OK so we had the appointment with his new heart doctor. I liked him he smiled a lot and was a genuinely happy man even though it was clear he had a bent spine and so was hunched over. When Ron told him I was his spouse the doctor totally seemed OK. I was wearing my white pride hat as usual. He remembered Ron from the ICUs and asked if I was medical as well. I replied no Ron was the doctor in our family which got a smile and chuckle from him as Ron tried to protest that which made the doctor smile more. He said he would talk to both of us on my level, even if it was basic for Ron because he wanted me included. When I had a question he would answer it and totally include me in all the discussion. Ron has one blockage they think is 80% and and at least two that are 70% and one that is just starting.
The plan is to do a heart catheterization. They will go in through the wrist and prep the groin in case. They feed a sleeve into the wrist then thread a wire all the way to the arteries around the heart. They then open the blockage, put a stent surrounded by a balloon where the blockage was. If a part of the blockage breaks they can introduce medication right then to stop it from doing any damage.
Wow Ron and I had a huge argument. I dislike it and he totally blames it on me. But when the surgical center called to schedule him for the heart catheterization, and instead of taking the first appointment he asked for one three weeks later. I interrupted and said no you want it sooner if possible.
He kept the appointment for nearly a month and a week out. When he got off the phone I asked him to explain that. Wellhe replied I have Diane flying in on 3-28, and we are scheduled to fly out april 2nd. I was angry and argued with him that this same thing killed his sister’s husband and if he asked her she would agree he needs the early appointment. Which was when he fucked around and after we had a huge fight where I told him that his sister could get her friends and her husband’s friends to do what she had wanted Ron to do. She wants help with the moving company and then driving from Texas to here. When he calmed down from our argument he called her and she agreed with me. So then he was so angry that we had another exchange. I was trying to stay calm but he was so upset he was almost out of control, throwing things. I asked him to think of us. If he suffered a heart attack on the road or moving around furniture at her house he could easily die. I couldn’t keep or repair this house. I would not be able to keep Tupac and no one else around us will let him live with them or pay the 75 dollars for his thyroid medication every 6 to 7 weeks. He is incontinent and he leaves poops dropping out of his butt because he was hit by a golf cart and it damaged his spine and nerves. So he would have to be set on the rainbow bridge. I told him I would end up having to rent a room at Randy’s as he has offered it. Ron was furious and said I was thinking only of myself and I replied he was thinking only of his sister.
But by then it was too late to get in touch with the scheduling department. The heart place is huge and they have their own surgical center there. They only do six procedures on an operating day. So he hopes they will call him today. I worry that he will not be able to get a quicker date so I don’t know what will happen. Hugs
Scottie's Playtime 
Scottie, I’m so sorry about this. It’s very difficult to be the spouse of a stubborn husband, I’m aware. All any of us can do is all we can do. I think you made your wishes and thoughts known, as did Ron, and I guess my best advice is to let it be for now. If it’s making him angry to discuss it, then the fighting won’t end, and neither of you will be the better for that.
Not that you have to do what I say, nor do I expect you to! I’m only tossing it out there. It’s possible that if you maybe just drop it, he’ll change his mind, and even arrange for an earlier appointment (though not as early as you were hoping because the facility is so large.) You can let your feelings be known by not speaking, if I’m making sense. Like those old 60s shows, where one spouse doesn’t speak to the other? You still do the other interactions and what you need to do, but instead of speaking, you just move along with your flow.
I understand writing the scripts for all the possibilities. I truly get that; I used to do it myself, and still do, though I catch myself before I spiral. It’s a thing I have to govern in myself, often. As a person who seems to be always waiting for the other shoe to drop, I like to have plans B-Z in mind, just in case. It is important to prepare one’s brain for possibilities, especially for those of us who have always had to be ready for anything when we were younger. But maybe try, please, for Ron, for Tupac, for you, try to not do it as often as I’m sure you are doing (because I would be fighting myself with it if I was in your position.) I say that because it is a fact that while you’re preparing for all these things, the universe will be doing its thing, and even if one of the worst possibilities happens, life around you may have worked out on the aspects for which you’re planning. That happens more often than not.
Staying in the moment-simply in the day, even-is difficult to begin doing. But it becomes easier as you do it. I hope I’m making sense here. I’m not saying you don’t have things about which to worry! Only that if they’re not happening now, no need to deal with them now.
I’m going to send you an email today. How about you check that after while? I’m not on it yet, but I will send it today, probably before 2 PM my time (I think that’s 3 your time.)
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Ali, I just read your advice to Scottie and it is right on track. I think you and I must be very much alike. I often have a dozen backup plans for things that never happen.
And Scottie, when you read this just know that there are a lot of people in this world who love you and are praying for you. Take care of you and things will happen as they are written by the One above. We can only try to understand the things that are not yet understandable. HUGS1
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Your comment honors me, Angela! Thank you.
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Whew! After I sent it I second guessed the action, afraid you might not like it. Now your answer honors me.
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Hi Ali. It is all good. He was able to get the original appointment back, we lost the time slot but we are still set for the 7th. He calmed down and we talked again. I have been told in counseling that the silent treatment is abusive to the spouse it is directed at so I try not to do it. Gods know I got it all my childhood being addressed only to be given orders or directions. Questions frowned on.
He apologized the next day and I accepted it. He said he felt I did not say I loved him enough. I thought I showed it every day by trying to take on so much of the house work and chores so he could rest and not exert himself. Doing things like making three meals a day until I couldn’t stand upright or walk while taking pain pills like candies. He admited it went over his head and he had not realized it. So I am trying to tell him I love him more now. I felt actions were more important than words but I guess he needs the words.
I will go check for the email now. I may have already replied to it. Hugs
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I am praying for you and Ron now. Praying hard! I had a heart cath several years ago and and guess I still have a stent, but haven’t had a problem since then. Heart trouble is a major issue in my family. My youngest brother had a triple bypass a couple of years ago and is doing well but I’M Just waiting to see if anything happens with my heart. I do hope Ron will not put off too long.
Well, I started this early this morning and got interrupted and am just now getting back to you. Love you, Hugs.
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Hi Angie. It all worked out, no worries. Ron and I talked out the issues. He was feeling I was not saying I loved him enough and felt maybe I was not in love with him anymore. I do admit I rarely say it as I feel I express it every day especailly now working doing things in the house until I can’t stand upright or walk / use my right leg. He admitted he had failed to notice how much I was doing, all the cooking, cleaning up and doing dishes, taking out trash, making beds, changing beds, and doing laundry. But right now he needs to hear the words so I try to remember to say them. He got the original date back and the doctor says after the heart catheterizations and the stents are in place Ron should be able to go back to normal activities immediately. The doctor is happy because the heart has not taken any death yet so it is in good shape. Thanks for your concern for us and your love. Hugs
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When it rains, it pours. Seems like you and Ron have been through so much already, and now THIS! I’m sure you’re both on pins and needles right now, so it’s understandable you got into an argument, but it’s sad, because right now you both need each other, need the warm hugs and love, not the harsh words. Keeping you both in my heart and in my thoughts, dear friend. Hugs to you both
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Hi Jill. Thank you. No worries it all worked out. He calmed down and the next day apologized to me. I asked him why he was so upset. He said he felt I was not saying I loved him enough and felt I did not love him as much as I used to. I reminded him that since he got his diagnosis I have taken on every task in the house. Cooking three meals a day and cleaning them up, doing the dishes, doing the cat care / litter box, doing the trash three days a week, and doing the laundry / care of the beds / bed linens. Just to name some of the things I was doing. All this while my own spine damage has gotten much worse and they want me to have neuro back surgery. I would work until I couldn’t stand upright and / or use my right leg. I was eating morphine and other pain pills like candies. He admited it went over his head. So now I say I love you more, still tuck him into bed for his afternoon nap, and with is sister here for another day I had a few days of relief. Ron goes in for the catheterization on he morning of the 7th and the doctor says if it goes well once the stents are in he should be able to return to normal activities right away. He will then fly back to Texas and help his sister drive here. Hope you are well Jill. I regret I don’t have time to go to your blog, I miss the good news and your other posts. Hugs
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