I just saw this, over supper just now. I’m a big fan of Roberta Flack’s talent.
Roberta Flack, the Grammy-winning soul singer best known for her celebrated interpretations of romantic ballads like “Killing Me Softly With His Song,” as well as her professional collaborations and social activism, has died, according to a statement from her publicist.
She was 88.
Flack died Monday at her home, surrounded by her family, Elaine Schock, her publicist, told CNN. Her death followed several years of health challenges, including a diagnosis, revealed publicly in late 2022, of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS. The progressive condition, often referred to as Lou Gehrig’s disease, made it impossible for Flack to sing, her representatives said at the time.
The bad news is that the “city-killing” asteroid currently headed our way probably won’t hit us. Even if it does, it won’t be here until 2032 which gives Donald Trump, who probably thinks you destroy an asteroid with Preparation-H, and Elon plenty of time to destroy this world first. It looks like they’re going to reach Fort Knox (because they want to make sure it’s still there) before the asteroid does.
Asteroid Schmasteroid…we have MAGA.
The asteroid, 2024 YR4, is 180 feet wide which is about as close as you can get to Donald Trump before you get a whiff of his diaper. 180 feet is also plenty of room for Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck to land a space shuttle and drill a giant hole into which a nuclear device would be placed. The film Armageddon was based on sound science, right? I refuse to believe Billy Bob Thornton would allow himself to be cast in a junk science movie. Steve Buscemi, maybe, but not Billy Bob. And I’d trust Bad Santa over Bad Batman any day.
George Clooney was the George W. Bush of Batmans. We all hated Clooney but wanted him back after seeing Affleck do it…just like we wanted W back after Trump came along.
And what’s the deal with the name? Why do asteroids get shit like “YRV” and hurricanes get names like Laura (see what I did there?)? Even pets get more respect than asteroids. I knew a cat named Don Cheadle. Since asteroids can destroy our planet, which I’m assuming most of us will hate, let’s name them after actors we hate.
Asteroid Seth Rogan was given 1-32 odds of blasting into us and with the right amount of luck, it’d hit MAGA-Lardo. Then, Seth Rogen’s odds dropped to 1-67. It’s OK to use Seth Rogen here. If he gets lost in space, we’ll be just fine because we still have Jonah Hill who’s basically the same person but with an Oscar. We don’t need two Seth Rogens. Also, Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg, same person.
Now, the odds of city-killing Seth Rogen slamming into the planet are 1-360, which are a lot slimmer odds than Seth Rogen’s The Interview destroying the planet because it really pissed off nuke-loving Kim Jong Un. And if there is a city-killing asteroid headed this way, why couldn’t it have arrived before I saw Seth Rogen’s Green Hornet? Oh, the humanity! Say what you will about the Cats! movie but it didn’t nearly destroy the planet.
Asteroid Seth Rogen has a 0.28% chance of destroying us all. The next city-killer headed our way is Asteroid 1950 DA or as I like to call it, Asteroid Kevin Hart (and if you think he’s annoying now, go watch his Peacock talk show), which has a 0.039% chance of impacting Earth in 2880.
These asteroids can’t get here soon enough to wipe out Trump, Musk, Seth Rogen, Kevin Hart, Nickelback, or DJs. You know how DJs put new beats into songs, making them even worse than they started. Last night, a friend dragged me to a bar where a DJ was making a Nickelback song even more torturous, which I didn’t think was possible. I once broke up with a girl because she believed DJs were musicians. DJs are musicians about as much as Gary Varvel is a journalist.
Since these unreliable asteroids aren’t cooperating, it’s up to us to save our nation from MuskTrump.
I bet MAGA-Lardo has a DJ.
Creative note: I was planning to do this cartoon yesterday but decided Kash Patel should come first.
Since 1997, five Swedish-based scientists were involved in an interesting practice that went on for 17 years, the parameters of which were revealed in 2014. The goal? See who can use as many Bob Dylan songs in their research paper titles before retirement.
John Jundberg and Eddie Weitzburg started the trend. Two professors at Stockholm’s Karolinska Institute, they titled a research paper “Nitric Oxide and inflammation: The answer is blowing in the wind” (Predictably, it was about flatulence). However, in a 2014 story with Swedish outlet The Local, Weitzburg cleared up some things about the wager. (Snip-More; just click the article title)
laughter brings endorphins. She blends humor and current events the same as she’s always done, excellently! (And just look at that salad- )
Hold On, Hold On by Samantha Bee
Marathon conditioning with humor, salads, and Neko CaseRead on Substack
Me. This morning.
Happy New Year, One 👏 Week 👏 Into 👏 The 👏 Trump 👏Administration 👏 And 👏 I 👏 Am 👏 Trying 👏 So 👏 Hard 👏 Not 👏 To 👏 Lose 👏 My 👏 Cool.
Here is the Serenity Prayer, as a quick refresh.
Wait, that’s the wrong one.
Anyway, you get the picture.
Oh believe me I could easily spend every moment of every day flaming the Trump administration for every single catastrophe they lob into the public sphere like tossing a grenade into a cellar full of Bubble Guppies.
Just not sure I’m ready for it, and it’s kind of twisting me up inside a bit.
Anyway, gonna go liquidate all my assets and I guess pour it into $Melania crypto tokens? Do I have this right? We just grift in full view now and that is just what we do? Instagram and Meta are blocking people’s access to healthcare information and it is NBD. This diva fired this woman DURING THE INAUGURAL BALL and a Fox News host runs the DOD now.
I guess…pace yourself? Don’t blow all your outrage in the first week out of…hundreds of weeks?
We must find humor where we can.
I, for example, was talking to my dad the other day about his arthritic hip, and I was like “what about just an aspirin every morning and some stretching and activity?” And he was like “Don’t be ridiculous, I think I’m going to go down a more natural path?”
Meaning?
“My friend has a naturopath and he got a prescription and he is going to give some of the pills to me.” (Which is not, to my understanding, naturopathy? In any case.)
“Well, what is in the pills? Are they unregulated supplements?”
“WHY ARE YOU SUCH A SKEPTIC.”
“I just don’t think it’s advisable to take other people’s medicati–”
*sound of father struggling with reading glasses and fiddling with another man’s bottle of pills*
“Here you go smart guy. It’s something called mi-…miso—…misoprostol??”
Yes, that is correct. MISOPROSTOL.
One man gave another man some Misoprostol, which can be used for ulcers I think, but is also used to procure a medication abortion.
My dad was like “do NOT write about this” and I said “unfortunately that is not possible.”
The elders are giving each other abortion pills for their hip pain. Everything is upside down. GIVE THEM TO ME, we need to stockpile those.
Speaking of open access to abortion pills for all – and not just my Dad, I must plug my most recent Choice Words with Amanda Skinner, who is the President and CEO of Planned Parenthood Southern New England. We have a fascinating conversation about the many misconceptions surrounding Planned Parenthood’s mission and the breadth of healthcare services they actually provide for a variety of patients. Please check it out wherever get your podcasts.
We must nourish our bodies. For example I made Andy Baraghani’s citrus and caramelized date salad from his amazing book, and I swear to God I think about it ten times a day. I gave myself so many high fives for this dish even though I didn’t invent it, and merely followed his highly entertaining instructions. Uncrate the sun!
And we must nourish our minds, or at least distract them a bit.
For example–I am hosting a book event for Neko Case tonight in New York City and friends, I am here to tell you that if you read ONE book in the next ten years, please make it this one. I feel blessed that she asked me to participate in this event, and tbh I pray that I can get through it without crying that she is also writing the music for the Broadway adaptation of Thelma and Louise. Nope. Already misting over like a g-d baby.
I also highly recommend the distraction of rewatching Downton Abbey, which I am embarrassed to tell you I thought was DownTOWN Abbey for three FULL ASS seasons, since I didn’t watch it and never listened to anybody talk about it ever.
Anyway now I’m watching it, and it’s great of course–and gives me that uncomfortable squirmy feeling I used to get as a child from all the awkward misapprehensions of Three’s Company.
Somehow in a time of turmoil, watching people brutally misunderstand each other and demonstrate extreme emotional constipation is just the ticket to relax and unwind my brain! Agonizing!
And something I would like to remind everybody, as we venture forth into semi-uncharted waters: cleanse yourself of social media as much as you are able.
I have put myself on a strict diet of zero brain rot social media time. Sure, I miss all the videos of cats launching themselves into Christmas trees, but this is a price I am willing to pay.
Only for business, only when I have something to say, only when necessary. Watching all of those tech bro Dobby’s on the dais boot licking Trump was brain Ozempic for me; I lost my appetite to carry their water and give them my eyeballs and personal data.
Happy to keep the lights on for the socials and post occasionally on a few platforms, but a better use of all those precious brain cells is to put them toward Neko Case’s new book and rest up for the marathon we are already running.
January 26, 1784 Benjamin Franklin, noting the bald eagle was “a bird of bad moral character” who lived “by sharping and robbing,” expressed regret it had been selected to be the U.S. national symbol. Benjamin Franklin Franklin proposed the wild turkey, “a much more respectable Bird and a true original Native of America.” He said the eastern wild turkey, known for its intelligence, cunning and boldness, was a far better symbol of the United States. In a 1775 letter published in a magazine, Franklin made a good case for the rattlesnake as an appropriate symbol of “the temper and conduct of America.“ How the bald eagle became our national bird (Interestingly, the link on the P&J History page leads to “Forbidden.” I thought I oughta make a note of it. The link here is on History.com, not forbidden when I posted.) Frankin’s letter on the rattlesnake
January 26, 1930 Mohandas Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru and other leaders of the anti-colonial movement in India pledged to achieve complete independence, or Purna Swaraj, from Great Britain. Nehru said: “The British Government in India has not only deprived the Indian people of their freedom but has based itself on the exploitation of the masses, and has ruined India economically, politically, culturally and spiritually . . . We hold it to be a crime against men and God to submit any longer to a rule that has caused this fourfold disaster to our country.”
January 26, 1950 The Indian Constitution became law and India proclaimed itself a republic. The new president replaced the King of England as head of state after nearly 100 years of British colonial rule. The Republic of India considered its sovereignty derived from the people, becoming the most populous democracy in the world. The day is now celebrated as Republic Day. The new President, Dr. Rajendra Prasad, after taking the oath of office: “Today, for the first time in our long and chequered history, we find the whole of this vast land . . . brought together under the jurisdiction of one constitution and one union which takes over responsibility for the welfare of more than 320 million men and women who inhabit it.” More About Republic Day
January 26, 1956 The Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested for the first time, for driving 30 mph (48 kph) in a 25 mph (40 kph) zone in Montgomery, Alabama. This occurred shortly after the beginning of the citywide bus boycott he had helped organize. His home was bombed a few days later.
January 26, 1962 Bishop Joseph A. Burke of the Buffalo, New York, Catholic Diocese banned a new song and dance, “The Twist,” by Chubby Checker. It couldn’t be danced, sung, or listened to in any Catholic school, parish, or youth event. Later in the year, the Twist was banned from community center dances in Tampa, Florida, as well. It was claimed the Twist was actually a pagan fertility dance. “The Twist” by its originator
January 26, 1969 Police wielding truncheons and firing tear gas from pressure canisters broke up a march by hundreds of demonstrators in central Prague. Jan Palach The violence erupted as officers tried to disperse the crowd gathered at the foot of the Wenceslas Statue to pay tribute to Jan Palach, the student who burned himself to death in protest at the Soviet invasion the previous summer, and their ongoing occupation of Czechoslovakia. More about Jan Palach
January 26, 1991 Germans protested their country’s membership in the coalition prosecuting the first Gulf War against Saddam Hussein’s Iraq after he invaded Kuwait. Rallying out in many cities, the largest turnout brought 200,000 to Bonn. The number of those claiming conscientious objector status jumped 35% in that month to 30,000.
Also, in the early 2000’s as my Dem. county party chair, I had the great honor of representing Kansas St. Senator David Haley-a very gracious man!-at a local candidate’s forum as he was running for Secretary of State (he came close but did not prevail. I tried to take the blame, but he would not let me.) KS is a red state, but he ran against the Republicans anyway. At that time, Republicans loved the computerized voting machines with no chits, but Sen. Haley wanted verification. He is author Alex Haley’s nephew.
January 24, 1970 John Lennon & Yoko Ono cropped their hair short for the first time in years, declaring 1970 “Year One for Peace” and helped organize a Toronto Peace Festival. John and Yoko An interview with John later that year
January 24, 1977 The TV mini-series ”Roots,” based on the Alex Haley novel, began airing on ABC. LeVar Burton portrayed Kunta Kinte, a young man captured in Africa and shipped to America to be a slave, in “Roots.” The story followed an African sold into slavery, and his family’s history through emancipation. It won numerous awards and drew an enormous and broad-based audience (third-highest Nielsen ratings ever for its final episode). 85 percent of all Americans watched at least some part of the series. Listen to thoughts on Roots 30 years later
If you were around in the 1990s, you’ve probably heard of Kris Kross, the pint-sized rap group that had everyone wearing their clothes backwards and moving to their mega hit “Jump.”
With the help of producer Jermaine Dupri, friends Chris “Mac Daddy” Kelly and Chris “Daddy Mac” Smith started a cultural phenomenon. But it wasn’t long before issues with their image and battles with drug addiction brought their success to a screeching halt. We wanted to take a look back at the careers of these talented teens and the impact they made during their time in the spotlight.
This is the story of Kris Kross. (snip-click through; there’s a slide show with captions. Ah, youth! And we were all younger, too.)
Scottie's Playtime 