Losing a pet is a unique kind of heartbreak, one that can feel both profound and invisible. To help bring comfort, we spoke with Patricia Denys, MFA, a compassionate voice in the world of pet grief and healing.
Patricia is an artist, animal activist, creative director of Animal Culture magazine, educator, yogi, vegan, and an interfaith, interspecies animal chaplain ordained by the Compassion Consortium. She’s also a great friend of MUTTS.
In this conversation, Patricia shares her perspective as an animal chaplain on navigating loss, offering support, and finding gentle ways to honor the journey. Whether your pet recently crossed the Rainbow Bridge or you’re reflecting on a loss from long ago, we hope this conversation brings you some clarity, comfort, and connection.
Understanding the Role of an Animal Chaplain
Can you explain what an animal chaplain does?
An animal chaplain helps animals live their fullest lives and helps them transition when it is time. They offer help to animal parents, animal care workers, and animal people in general, navigate stress, grief, and compassion fatigue. Animal chaplains also encourage stronger human-animal (interspecies) bonds, individually and communally. Animal chaplains offer help with end-of-life care, decisions and rituals (interfaith), and bereavement support. An animal chaplain is also there for celebrations and victories for all animals and our planet!
How did you become an animal chaplain, and what drew you to this work?
Our magazine, Animal Culture, interviewed Reverend Sarah Bowen, co-founder of Compassion Consortium and Executive Director of their Animal Chaplaincy Training Program. The program is interfaith, interspiritual, and interspecies, which was important to me. Sarah was a wonderful interviewee, and I became quite interested in the program after connecting with her. It seemed intriguing and intelligent, and an organic next step on my path of a lifetime working with animals. It was quite a commitment of study and well worth it. My fellow students were amazing, compassionate people. It was a very positive experience.
What kinds of support do you offer to people who are grieving the loss of a pet?
The first thing is listening, while being a calming presence for different needs from different people. Using gentle questioning to see what arises for someone. Reminding people that laughter is good and healthy, and part of healing. And, working on realizing that one does not stop loving someone after the transition.
Hospice and Palliative Care for Companion Animals, edited by Amir Shanan, Jessica Pierce, and Tamara Shearer, is an excellent book. In one of the essays, the writer calls mourning, “…a transition from loving in presence to loving in absence.” We work on that as animal chaplains.
Why Saying ‘Goodbye’ to a Pet Is So Painful
Why do we often feel that losing a pet is just as painful — if not more so — than losing a human loved one?
Those of us who have experienced the pain of the loss of a companion animal, or any animal, know this pain all too well. Humans have intense bonds with an animal they love or one that is a part of their lives somehow. Animals’ lives are shorter than humans’. The shock of that short life being over can be very hard to process.
Companion animals also demonstrate stability and routine. A big void is created when these things come to an end. Animals are sentient. They are aware. We see that time and time again. We want to be with them and protect them; they are our family.
How can we respond to people who say, “It was just an animal” or who don’t understand pet grief?
It is very disappointing to hear, “It was just an animal,” from anyone, especially someone you respect or that is close to you. It is the last thing anyone wants to hear since it is so insensitive to one’s feelings and to the memory of the one who has passed. What someone grieving needs is validation that their feelings of loss for such a profound bond with an animal, are understandable and real. You may choose to say that or not.
What are some healthy ways to process and express grief after losing a pet?
Definitely seek support from friends, family, your veterinarian, and/or an animal chaplain. Animal grief is in our mainstream now. There is no shame in asking for help, ever. One needs to talk about the loss. It’s real.
Consider taking a workshop on animal loss or creating a shrine, memorial, art piece, or photo book. Volunteering is also a great, healthy way to heal.
Do you have any advice for someone who feels stuck in their grief or like they should have “moved on” by now?
“Moving on” is a very individual thing. There is no time limit on processing through one’s grief. Accepting the loss and adjusting one’s life accordingly takes time. You need to take your time. If you feel that you are experiencing symptoms of prolonged grief, a therapist can be of help.
Helpful Ways to Honor a Pet’s Memory
How can rituals or memorials help with healing? Do you have any suggestions for meaningful ways to honor a pet’s memory?
Oh, there are so many wonderful things you can do! Humans have always embraced rituals. It is a way to connect to something. A ritual may be something within your religious practices, your own spirituality that you find comforting, or the daily ritual of taking a walk with your dog. That is a ritual for both of you!
A memorial can be a powerful took for healing. It is a coping tool. It is a way to process. Creating an altar on a table for the one you have lost that includes photographs, something that was meaningful for that animal such as a toy, or adding flowers can be a positive expression of your feelings of loss. Re-wilding a small garden that encourages other animals to visit, or creating a small shrine you can carry with you are other ideas. Keeping a journal of your thoughts or sketches can also have a profound effect on healing. The simple act of writing to your loved one — what they meant to you, how much they are missed, what you enjoyed most about them, for example, is often a comfort.
As an artist and a teacher of art, I know creating art can be cathartic and healing, I conduct art workshops on loss and celebration of animals and the planet. They are for non-artists especially. It has been an incredible experience to see what people can create as a way to work out their feelings, and usually, how anxious they are to share with each other. It is a bonding experience about the power of love.
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It happened just a few weeks ago: Jim Obergefell was moving things in his office when he came across the ashes of his late husband, John Arthur, now 12 years gone. Arthur had last wishes for his ashes. Obergefell had yet to fulfill them.
“And it struck me that, oh, I am actually now mentally, emotionally ready to take care of John’s ashes,” Obergefell told The 19th. “It was the first time that I had that feeling so clearly and so strongly.”
Obergefell, 58, is ready to move on. Not exactly from the love of his life or the history-making Supreme Court decision that came after Arthur died. But certainly from the insecurities straight America was grappling with a decade ago about same-sex unions.
Obergefell is that Obergefell: the named plaintiff in the landmark lawsuit that extended marriage equality to every state in the nation in 2015. Ten years later, he celebrates that win and the many ways it rewrote his life. And in a time when LGBTQ+ rights are again under assault, he is looking to the future — of the queer rights movement and also his own.
A journey to the Supreme Court
Obergefell’s journey to the Supreme Court was hardly destined. It began 12 years ago, on June 26, 2013, when the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, a federal law that prohibited the government from recognizing same-sex marriages.
Obergefell and Arthur had been together for 21 years at the time. The two had discussed getting married before. But they wanted it to be legal, and their home state of Ohio didn’t offer same-sex marriages.
Arthur was gravely ill with ALS, a progressive neurodegenerative disease, and he barely left his home hospice bed.
After the ruling, Obergefell leaned over to Arthur, hugged, then kissed him.
“Let’s get married,” he said.
Arthur agreed.
The logistics were not easy. Arthur was in no shape to travel, and the couple could not wed in Ohio. Obergefell researched and found that Maryland would let him get a marriage license even with only one of them present. But both would need to arrive in the state for the ceremony.
When friends and family learned about their predicament, they pooled together money to charter a medical jet for Arthur. The two flew to Baltimore. Over the course of 45 minutes, they exchanged vows on the tarmac before flying home.
“In the days that followed, we said the word ‘husband’ hundreds of times a day,” Obergefell said on the Decidedly Podcast in 2023.
But just five days later, their joy was muted when civil rights attorney Al Gerhardstein informed them that because of Ohio’s ban on same-sex marriage, Arthur would be listed as single in death.
Arthur and Obergefell were angry. The couple sued the state of Ohio in federal district court and won. Three months later, Arthur died.
The following year, Obergefell, still in mourning, lost on appeal. But he refused to believe he might lose altogether.
“I just kept going,” Obergefell said. “It was the right thing to do.”
On June 26, 2015, he won. For the country, the win was immensely practical. Many told Obergefell it gave them so much hope it saved their lives. For Obergefell, it meant a legacy for the man he loved.
“I made promises to John to love, honor and protect him, and I was going to keep doing that,” he said.
In the decade since Jim Obergefell won his Supreme Court case that made same-sex marriage federally legal, hundreds of thousands of same-sex couples have married in the U.S. (Eric Gay/AP Photo)
Changing history
It’s difficult to overstate the impact of Obergefell’s case on the nation or the world. Since the 2015 ruling, the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law estimates, 591,000 queer couples have wed, generating an estimated $5.9 billion in wedding spending for state and local economies.
It has also radically transformed Obergefell’s life. Introverted and unassuming, he has spent the last decade campaigning for LGBTQ+ rights. He helms Equality Vines, a wine company that donates its proceeds to advancing civil rights causes.
It’s a position that makes him deeply proud if not a little fatigued.
“I’m not tired of talking about it,” he said of the 10-year anniversary of the ruling. “I’m just physically tired from all of the interviews and the photographers and the speaking gigs and the events. Yes, I’m exhausted.”
For 12 years, Obergefell has kept Arthur alive through retelling their story countless times in courtrooms and for the media. That exercise, of telling and retelling, helped Obergefell process his profound loss.
But he has never recoupled. It wasn’t that Arthur didn’t want him to. In fact, Arthur told him regularly that he wanted him to find love again. He asked his friends and family to tell Obergefell that he wanted him to find love after he was gone.
“I know it was sincere, because he told me that he had other people tell me that,” Obergefell said.
It isn’t about the pressure he feels as the face of marriage equality, he said, though part of him wonders what it would be like to date after making history.
“I don’t know how to date,” he confessed. “I’m clueless when people flirt with me, and as much as I hate it, and I don’t go into any conversation or anything like this, but you know, there’s that part of me that sometimes wonders, you know, are they interested in me as a person, or are they interested in me as Jim Obergefell, named plaintiff?”
Obergefell’s name has become synonymous with marriage equality in the United States, an issue that has not always united the LGBTQ+ community. Some queer activists have argued that same-sex marriage was a misguided goal for the movement as queer youth continue to face high rates of homelessness and transgender people grapple with police violence and incarceration, among other issues.
More work to do
Obergefell, too, is worried that the needs of the community’s most vulnerable have gone unmet. He has watched horror-struck over the last five years as state legislatures have moved to restrict transgender rights.
“We need to fight for every marginalized community, because the queer community includes every marginalized community, and equality for one is pointless without equality for all,” he said. “I didn’t go to the Supreme Court just so White, cisgender, gay men like me could get married.”
Despite all of the setbacks in LGBTQ+ rights, and even threats to Obergefell’s game-changing victory, he is hopeful — and feels stronger than ever. People assume his case was difficult for him. It was, but the path was also obvious, to him and to Arthur. They loved each other.
“If we weren’t willing to fight for each other and for what was right, then what’s the point?”
I remember all this, plus it was Bill Moyers who, in the questioning concern over the passage of USA PATRIOT, reminded us that the US Flag is our (non-Bushies) flag, too. Though a good run, it’s a sad loss.
A Daily Reid: A good man has gone. (non-Bushies in peace, Bill Moyers by Joy-Ann Reid
A seminal broadcaster and a human rights champion, Bill Moyers was the best of the mainstream media Read on Substack
My mom used to watch Bill Moyers, so I did, too.
Philomena controlled The TV … meaning the television in the family room, which up until I was in high school was the only one we kids had access to. She had a small TV in her bedroom, which I can now admit I would sneak into her room and watch, sprawled out across her bed, which I carefully refluffed and reassembled when I was done. But when she was home, and not at one of her three jobs, The TV was made for the nightly news, the Sunday shows, her favorite primetime shows (Dallas, Knots Landing, Fantasy Island (I can still hear her giggling uncontrollably every time Ricardo Montalbán yelled “Tattoo! Tattoo!” as if she was hearing it for the first time) The Love Boat, The Jeffersons and All in the Family among them, plus any movie with Harry Belafonte or Sidney Poitier in it, and Nightline, which I got to watch with her, starting in the sixth grade.
And also PBS, where Bill Moyers was The Man and Bill Moyers’ Journal was must see TV. Here’s a part of his obituary from the Associated Press, as he has passed away at the ripe old age of 91.
Bill Moyers, the former White House press secretary who became one of television’s most honored journalists, masterfully using a visual medium to illuminate a world of ideas, died Thursday at age 91.
Moyers died in a New York City hospital, according to longtime friend Tom Johnson, the former CEO of CNN and an assistant to Moyers during Lyndon B. Johnson’s administration. He did not cite Moyers’ cause of death.
Moyer’s career ranged from youthful Baptist minister to deputy director of the Peace Corps, from Johnson’s press secretary to newspaper publisher, senior news analyst for “The CBS Evening News” and chief correspondent for “CBS Reports.”
But it was for public television that Moyers produced some of TV’s most cerebral and provocative series. In hundreds of hours of PBS programs, he proved at home with subjects ranging from government corruption to modern dance, from drug addiction to media consolidation, from religion to environmental abuse.
In 1988, Moyers produced “The Secret Government” about the Iran-Contra scandal during the Reagan administration and simultaneously published a book under the same name. Around that time, he galvanized viewers with “Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth,” a series of six one-hour interviews with the prominent religious scholar. The accompanying book became a best-seller.
His televised chats with poet Robert Bly almost single-handedly launched the 1990s Men’s Movement, and his 1993 series “Healing and the Mind” had a profound impact on the medical community and on medical education.
In a medium that supposedly abhors “talking heads” — shots of subject and interviewer talking — Moyers came to specialize in just that. He once explained why: “The question is, are the talking heads thinking minds and thinking people? Are they interesting to watch? I think the most fascinating production value is the human face.”
What was great about Mr. Moyers, apart from his very human face and soothing voice, plus his eclectic work bio, which I can absolutely relate to, was his humanity. He never shied away from asserting it, for fear of being viewed as not “objective.” Here’s an example from way back in 2015:
And here he is in an excellent interview with the Great Lawrence O’Donnell, talking about the then-president, Donald Trump 1.0 and the deep, open sore that exists in place of his soul.
Bill Moyers was one of one. His crystal clear voice and integrity are an example for all of us who are toiling out here in these media streets.
Deepest condolences to Bill Moyers’ family. May his memory be a blessing … and a lesson.
A Ukrainian lawmaker nominated Donald Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize, and has now withdrawn it, saying he had ‘lost any sort of faith and belief” in Trump and his ability to secure a ceasefire between Moscow and Kyiv. The mystery here is why ever had “faith” or “beliefe” in Donald Trump in the first place?
To believe in Donald Trump, you either have to be a cultist who does not live in reality, or have previously taken a tack hammer to the head.
The Ukrainian official, Oleksandr Merezhko, said Trump is “evading—he is dodging—the need to impose sanctions on Russia.” That’s because he’s Putin’s beyotch. Has Merezhko not been paying attention all these years?
Pakistan submitted a formal recommendation for Trump to receive the Nobel Peace Prize after saying his “decisive diplomatic intervention and pivotal leadership” stopped its recent military spat with India over Kashmir. Although India stated there was no need for external mediation on the Kashmir issue, playing down Trump’s role. Factor in that India’s leader is a Trump fan.
But now, just a day after recommending TACO for the Nobel Peace Prize, it’s condemning him for attacking Iran, saying the strikes “constituted a serious violation of international law” and the statute of the International Atomic Energy Agency. Pakistani Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif, in a phone call Sunday with Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian, expressed his concern that the bombings had targeted facilities that were under the safeguards of the IAEA.
Today, Georgia GOP Rep. Buddy Carter has formally nominated Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize, writing to the committee that it’s “in recognition of his extraordinary and historic role in brokering an end to the armed conflict between Israel and Iran.”
But, Buddy…you don’t negotiate peace by bombing somebody. Also, the peace deal isn’t working. Israel accused Iran of violating the deal, and Trump got upset, probably because further escalation would ruin his pretend chances of winning a Nobel Peace Prize. Also, you don’t win a Nobel Peace Prize by bombing a nation that’s never attacked you.
Trump said, “We basically — we have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.” Oh, and you do, TACO?
Buddy didn’t nominate Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize because he believes it would be deserved. Like Pakistan and the Ukrainian guy, Buddy is using the prize to kiss Trump’s ass. Pakistan and Ukraine both turned around and said Trump doesn’t deserve it, which they already knew. Maybe they should buy him planes. Buddy, I don’t know what you want from Trump, but can you buy him a plane?
Of course, Republicans are praising Trump for a peace deal with Israel and Iran, but why? There are no conditions or terms. Neither nation has given any concessions to the other. Has Iran agreed to abandon its nuclear program? No. Even if they did, why would it be more trustworthy than the deal Obama already made with Iran that Trump destroyed, which was working? Did Israel give Iran any concessions, like maybe abandoning its nuclear program that nobody wants to talk about?
Trump’s peace treaty is like the TEMU of peace treaties. It’s going to break just as soon as you start playing with it. (snip-MORE)
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NATO Making Careful Preparations To Keep Baby Trump Entertained During Tomorrow’s Big Summit by Rebecca Schoenkopf
Wouldn’t want him to get bored or stomp out and demand to go home or anything! Read on Substack
This morning, Donald Trump was angry. One would imagine that after ending all wars forever with his flawless execution of the ceasefire between Israel and Iran, he just wanted to have a nice celebratory night, while SecDef Pete Hegseth drunked and belched around the White House residence in a sexy teddy singing “Nobel Peaaaaaaace Biiiiiiiiirthday, Missssteerrrrr [HIC!] Prezzzzdinint!”
Alas.
Instead it appears Israel and Iran stopped shooting long enough to let President Dumbass get on Truth Social and declare flawless victory, before they got right back to shooting at each other. It’s gotta be tough pretending to be the leader of the free world when none of the world, free or otherwise, has any respect for your leadership. (snip-MORE, and it is good!)
With Trump’s strikes on Iran and all the other shitstorms his administration has caused, the anniversary of American women losing their reproductive rights isn’t going to get a great deal of press. Here’s just one link to what abortion bans mean for women after the Supreme Court decision. There are plenty more.
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Inside the queer pop-up parties you’ll never want to leave
Glitter sparkles across people and surfaces, rainbow-colored acrylic nails snap in time to the Afrobeat, and boisterous cheers egg on the occasional dance floor death drop. These are moments that make up spaces created for and by queer and trans people of color (QTPOC). From Los Angeles to Philadelphia, New York City to Atlanta, queer community organizers, DJs, musicians and artists are producing monthly pop-up events that attendees and organizers say are reimagining queer liberation through collective joy.
Events range from underground warehouse raves like Hood Rave in Los Angeles to sunlit day parties and potlucks featuring patio yoga. Regardless of format, the trappings of queer life and culture are evident everywhere you look — necklaces made of popper bottles; chest harnesses as fashion; flags; fans; cheeky political statements across nails, hats and tees. The recognition of Black and Brown queer experiences is often apparent in event titles, like New York City’s notorious Papi Juice dance party and Los Angeles’ weekly Toxica event for sapphic Latine queers.
These parties also frequently double as advocacy work, where they highlight mutual aid campaigns, promote queer causes and spread political awareness. In recent years, DJ shouts of “Free Palestine” are frequently met with affirmative cheers from dance floors dotted with keffiyehs and watermelon imagery. QTPOC parties are also changing the tunes of gay nightlife from the pop/EDM/disco variety to a musical mix of hip-hop, trap, house, reggaeton, soca and Afrobeats.
“Everybody is able to see themselves in the music and feel safe here,” said Terri Flamer, who attended the Soulovely prom in Oakland, California, in May. “That’s probably the best thing about it, is you’re safe to be yourself, you can party, you meet people that don’t look like you and it’s all love.”
Queer dance parties also enable the ecstatic experience of group dance, which can be understood as its own form of activism. Maya Bhardwaj, a scholar studying the global influx of such parties in the last decade, called them queer utopias that center: “healing, mental health, ancestral faith practices, queer Black and Brown music and dance traditions, and spaces for activists and cultural workers to gather beyond mainstream bars and nightlife.” Mission statements from QTPOC dance party organizations often invoke terms like “affirmation,” “celebration” and “sustaining.“
While queer nightlife as a space of resistance isn’t new — it has its roots in AIDS activism of the ’80s — the intersectional community building and intention brought to crafting these spaces makes the current slate of QTPOC parties feel fresh. Often exclusionary White male gay spaces are frequently the only options for LGTBQ+ nightlife, and the pop-up event has become a go-to to address a lack of gatherings that feel welcoming to QTPOC folks.
There’s this sense of pain shared among QTBIPOC […] and therefore the joy that is experienced at these parties feels more necessary, more dire and more of a relief.”Nicole Prucha
Pop-up spaces provide “a feeling of safety in being able to trust that the people who are there have experienced or understand what it is like to be othered, in a sense apart from our sexuality,” said performance studies scholar Nicole Prucha about her experience attending Los Angeles QTPOC parties. As a queer Arab person who has often struggled to find places where she feels truly seen, Prucha said parties like Casual, Hot Pot and its sister event HabibiPot fill a vital need for queer people of color: “A place of refuge and queer world-building” at a time when LGBTQ+ rights are under attack.
Terri Flamer attends Soulovely’s prom, held in the 14th season of Oakland’s QTPOC-centered monthly party. (Manuel Orbegozo for The 19th)
Event organizers are often working with limited resources amid challenging financial situations. Five queer BIPOC coordinators — Kike Ayorinde, Camryn Casey, Madi Dalton, dRi Guillén and Leslie Tellería — produce community-funded Lavender Evolutions (LE) events in D.C., and the ticket sales for each event contribute to the next event. In a collective statement, the organizers shared that they are largely unpaid but, “We do give core organizers small payments to cover things like gas, food during events, and the many hours of labor leading up to an event.” The LE organizers acknowledge that “money is a huge barrier and we could always use more of it, but for us, it’s more important that we have events that are financially accessible.”
They keep ticket prices below $25 to achieve that aim but struggle with the financial load of creating these pop-up spaces. The organizers say they are often unable to meet the market rates of DJs and other collaborators due to tight budgets, while logistical support frequently comes from community members willing to volunteer their time to assist with check-in and ticketing. Another challenge they face is making their work in building queer community attractive to funders. “Grant makers don’t always understand the scope of the work that we do and why it’s so important, especially in this moment,” organizers said.
Despite the challenges, organizers said the work is worthwhile. “We do experience burnout but we rely heavily on the collective,” the organizers said. “More than anything, we prioritize people. For our core organizers, it’s a delicate balance because our time and energy is limited. We’re all balancing our full-time jobs, life and Lavender, but the love of community keeps us going.”
They need us, we need them. It’s not always about the bottom dollar, sometimes it’s about building community and the dollars come after.Sgt. Die Wies
The 19th sent photographers to queer pop-up parties and events in Oakland, Washington, D.C., and Atlanta to show these spaces of radical queer joy in action and highlight the work that queer organizers are doing to build QTPOC community across the country.
OAKLAND
Soulovely has brought QTPOC-centered “cultural affairs” to the Bay Area for 14 years
Many attendees of Soulovely’s prom said it was a first for them, providing queer and trans people of color (QTPOC) an opportunity to attend a prom in a safe and community-based setting. (Manuel Orbegozo for The 19th)
Soulovely is a beloved and long-lasting pillar of queer life in the Bay Area. Since 2011, its monthly events have served as a safe haven for a predominantly BIPOC queer community to celebrate their identities and bodies through music and dance. “I actually just found out that a loved one passed. So coming here was kind of like in honor of them as well, because they love to dance, I love to dance, we met out dancing — it brings people together,” said Mello-Jahlil Travis, who attended Soulovely in May.
Burlesque producer and performer Sgt. Die Wies attended the Soulovely queer prom on May 11 and says she thinks the space provides an opportunity to be “solution-based versus just focusing on the negativity. “ (Manuel Orbegozo for The 19th)
Attendees and organizers both are often quick to point out these spaces are not about excluding White, straight or otherwise non-QTPOC people. Rather they are about radical inclusion and belonging. Sgt. Die Wies, a burlesque producer and performer who attended the Soulovely queer prom in May, said that the party is all ages with a variety of ethnicities coming out to be together:“It’s beautiful to see because there’s so much division in the world right now.”
Mello-Jahlil Travis (they/them) said the Soulovely Prom gave them an opportunity to have a different prom experience. “I’m stoked to be here amongst other beautiful queer people. It’s important to be able to see people who look like you be themselves and feel free. There’s not everywhere that I feel like I can have my nails painted and dress like this. It’s dope to be around people who can receive that.” (Manuel Orbegozo for The 19th)
While all are welcome, Jaycee Chang especially appreciates the way Soulovely centers queer and trans people of color. “It is both a space of joy and being a community but also, it’s a relatively politicized space where they’re very intentional about the artists that they bring in, the DJs, the themes,” Chang said.
And that can even extend to their families.
“One of the DJs who helped host HabibiPot [in Los Angeles], her mom was there to watch her first DJ set and she played Arab classics that my own mom had introduced me to,” Prucha said. “They’re both Palestinian, and her mom was there, standing on the tables with the rest of us, and she was crying because she was so happy that her daughter was there and had found community.”
Tiara Reed (left) met her now-fiancée Chenelle Reed (right) at a Soulovely event and said “it’s so significant to have spaces where unapologetic joy and levity and freedom are welcome and everyone can just bask in it.” (Manuel Orbegozo for The 19th)
These spaces also provide opportunities for LGBTQ+ people to meet each other beyond dating apps. A 2020 Pew Research Center study reported that lesbian, gay and bisexual people were both more likely to use online dating and more likely to experience harassment through dating apps than their straight counterparts.
Soulovely is always part of our story.”Chenelle Reed
Ahn Lee feels safe at Soulovely parties because harassment is far less likely. “I feel like no one’s gonna try to come at me in a way that doesn’t feel comfortable,” Lee said.
Since 2011, Soulovely events have provided a safe haven for the queer BIPOC community in the Bay Area. (Manuel Orbegozo for The 19th)
And for others, like Tiara Reed and Chenelle Reed, Soulovely has become a character in their love story. Reflecting on the experience of meeting her now-fiancée, Tiara, at Soulovely and their future together, Chenelle said, “It’s going to be absolutely beautiful, because we have places like this … where you can connect and learn that anything is possible, family in all the ways is possible.”
Jaycee Chang (they/them, right) with their partner Ahn Lee (she/they, left), has been coming to Soulovely for over a decade. Chang said: “Even when the world is chaotic and there’s a lot of harm happening, we can come together as a community and create spaces that feel like refuge, like safety.” (Manuel Orbegozo for The 19th)
ATLANTA
Southern Fried Queer Pride builds QTPOC community through education and embodied healing
Grassroots collective Southern Fried Queer Pride (SFQP) — now in its 11th year — focuses its events toward “artivism” with a stated mission to fight narratives that confine Southern LGTBQ+ people to “stigma, statistics and struggle” instead aiming to uplift an “honest narrative of resilience, rich history and vibrance.” SFQP offers year-round programming, typically providing between 40 to 60 events that feature community education — like the upcoming trans health care workshop — as well as gallery shows, marches and dance parties, such as its June trans cabaret and open mic.
Maya Wiseman (left) and Magdalena (right) have both volunteered for SFQP for years and say organization offers a space of respite and community connection for them. (Piera Moore for The 19th)
Community organizer Maya Wiseman said the May 18 SFQP Community Potluck was an alcohol-free and masks-required event to further expand on their inclusiveness, which has become a hallmark of SFQP events. “Queer folks have been marginalized throughout time, but often queer folks, whether they know it or not, naturally end up creating safe spaces for everyone,” said Wiseman, who has worked with SFQP as a community organizer for six years. “We try to create spaces that say ‘come as you are,’ because we’re not having this at a club. If you want to come here in pajamas, in a tank top and shorts, it’s fine with us.”
Southern Fried Queer Pride offered yoga at its May 18 community potluck in Atlanta. (Piera Moore for The 19th)
Atlanta’s queer community is very easy to navigate, and SFQP is a big reason why.”Magdalena
WASHINGTON, D.C.
Lavender Evolutions and Alphabet Soup make space for QTPOC joy at summer day parties
Alphabet Soup Events uses a tiered ticket pricing system that recognizes the systemic financial issues queer and trans people of color face to increase racial diversity across its attendees. (Mariah Miranda for The 19th)
While not explicitly centering QTPOC, Alphabet Soup events, like the recent Daisy Dykes pool party, are “sapphic-focused” and find other ways to make their events inclusive and accessible for queer people of color. Tickets are available at different price tiers, with some lower-cost tickets allotted for BIPOC attendees.
A couple dances together at a pool party by Alphabet Soup Events. (Mariah Miranda for The 19th)
Adu Ogbagiorgis has witnessed a big shift in the racial makeup of Alphabet Soup parties after the organizer started this pricing practice, which they see as a welcome recognition that “Black queers have a different experience than White queers.” For Ogbagiorgis, this approach to ticketing shows they want people of color to come to the events. “So it’s really awesome to see that a lot of more predominantly White spaces are making space for Black queers,” they said.
Mackenzie Bolden said they can be themselves at Alphabet Soup events. “I feel like I can just embrace my skin, embrace my personality, embrace my queerness, embrace everything that is me. And that’s something I treasure and will never take for granted because of how often I don’t feel that way.”
Lavender Evolution’s SWEAT party featured a wet t-shirt contest at on June 8 in D.C. (Mariah Miranda for The 19th)
Lavender Evolutions hosted a daytime beer garden pop-up called SWEAT on June 8 that featured a wet T-shirt contest, a water balloon toss and little cabanas filled with the sounds of multiple kikis.
Ciara Bridges whips out their fan while attending Lavender Evolution’s SWEAT party in D.C. on June 8. (Mariah Miranda for The 19th)
Jojo Morinvil, who attended the SWEAT party, deeply values the way Lavender Evolutions has been intentional in their creation of space for queer BIPOC people to enjoy themselves. “They started out doing nature walks and book [clubs], then, as they grew, they really created safer spaces for folks to socialize, to get to know people and learn queer history, [along with] events where you can dance and party with your friends,” Morinvil said.
Couples and friends slow dance at Soulovely’s queer prom in Oakland on May 11. (Manuel Orbegozo for The 19th)
I truly believe that being whimsical will crush the patriarchy.”Sgt. Die Wies
Sgt. Die Wies points to the unabashed vibrance, love and joy experienced at parties like Soulovely as “things (that) are going to just crush the darkness. We’ve survived harder times than this. We’ve been bullied before. They ain’t got shit on us. There’s too many of us. There’s too much light and too much love and too much joy. We’ll be okay.”
Mariah Miranda, Piera Moore and Manuel Orbegozo contributed reporting.
June 25, 1948 The United States, Great Britain and France began the Berlin Airlift of food and supplies to the German city in defiance of the Soviet Union’s blockade of the roads. At the height of the Airlift, two groups of planes flew in four-hour blocks around the clock.While one group of aircraft was loaded and serviced, the other group was in the air. On the 264-mile route, 32 aircraft were in the air simultaneously. Supplies would be quickly unloaded and the aircraft would return for more food, fuel and other necessities for the 2.5 million West Berliners. It was the most ambitious aerial supply operation in history. The Soviet blockade was not lifted until the following May but the airlift continued for four months more. Berliners watch a plane involved in the Berlin Airlift bringing food and supplies About the Berlin Airlift
In celebration of Pride Week, more than five thousand LGBTQ+ activists converged on Mexico City’s Zócalo to form the world’s largest human LGBT flag. Under a shower of rain and brandishing vibrant umbrellas, the colorful formation draped the historic Plaza de la Constitución, capturing global attention and shattering previous records.
Mexico City Mayor Clara Brugada joined the crowd led the choreography. She said during the event that “Mexico City is and will continue to be the city of rights and freedoms. This monumental image we draw with our bodies and colors will be a powerful message to the country and the world. Mexico City is the capital of pride, diversity, peace, and transformation.”
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