This is the latest installment in the Sacrilegious Humor series. This is a series that I would like readers to help me with. If you know of a comedy bit that is irreverent towards religion, makes fun of religion, pokes fun at sincerely held religious beliefs, or challenges the firmly held religious beliefs of others, please email me the name of the bit or a link to it.
Even as an atheist, I’m a big fan of Jesus. I really am. What’s not to like? A tall, gorgeous man with great abs and flowing hair getting his feet washed by prostitutes. And encouraging people to love their neighbors while slaying in a loose kaftan. And Jesus was an immigrant, by the way. Let’s not forget . . .
Jesus would have loved trans people. He changed water into wine; is that not itself an act of transition? And you know how I know Jesus would love trans people? Because he loved people. He loved all people. So, of course, he would love trans people and all queer people. I mean, Jesus was followed around at all times by 12 single hot guys, all of them also sporting kaftans. You do the math. Jesus loved the gays, America. Deal with it.
The only thing our current president has in common with Jesus is that they both owe their career to their dads.
Seriously, just think to imagine what it must feel like to be trans person in America today. Our government has legislated that trans people do not exist. It is trying to erase them completely. Imagine having to stockpile your essential lifesaving medicine because your president might cut off access to it for no other reason than it makes him look strong to his base. If the government is going to declare a whole group of people shouldn’t exist, why can’t it be truly a dangerous group of people like those who take off their socks and shoes on airplanes and then go into the bathroom? Why can’t it be people who use leaf blowers at unearthly hours in the morning? Why can’t it be unkind people? Which brings us back to Jesus. Yes, of course. Jesus just wants all of us to be kind. So, for once, America, I beg you, let’s all really try to give kindness a go. Like my little mom says, “It doesn’t cost anything to be kind.” And I guarantee you any situation you find yourself in will go better with a little kindness.
Bruce Gerencser, 68, lives in rural Northwest Ohio with his wife of 47 years. He and his wife have six grown children and sixteen grandchildren. Bruce pastored Evangelical churches for twenty-five years in Ohio, Texas, and Michigan. Bruce left the ministry in 2005, and in 2008 he left Christianity. Bruce is now a humanist and an atheist. (snip)
We may have seen this here before, I don’t recall. We’ve each probably seen it somewhere before. It’s still funny! Laughter releases endorphins; those endorphins make us stronger. Enjoy!
Noem is more interested in her face than in providing assistance to the Texas flood survivors Read on Substack
ICE Barbie, Kristi Noem, the Director of Homeland Security, is failing at her job miserably.
A portrait of Noem is going to be displayed in the South Dakota Capitol building, and there are three options. Who gives a shit, right? Kristi Noem, that’s who. Noem went on Instagram and posted to her creepy followers, “Which one do you like for the official Governor’s portrait to hang in the South Dakota State Capitol? Thank you David Uhl!” She added the three paintings of herself on horseback by artist David Uhl.”
She did this five days ago, during the floods in Texas that have killed at least 120 so far.
Here are the other two portraits.
I wonder how much South Dakota tax money was spent on this.
Before Noem’s survey about herself, Puppy-Killah Kristi did her stupid photo-op in El Salvador with the notorious prison behind her, with Trump deportees as props. She was in full makeup while making sure her shiny $10,000 Rolex was visible, which is probably less than her teeth cost.
She’s done other photos with guns, posing as an ICE agent. In one of them, she wasn’t holding the gun correctly and got roasted for it online. I bet she can’t ride a horse either.
We should be relieved that she didn’t shoot that ICE agent in the face. In her defense, she does know how to shoot a gun because that’s how she murdered her puppy. So there, critics.
Kristi is the kind of person that if you went out to dinner with her, she’d humbly say at some point, “Enough of me talking about myself. Now let’s hear you talk about me.” She can’t get over herself. She might be the female equivalent of Donald Trump. She already has the fake hair, and now she just needs the ridiculous tie, the orange make-up, and an adult diaper that hasn’t been changed since his first flip-flop on tariffs.
Remember, Kristi used to look like this…
…before she looked like this.
She definitely went for the Melania look, which is an improvement over the look for hunting wolves from a helicopter. She even got free dental work while she was governor, on the condition that she make a commercial for the Texas dentist who did her work.
It seems that’s the only time she’s interested in Texas, when she can get free dental work, but not when there’s a disaster.
According to The New York Times, two days after catastrophic floods roared through Central Texas, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) did not answer nearly two-thirds of calls to its disaster assistance line.
An anonymous source close to the issue said the lack of responsiveness happened because the agency had fired hundreds of contractors at call centers.
FEMA, which is a part of Homeland Security (I have to include that because trolls are commenting on this cartoon on Facebook asking, “What’s DHS got to do with FEMA?”), laid off the contractors on July 5 after their contracts expired and were not extended, according to the documents and the person briefed on the matter. Noem, who has instituted a new requirement that she personally approve expenses over $100,000, did not renew the contracts until Thursday, five days after the contracts expired, and about a week after the floods started.
Where was ICE Barbie? She was probably spending her time looking at herself in a mirror, or maybe she confused Texas for one of the seven Native American tribes that banned her from their reservations.
Adam Zyglis: There’s a part of this cartoon that is my standing in solidarity with my colleague Adam Zyglis. So what happened with Adam? Adam, who works for the Buffalo News, drew a cartoon mocking Republican hypocrisy, asking for federal aid after protesting against federal disaster relief for other states. This has upset Republicans, which shows more hypocrisy for the gang that shouts “snowflake” at their political opponents. They even cried on Fox News about it.
Now, an event at the Buffalo History Museum by the Buffalo News Guild, which was to feature Adam among other journalists, has been postponed because of “credible” death threats toward Adam and his family.
And just today, a MAGAt posted on one of my client’s shares of a cartoon of mine about how Democrats are the violent ones. (snip-MORE, and it’s great)
News outlets are supposed to expose corruption, not engage in it Read on Substack
The headline at Fox News blasted, “Paramount, CBS forced to pay eight figures, change editorial policy in settlement with President Trump.” Forced? Would Fox News use the word “forced” when they settled a lawsuit with Dominion for over $787 million? You may feel forced, but a settlement is a choice. It’s a choice not to go any further into a trial and shut that shit down, for whatever reasons. And yes, CBS has changed its editorial policy, which is that anytime Trump comes for a bribe, you pay it.
Usually, when someone settles a lawsuit, they’re trying to get off cheaper as they fear the result of the trial will cost them more. In Fox News’ case with Dominion, they were afraid the verdict in a trial would bankrupt them. They were guilty of spreading misinformation that they knew were lies. It’s why Tucker’s no longer on their payroll.
When CNN and the Washington Post settled with teenage Trumper Nicholas Sandmann, one of those smirky, obnoxious, entitled white privileged Catholic Covington kids who was in the center of a viral video controversy with an elderly Native American, they didn’t settle because they were guilty. They settled for what legal experts estimate to be a small portion of the $275 million they were sued for, in order to save on lawyer fees. They weren’t afraid of losing the trial because it had already been dismissed once, but felt they’d pay more to their lawyers than to the little asshole whose feelings got hurt. I hope the ugly little entitled priviliged fuck isn’t feeling too litigious today.
When Disney settled a lawsuit with Trump earlier last December, who sued because ABC news anchor George Stephanopoulos said Trump was “liable for rape,” it wasn’t because they were guilty of anything other than hurting TACO’s feelings because Stephanopoulos was technically correct. Disney, ABC’s parent company, settled because the judge was scary and said in her denial to dismiss that “a reasonable jury could interpret Stephanopoulos’s statements as defamatory,” despite the fact that Donald Trump is a rapist who also liked to pal around with rapists while also endorsing pedophiles for the United States Senate. Also, Trump put Alexander Acosta in his first cabinet. He was the prosecutor who saved Epstein from a criminal trial.
When Meta settled a lawsuit with Trump in January, it was to bribe Trump. Trump sued Meta for banning him from its platforms, Facebook and Instagram, in 2020 after his election denial and white nationalist terrorist insurrection attempt. Trump told Mark Zuckerberg that he would have to settle the lawsuit before he could be “brought into the tent.” I don’t think he’s talking the kind of tent migrants will be forced to sleep in at Alligator Alcatraz, but the MAGA tent. The settlement was for $25 million, and it was a bribe.
Even Elon settled a lawsuit with Trump, and was also to bribe Trump. As if the $275 million Elon paid to elect him wasn’t enough. Like with Meta, Trump sued Twitter for banning him, citing that his First Amendment rights were violated. A federal court in California tossed the case, saying only the government can deny First Amendment rights, not corporations. But Trump’s team took it to an appeals court, which was skeptical. Elon settled with Trump for $10 million. Why would you settle when you already won? Because it’s a bribe.
Also, do you like the irony of Trump claiming his First Amendment rights were violated, and now he’s trying to deport people for protesting? (snip-MORE)
This cartoon was drawn for The Boca Raton Tribune, whose mayor went on Fox News and offered New Yorkers an escape from “socialist” New York City if Zohran Mamdani wins the mayoral race in November.
The mayor, Scott Singer, has aspirations for higher office, and to do that as a Republican, you have to be a vile piece of shit. This is the kind of stuff MAGAts find amusing, like throwing migrants to alligators.
Being the mayor of a city in Florida, Singer should focus on being the mayor of his city in Florida. That’s the job he was elected to do, and not worry about who’s the mayor of New York City. Right now, Republicans are using Mamdani as red meat for their base, without even understanding what they’re talking about.
Sometimes, I think I should move to Florida just for the issues, and syndicate cartoons about them to Florida newspapers. But then, I’d be living in Florida. (snip-MORE)
Trump’s $4 trillion (at least) “big beautiful bill” is giving seniors a tax credit of $6,000, which is great because they’re gonna need it.
The bill makes deep cuts to Medicaid, the government health insurer for the poor, which covers more than 60 percent of the nation’s nursing home residents.
The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) estimated that the BBB will cut federal spending on Medicaid and Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) benefits by $1.02 trillion, due in part to eliminating at least 10.5 million people from the programs by 2034.
This will lead to benefit losses, increased paperwork requirements, and rural hospital closures that will hurt Americans, especially those with disabilities. It will also make nursing homes scramble to find resources for services they’re currently providing, or simply eliminate services.
Republicans like to say, or lie, that people who receive Medicaid aren’t going to notice any changes. But you can’t find one of the shitweasels who can explain how you don’t lose any services after cutting out over a trillion dollars. Find me one Republican, just one, who can explain that shit.
This will hit rural communities harder. Do you know which party rural communities mostly vote for? The one that just cut their Medicaid. Republican voters are stupid. Red states need the most federal support. Red states need the most welfare, which they also cut. (snip-MORE)
Scottie's Playtime 