Conversation Starter: MAGA Responses Similar to Domestic Violence

I recently watched a fantastic TED video, and I really do invite everyone to watch. It’s about 20 minutes and is here: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBnocNg69o4). In this TedTalk, Miles Taylor talks about how he went to Washington DC as a young page to dedicate his life to never allowing another 9-11 type event. Then came Trump, and his simple opposition to trump’s policies and procedures garnered trump accusing him of being a traitor, death threats to him, his wife, his baby daughter. As I watched this, I thought about my own concerns and experiences including the near violent responses I’ve heard from otherwise decent people who couldn’t respond with decency when defending trump. Says it all, doesn’t it?

But, it got me to ask a simple question to Google, and I was really surpised by the answer. I asked: are maga responses to criticism similar to domestic abuse?

It became clear that I am not the only one to see the uncomfortable parallel. The following is the copy/paste answer Google offered:

Psychological and political experts, as well as abuse survivors, have drawn notable parallels between the defensive communication tactics used by the MAGA movement and the behavior patterns of domestic abusers. Both rely on emotional manipulation and coercive control to maintain power and invalidate critics.

These parallels include tactics such as:

  • Gaslighting: Denying established facts or public statements, making followers and the public question their own memory or sanity.
  • DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender): When criticized, the immediate response is to deny the allegation, attack the critic’s credibility, and claim that the MAGA figure or movement is actually the victim.
  • Isolation: Portraying mainstream media, political opponents, and dissenters as corrupt or enemies, actively encouraging followers to cut off alternative perspectives and only trust the movement.
  • Minimizing and Dismissing: Downplaying the severity of concerning behavior—or even downplaying physical and sexual abuse allegations as mere “allegations” or “smears”.
  • Projection: Accusing critics or the opposition of the exact wrongdoing or corruption that they themselves are currently facing.

I’ve realized that I remain quiet in response to people ranting about their great and wise leader’s latest spite-filled fact-barren public embarrassment. In truth, I’m not terribly concerned about being the victim of violence, but do I really want the aggravation? I’ve realized, much to my embarrassment, that I’ve become another one of the silent majority; those who would not accept violence and abuse but only speak up in a safe environment. And, as Miles Taylor mentioned, it is the silent majority that make the abuse possible.

Is this cowardice? Is this simple self-preservation? Or, have I just become accustomed to the abusive caustic environment that the rise of trump has brought to our country? I’d like to say it is the latter, but damn. This is our reality now, but is that how I want to live? Is that even healthy?

I’ve come to realize that we are in a toxic relationship with those we love: our fellow countrymen. And, while some would say this is ridiculous, here are some questions that I’ve found to indicate one is in such a dangerous place:
Sometimes feel scared of how your partner may behave?
Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
What the hell has happened to us?!

What is worse is that due to the unhinged response we receive when we attempt to ask questions and hope for better, the defensiveness of his followers shut it down. The result is that this clown can do any illegal act and any restraint is met with calls for violence and abuse. Further, abusers abuse so that they can continue to abuse — meaning — having the power to abuse is not going to be willingly given up.

This Country has had problems from the beginning, fighting amongst ourselves and outright abusing people on the shores of our great nation. But we have always had the hope of moving toward a more perfect union. I don’t feel that anymore. I find myself feeling the destruction of deeply held ideals, like the Primacy of the Constitution and the idea that No One Is Above The Law. Am I just being naïve? Is this how Medgar Evers felt? Is this how Sitting Bull felt? I don’t know, but I do not feel that expectation of something better to come anymore. I feel like once abuse has become acceptable in this union, once those diseased claws have sunk into the marrow….

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Published by blundersonword

15 thoughts on “Conversation Starter: MAGA Responses Similar to Domestic Violence”

  1. Narcissists prey on the uncertain among us. They know their targets and can spot them from across the room, the street, or through a train window. You can spot THEM by the company they keep, and how they comment about their poorer friends behind their collective backs.
    They worship money, not just theirs but anyone’s. They also mistrust change, since routine is what they can handle more easily. Change is bad, it’s not to be trusted. Sigh.

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    1. But, Judy, they do not acknowledge how very much things have changed, and in such a short time! I thought W’s admin worked quickly, and this admin has put that one to shame!

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        1. Yes, and I will get back to it, I promise. I’m just in the middle of some things, and was checking in. 🙂

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        2. Yes. I’m speaking of the speed of the changes.

          For instance, W and GFY (for the famous line D. Cheney spat at Sen. Leahy; “Go F— Yourself.”) got USA PATRIOT passed in what had to be a record time. They had what I’m sure they considered the great good luck of an anthrax attack on the Senate (as well as a broadcast company and another office, too. There are many theories on that. I’m just saying it happened. Almost no one recalls that, though, interestingly. Sort of like W didn’t even get the most votes, and IIRC, it was determined Gore would have won the EC if not for the SCOTUS judgment that stopped the counting of the votes. W’s group did things like that. Attacking Afghanistan and later Iraq came quickly and with no attention paid to we the people or the rest of the world. It was quite discouraging. And it happened more rapidly than things generally happen in DC when laws are observed.

          Trump’s admin. has used that as an instruction manual, and having a legislative majority with compliant leaders-both admins-got some things done the first term, then came in with a bulldozer doing things this admin. While some of it is by exec order which is not law and need not be “obeyed,” Trump has people in who also don’t care about law and enforce the orders, and here we are (I was gonna go on, believe it or not!)

          It’s the speed of the work-Republican platform items-that exceeded even W’s, who came in and worked rapidly because they weren’t sure of another term, so they had to do all they could as quickly as possible.

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    2. Hi Judy. I thought about your comment and found myself confused because trump has brought a lot of changes, but then I realized that his “change” is chaos, and he controls the chaos by crazy media posts, outright lies and abuses. His many changes are the control he seeks, and as such, anything that happens without his approval is met with outrage. Took me a minute.
      As I’ve mentioned, these “conversation starters” are meant for just that, to push the conversation on a topic and very much NOT to presume that I have all or any of the answers. Also, I want people to feel unencumbered posting their opinions and facts. I don’t need to agree, but I bet I learn from them.
      And, so, your comment made me think of a former coworker/supervisor who nearly destroyed our business before the owner disposed of him: he was obsessed with lying about his wife’s earnings – that she was a doctor and he paid her student loans off (she is not and he did not), his “rental properties” (said he had 6, he had zero), that he was a chef learning under Gordon Ramsey (he was a mediocre cook at best and never trained under Ramsey). He was great at building a lie, talking away a person’s “red flags”, and he would build himself into a business until he eventually self-destructed. I’ve seen him do it three times, and I’ve only known him about 12 years. He would talk behind people’s back, seeking to humiliate and destroy their image or authority. And, frighteningly, he too thought he was God’s gift to women. The shame of it all was that he did have some very real abilities, but was so self-absorbed that he couldn’t settle in and do a great job without believing himself above it all and steal/lie/cheat/abuse. Amazing how they seem to follow a pattern, eh?

      -Randy

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  2. Well, blundersonword, I am known not only for my use of many, many words, but also for being naive about my fellow humans. Just stating that outright before the rest of it. 😀

    I don’t believe that the abuse has become accepted here. I believe there are so many who feel as we do, but are quiet because they think it will be over soon, and once the dangerous are not in power, we will all make sure it doesn’t happen anymore. (I know people who’ve said that to me, after asking how we’ve gotten here.)

    It’s difficult to wait, but on the other hand, having dealt with this before, sometimes it is better to “keep the powder dry” (an expression I abhor because of the implied violence but it’s the most common one used in these cases) until there are enough people open-eyed enough and ready to join with the rest of us to peacefully and assertively make sure this does not happen again. There are organizations like Indivisible who are getting the groundwork laid now.

    If only we can keep from arguing amongst ourselves as to how… 😉 And if we can keep reminding those who are waiting, that we can’t just forget about this the way they did after Reagan’s and W’s (and soon to be, Nixon’s!) crimes.

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    1. Hi Ali. I think I once thought much like you mention, sort of a “this too shall pass”. I wonder if it is like a hurricane, and once past what will it leave? You mentioned Nixon, but even his fellow Republicans were ready to put him in prison. Trump seems to have found a way to capitalize on the obstructionist methodology of Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, putting party over country and creating a willing dismissal of laws and customs. Do you believe that will find correction?

      Randy

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      1. Hi Randy on the subject of congress people putting party over country. John Boehner pushed hard for the republican party crimilzing of cannabis and the extreme penalties for it. After he was forced out of congress he got a new job on the board of a cannabis company he has hugely invested in over his years in congress. Wow. Hugs

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        1. I don’t have a response to that, Scottie. I find myself staring at the screen in awe of the audacity and weird duplicity. I’m with you…. wow.

          Randy

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      2. Well, they weren’t going to put Nixon in prison, but they were going to allow the impeachment trial, and they were going to convict and remove him from office. He would have to be prosecuted and convicted in a criminal case to be sentenced to prison.

        Pretty sure Republicans were not going to go that far. And also, that’s what emboldened them to let Pres. Reagan’s crimes slide, and later, W’s and their own bad actions not only slide, but shushed. And people forgot.

        Trump is using party identity to lull his masses and to give his legislative pals cover for abetting him. He’s doing what you say not as a Republican, but as himself. (IMO!)

        The only correction I can see will be to make sure we get a majority-not a 1 or 2 seat majority, but a definite majority, and a super majority would be better and make things easier. People can still vote in moderate Dems who will work with the rest of the Dems to get this all fixed. I don’t know of any other way that doesn’t involve treason and violance, and I’m not there for that.

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  3. Hi. Randy love the new format you are trying. Starting conversations is a great way to change minds. We have to discuss even the unpleasant stuff with people who may be unpleasant if we want to change their minds. Sadly many do not want their minds changed, and they got to the place they are at via emotional manipulations, so facts won’t change how they think, they need their emotions manipulated back to neutral, then the facts added in.

    Unlike your other posts which I have plenty of thoughts on I have little to say about this. I tend not to see a lot of maga people but the few times it has happened in stores, doctors offices, and the once it happened in the park, I did not hesitate to point out the misinformation, facts, and truth of a situation. Normally when the person has realized that I am far more informed than them on the subject and I am not intimidated they just call names and storm away. I have a few maga Fox outrage channel watching people I am still in contact with that I deal OK with because they know I don’t agree with them and we can associate on other things, so we steer clear of any political / tRump subjects.

    I will just say the domestic violence I endured and saw growing up in my hell home was not about politics. It was about dominance, control, and personal feelings along with perceived grievances, whether real or just felt. There was the feeling that anything that went wrong or was a negative result was always someone else’s fault and never theirs. No personal responsibility. Violence was always possible and could happen at any time emotions got raised. Arguments were not won on facts but on how loud and forceful you could demand you were correct. I won’t go on as I think everyone here understands. But maga is living this same existence.

    tRump is just like those in charge of our home when I grew up. Maga is exactly like the hellspawn. It is sad how even as they all raced to get out of the house leaving me there as the last victim they had a cult love for their abusive father and mother. If the adoptive father were alive during tRump’s presidencies he would have been full maga, the adoptive mother watched Fox outrage channel constantly but knew not to spout their lies to Ron and I. I see my childhood as the current way decent people are treated by the rabid maga today. Anyway just a few thoughts. I will expand my thinking on this depending on how you reply. Hugs

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    1. Scottie, you really did hit it right on the head. I’m just doing a copy/paste of your 2nd paragraph, and tell me this isn’t maga on a daily basis:
      “It was about dominance, control, and personal feelings along with perceived grievances, whether real or just felt. There was the feeling that anything that went wrong or was a negative result was always someone else’s fault and never theirs. No personal responsibility. Violence was always possible and could happen at any time emotions got raised. Arguments were not won on facts but on how loud and forceful you could demand you were correct.”

      So, while you say you don’t have a lot to say on this issue, boy do you sadly understand it. I hope others also come to see it.

      Hugs

      Randy

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