We See Them, Too…

I See Stupid People by Clay Jones

There should be a test before seeking public office. I understand there’s on-the-job training, but this isn’t Taco Bell.

Even before Kristi Noem was the Director of Homeland Security, she was a governor. No governor in this nation should be as ignorant of the Constitution as Noem displayed yesterday. Don’t we already have too many Jeff Sessions in government? Even college football coaches should know what the three branches are.

Even at Taco Bell, I’m sure you’d eventually get shit-canned if you couldn’t keep track of the difference between a Chalupa and a Gordita. Fuck. Now I want some Taco Bell. Anywhos…

Democratic New Hampshire Senator Maggie Hassan is considered one of the mildest members of the U.S. Senate. I bet at least a quarter of my blog followers couldn’t name what state she represented until they read the previous sentence. Honestly, I might have fumbled it. Despite being one of the nicest in the Senate, Hassan still scorched Kristi Noem during a hearing yesterday. And Hassan wasn’t even trying. It’s Noem’s fault for not knowing her shit.

Maybe instead of doing photo-ops in front of a Salvadoran prison while wearing a $60,000 Rolex or doing those $200 million taxpayer-funded commercials of her saying, “Thank you, President Trump,” Noem should study up on the Constitution.

Hassan asked Noem a question a simple question. It wasn’t like she asked something difficult, like how many women have accused Donald Trump of rape and sexual assault. You don’t have to be a genius to know the answer either. Hassan didn’t hit her with a Navier-Stokes equation.

The question was: What is habeas corpus? Her answer was more embarrassing than that time Katie Porter asked Ben Carson about REO rates, and he thought she was talking about Oreo cookies. Dammit. Now I want some Oreos.

Noem’s reply was, “Habeas corpus is a constitutional right that the president has to be able to remove people from this country.”

Wrong. Not even close. It’s not even a nice try. If you asked this question as a part of a bar bet, you’d probably get a better answer and still win a beer. Hassan should have made this a bar bet, because at least she would have won a beer. My go-to question in a bar bet is: Name the only American president who was never elected.

Noem got her bachelor’s degree by taking online courses and earning college intern credits from her position as a member of Congress. That’s still better than Sarah Palin.

They say there are no stupid questions, but there are some real dumbass answers. Kristi Noem is a fucking moron.

Habeas corpus is a bedrock constitutional legal principle that safeguards individuals from unlawful imprisonment by enabling them to petition the court to review the legality of their detention. Or the short version, it’s the right to due process. That’s an acceptable answer. It’s an easer answer, and it’s definitely isn’t that Donald Trump doesn’t get to do whatever the fuck he wants.

Noem thought the answer was specific about deportations. It’s not.

After explaining habeas corpus to Noem, Hassan asked her if she supported it. Noem answered wrong again.

Noem said, “Yes, I support habeas corpus,” but she couldn’t stop there. She went on to say, “I also recognize that the President of the United States has the authority under the Constitution to decide if it should be suspended or not.”

Wrong again, Dumbo. That doesn’t even make sense if she believed in her first answer. She thought habeas corpus was the right of the president to deport people, and the Constitution gave him the right to suspend that right. What? It’s not surprising she’s dumb enough to carry $3,000 in her purse, and then to have it stolen right from under her in a cheeseburger restaurant. Shit. Now I want a cheeseburger. Anyways.

Article I, Section 9 of the U.S. Constitution prohibits the suspension of habeas corpus “unless when in Cases of Rebellion or Invasion the public Safety may require it.” That’s not happening. And, the president needs the approval of Congress to suspend habeas corpus.

Trump is violating due process, he’s ignoring court orders, there was another ruling today that he’s violating court orders, he has placed a giant image of his face in the capital which surprises me that there hasn’t been a sudden rash of car crashes in the city, he’s taking bribes, and Kristi Noem is a puppy killer.

I believe that if you gave a citizenship test to assholes like Trump, JD Vance, Stephen Miller, Marco Rubio, Kristi Noem, or any of the other idiots in this regime, they would all flunk.

If you have to take a test to be a citizen of this nation, then there should be a test for people who want to represent the citizens of this nation.

These tests are not difficult unless you’re a MAGAt dumbass.

Creative note: I’m kinda going through a fit this week with ideas. No, it’s not writer’s block, but too many subjects. I have several subjects I believe are nearly equal in importance, but I don’t have enough days. And no, I don’t want to draw several cartoons a day. When you draw too many cartoons a day, they will start to look like you drew too many. I can burn out.

I went with this one today because it’s timely, funny, I really liked it, and I’ll take almost any opportunity not to draw Trump.

I used five layers in Procreate to draw this cartoon. I hate using lots of layers while other cartoonists love them.

Music note:

Drawn in 30 Seconds: (snip-go see it)

It’s A Literate Insult Fest!

Car Repairs

https://www.gocomics.com/closetohome/2025/05/18

Wry Giggle…

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

By Zach Weinersmith

https://www.gocomics.com/saturday-morning-breakfast-cereal/2025/05/15

Have A Great Wednesday!

https://www.gocomics.com/lastkiss/2025/05/14

Some Memes Special to Me.

Hope you enjoy these for your own reasons. Hugs. Randy

Clay Jones, & Open Windows

A funny thing happened on the way to the airport… by Ann Telnaes

Wow. I won the 2025 Pulitzer Prize for Illustrative Reporting and Commentating. Read on Substack

Thank you so much for all your comments and notes of congratulations!

I feel like I am late to my own party but I’m traveling overseas to to do presentations about Press Freedom and the time zones are really messing with me. Once I head again to the airport for the next leg of my trip, I’ll post some thoughts and photos for paid subscribers. And yes, I was in my lyft heading to the airport when I got the Pulitzer news.

Meanwhile, here’s what my lovely Norwegian hosts had waiting when I checked into my room.

*** and some more great news! Due to you all, my Substack Open Windows has reached 100,000 subscribers!!

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New Pope by Clay Jones

America needs a president, not a troll Read on Substack

The news that we had a new Pope hit just as I was wrapping up this cartoon, so I quickly finished and posted it on social media before the name was announced, even before I sent it to my clients. I don’t know what I was thinking, that the cartoon would have an extra ten minutes of shelf life? As Trump said about the Constitution, I don’t know. Is this cartoon still relevant?

Trump posted an AI-created image of him as Pope. He’s really big about fake photos right now. I think Trump was trying to troll Democrats, but what he ended up doing was insulting Catholics. Catholics can take a joke, but they also know an insult when they see one.

Instead of doing presidential things like lowering egg prices, ending either of the two wars he promised would be over by now, or negotiating tariffs and legislation, Trump was trolling. Later, he denied it.

He said he didn’t know how the AI image ended up being tweeted from his or the White House’s official Twitter accounts. What happened? Did he lose control of his presidency (sic), Twitter account, and bladder all on the same day? Of course not. He lost control of his bladder years ago.

Trump also claimed that the AI image didn’t upset Catholics, but it did, with one priest calling him a “clown.” (snip-MORE)

2 From Clay Jones

Bert and Ernie and Bill by Clay Jones

Run, Rubber Ducky, Run! Read on Substack

There’s been a lot of talk, and jokes, about six-time Super Bowl-winning coach Bill Belichick and his super young girlfriend, Jordon Hudson. Even SNL made a crack about it in its cold open.

In the skit, Trump signs an Executive Order making it socially acceptable for a man in his 70s to date a 24-year-old. The “Belichik Law” will “make girlfriends young again,” says Trump, played brilliantly by James Austin Johnson.

But hasn’t it always been socially acceptable for an older man to date a younger woman? In the skit, Trump says, “Old men can now date far younger women. We like that. It’s hot! But in reverse, it’s quite disgusting, right?”

My opinion on this matter is that as long as it’s at the legal age limit, then mind your own business. But Republicans are fine with a 49-year age gap, or 23, which is the difference between Donald Trump and Melania. But isn’t it weird that when an old fart starts dating a women who is waaaaaaaaay younger than him, she’s always a model? Holy shit. Have I been fucking up by deleting all those Facebook friend requests from hot girls in bikinis that I’ve always assumed were scams? Maybe my soulmate is a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. Never mind. I just remembered that, for some reason, that only happens to rich men.

While Republicans are very progressive and accepting of old, rich, wrinkly metamucil-drinking guys dating women who could be their daughters and even granddaughters, they hate gay marriage even though it doesn’t hurt them at all. We’ve finally progressed enough that Republicans don’t even want to talk about it anymore, but you know that if they could, they’ all vote to outlaw gay marriage. (snip-MORE, and it’s really good)

Shake Your Foundations by Clay Jones

Housing assistance is facing a wrecking ball. Read on Substack

This cartoon was drawn for the Fredericksburg Advance.

Did you know that 90% of Virginia’s support for housing assistance comes from the federal government? Other questions are: How much will DOGE/Trump cut from the HUD budget? How much will affect housing assistance? How much will Virginia lose from that 90 percent? Will Virginia lose all of it?

One question we don’t have to ask is: Does Trump or Elon care about housing assistance at all?

Creative note: We publish the cartoons for the Advance on Sundays, and I didn’t even write this cartoon until late yesterday, after I finished my daily syndicate cartoon. I don’t know why I put pressure on myself like this. I didn’t finish working yesterday until 8 p.m. I spent my Saturday working.

Music note: I listened to Fugazi.

Drawn in 30 seconds: (snip-go see!)

Three From Clay Jones

Preaching, Praying, Grifting by Clay Jones

Our international embarrassment continues Read on Substack

For just $59.99, with the Pope discount, you too can be buried with your very own Trump Bible. It’s the number-one Bible favored by dead popes, and will help you skip the line as it’ll impress St. Peter. Be the envy of all the other dead popes with your very own Trump Bible. For a limited time only, you can get two Trump Bibles for $119.00 in what we call the MyPillow Special! Act fast, as supplies are limited and tariffs are coming. The Trump Bible is the Popeiest!

I feel I need to remind everyone that having a grifter president (sic) is not normal and is an international embarrassment, which Trump excels. But just in case the grifting wasn’t enough of an embarrassment, Trump doubled and tripled down.

The dress code for Pope Francis’ funeral was black…all black. Melania followed the code. Naturally, Trump did not. Trump, who was placed in the front row to embarrass us further, wore blue, but at least the $97 Trump suit was dark blue. Trump talked about his Catholic voters before the trip, but wearing blue at the Pope’s funeral only showed them disrespect. (snip-MORE)

Negative Criminals by Clay Jones

Deporting underage US Citizens won’t make your polls go up Read on Substack

One reason Donald Trump will never be a good negotiator is that he cares about the polls too much.

Before he shut down the government in his first term, he boasted to Nancy Pelosi that he would take the blame. After he shut down the government and the polls blamed him, he couldn’t take it, and he caved. He got none of his demands, and Nancy played him like a cheap pair of cards. Other nations notice this. China notices.

Question: Who cares more about what their people think about them, Donald Trump or Xi Jinping? Do you remember the last time citizens protested in China? Tanks were involved. Trump is trying to deport protesters, but we haven’t gotten to the tanks yet.

Usually, when a president has low poll numbers, they avoid talking about it. Not Donald Trump. He can’t stop talking about it. When Trump has higher ratings, which is rare, he exploits it as much as he can and praises himself. When the same polls give him very low numbers, he calls them “rigged” polls. His supporters say you can’t trust those polls, even if they’re the same ones they cited months ago.

Now, Trump wants the latest polls “investigated,” and accuses the pollsters of election fraud, as if they had called a state election official and asked for more votes. (snip-MORE)

Fredericksburg is for the Birds by Clay Jones

Don’t feed the birds? Feed the birds? Read on Substack

This was drawn for the FXBG Advance.

Sometimes, when a cartoonist draws a cartoon for a local audience, they don’t expect readers outside the area to understand it. That’s the case for today’s cartoon, and I’m OK with that. I would like all my regulars to understand every cartoon I draw (because I love them), even if they weren’t drawn for them. I have a policy of not explaining my cartoons to people who don’t understand them. Not out of anger or arrogance, but out of acceptance that the cartoon probably didn’t work and they should wait for the next one. But that policy doesn’t apply to the local cartoons, so I’m going to try to explain this one.

I’m also concerned that local readers won’t get this one unless they’re all Advance readers (not advanced readers, but readers of the FXBG Advance, though I’m sure anyone reading my work or the Advance are advanced readers). The reason I’m concerned about local readers not getting this is that the story broke late Friday, and I’m not giving any back story in the cartoon.

The city of Fredericksburg sent out a public health notice that said, “Do not feed the birds.” Why? Because Avian Flu has invaded Virginia like a bunch of no-good Kristi-Noem-Gucci-Handbag-stealing illegals (sarcasm). (snip-MORE)

Woot! New “Cover Snark”!

Cover Snark: Lice Check

Well, the preview looks different from the post; the link embedded as usual on the post, but on the preview, there is simply the title as a hyperlink. Either way, go there and prepare to be amazed and amused!