“When you travel back in time, remember not to do anything that may alter things in the present—you know what? Never mind. Go for it.”
“I’m so disgusted with people who aren’t speaking up right now! But they better have flawlessly curated statements when they do—unless they’re ignorant on the issue, in which case they better educate themselves—but also they’re too late.”
“. . . and then Randy Quaid yells, ‘Hello, boys, I’m back!,’ and flies his jet right into the alien ship, blowing it up, and I think you all just need to be more like that.”
“Today I announce the deployment of troops to the home of a man who called me a mean name seventy years ago.”
“So, with this shutdown, can we get an exit-through-the-gift-shop thing going?”
“Wages are down, prices are up, and terror and uncertainty plague the streets, but first our top story—why aren’t women having more babies?”
“What a great view of everything I’m allergic to.”
Trump can’t even pronounce the medicine he’s advising against Read on Substack
Don’t take medical advice from felons and heroin addicts.
Donald Trump, RFK Jr, and Dr. Mehmet “Crudite” Oz are recommending that pregnant women not take Tylenol anymore because they claim it will give your baby autism. Real doctors would laugh at this if it weren’t so horrible.
How dare Trump and his quacks tell moms that they’re to blame if their kids have autism just because they took Tylenol to relieve pain associated with pregnancy, like headaches, sore backs, and having to live with the men who made them pregnant?
Acetaminophen is the primary ingredient in Tylenol, and a word that’s difficult for Trump to pronounce, like Thailand, which Trump pronounced as “Thighland.” He once called Yosemite National Park, “Yo-Semite.” That sounds like something you’d hear in NYC.
“Yo, Semite! You got lox on them bagels?”
During his press conference announcing the latest discovery in Trump science, Trump could not pronounce acetaminophen. Trump was rolling but came to a complete stop, as if he was on a UN escalator, and said, “Well, let’s see how we say that…”
It started off like, “acid-mo-finomen.” On his second attempt, he said, “a seed o meniphen.” Then he asked everyone in the room, “Is that OK?”
Jon Stewart answered on the Daily Show on Monday evening, “No!”
Stewart said, “We would like a second opinion, and a third pronunciation. Look, there’s already a ton of controversy around the lack of data tying acetaminophen in pregnancy to autism. And you can’t even be bothered to pronounce the fucking word correctly?”
Stewart is correct. There is a lack of date connecting Tylenol to autism, and surely not enough to go weebling around and telling pregnant women not to take it. (snip-MORE)
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Bribes-R-Us by Clay Jones
Tom Homan is not the only one taking Bribes in the Trump regime Read on Substack
Around August of last year, before the election, future-at-the-time Trump border czar Tom Homan was approached to help secure contracts in a future Trump administration, and was paid $50,000. The $50,000 was given to him in an FBI sting operation and was captured on video.
The investigation was a spinoff of another investigation because, during it, someone came across information that Tom Homan was taking bribes.
My business is squat compared to most, but still…I have never been paid in cash inside a Cava bag, or any bags for that matter. These fucknuts are worried about immigrants being paid under the table, but what the fuck is Tom Homan doing being paid with bags of cash?
The FBI and the Justice Department planned to wait to see whether Homan would deliver on his alleged promise once he became the nation’s top immigration official, but Trump was reinstalled into the White House, Pam Bondi was put in charge of the Justice Department, and Kash Patel was made FBI director, the case stalled before ultimately killing the case, stating there was nothing there.
Irony alert: Former FBI director James Comey is about to be indicted. In DC, they can’t even indict the guy throwing sandwiches at law enforcement, but they’re gonna indict Comey for lying to Republicans in the Senate.
The White House says Homan never took the money, but then again, Karoline Leavitt says a lot of bullshit that’s not true. She’s still screaming about the UN escalator even though it was Trump goons who fucked it up. The one person who hasn’t said that Tom Homan didn’t take $50,000 in a Cava bag from the FBI is Tom Homan.
Fox News’ Laura Ingraham interviewed Tom Homan a few nights ago, and she mockingly referred to MSNBC, which broke the story, as “always-reliable” MSNBC. But, Laura, at least someone from MSNBC, even dumb-dum Lawrence O’Donnell (he called RFK Jr. “Robert Downey Jr.” last night), would have asked Tom Homan one simple question.
Although if Lawrence had asked that question, it would have been like, “Did….you…take….the….fifty….thousand…dollars? I’m sorry, that shit annoys me. (snip-MORE)
This last week started badly with Hailey having another case of meningitis, but ended incredibly, with Hailey bouncing back and me finding absolute treasures at Shelley Duvall’s house. (Long story. It’s on my blog.) And it was sprinkled with little bits of insanity as internet rapture jokes (did you know it’s supposed to rapture?) made me laugh while also lightly triggering my past religious trauma. Ah, the complicated pleasures of being alive!
I’m trying to focus less on the loud bullshit in the world that I can’t control, and focus more on the quiet good in the world that inspires me to keep going and to do small things to make the world better. It is really hard though because I tend to hyper-focus on “SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET IS WRONG AND/OR MEAN” rather than “Someone on the internet is kind and calming and has a good plan to help others that I can support.” How long will this well-intentioned plan last? Probably 4-6 hours, with my record. But it’s worth a shot.
And that’s what this week’s doodle is about.
“Teach me how to give no fucks about assholes. (Please.)”
I super crazy love you. Thank you for being a bright spot to focus on in a sometimes dark little world. You make a difference.
The rest of the cartoons are from Cagle. I had hoped to get feed back on the two bonus ones to see if anyway I could post them would make them display in other countries. Barry has given a way for people to change the URL to fix it, but I really would like to find a way that people wouldn’t need to do that. Also Barry said if you use a VPN they display. I couldn’t find many new cartoons so need to use these. Hugs
Scottie's Playtime 