Category: Abuse
I am struggling with nightmares of something I don’t know if I should share with you.
There is something that has been preying on my mind and it is effecting my sleep and my day, every day.Β Β It is not critical yet.Β I started the post then sent it to draft.Β The issue is my memories of two of the methods used to punish me when I was 3 until the family moved about when I turned 7 years old.Β Β It is painful to think of and I know it will be even more painful for those who read it who did not live my childhood.Β I started a post and then shoved it into drafts until I could decide to publish it.Β
Here is the thing.Β I have come to care about my viewers, and I really have learned to care about people, all people, every person in some way since my miserable childhood.Β I have learned to see most people as good, and learned the hard way to recognize those that are not.Β Β Β I try to find the best in people, try to find a way to understand them.Β
I know if I write out what is inside me, it will hurt people, the people who come here.Β Β I have even hesitated to put it on the Male Survivor forums I belong to as there are a bunch of new people struggling and I don’t want to trigger them.Β I reached out to a good online friend there who had been pimped out all his childhood, professionally from 9 until 24 when he ran away.Β Like me right from his earliest memories after being adopted he was abused and sexualized.Β I asked him if he thinks I should write it and post it.Β I will look for his response tomorrow.Β Β
But while I may put it there, the question I have is should I put it here.Β Β There are new people here also, and there are new authors, Ali and Randy.Β Their followers may be shocked by what my childhood was and leave the viewership.Β I am confused, I am hurting, and I am struggling with this.Β Β I always used my blogs before to tell of my abuse before I even told Ron about them.Β But now I am torn.Β I want to get this out, yet I want to protect people.Β Β
Ok wonderful people who come here and read our posts.Β What do you think, please be honest.Β Should I write what I am feeling, what is bothering me here, or try to keep it bottled up inside me and maybe only share it there on MS?Β Thanks.Β I do care about each of you.Β Best wishes and / or Hugs as you prefer.Β Scottie
Israelis Riot In Support Of Torture
I should explain
Hello Everyone.Β As everyone knows my blog means a lot to me, I have used blogging the friends it brought me as a help against all the bad memories I have in my life.Β But for the last three weeks I couldn’t really do the blog and today at nearly 1 pm, after being at the computer since 3:30 am, I am just now starting to get to the comments I love.Β Β
I went to bed yesterday after a grand meal of a steak and large salad.Β Even though I did not finish all the steak but did eat the entire salad is because I just don’t eat like I use to, I now eat like an older person.Β But it was great and grand.Β But after, I went to bed about four pm.Β Β
I woke on and off until 1:30.Β I tried to go back to sleep but at 3 am Ron’s rescue cat tummy feed me alarm went off so I got up to feed him.Β At 3:30 I got to my computers.Β Then I went to the Male survivor site.Β I found I had several private messages and a bunch of replies to what I wrote before.Β Plus there were 20 more posts.Β I read them and replied to those I had something to add to the thread.Β Plus it is not just one person, every person is adding their thoughts and we all add our responses to them.Β It took me until 10 am this morning to clear it all out.Β Then I had to lay down and I slept for an hour and half.Β Β
When I got up, I went to the admin on my blog and checked the posts from Ali and Randy.Β I set them up in tabs to like, add comments to, or just read.Β I love that both Ail and Randy are adding their thoughts here.Β First it makes sure there is content when I can not get to it, and second what they both post is their ideas, their concerns, and different from what I might post.Β As Ron says it broadens the blog to give a far more diverse reason for people to come visit.Β Β Not to steal from the Christian or other holy books, but I looked on it and find it good.Β Β πππππ
I have been feeling dragged out and tired.Β But I am hoping as the cold fades and I have more energy I can do better at handling both the blog and the other sites.Β I hate the feeling that there is simply not enough of me, and both Ron and Randy are worried about the time I am spending on the abuse site, immersed in others abuse and reliving mine.Β They are afraid it will cause me a relapse into depression on my own abuse.Β Yes it is possible I have already had bad dreams and been fighting that at night.Β Β
One guy was abducted at age 7, tortured and abused to be made a sex toy for a cult leader.Β Scary stuff, after a few years he was rescued, but still finds himself hitting himself if he doesn’t refer to the guy who abused him as master.Β He hits himself before he can stop it. Then he simply gave himself to anyone who demanded it or told him to please him. As a teen and young adult he simply lived in a house with no clothing thinking he had a boyfriend who loved him, but instead the guy would invite friends over and they used him when ever they felt like it.Β Β He got to the point that no matter what he was doing guys who were friends with his “boyfriend” simply would grab him and fuck him or tell him to drop down to suck them off.Β I understand the trained behavior, I was trained to it also.Β But most of mine stopped when the hell spawn left the house, only the adults were left to use me and occasionally the hell spawn came back or took me to their home to service them.Β One took me out in his semi and forced me to “please” him when he parked in a truck stop.Β I was an adult maybe 26 and still had not learned to tell them no.Β I never went out in his truck again no matter how much he tried to get me to.Β Β
The victim and I spend hours talking, writing back and forth.Β He wants more like a video call or phone call, but I have explained to him those things trigger me.Β Β Even now at 61 there are only two people in my life I feel comfortable / OK talking to on the phone, I still resonate with the beatings to never touch a phone as a child.Β I do much better on a computer or video app on the phone like FaceTime, because I don’t have to look like I am holding a phone to myself, getting open for an angry beating.Β But with ear buds it works also.Β
So right now I am tired.Β Again, I am going to lay down a few minutes because I can not finish this, my eyes are crossing.Β Yhrrn —————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Several hours later …Β Β I just got up.Β Β What happened is along with my normal medication I took a med my doctor wanted me to try that is also given to MS patients.Β Ron has it at a much smaller dose.Β He wanted me to try it with my other when my muscles hurt or spasms more than I could stand with my regular medication.Β I took a half one.Β When it kicked in, my eyes crossed and I felt so tired, needing to lay down.Β Once the med cleared my system after a few hours I feel fine again but I will say my pain and spasms are much better.Β I got so foggy I wrote the last above the line before I went to bed.Β I decided to leave it in.Β Β
So the day is gone by, I have not posted or replied to comments, I have not helped Ron much around the house.Β I plan to make a sauce tomorrow.Β I did not even post my meme post this week, but I have not added to it in four days until today.Β So I think I will hold it a few days, or at least until tomorrow afternoon.Β Β
I thank everyone for hanging on here, to listening to me, Ali, or Randy.Β I feel so much better since I got up, I am going to go to the blog and reply to comments that are there I have not lost yet.Β As always to those who posted a comment I missed, reposted it or use my email listed to get my attention to it.Β Know I love you.Β This is a minor hiccup that is going to work itself out soon.Β Β Hugs.Β Scottie
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Sorry I have been gone all day yesterday and most of today. Please let me explain.
So the other day I was so tired I couldn’t function.Β Ron got home after driving straight through to get home that night, so I was up until midnight after getting up at 3 am the morning before.Β Β So I was in no shape to blog.Β So I spent the day with my hubby after he got home from being on a long trip to bury his brother and seeing his family.Β Then I got up this morning at 3 am, and after feeding the cats I went on the MS site I always check first.Β I have been sharing and helping others on the site and have started to get quite a few doing private chats with me.Β They say I am kind, caring, and nice to talk to … I will take it.Β Β
But just before I was to get off there and go to my blog, a guy showed up blaming his once … unwanted … blow job from a man overturning his entire life and now he is anti gay people, rainbow flags, pride, and any showing of gays in society because they are all abusers and child molesters.Β He went on at length about how abusive and dysfunctional gay people were, how they were flaunting themselves in an abusive way in society, so on and so on.Β Remember he is in a site for males abused as children sexually and in other ways.Β Β
Anyone who knows me knows I can not resist such shit.Β He threatened right in his first post that if people said he needed therapy, he was bi or searching, or that he was a bigot then he was gone.Β I was like OK.Β I answered every paragraph he wrote, telling him he needed help professionally on some, telling him that because he says he now had thoughts of sex with men that he might be seeking and should again talk to professionals about it, as that is not the way sexual assaults work.Β One forced blow job doesn’t make a man who only thought of women before gay.Β I called out his bigotry when he posted how gays were now in schools with rainbow stickers to make kids gay.Β I even outright asked him if he was a troll.Β Β We will see.Β But I have been there on that site since basically 3 am to now nearly 1 pm.Β Β I am going to skip posts and go right to comments.Β Again like always if I missed your comment because it dropped off the list please resubmit it, I will do my best to reply.Β Β Hugs Scottie
Miss Kansas reveals more about stunning statement that her abuser was in the audience
ByΒ Scottie Andrew, CNN Β 2 minute readΒ Updated 9:22 PM EDT, Mon July 22, 2024
(There was a time when this would not have been allowed to be spoken of within the pageant, even after VAWA passed. I’m glad we’ve managed to raise a few generations with more confidence than we had at their ages.)
https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/22/us/miss-kansas-abuser-domestic-violence-cec/index.html

Alexis Smith was crowned Miss Kansas last month. She wowed audiences when she told them that her abuser was in the audience, reinforcing her platform of ending domestic violence. Miss America/AP/FileCNN β
Being a pageant winner takes more than beauty and talent. The newly crowned Miss Kansas Alexis Smith showed that winning the title sometimes requires bravery, too.
Smith stunned the judges during her final interview at the Miss Kansas competition last month when she said that her abuser was in the audience.
It only reinforced the importance of her platform β βto eliminate unhealthy and abusive relationships.β
When asked about her vision for her tenure as Miss Kansas, Smith maintained her composure in a sparkly azure dress.
βSome of you out in this audience saw me very emotional, because my abuser is here today,β she said.
βBut thatβs not going to stop me from being on this Miss Kansas stage and from representing as the next Miss Kansas,β she continued to applause and cheers. βBecause I and my community deserve healthy relationships.β
She provided more context in an Instagram post the month after her win. On the night of the pageant, she said, βsomeone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace.β
βInstead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world,β she wrote. βI took back my power β not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening.β
She added, βIβm ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms.β
Poliovirus Detected In Gaza Water Sources [VIDEO]
ΒBloomberg NewsΒ reports:
Humanitarian groups are considering a mass vaccination campaign for Palestinians in the Gaza Strip after traces of variant poliovirus type 2 were found in water sources in the war-torn territory. The disease was detected in six locations in Gaza, the World Health Organization said.
Geneva-based WHO said it was working with partners β including UNICEF and United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East (UNRWA) β to conduct a risk assessment. Polio vaccination rates in Gaza before the war were βoptimal,β according to the organization.
Israel on Sunday confirmed the resurgence of the virus, which can be spread by contaminated water and direct person-to-person contact, and said it would offer booster shots to its soldiers operating in and around the Gaza Strip.
Read theΒ full article.
https://x.com/AJEnglish/status/1814280276681322595
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Set up for fail
The Democratic Party attacked and ate their own while the Republican Party celebrated and endorsed their convicted molester and criminal authoritarian thug candidate who is demonstrably cognitively impaired.Β Β Need any more be said.Β One party says reality be damned we just claim what we want and threaten those who disagree, the other party worries that they may hurt their own chances and doesn’t back their candidate out of fear.Β Guess who will win in a war.Β One party doesn’t give a shit what people think, doesn’t care one bit about reality, ignores and vilifies the press, the other party cowers and tries to please every interviewer with an agenda that won’t listen to their replies.Β The media was desperate for a horse race, for more media clicks and interest in their posts / shows.Β The democrats gave in to them.Β The democrats caused tRump to win.Β Hugs.Β Scottie
AP News: Top UN court says Israelβs presence in occupied Palestinian territories is illegal and must end
When I first posted this it was from my phone in bed.Β I am sorry I did not check but no link or story posted.Β Β Thankfully wonderful Ali jumped to the rescue and added the link.Β Thank you Ali.Β Hugs.Β Scottie
AP News: Top UN court says Israel’s presence in occupied Palestinian territories is illegal and must end
I want to thank Ali for kindly and nicely pointing out the link never published to this story.Β Thank you Ali you are grand!Β Hugs.Β Scottie
ShareTHE HAGUE, Netherlands (AP) β The topΒ United NationsΒ court said Friday that Israelβs presence in the occupied Palestinian territories is unlawful and called on it to end, and for settlement construction to stop immediately, issuing an unprecedented, sweeping condemnation of Israelβs rule over the lands it captured 57 years ago.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu quickly denounced the nonbinding opinion issued by the 15-judge panel of the International Court of Justice, saying the territories are part of the Jewish peopleβs historic homeland. But the resounding breadth of the decision could impact international opinion and fuel moves for unilateralΒ recognition of a Palestinian state.
The judges pointed to a wide list of policies, including theΒ building and expansion of Israeli settlements in the West BankΒ and east Jerusalem, use of the areaβs natural resources, the annexation and imposition of permanent control over lands and discriminatory policies against Palestinians, all of which it said violated international law.
The court said Israel had no right to sovereignty in the territories, was violating international laws against acquiring territory by force and was impeding Palestiniansβ right to self-determination. It said other nations were obliged not to βrender aid or assistance in maintainingβ Israelβs presence in the territories. It said Israel must end settlement construction immediately and that existing settlements must be removed, according to a summary of the more than 80-page opinion read out by court President Nawaf Salam.
Israelβs βabuse of its status as the occupying powerβ renders its βpresence in the occupied Palestinian territory unlawful,β the court said, saying its presence must be ended as βrapidly as possible.β
The courtβs opinion, sought by the U.N. General Assembly after a Palestinian request, came against the backdrop of Israelβs devastatingΒ military assault on Gaza, which was triggered by theΒ Hamas-led attacks in southern IsraelΒ on Oct. 7. In a separate case, the International Court of Justice is considering a South African claim that Israelβs campaign in Gaza amounts to genocide, aΒ claim that Israel vehemently denies.
The court said the General Assembly and Security Council β where staunch Israeli ally the United States holds a veto β should consider βthe precise modalitiesβ to end Israelβs presence in the territories.
U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres will promptly transmit the advisory opinion to the 193-member world body and βit is for the General Assembly to decide how to proceed in the matter,β U.N. deputy spokesperson Farhan Haq said.
The secretary-general reiterates his call for Israel and the Palestinians to engage βon the long-delayed political path towardsΒ ending the occupation and resolving the conflictΒ in line with international law, relevant U.N. resolutions and bilateral agreements,β the spokesperson said.
Guterres also stressed that aΒ two-state solutionΒ is βthe only viable pathβ to seeing Israel and βa fully independent, democratic, contiguous, viable and sovereign Palestinian stateβ living side by side in peace and security, Haq said.
Israel, which normally considers the United Nations and international tribunals as unfair and biased, didnβt send a legal team to the hearings. Instead, it submitted written comments, saying that the questions put to the court are prejudiced and fail to address Israeli security concerns. Israeli officials have said the courtβs intervention could undermine the peace process, which has been stagnant for more than a decade.
βThe Jewish people are not conquerors in their own land β not in our eternal capital Jerusalem and not in the land of our ancestors in Judea and Samaria,β Netanyahu said in a statement issued by his office, using the biblical terms for the West Bank. βNo false decision in The Hague will distort this historical truth and likewise the legality of Israeli settlement in all the territories of our homeland cannot be contested.β
Speaking outside the court, Riad Malki, an adviser to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, called the opinion βa watershed moment for Palestine, for justice and for international law.β
He said other nations must now βuphold the clear obligationsβ outlined by the court. βNo actions of any kind β¦ to support Israelβs illegal occupation.β
HamasΒ welcomed the courtβs decision and said in a statement that βserious steps on the groundβ need to be taken in response.
Israel captured the West Bank, east Jerusalem and Gaza Strip in the 1967 Mideast war. The Palestinians seek all three areas for an independent state.
Israel considers the West Bank to be disputed territory, the future of which should be decided in negotiations, while it hasΒ moved populations there in settlementsΒ to solidify its hold. It has annexed east Jerusalem in a move that isnβt internationally recognized, while it withdrew from Gaza in 2005 but maintained a blockade of the territory after Hamas took power in 2007. The international community generally considers all three areas to be occupied territory.
The courtβs decision strikes at the heart of the ambiguity of Israelβs administration of the territories. Israel hasnβt annexed the West Bank β though settler groups have pressed it to do so β but it calls it part of its homeland and has effectively treated it as an extension of the nation. Along with the settlements, it has appropriated large swaths of the territory as βstate lands.β At the same time, Netanyahuβs government has repeatedly rejected the creation of any Palestinian state. Abbasβ Palestinian Authority has been restricted to control over divided enclaves scattered around the West Bank.
The Palestinians presented arguments atΒ hearings in February, along with 49 other nations and three international organizations. In the hearings, Malki accused Israel of apartheid and urged the United Nationsβ top court to declare that Israelβs occupation of lands sought by the Palestinians is illegal and must end immediately and unconditionally for any hope for a two-state future to survive.
Erwin van Veen, a senior research fellow at the Clingendael think tank in The Hague, said before the decision that a ruling that Israelβs policies breach international law would βisolate Israel further internationally, at least from a legal point of view.β
He said such a ruling would remove βany kind of legal, political, philosophical underpinning of the Israeli expansion project.β It could also increase the number of countries that recognize a Palestinian state, in particular in the Western world, following theΒ recent example of Spain, Norway and Ireland, he said.
Itβs not the first time the ICJ has been asked to give its legal opinion on Israeli policies. Two decades ago, the court ruled that IsraelβsΒ West Bank separation barrierΒ was βcontrary to international law.β Israel boycotted those proceedings, saying they were politically motivated.
Israel says the barrier is a security measure. Palestinians say the structure amounts to a massive land grab, because it frequently dips into the West Bank.
The court said that Israelβs construction of settlements in the West Bank violated international laws prohibiting countries from moving their population into territories they occupy.
Israel has built well over 100 settlements, according to the anti-settlement monitoring group Peace Now. The West Bank settler population has grown by more than 15% in the past five years to more than 500,000 Israelis, according to a pro-settler group. Their residents are Israeli citizens governed by domestic law and served by government ministries, services, banks and other businesses β effectively integrating them into Israel.
Israel also has annexed east Jerusalem and considers the entire city to be its capital. An additional 200,000 Israelis live in settlements built in east Jerusalem that Israel considers to be neighborhoods of its capital. Palestinian residents of the cityΒ face systematic discrimination, making it difficult for them to build new homes or expand existing ones.
The international community considers all settlements to be illegal or obstacles to peace since they are built on lands sought by the Palestinians for their state.
Netanyahuβs hard-line government is dominated by settlers and their political supporters. Netanyahu has given his Finance Minister, Bezalel Smotrich, a former settler leader,Β unprecedented authority over settlement policy. Smotrich has used this position to cement Israelβs control over the West Bank by pushing forward plans to build more settlement homes and to legalize outposts.
