I feel detached from reality

This morning I had an MRI on my lower back. It all went well and was quick. The reason for it is my right leg feels as if it is being tased and it makes it difficult and challenging to stand on the leg. I took an extra dose of instant morphine and a muscle relaxer before the MRI, as those tend to be very painful for me to lie on the table in one position for that length of time.

Since I got home I have felt more and more disconnected from reality My pain levels in my back have increased so I struggle to sit in my desk chair and have had to take even more more pain relievers of all kinds. But I still struggle, I am feeling lost like debrie in the wind of a storm. Ron has contacted me three times to forcefully tell me he loves me. But I feel lost, ungrounded, I find myself relieaziing I am simply staring into space or have not heard a word of what is playing on the video computer.

Plus, Sam Seder is talking to someone about the abuse of Palestinians in Gaza such as how their lands are being torn from them and they are being terrorized, yet I find I am not registering large parts of the video. I simply am missing large segments of the video and have to rewind to watch so much of it again. I am zoning out. I have seriously thought of going to bed. So much pain and abuse toward people who have no way to fight back or protect themselves. If I let my mind focus I am instantly thrown back to my own childhood situation as a child unable to fight back against all the abuse from much more powerful people who seemed to have all the authority behind them.

But it is more than the normal remember, be very upset, cry, sob, and try to find a way to deal. Currently I simply am lost like I am moving in slow motion as I struggle to focus on what I need to do. I feel like I am on go …

I just realized that for some time, I am not sure how long I have had my head down on my folded arms on my desk. I was not crying, I was not sleeping, I simply checked out. This seems much scarier than when I sob and cry out of control. For an unknown part of time I just checked out of reality. This is not normal. I am going to go lie down for a few minutes. Hugs

I went to lie down. I had texted Ron with my situation. I was just lying there not thinking, no intrusive thoughts which is strange enough, just checked out when he called all upset. He offered to start for home right away. I explained to him that was not needed. I am not feeling upset. Just lost. Just like I don’t comprehend what is happening within my eye sight and hearing. My mind was not registering what the inputs were. I admit it feels a bit like when I had my stroke, everything stopped making sense for a while. Anyway while I was laying down the medication started working and I feel a bit more connected to reality. I am not writing this to upset or concern anyone but to try to explain what is happening to me in my life. Thank you for letting me have a place to explain my feelings and for all of you who are willing to listen. I appreciate it, it means a lot to me. I can’t explain how important it is for me to have this space to exspress my feelings / life and know the people reading care about me. Hugs.

We all have pain

#addicted from What Are You Really Afraid Of?

Nearly Two-Thirds of Young Americans Are Thinking About Getting the Heck Out of Here

Nearly Two-Thirds of Young Americans Are Thinking About Getting the Heck Out of Here

America’s biggest export might soon be its own citizens. According to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America 2025 survey, 63% of adults ages 18 to 34 have considered leaving the country this year because of “the state of the nation.” Among parents, more than half—53%—say the same.

These aren’t impulsive fantasies about Parisian cafés or permanent vacation visas. The study, conducted between August 4 and 24 among more than 3,000 adults, found that stress about the country’s future has hit a historic high. Seventy-five percent of Americans say they’re more worried about the direction of the nation than they used to be, and 76% call that fear a “significant source of stress.”

The anxiety isn’t limited to politics. Half of all adults reported feeling lonely, and 69% said they needed more emotional support this year than they received. “People are overwhelmed by societal division, technology, and uncertainty about what’s next,” said APA chief executive Arthur C. Evans Jr. “It’s affecting how they relate to each other and themselves.”

Almost Two-Thirds of Young Americans Are Thinking About Ditching the U.S. for Good

That division has started to show up physically. Among adults who named it a major stressor, 83% experienced physical symptoms in the past month, like headaches, fatigue, or anxiety, compared to 66% of those who didn’t. The same group was more likely to lose patience with family, cancel plans, or struggle to plan ahead.

AI is also creeping into the collective stress index. Fifty-seven percent of adults now say the rise of artificial intelligence adds to their anxiety, up from 49% last year. Among students, that number has nearly doubled to 78%. As automation expands and misinformation spreads, Americans are increasingly uneasy about how technology will reshape work, privacy, and even identity.

Still, the survey found that most people haven’t given up. Seventy-seven percent say they have some control over their personal futures, and 84% believe they can build good lives despite national instability. Family, friendships, and health remain top sources of meaning.

But optimism has its limits. Sixty-six percent of adults think they’ve sacrificed more than previous generations, and many feel the country isn’t keeping up its end of the bargain. For young Americans, especially, the American dream feels more like a relocation plan.

As stress levels rise and passports renew, the question hanging in the air isn’t whether they love their country, it’s whether they can still live in it.

Just an update on the week and my actions.

Hi everyone. I have a video started to address a lot of what happened. But I had a horrible week and only wanted to hide from life. Long story short if I don’t finish the video as so often happen. At the beginning of the week I talked to my primary care doctor about my childhood in vague terms, the intrusive thoughts that have gotten worse, and the nightmares / yelling out at night. He admitted he was out of his depth on the issue but would help as much as they could and that they have a therapist on site that works with a psychiatrist and if I would see her she could help me better. Next week I will call her. He prescribed a medication to help me but I won’t take it. It kills your sex drive and ability entirely. Ron got on it before we knew what it did, and so now he will try to get off it. For a long time we did not know or understand why his desire and ability just stopped, now we know that it was the medication. Then Thursday coming home from the allergist the car broke down. I was lucky I was able to get it safety off the road on to a side street. Then I dealt with the getting it towed and all that. Then Friday I saw a podiatrist and found out that there is nothing they can do to help me, another one thing I have to learn to live with. It was all too much for me. Today we are finishing the floor in the small bathroom and reseating the toilet which is a horrible hard job for a weakening 70 year old man and a disabled 62 yr old with bone / muscle / nerve problems. My plan for this weekend is to catch up on all the comments I missed over the week by withdrawing from everything. Thanks to everyone for being here and to Ali and Randy for all the posts they make. Hugs