Wow.   I wrote that title 2 and 1/2 hours ago.  ***    I wrote this many hours ago, it is now 8 PM and I wrote it about 3:30 or 4 PM. I am going to bed now after a great meal Ron prepared.  I will explain more tomorrow.   Hugs ** I thought it had posted as I rushed out the door.    My anxiety and mental distress was ratcheting up fast.   I had switched from news videos to music and from one generation to another almost frantic to distract my mind.   Looking back I can see it was building since noon time at least. 

Ron had gone for a nap and he had asked me to join him but I was unable to do so, feeling like I wanted to do something, anything but without an idea what I needed to do.    I was getting ever more frantic and ever more unable to focus and concentrate on my blog or comments.    

Thankfully I had not had a trigger to abuse yet or this would be a different post entirely.  

So Ron got up and I accosted him right away.   No, not that way, get your minds out of the fun zones.   He got up and before he cleared the cobwebs I told him we needed to go out, we needed to go to home Depot or Lowes and look at the new … cabinets / shower or whatever.   Up until now we had only just vaguely talked about changing our master bathroom to move the washer  / dryer , sink vanity, and putting in a much larger shower.   But it was the only thing that I could think of in my state.  Ron thankfully recognized how bad I was and how I needed to get a change from where I was in my mind and immediately agreed to take us out to Home Depot.  

I admit I was desperate and frantic to change my mind, to slow my roll, to handle what was happening in me.   I had already taken more pain medications as that also can control that part of my mind.   

Well the upshot was we went to Home Depot to look at … Not really sure now looking back but we talked about a bunch of stuff, kitchen tile counters, back splashes, new skylights, even new washers and dryers.   Even as we were in the car with Ron driving (I normally drive when we go out together and clearly today that was not a good idea) I felt the pressure in my mind / body ease and walking around the store looking at different things while Ron explained how he could use them helped soothe all the anxieties I was having, well most of it.   

But now Ron was on a creative roll and seeing that my crisis was ebbing he asked if we could go to Lowes.  I said sure.   He showed me shower bases of different sizes, enclosures, and then titles and other things.    He got me really to understand his thinking.   Since I was open to it, he wanted to redo our entire master bedroom bathroom / washer dryer set up.   For those that don’t know Ron built it all, he took the very tiny toilet / mini shower, and vanity that was there and knocked a wall back to build a large bathroom with the washer dryer and new shower and other stuff.   He did that because when we bought the place the washer / dryer was in the shed and I took a face first header out the kitchen door  carrying the laundry basket.  I got a bunch of scrapes and Ron got a lot angry.   Needless to say the situation was quickly changed.    But the new shower I picked out was a disaster from the start and we both have hated it.   Ron has long wanted to build a tile shower but I was always afraid of leaks because of how much of the floor in this place we have had to replace due to water damage.   But as he talked and showed me things I agreed.

So the finishing of this tale of my being so out of my mind is Ron took me to these stores and showed me what he could do and give me, and when we got home he had me come to the bedroom bathroom where he showed me with measuring how it could all be changed and …

Due to my having a near mental breakdown and jumping out of my skin, Ron is going to redo the entire bathroom / washer dryer area to give me the new front loading machines up on pedestals I want, a new 60 inch shower I guess he is going to tile (do you think that is because he wants a new tile cutting tool?) new toilet, and new vanity with a new medicine cabinet with lights.  I am not sure which one of us had the most mental health cleansing moment.   Truth is I was in a really bad place about to lose it, but now that I look at all I agreed too … he got permission to do a bunch of renovations he wanted to do for years.  Oh well.   In my defence tomorrow he says we can order pizza and I really want pizza.   

Thank you to everyone.   My heart rate is calm again, my mind is clear again, I do not feel endangered or so upset again.   I don’t know how to explain it, but all is good im world, as good as can be.   Loves and hugs to all.