I’m feeling a bit dark today. I’ll lighten the next one up a bit. Hugs! randy
Truth Hurts
Category: MAGA / Republican
Fools and Damned Fools
Over the past days, our nation, the world even, has been swept through the raging tides of a thief. It was not enough to give tax breaks to the rich, it was not enough to devastate the safety net of the poor, it was now to be the middle class upon the chopping block. And, fools that they were, they rooted him on as he decimated their retirement, made their groceries more expensive, and created a tax on every product they would purchase.
Perhaps I’m “too strong in my opinion”? Perhaps I’m “being unfair to a great patriotic American who only wants to secure a great future for our nation”? Ok, let me ask you who, like me, have invested all that you can into your 401k: How easily can you move your money around? Can you do it within a week? A couple of days? How quickly does your 401k manager react to emergency move requests? How much would you lose in transaction fees? While every middle class American who has their money locked into investments had little choice but to take it up the ass from this particular ass clown’s fuckery with the world economy, his friends and colleague’s pulled some mad money out of their lobbyist bribe fund and made a fortune.
I look forward to the moment the damned fools that voted for this man look deep into their mirror and realize that while he tanked their 401k’s (interestingly every damn republican administration has and twice now on this one), everyone with an ability to move large amounts of money around raped huge rewards.
Well, shit. Nevermind.
Boy, I am sure tired of all this winning.
Hugs Everyone. Good Luck. -randy
Oh, and btw, Liz – not buying it. You ain’t gonna do a damn thing.
maga Cage Match
Everything? by Clay Jones
Morons will be morons. Read on Substack
Elon Musk got into a little tiffy-tiff with Peter Navarro, and I have to say, I like seeing these guys destroy each other.
You can’t choose a side between Elon and Navarro. You can only hope both lose. It’s like trying to choose a side during the war between Iraq and Iran (the US picked Iraq), or when the Dallas Cowboys play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, or when the Atlanta Braves plays of the two baseball teams in Florida, or a fight between the insurance emu or Flo from Progressive, or Ice T in Carshield commercials vs gutter filter commercials, or a contest between Nickelback and the Kars4Kids song, or a battle between ketchup on hotdogs and Domino’s Pizza.
Side note: I just Googled to make sure it is Ice T in those stupid Carshield commercials, and just because I’m trying to be accurate and informative to serve you, I’m going to get thousand of Carshield ads in all my shit now. You’re welcome.
If you see two fucknuts in MAGA caps in a slap fight, you don’t choose a side, and for the love of god, you don’t break it up. You should get some popcorn and encourage each fighter. “Kick him in the nuts! Yeah, that’s how you do it. Hey, other guy. Are you going to let him get away with kicking you in the nuts like that?”
In case you don’t remember, Peter Navarro is a lying sack of turds. He was the director of the National Trade Council in the first Trump administration (sic), then director of the Office of Trade and Manufacturing Policy. Now, in Trump 2.0 (sic), he’s senior counselor for Trade and Manufacturing. He’s also the first official from Trump’s White House (sic) to serve time in prison for trying to steal the 2020 election. Now, there are at least two felons in the White House.
This week, Navarro “guaranteed” the Trump tariff war will not bring a recession, just like he guaranteed there wouldn’t be a pandemic from COVID-19. Instead of investing in stocks, I’d rather place wagers on Peter Navarro being wrong about things.
But what’s going on between him and Elon?
Last Saturday, a poster on Twitter/X defended Navarro’s intellect as a voice on trade. This is like when a MAGAt tries to tell us that Trump knows what he’s doing. Navarro is a big part of Trump’s trade policies. Musk replied that Navarro’s Harvard Ph.D. suggested he had more ego than brains and that he “ain’t built shit.”
Musk has criticized Trump’s tariff war, and the two-day stock market crash, before coming back and crashing again, cost Elon at least $18 billion in Tesla stock. It’s kinda difficult to tell someone the tariffs are working when that someone just lost $18 billion because of the tariffs.
Then, Elon addressed an Italian political party (think of Nazis with risotto) by video and said, “Both Europe and the United States should move, ideally, in my view, to a zero-tariff situation, effectively creating a free trade zone between Europe and North America.” That goes against Trump’s stance (for now), whose trade policy is wildly going in the opposite direction.
Navarro, who has been defending Trump’s tariffs, has said Trump’s tariffs will bring in over $600 billion in new annual revenue. That can’t be true at all because Trump is calling on other nations to negotiate, so these tariffs will eventually be reduced, either by negotiations or Trump chickening out because his balls dropped off again. If that is Trump’s intention (not his balls dropping off but reducing the tariffs), then we won’t be getting new revenue every year of $600 billion. But, if we do get $600 billion revenue from these Trump tariffs, it will be from American consumers. Navarro should be capable of understanding this because he has a PhD in economics from Harvard.
Navarro has written a dozen books which most economists call bullshit. Despite Navarro’s PhD from Harvard in economics, he believes a trade war with higher tariffs will allow us to cut more taxes. I don’t have a PhD in economics from Harvard, but I still know that tariffs are taxes on American consumers. Duh.
Navarro and Musk don’t agree on trade. So, after an insult from Elon, Navarro sent one back, saying Elon wasn’t a car manufacturer, just an assembler of parts. Uh oh.
Elon responded to the video (which we don’t need to watch), saying, “Navarro is truly a moron.” He also said Navarro is “dumber than a sack of bricks.”
And then Elon tweeted about 20 more times to defend himself and his shitty cars.
Elon is right about this. Peter Navarro is a moron who is dumber than a sack of bricks, but Elon is a moron, too. Elon is a lying Nazi-supporting moron.
But Elon got the better of this since he told Navarro to consult with economist Ron Vara. Who? Ron Vara is an economist Navarro has quoted in several of his stupid books. The only thing wrong with that is Ron Vara doesn’t exist. It’s an anagram of “Navarro.” Peter Navarro has to quote a fictional economist because he can’t find a real economist who shares his dumbasseconomic beliefs, probably because they’re fucking insane. Navarro is that one guy in the office who’ll advise that today’s lunch should be from Blimpies (I just finished 30 Rock).
Even Elon’s brother, Kimbal, said, “Who would have thought that Trump was actually the most high tax American President in generations?” He also said, “Through his tariff strategy, Trump has implemented a structural, permanent tax on the American consumer.”
This is like Rob Gronkowski knowing FTX cryptocurrency wasn’t real money before Tom Brady lost $30 million in it.
White House spokesgoon Karoline Leavitt was asked about the sparring between Elon and Navarro, and she explained it with, “Boys will be boys, and we will let their public sparring continue.”
Oh, yeah. Leavitt is also a moron.
Maybe Trump is getting all of his trade advice from Gronk.
By the way, this is what inspired this cartoon.
Creative note: I have five ideas in my folder to choose from for the next few days. I felt this would be the best for today. This cartoon was so quick to draw that the files of it that I sent to my clients may be the smallest I’ve ever sent. The files with crowd scenes and lots of Easter eggs are huge.
Music note: I listened to Queens of the Stone Age.
Drawn in 30 seconds: (snip-go see it! It’s fun.)
Homeland Security can now spy on LGBTQ+ people & groups as threats to U.S. safety
In another reversal of the Biden administration’s expansion of federal protections for LGBTQ+ Americans, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has eliminated language in internal documents prohibiting the surveillance of individuals or groups based solely on their sexual orientation or gender identity, Bloomberg reports.
Two weeks ago, the DHS Office of Intelligence and Analysis updated its policy manual to fall in line with President Donald Trump’s executive orders excising diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) policies from federal agencies and declaring there are only two immutable sexes, male and female.
The terms “sexual orientation” and “gender identity,” which were added to the list of protected groups and individuals at the direction of the Biden administration, have been removed.
Language in the manual now reads, “OSIC [Open Source Intelligence Collection] Personnel are prohibited from engaging in intelligence activities based solely on an individual’s or group’s race, ethnicity, sex, religion, country of birth, nationality, or disability. The use of these characteristics is permitted only in combination with other information, and only where (1) intended and reasonably believed to support one or more of [Intelligence and Analysis’] national or departmental missions and (2) narrowly focused in support of that mission (or those missions).”
The Trump administration reversed Biden’s executive order facilitating the addition of “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” to the intelligence agency’s prohibited list on his first day in office.
Biden’s order, signed on his own first day in office and titled “Preventing and Combating Discrimination on the Basis of Gender Identity or Sexual Orientation,” was hailed at the time by the Human Rights Campaign as “the most substantive, wide-ranging executive order concerning sexual orientation and gender identity ever issued by a United States president. Today, millions of Americans can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that their President and their government believe discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity is not only intolerable but illegal.”
The Office of Intelligence and Analysis focuses on domestic intelligence gathering, often involving U.S. citizens and others in the country.
It “has a long track record of civil liberties and civil rights abuses,” according to the Brennan Center for Justice.
“Since at least 2016, I&A officers have conducted interviews with people held in jails without sufficient constitutional protections, targeted journalists and activists protesting local monuments under the guise of homeland security, surveilled racial justice demonstrators, and monitored political views shared by millions of Americans — about topics like abortion, government, and elections — that DHS baldly asserts will lead to violence,” the group said following passage of the National Defense Authorization Act in 2024.
South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, a longtime LGBTQ+ antagonist, was confirmed as Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security in January.
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NYU Study Finds Age Verification Laws Don’t Work
https://www.xbiz.com/news/287606/nyu-study-finds-age-verification-laws-dont-work
These types of laws are marketed as to protect the kids. The right has learned that if they want people to back banning something bring out the trope “of it is needed to protect the innocent littlest ones, the children”. They are trying to do it with everything they disagree with and always have. In the 1970s they went after gay people, especially teachers claiming it was needed to protect the kids from the evil gays. They did it with drag queens a few years ago and are using the same trope against trans people. They insisted any book or media that had any LGBTQ+ characters or plot had to be removed from libraries to save the kids. They seem to think reading a book with a gay kid somehow makes real life kids gay? These people just want everyone to live by what they preach, to live by their precepts. They have no respect for the rights of other people to live and do as they want. They want to force their restrictive morality on everyone else and to their Christian hell with anyone who disagrees with them. They are dictators of how others live. I just do not get their fear of sex and the enjoyment of it. Hugs’
it indicates that the laws are “effective” or “working” — contentions that imply the goal is to prevent anyone from viewing adult content, rather than just minors.
A group of university researchers has published a study whose findings suggest that age verification laws are ineffective at achieving their stated goal of preventing minors from accessing adult content.
In states that have passed AV laws, some adult websites, including Pornhub, have opted to block access rather than shoulder the legal burden of compliance.
A representative for Pornhub parent company Aylo told Mashable that after the company complied with local AV laws in Louisiana, the site’s traffic dropped 80% in that state.
Focusing on search behavior as an indicator of adult content viewing habits, researchers at New York University’s Center for Social Media & Politics found that searches for Pornhub dropped 51% in states with AV laws, while searches for noncompliant platforms rose by 48.1%, and searches for VPN services rose by 23.6%.
In other words, people living in states with AV laws who did not want to submit identifying information to prove their age did not stop watching porn.
Instead, according to Aylo’s statement to Mashable, “They just migrated to darker corners of the internet that don’t ask users to verify age, that don’t follow the law, that don’t take user safety seriously, and that often don’t even moderate content. In practice, the laws have just made the internet more dangerous for adults and children.”
Aylo’s statement takes issue with the way many states have chosen to implement AV laws, calling said implementation “ineffective, haphazard, and dangerous.” The company believes that children should be shielded from porn, but that the best way to do that is for parents to employ content filters on individual devices.
To test the effectiveness of the laws, the researchers created a “digital twin” — a computer simulation — of each state, and compared actual observed search trends in those states with their model of what search trends in those states would have looked like had they not passed AV laws.
This revealed that users faced with an age verification requirement to view an adult site searched for alternative sites that did not require age verification, and for methods of circumventing age verification, such as using a VPN.
The team then used multiverse analysis, a technique that considers alternative research approaches to the same question, to confirm that its findings remained reliable under various scenarios.
While the researchers admitted that using Google Trends is inherently flawed due to the limitations of its data — for instance, it is not possible to know what percentage of users searching for AV-noncompliant sites or VPNs may have been minors — the study nonetheless concluded that AV laws were ineffective, since users in states with such laws simply seek alternative ways to access adult content.
They also noted that such laws effectively punish compliant sites and function to limit general access to adult content, not just minors’ access.
“Our findings highlight that while these regulation efforts reduce traffic to compliant firms and likely a net reduction overall to this type of content, individuals adapt primarily by moving to content providers that do not require age verification,” the study reports.
Numerous backers of the current spate of state AV laws have asserted that when adult sites withdraw completely from states with such laws, it indicates that the laws are “effective” or “working” — contentions that imply the goal is to prevent anyone from viewing adult content, rather than just minors.
When Penguins Shame Us-
Bok Bok Bok by Clay Jones
Trump chickens out again Read on Substack
This is not a conspiracy theory, but it’s something to watch out for: Trump declares “Liberation Day” and raises tariffs on every nation in the world except Belarus and Russia. Stocks plummet, and Wall Street loses nearly $6 trillion. Then, after all sorts of promises from him and his goons about being tough, Trump chickens out and delays the tariffs for 90 days, and Wall Street rebounds. What needs to be questioned is if Trump gave any insider information to his friends that he was going to delay the tariffs, thus making Wall Street rebound. Can I get a “hmmm?”
Trump said, “I’m telling you, these countries are calling us up, kissing my ass. They are dying to make a deal. “Please, please, sir, make a deal. I’ll do anything, I’ll do anything, sir.” And then, Trump chickened out again without making any deals. Not one.
One nation that did NOT kiss Trump’s ass is China, who retaliated by raising their tariffs on us to 84 percent. Trump retaliated by raising tariffs against China to 145 percent. China is the only nation not spared by Trump’s 90-day delay.
China threatens to stop buying our products and even stop watching our movies. This is bad news because not only will that hurt Hollywood’s revenue but also make our Chinese competitors smarter because they won’t be sitting around all day watching shit like Dude, Where’s My Car?.
Trump is mad at China for retaliating. In his feeble, twisted little mind, he believes it’s personal. How dare they retaliate, which the European Union did too. The EU is now delaying their retaliatory tariffs.
So, what happened to “Liberation Day?” There was a giant dog and pony show for “Liberation Day,” and now it’s “never mind?”
Trump claims 75 nations called to negotiate, but as we’ve learned over the years, Trump lies. I’m pretty positive nobody told him, “I’ll make a deal. I’ll do anything.” But, of course, other nations are willing to negotiate. That’s what diplomacy is. Diplomacy is NOT attacking an ally by saying they should stop being a country and join yours. Diplomacy is not demanding that it give you parts of its territory. Diplomacy is not attacking your friends with tariffs to make them negotiate. You could negotiate without the attack.
Trump is making every one of his policies personal, which is how a narcissistic toddler governs. This is bullying. I would not be surprised if this entire thing is only about Trump getting more people to kiss his ass.
Attacking the entire planet with tariffs, then backing down a few days later, isn’t strength; it’s cowardice. It also shows the world that Trump is indecisive, suffers from mood swings, and can’t be trusted.
Trump’s National Economic Council Director Kevin Hassett said, “This was Trump’s plan all along.” Secretary of the Treasury Scott Bessent said this was Trump’s “strategy all along.” White House spokesgoon Karoline Leavitt said, “Many of you in the media clearly missed the art of the deal.”
I did miss “Art of the Deal,” Karoline, which Trump did NOT write and probably hasn’t even read. But do you know what I didn’t miss, Karoline? I didn’t miss Trump’s “art of the deal” when he negotiated ending a government shutdown with Nancy Pelosi. I didn’t miss that Trump walked into those negotiations with a little bit of something for his border wall and walked out of the negotiations with the government reopening and getting nothing for his stupid, racist border wall. Was that his strategy all along?
I also didn’t miss that Trump negotiated a new NAFTA with Canada and Mexico during his first term (sic) and broke those promises in his second term (sic).
I’m sure other nations didn’t miss those “arts of the deals,” nor did they miss that when Trump starts chaos, he’s impatient and will back down quickly. When push comes to shove, it’s easy to push Trump down. If you’re playing chicken with Trump, he’ll swerve first.
Every nation that negotiates with Trump on tariffs will start with the upper hand. Just like Obi-Wan Kenobi, they have the high ground.
Trump’s post about other nations kissing his ass is him showing his cards. All they have to do is kiss his ass by appealing to his giant ego, and they will out-negotiate him. It also helps them that our president (sic) is a dunderhead.
Fascist blogger Curtis Yarvin (anti-democracy, pro-slavery, says Whites have higher IQs than Blacks, cited by JD Vance as an “influence,” attended Trump’s inauguration), talked about Trump’s “confidence” in 2.0 in an interview with The New York Times, saying, “It’s almost like he actually feels like he knows what he’s doing.”
Isn’t that exactly what we want in a president, for him to “almost feel like he knows what he’s doing?” That should have been one of the campaign messages.
What happened to make Trump chicken out with the tariffs wasn’t because he got 75 phone calls from nations ready to negotiate, but phone calls from oligarchs freaking out about the stock market. Trump says they got “yippy,” but nobody was saying, “Yippee.” Maybe something more like, “Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker.”
Cartooning colleagues, do NOT steal “yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker” from me.
Trump gave himself credit for Wall Street’s rebound yesterday, but today, it’s going “yippy” again. But I’m sure Trump almost knows what he’s doing.
Creative note: I wanted to do something with “yippy,” but I couldn’t resist this penguin idea after it landed in my brain. I may do “yippee ki-yay” later if it’s not stolen from me.
Music note: I listened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but only for a few minutes because this cartoon didn’t take long to color.
Drawn in 30 seconds: (snip-go see)
Clay Jones Bats It Out Of The Park!
Fascist Hockey by Clay Jones
Get the puck out of here Read on Substack
I suspect a lot of people are not going to like today’s cartoon, especially in my area. I live in Caps country.
The Washington Capitals’ Alexander Ovechkin scored his 895th NHL career goal on Sunday, breaking the record set by “The Great One,” Wayne Gretzky, which has stood unchallenged since 1999. The NHL is celebrating Ovechkin’s achievement, which he accomplished with only five games remaining in the regular season. The Caps will be the number-seed in the playoffs (which means they’ll probably lose in the first round).
Another person celebrating Ovi’s accomplishment is Russian President Vladimir Putin, who congratulated Ovi, saying, “You’ve surprised legendary masters. Without a doubt, this achievement is not only your personal success but a true celebration for fans in Russia and abroad.”
There’s nothing wrong with that, right? Even if Putin is a monster, it’s expected that he would congratulate a Russian for such a great historic accomplishment, and Ovechkin should be proud to be Russian, just as you should be proud of your nationality, even if you’re not always proud of your nation’s actions. What’s wrong here is that Alexander Ovechkin is a Putin supporter.
Ovechkin is a Putin supporter to the point that his profile image on his Instagram page is of him with Putin.
Ovechkin played on the Russian Olympic team in 2014, when the games were hosted in Sochi, Russia. The Russians were defeated by Team USA and then lost to Finland in the quarterfinals, but they came back later in the year and won the World Championship in Belarus (when most nations didn’t send their best). Putin celebrated with the team in the locker room, where the Great Eight poured champagne into Putin’s glass from the championship trophy.
Later, Ovi visited Putin at the Kremlin, where he asked Putin to give him and each of his teammates a car, a Mercedes GL, to be specific. It was a request Putin granted.
Putin and Ovi have played hockey together, and when Ovi got married, Putin sent a wedding gift, a tea set, but I’d be careful about drinking anything Putin serves. When Russia annexed Crimea and started its war on Ukraine, Ovi expressed his support with a photo on Instagram.
GR8 forgets that there aren’t free elections in his nation, that Putin murders his critics and enemies, that a free press and political opposition are prohibited, and that Putin has been in power for 25 years. “#SaveChildrenFromFascism” is a hashtag used by Russian media to support Russia’s war against Ukraine. Here, Alexander Ovechkin is a stooge.
Asked by ESPN about the post, Ovi said, “I don’t try to make a statement. Right now, as a Russian, I have lots of friends from Ukraine. I just don’t want a war. Nobody wants a war.” That was a weak response full of bullshit. You made a statement, Ovi, and it was one supporting Putin’s war that’s killing people in Ukraine. Ovi, you want to “save children from fascism,” but how about saving them from Putin’s bombs?
In 2017, Ovechkin created the Putin Team, a social movement in support of Putin, and issued a statement saying, “I’m sure there are many of us who support Vladimir Putin! So let’s unite and show everyone a strong and united Russia!”
After Putin illegally invaded Ukraine in 2022, Ovi said, “Obviously, it’s a hard situation. I have lots of friends in Russia and Ukraine, and it’s hard to see the war. I hope soon it’s going to be over and there’s going to be peace in the whole world.”
When asked if he still supports Putin, Ovi said, “Well, he is my president, but I am not in politics. I am an athlete, and you know, how I said, I hope everything is going to be done soon. It’s [a] hard situation right now for both sides … I’m not in control of this situation,” but that photo’s still his profile image on Instagram.
This isn’t a case of left or right-wing politics. Putin is a monster. He’s a murderer. He’s a liar. He’s tampered with other nations’ elections, including ours. He’s worked to put his puppets in power, puppets like Donald Trump. Putin is a dictator who’s bombed children’s hospitals and has never expressed remorse.
“I’m sure there are many of us who support Vladimir Putin! So let’s unite and show everyone a strong and united Russia!” Ovechkin said in a statement when he created Putin Team.
If that’s disappointing for Caps fans, imagine how Canadians feel about The Great One, a national icon for Canada, being a Trumper.
Yes, hockey fans, I’m sorry to report that Wayne Gretzky is a MAGAt.
Look. Here’s a photo taken at MAGA-Lardo on election, where The Great One (not Trump) was in attendance.
Here he is in a MAGAt cap.
Last February, Trump praised Gretzky in a rambling post on ShitSocial, saying, “Wayne Gretzky is a fantastic guy! They call him, “The Great One,” and he is. He could run for any political office in Canada, and win. Wayne is my friend, and he wants to make me happy, and is therefore somewhat “low key” about Canada remaining a separate Country, rather than becoming a cherished and beautiful 51st State, paying much Lower Taxes, a Free and Powerful Military, NO TARIFFS, and having a Booming Economy. Wayne and Janet, his wonderful wife, love Canada, and they should only support Canada, and whatever else makes the Canadian People, and Governor Justin Trudeau, happy. He’s the Greatest Canadian of them all, and I am therefore making him a “free agent,” because I don’t want anyone in Canada to say anything bad about him. He supports Canada the way it is, as he should, even though it’s not nearly as good as it could be as part of the Greatest and Most Powerful Country in the World, the Good Ole’ U.S.A.!”
Gretzky was a Canadian hero who led the Edmonton Oilers to four Stanley Cup victories. He was a symbol of national pride, but that started to wane once he was traded to the Los Angeles Kings. Now, his nation is disappointed in him as he won’t defend them against Trump’s insults, suggesting they become our 51st state, and attacking them with tariffs. He hasn’t even downplayed Trump’s comments that Gretzky could be governor of that 51st state. Talk about installing puppets.
Gretzky tried to defend his MAGAness by saying, “We always, believe it or not, really never talk politics in the locker room…we watch basketball, we watch baseball, we talk about the Blue Jays, we talk about the New York Yankees. (For) hockey players, that’s never on the docket. It’s just something that we stay in our lane. The prime minister and the president don’t tell us how to play hockey. We don’t tell them how to do politics, right?”
Gretzky said hockey players don’t talk politics and stay in their lane, yet it looks like Gretzky’s lane took him to MAGA-Lardo on election night, and it also took him to Washington, DC, to attend Trump’s inauguration (sic) last January.
Gretzky’s hometown of Brantford, Ontario, will take a major hit from Trump’s trade war as 80 percent of its production is sold to the United States. Yet Gretzky has yet to comment on Trump’s tariffs hitting not just his home nation but his hometown.
Many Canadians feel like Gretzky has abandoned Canada and chosen the United States over it. He’s married to an American and has made the USA his home. Recently, someone smeared poo on the statue of Gretzky at Edmonton’s Rogers Place, probably upset over him turning his back on Canada or they mistook it for a Tesla.
In 2009, Gretzky was awarded Canada’s highest civilian honour, Companion of the Order of Canada. Gretzky still hasn’t picked the award up. With him now being a fully-pledged MAGAt, it might be wise for him not to pick it up.
Creative note: This is NOT my most popular cartoon. It only has one like after three hours on Twitter/X, and only 13 shares on Facebook (but 72 likes).
Note about nothing: I almost choked to death on a salad yesterday. I was watching 30 Rock during lunch and Pete Hornberger had shaved his head only to discover a birthmark that looked like a Swastika made out of penises. I did survive…obviously.
Music note: I listened to The Pixies.
Drawn in 30 seconds: (snip-go see)
Texas Letting Teachers and School Workers Engage In Religious Speech
Open Windows
A Topical Humor(ish) Two-fer on Tuesday
Trump Wins! by Clay Jones
Trump wins another golf tournament while the world burns Read on Substack
Donald Trump spent the weekend in his “billionaire bubble,” as Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer likes to say (he’s not always ridiculous), avoiding the stock market crash he created with his stupid tariffs, a ceremony honoring four soldiers who died in a training accident in Lithuania (which Trump couldn’t find on a map), and hundreds of thousands of Americans in every state protesting his administration.
Sometimes you want to get away, but Trump didn’t take Southwest. He took Air Force One (sic) to South Florida to play golf…again. So far, taxpayers have spent $26 million for Trump to play golf since his inauguration (sic). He’s on track to surpass the $151.5 million we paid for him to play golf during his first term (sic).
Naturally, Trump played on a course he owns so he can collect the money the government spends for him to play golf there. He also made an appearance at a LIV tournament hosted at one of his resorts, which was paid for by Saudi Arabia. Remember when Republicans accused Biden of collecting money from foreign governments without any proof? How many howled this weekend about Trump doing business with the Saudis? Too many to count, right? That was sarcasm.
Trump also played in a tournament, which he said he won. The White House announced with “BREAKING,” that he won the Senior Club Championship at his Trump National Golf Club in Jupiter.
When asked by a reporter how the tournament went, Trump said, “Very good because I won. It’s good to win. You heard I won, right? Did you hear I won? Just to back it up from there, I won. I like to win.” He was then asked about his handicap, which was clearly displayed when he said “he won” 17 times.
Trump did answer, “Very low. I have a very low handicap.” OK, maybe he didn’t answer. This is like in the film Rain Man, when Raymond Babbitt says, “I’m an excellent driver,” which had only been done in his driveway, much like Trump being a good golfer only on his courses. This win is as suspicious as The Grinch winning the Who’s Christmas Cheer Award.
This golf win is amazing because it’s Trump’s third win this year. That’s three tournament wins within four months. Trump is on golf fire because he won two tournaments last year, and he didn’t even play the first round in one of those. He won two other tournaments two years ago. Of course, all these wins were on his golf courses. He’s not just winning tournaments as he was also voted the 2024 Trump International Golf Club Most Improved Player. He’s 78 years old, and he’s improving?
That would be like me winning the Clay Jones 2024 Most Awesome Cartoonist in the World award. I could probably say something like Trump did: “Such a great honor!”
What’s weird about all these tournament wins is that there are never any videos of them. Even the photo Laura Loomer posted on Twitter/X, to suck up to Trump, was taken from a long distance, meaning an amateur took it because they wouldn’t allow a real photojournalist near the “tournament.”
Even those palm trees had to sign an NDA. Why didn’t they just take the photo from the International Space Station?
Rick Reilly, the author of Commander In Cheat, tweeted in all caps after a Trump tournament win last month, “REALLY? THAT’S AMAZING, SIR! CONGRATS TO YOU, THE CADDIES WHO KICK YOUR BALL OUT OF THE ROUGH, THE STOOLIES WHO LET YOU WIN OR GET THROWN OUT OF THE CLUB, THE SPINELESS PRO AT YOUR CLUB WHO DOESN’T WANT TO GET FIRED, AND THE 100S OF FEET OF GIMMIES YOU GIVE YOURSELF! BRAVO!
After that “win,” Reilly said, “He’s never won a championship at a course he doesn’t own and operate. He’s played in Pebble Beach. He’s played in the Tahoe one, where there are rules and judges and cameras. And in those, he’s never finished in the top half. So, he wins when anybody who disagrees that he won is out of the club. That’s how he gets it.”
Reilly also said that Trump has a “turbo-charged golf cart” so he can get ahead of the competition and put some distance between him and his opponents, giving him “time to cheat.”
Think about it. Other golfers who share Trump’s politics see the president of the United States (sic) kicking the ball on a course he owns and then winning the tournament aren’t going to call him out. Trump once stole a child’s golf ball, and when the kid tried to speak up, his father silenced him. For Republicans, it’s OK if Trump steals little boys’ balls.
After Trump’s win in January, Shark Tank host and Trump sycophant Kevin O’Leary tweeted the announcement saying Trump won with a “sizzling” round of 68, later saying, “It was a great day.” Except when Trump’s name was posted at the top of the leaderboard, all the players and attendees were taken by surprise because nobody had seen Trump that day. How “sizzling” is it to win a tournament you didn’t play in? How fast is that golf cart?
The point of all this is just how petty Trump is and that it’s supported and enabled by his cult and staff. The White House and Laura Loomer are sending him congratulations like these things are real. Is there someone assigned to applaud every morning when he successfully puts his pants on all by himself? I’m surprised the White House doesn’t announce, “BREAKING!” every time he wipes his own ass (does he?). His golf “wins” are about as transparent as DOGE. There’s as much evidence of Trump’s tournament “wins” as there’s evidence of 200-year-olds collecting Social Security.
The other point is how obtuse and out of touch he is with the country. While the economy is tanking and people are protesting in every city and soldiers are being buried, he’s kissing Saudi ass and pretending to play golf.
Trump’s golf resorts need fewer bed bugs and more alligators.
Creative note: I’ve seen way too many cartoons with the graph arrow-thingy being Trump’s tie. Just be glad I didn’t do a mind-if-I-play-through cartoon.
Music note: I didn’t listen to any music today, but did I mention I lost my Airpods in Washington? I’m still bummed about it.
Drawn in 30 seconds: (snip-go see)
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Scottie's Playtime 