I grew Roma tomatoes that I got from Lowe’s, and I planted them at the same time as the McDonald’s tomatoes,” he said. “The harvest from them wasn’t quite as large, but the fruit ripened way more evenly, and I was able to harvest a lot more fresh fruit right off the vine that was ripe.”
“Overall, I was shocked with the level of production,” he continued. “And this is probably my favorite experiment that I’ve ever done. I mean, to be able to take a cheeseburger, grab a tomato from it, then grow a tomato plant, and then harvest pounds and pounds of tomatoes from it is just such a unique and refreshing experience.”
Perhaps an unexpected result, but a great way to challenge our assumptions and demonstrate the power of nature, even in the context of fast food.
What is your favorite April Fool’s prank, that you’ve done? Put it in comments, no matter how long the story!
My favorite thing was giving out prank phone messages at work. You remember those little pink phone message notes? I used to make up names (I used some venerable phone prank names, as well.) It was fun!
A British teacher is showing how to speak in Victorian English, and people are loving it. – Photo credit: Abram Elenin/Facebook
It’s hard to believe now, but communicating via the written word used to be a gigantic deal. Long before texting, social media, quick emails, or even short postcards, one of the only ways people could communicate across space and time was by writing long letters.
The 18th century is considered by some to be the peak of the Golden Age of letter writing. It was a key element of education for people wealthy enough to receive one, and it was incredibly important: business was conducted via handwritten letters, love was declared, and new introductions were made.
It was crucial, then, to choose your words extremely carefully. This was especially true in and around the Victorian Era in England, roughly between 1820 and 1914.
Victorian-era translations of everyday sayings
An English teacher from the United Kingdom has been delighting followers with Victorian-era translations of everyday sayings.
Abram Elenin runs Berber English, where he says, “I help professionals master British English… and communicate more effectively.”
He also likes to have a little fun with his work as a linguistics expert and accent coach. In a wildly popular series of Instagram Reels, he performs “tiered” translations of common phrases, transforming them into increasingly formal variations. Victorian English is usually the final resting point and comedic punchline.
In one popular video, “I’m burnt out” becomes “I’m entirely depleted” in formal English, and “I have been worked to the very marrow” in gentlemanly English.
But Victorian English, the age of beautiful if long-winded novels like Great Expectations and Jane Eyre, takes the cake: “Where to begin, for my faculties have been exhausted by perpetual toil, and incessant application has so stripped me of vitality that I am scarcely able to summon the strength requisite for the smallest effort.”
(The Instagram post, below. You don’t have to log in to see/hear.)
In another Reel, “I’m poor” becomes “I find myself in a precarious financial position,” and finally:
“It is with no small measure of affliction that I acknowledge my fortunes to be sadly diminished, my purse exhausted, and my station reduced to one of grievous penury, such that I find myself abandoned to the stern tutelage of want, the harshest master to which mankind is ever subject.”
It just sounds so much better that way. Can’t you just hear Moira Rose from Schitt’s Creek saying that? (snip-a little MORE, with another little video)
Scottie's Playtime 