A Different Reality

I am not transgender. And, perhaps like some who read Scottie’s blog, there are times when I wonder why I am reading so much about transgender and non-binary issues, since they don’t really effect me. I’m simply me, an overweight white guy who has struggled with his orientation and confidence. Interestingly enough, I’m – as written – not Hispanic. I was born in the USA, so why should I care about some of the other posts Scottie shows on his blog about ICE/Immigration? I think you know where I am going with this.

On the first day of tRump’s occupation, he signed an executive order that the United States would no longer recognize anything but born male/born female as a gender to the applause of a disappointingly large number of people. With the literal stroke of a pen, a person’s identity was made to be unrecognized by their very own government.

And, just as he has chosen to remove men and women from our communities without the right of Habeas Corpus, one of the very principles our country was founded upon, who will be next to learn they are a non-person and suddenly unworthy of liberty? Will it be me, a struggling fat white guy who doesn’t conform to the cis ideal? Will it be when I become old and can no longer work? Will it be because I don’t agree with the Maga mantra? What will I have to fake to be still acceptable to the powers?

I’d like to paraphrase and steal another’s words here:

The Declaration of Independence identified “the pursuit of happiness” as one of our unalienable rights, along with life and liberty… Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Alexander Hamilton (spoke about what) happiness meant in their lives, how they understood the pursuit of happiness as a quest for being good, not feeling good—the pursuit of lifelong virtue, not short-term pleasure. Among those virtues were the habits of industry, temperance, moderation, and sincerity, which the Founders viewed as part of a daily struggle for self-improvement, character development, and calm self-mastery. They believed that political self-government required personal self-government.

Now this is arguable, but I want to believe it. I want to believe and agree that the creation of this country was about more than the pursuit of power, but about the pursuit of happiness, of completion, of understanding and identity. I believe that the creation of this country was to be about self-determination and self-actualization, not conformity to some distorted and corrupted image of a diseased head of state.

It is for this reason that I embrace the rights and honor of those who are transgender, non-binary, or any who are seeking to understand that person in the mirror. In fact, I see it as a fundamental aspect of being an American that we accept those who are in the journey of self. Further, just as Jesus Christ is reported to exhort us to welcome the stranger – because it is only by befriending those different from whoever I am that I can hope to one day fully understand Randy.

I welcome respectful comments and even disagreements to this post. hugs.

When Fiction Becomes All Too Real

Navigation in the Modern World

Good Morning All. One of the difficulties and blessings we enjoy is the very thing we are doing right now: social media. People are able to express their information, their interests, their opinions to a world. We once trusted the network news and then a clown descended an escalator. Below is a 15-minute video from Neal DeGrasse Tyson that I found really helpful in navigating the bull. Hugs. Randy

Holidays Behind the Mask

Good Morning All. I’m writing from the other side of another holiday spent mostly alone. On the one hand, I like it this way. On the other, it gets lonely and I have to admit that as much as I hated “family holidays” growing up, I miss something that I can’t quite define. Is it that feeling that I’m supposed to be with ‘loved ones’ during the holidays? Is it that I am forced to recognize that just isn’t really an option? Is it that there is so much hype of the holiday that I must be missing something fundamental?

Today I watched a Casey LaDelle video and he pointed out the parking lots filled with trucks, drivers abandoned to the loneliness of a holiday alone. I watched a video last night about the elderly who have raised and lost their family and now subsist on memories of holidays gone by. And I watched a video about those with mental illness, physical illness or those who have made decisions to live their life differently than their family would accept who survive another Hallmark Video alone. For some, the holidays are a joy, but for others it is only another reminder that they are alone.

So, Please find it in your heart and thoughts to be kind to those you meet, especially during these holidays. You who shop and decorate and bake for families are decidedly stressed out, and so are those who are running the cash registers, the elderly man wandering the grocery stores with nothing much in his cart but very much in your way, and those who work their 40-hours and mosey home in your way on the highways to a cold house and a bologna sandwich. For some, the holidays are anything but Merry, and that paper mask they wear is for you.

Fair warning: The following video is hard for some to watch. For those who also struggle a bit on holidays, I empathize and send love. Hugs. Randy

Be Curious, Part II

This post continues my thoughts on the quote from “Ted Lasso” who said “be curious, not judgemental”.

Some time ago I learned that the psychotic magic of any supervisor or manager is the ability to take the attitude and issues of the workers in stride and gather them towards getting a task done. I’ve worked with some interesting people; rapists, drug dealers, people who were mentally disturbed, folks who used drugs and alcohol, the violent and even just the stubborn and immature.

Each of these men and women brought their own magic along with their own baggage, and I have been routinely blessed and amazed with what they can do. When working with rough people – those who rose above were a joy, others ultimately did not fit the organization, some went to jail, a few actually died.

But, this year, wow – it has really pushed me to lengths and depths I’d hoped never to see, and that has taken its toll on me. I’ve experienced depression, anger, and pain that required me to see a very unaffordable doctor – but not before I finally lost my temper. In that moment, the fear of the shop failing, the anger of the current political environment, the depression and the debilitating pain came together to have me behaving in an unprofessional, if verbally artistic and vulgar, manner.

Others who have been subject to this person’s ways were very understanding, two were quite giggly about it and no one was critical of me for my lost temper. Quite frankly, the guy is a prototypical engineer: thinks he’s smarter than everyone. But he’s also taking care of a recently disabled wife, is in financial hardship, frustrated that he’s tied the end of his career to this business. Once you get beyond his insecurities, he’s fairly funny, has had a lot of interesting experiences, and is surprisingly smart.

I knew I was wrong; took a short cut to feel self-righteous. Yet somehow I became a part of a group because I lost my temper and did something stupid. I responded unprofessionally because I was hurting, I was angry, I felt abused and disrespected. I responded unprofessionally not because of what he said that time, any time, but because of my own inability to deal constructively with my problems, and the task did not get completed.

That person is outside of my authority. And yes, the ceo should have put better controls on him so he wouldn’t abuse his people. But, it got me thinking. The aftermath of this had me curious about group mentality, shared grievances, and how maga people are acting.

Right or wrong, they feel they have grievances. They feel angry, abused, disrespected. I find it very interesting that they have chosen to latch on to the first charismatic fool that blasts out their pain for them to the point that they refuse to recognize this foundering wreck for what he is! Maga’ts follow his words like mana, respond violently when countered, and all for a person who doesn’t share their goals or their reality. In short, their pain and emotional turmoil has caused them to lose their curiosity.

Now there is fair evidence to say that magats have not been abused and disrespected, to which I would argue that they have. These folks have taken the words of faux news and those such to heart; they have had their fears stoked, they are defensive and angry because they confuse their fears and angers for a reality that doesn’t bear investigation.

So disillusioned and angry with reality in the scope of the manipulation their preferred information sources provide that they sometimes aggressively believe everyone is a liar except, ironically, those lying to them. Worse, they misconstrue opinion bias for research, and really don’t appreciate being told that.

So, some of you who have weathered this are screaming in your head “who cares!” – and some of you have actually screamed this out-loud. This is not our fault, I can hear you say – but it is our problem. As any of us who have tried to reach these folks can attest, seeking to change their outlook, to get them to consider things differently, to listen to f’ing reason! is incredibly difficult.

And, somehow, 70million of these fools voted in the last election. 70million defensive, angry, uninformed and misinformed people who can’t listen to anyone not associated with tRump are voting on our future. They think we are wimps, naive snowflakes because a 30-second news-cycle bombastically bullshitted them, and they liked it.

I find that very curious and extremely frightening, and I have no idea what to do about it.

Part III coming soon to a Scottie’s Blogs near you. 🙂

Hugs.

Randy.

What the GOP is Lying About

If you listen to the GOP, they will tell you this shutdown is the fault of the Dems. In a sense, they are correct. The Dems aren’t allowing the budget to go forward without ACA Healthcare Subsidies. They tell us that they will be more than happy to discuss the topic once the budget is signed. This is analogous to “…the beatings will continue until morale improves…”, and asks the Dems to give up the only tool they have to stop the gop’s continuing efforts to destroy the ACA and have the suffering of millions of people who don’t get their healthcare insurance from their employers or their personal wealth. The goopy is lying to us all, again, still, and the damn fools who routinely vote against their own personal interests believe them. Again. Still.

Simply said: The goopy ones have believed the lies because it is more important to them to believe the lies than to put out the effort to look further into the issues. They value the shared identity and emotional tickle of “getting the libs” over their own needs, their own health, and even the care of the community’s children.

Hugs.

Randy

Be Curious.

Like many, I remember when I realized that I found boys far more interesting than I did girls. I much preferred to be around them, was very curious about what they hid in their shorts, and knew very clearly that admitting to that would not be a safe thing to do.

As my friends began to find girls interesting I found fear and confusion instead. I found myself being left behind. I found the image in the mirror horrifying. And I found that the more I tried to avoid my problems, the more problems I had. And, I imagine now, as a late middle-aged man who grew up during the Reagan Aids fiasco, that many people of my generation found themselves in similar circumstances.

As time went, I was a decent student and received a fair education. I got a decent job and was a fair worker. I saved my money and did my best to treat people fairly. But, I was hiding who I was, only giving in to my desires occasionally and almost always very poorly. I was lost in my own camouflage, a victim of my own propaganda, and very much alone.

When I consider the affronts people endure to be themselves, I always wonder what those who abuse them would prefer? Would they prefer a person transitioning to match their outside with their inside identity to live a false life, to have to hide who they are, to be miserable? Are they so unwilling to view the sometimes lumpy way life comes about that they believe it acceptable to torture others?

When I was young I very much enjoyed watching the unusual characters on tv. Quirky people who didn’t quite fit society but were so very unapologetically genuine and fascinating and fun were far more interesting to me than the Ward Cleaver’s of the world. But I wasn’t that brave. I feared the “real Randy”.

Now I watch the judgmental speak on those who would risk being genuine in a cruel world, and it saddens me.

It seriously saddens me that we have these maga people thinking that people like my nephew who is openly gay are sick. These maga people don’t want liberty they want closets again, people afraid to be themselves, to be happy and to be free. It saddens me that seeing someone not fully conformed to the current image of masculinity or femininity somehow threatens them, makes them afraid, brings about spite and hatred. And worse, we have a government that clamors about the word “freedom” yet supports and shields those who would deny it to fellow Americans.

I watched a few Ted Lasso episodes and heard him speak that quote about “Be Curious, Not Judgmental”. I was fascinated by the simplicity – and devastated to realize the idea wasn’t new. The irony is that in the land of the free we only succeed by being confined to an approved image. And so, I find myself mystified and even a bit lost as I see the brave ones being true. I know I won’t ever really understand what they are feeling and thinking, but I am fascinated.

It is my sincere hope that I can go forward with the courage and compassion to be curious.

Thanks and Hugs.

randy

ps: I always thought Ward Cleaver must be gay because he really had some board feet shoved up his ass. just my humble opinion.

Titled: Come Clean Epstein

tRump in a Nut Shell

The Paper Mask

I will never see a Robin Williams movie, an interview, or a stand-up without a tear in my eye. He made me laugh, he made me cry, he made me feel anger and he made me feel hope, all behind a mask paper-thin. He reveled in the joy of others, while in his heart he felt so alone. How few knew his hidden hurts? I feel the absence of this great man and am saddened that his joie de vivre was only a mask he used to protect us all.

My morning trek to the daily grind found me hearing about Charlie Kirk. I thought about the demands he made upon his audience; that they think his way, act his way, love his way, pray his way. Somehow those who think differently are more than a target for his former speeches, we have become enemies of our own government.

Again, I don’t want to see anyone hurt. But, what about those he made to feel alone?

What about those he made to feel hated? What about those he told ‘You don’t matter’? What about those he accused of horrible motives, intentions to commit crimes, just because they were different?

Why is crass, abusive, hateful, prejudiced, and violent words and actions acceptable to anyone? Why is it cheered in certain circles?

I have every right to be angry at those who sling abuse for political expediency. I have every right to be angry at those who whip the easily led mob into denying others their rights to be genuine, their hopes to feel love, their need for happiness. I’m so tired, so very tired of the justification, the hypocrisy, the gleeful ruination.

I so miss the promise of the 70’s. Change was supposed to come. I bought into the hype, only to see that the very fight continue. Maybe it’s not the era, maybe it’s just something in us that makes people keep doing this to each-other. I want to believe differently.