“Gibberish: Flash Fiction Fridayย – Up in Smoke”

(I’ve seen, as I’ve followed her, that Jeannine is a brilliant writer, and this is seriously O.Henry-level work. Enjoy! -A.)

The Peaceful Takeover by Jeannine

The future belongs to the children… though maybe not OUR children. Read on Substack

Scootโ€™s Assignment: Write about a smoke break, including corrosive judgement, a character who is overjoyed, and the phrase, โ€œwouldnโ€™t you know it.โ€

brown and gray bearded dragon
Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Peaceful Takeover

The party was loud and boisterous, but the drinking games were boring for sober spectators like Ellie. Sheโ€™d just stepped outside for some fresh air and a break from the nonsensical cacophony when she noticed a strange, red light out near the garden shed. Thinking it might be a fellow teetotaler having a smoke break, she walked out towards the red glow to say โ€œhello,โ€ but paused when she realized that she didnโ€™t smell any smoke… and what had appeared in the dark to be a garden shed was actually some sort of spacecraft. But by then it was too late.

โ€œAh, hello, Iโ€™m overjoyed to meet you,โ€ rasped the figure. It stepped closer, and Ellie saw a reptilian face, gazing at her through the ruddy illumination cast by some sort of penlight. โ€œWonderful, I canโ€™t detect any of that alcoholic poison in your bloodstream. Youโ€™ll make a lovely host mother,โ€ the creature proclaimed. Ellie promptly fainted.

She was awakened by bird song as the sun began to rise. She realized that she was lying on the ground in her hostโ€™s backyard, but the UFO and ET were both gone. She leaped up as she heard a voice behind her, dripping with corrosive judgement, โ€œWell, wouldn’t you know it? Here she is. What are you doing out here, you scared the hell out of us!โ€ It was her buddy, Harry, the one who’s dragged her to this disastrous shindig. Great, now he thinks she was passed out drunk, and heโ€™ll never invite her anywhere again. Though considering how this night had gone, that might not be such a bad thing. She decided that it would be best not to mention Lizardman, though, lest she incur even more criticism.

๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ

A few weeks later, Ellie missed her period. Sheโ€™d been worrying about what the reptilian extraterrestrial might have done to her during the hours that sheโ€™d spent lying unconscious on Harryโ€™s lawn. The positive pregnancy test confirmed one of her worst fears.

After a lot of soul searching, she decided to keep the unexpected baby. At 42, she wasnโ€™t likely to have another opportunity. So she duly set off to visit Doctor Abrams. โ€œWell, because of your advanced maternal age, you’ll need to be more careful than usual. Letโ€™s do an ultrasound and see how the little guy is doing.โ€ He ran the probe over Ellieโ€™s belly, commenting as he worked: โ€œHmmmm, nice strong heart beat. Good, it seems very healthy. Butโ€ฆ what the hell is that? It looks like a tail!โ€ Dr. Abrams was getting more worked up by the second. Ellie stared at the screen, realizing that her unborn child looked familiarโ€ฆ the tiny fetus bore a strange resemblance to the lizard-like creature from Harryโ€™s garden. Her contemplations were interrupted by the thudding sound of Dr. Abrams falling to the floor in a dead faint. Ellie quickly dressed and rushed home.

But she knew she couldnโ€™t stay home. She was nervous that somebody from the hospital might show up, demanding that she abort her alien pregnancy. She needed to find a place that would be safe for her and her future offspring.

๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ

Ellieโ€™s childhood friend, Bert, lived out in the country. Bert was a lovable goofball and theyโ€™d always been best friends. He liked animals better than most humans, and worked as a veterinarian. Even though he was legally limited to the treatment of nonhuman animals, he was always open to helping out with a little illicit medical aid to his human friends when necessary. Bert was a bit โ€˜out there,โ€™ but Ellie knew he was someone she could trust. Bert always accepted absolutely everything at face value. He not only believed Ellieโ€™s bizarre story about her immaculate conception of a baby space lizard, he was super excited at the prospect of being allowed to deliver the scaly child.

โ€œEllie, this is so COOL,โ€ he crowed. โ€œI canโ€™t wait to meet your baby! Can I be its godfather?โ€

Ellie smiled and nodded. Maybe the next few months wouldnโ€™t be so bad after all.

๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ

Ellieโ€™s pregnancy was uneventful. The labor wasnโ€™t too bad, either. Ellie supposed the fact that her baby girl was smaller than an average human child made everything easier. Bert was great. He coached her through the whole thing, and was only slightly freaked out as he examined the newborn, announcing, โ€œWhoa, no umbilical cord! I wonder how she was nourished? Maybe sort of like a parasite?โ€ Realizing that such thoughts were unworthy of a doting godfather, he contented himself with cooing at the little lizard girl as he cuddled her. At least HE didnโ€™t pass out. Ellie named her Ignatia, but affectionately called her Iggy.

๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ๐ŸฆŽ

Ellie and Bert raised young Iggy together. His veterinary skills helped in figuring out how to tend and feed the growing creature. They home-schooled her, realizing that there was no way that she would be able to attend a public school. She was a bright and affectionate child, and as her dietary needs progressed from crickets and mealworms to larger sources of protein, she respected the squeamishness of her foster parents and was discreet in the capture and consumption of her prey.

Eventually, the day that Ellie had expected and feared arrived. She looked out the window into the backyard one night and saw that the spaceship had returned. This time, she invited the extraterrestrial into their home and introduced Bert and young Iggy. โ€œYouโ€™ve done very well! Thank you for taking such good care of the young one! She has grown up stronger and wiser than I could have ever hoped.โ€ She โ€” for as it turned out the older lizard creature was female โ€” explained how her race had been scouting around various planets, seeking a home for their future children. When a possibly suitable planet was located, they then sought out suitable hosts to carry their eggs and raise the offspring to adulthood. Ellieโ€™s pregnancy had been the result of an implanted lizard person egg.

Bert was worried. โ€œBut what about us humans? Iโ€™m not sure that the average Homo sapiens is sapient enough to get along with your species.โ€

The lizard woman grinned, a potentially terrifying sight if not for the fact that they knew she was friendly. โ€œYou’re right,โ€ she agreed, โ€œbut fortunately for us and unfortunately for your species, your race is slowly dying out. Iggyโ€™s children will have a clear playing field, someday in the distant future.โ€

Ellie was sad, but she realized that this fate had been a long time coming. At least she would be able to help raise Earthโ€™s next dominant species. โ€œBut how will she reproduce,โ€ she asked, โ€œare there more like her?โ€

โ€œIggyโ€™s the only one of her kind on Earth, but she will someday be able to handle the job herself. You see, we reproduce by parthenogenesis, one offspring every twenty years. That is why we are all female, and is also why our species will never overrun the resources of this planet,โ€ she explained. โ€œI must fly off to check on the others. I am most grateful and will see to it that you will never lack for anything.โ€

Ellie and Bert knew that their biological genetics would be lost to history. The human race was doomed. But their values, their beliefs, their thoughts, their legends, their dreams — these would live on in Iggy’s memory and she would teach her descendants to remember as well. And maybe that would be enough.


Note: This story was inspired by aย commentย byย Theresa Greene

ย inย  Chris J. Franklinโ€™s most recent House of Haiku prompt post, โ€œAlien.โ€

Here is the conversation that sparked the peaceful takeover: (snip-go see!)

Some Comics That Brought Giggles On A Fine Friday 13th (… so far …) ๐Ÿ˜‰

https://www.gocomics.com/comics/a-to-z

Bliss By Harry Bliss ย 

Frazz By Jef Mallettย 

FurBabies By Nancy Beimanย 

Jerry King Comics By Jerry King

Lard’s World Peace Tips By Keith Tutt and Daniel Saunders

Wee Pals By Morrie Turnerย 

Tom the Dancing Bug By Ruben Bollingย 

Scary Gary By Mark Buford

Savage Chickens By Doug Savage

Pearls Before Swine By Stephan Pastisย 

I’m Pleased That ICT has PRIDE

So many old friends in Wichita deplore the conservatism, and yes, there are more voters voting Republican than Dem (though their Dem party is healthy.) Yet, Wichita loves everyone, and I love that! If you’re lucky the little video player on the page will work, and you can watch the broadcast. https://www.ksn.com/video/ict-big-gay-market-hosts-event-for-3rd-year/9749633

ICT Big Gay Market not going anywhere, hosts event for 3 years

by: Stephanie Nutt

Posted:ย Jun 2, 2024 / 07:19 PM CDT Updated:ย Jun 3, 2024 / 06:54 AM CDT

The event celebrated businesses in the LGBTQIA2S+ community.

The event included shopping, art, music, resources and in-person opportunities to help the community.

โ€œWhen we have celebrations such as the Big Gay Market, itโ€™s another place to show that weโ€™re here and weโ€™re not going anywhere,โ€ said George Ibarra.

The event was from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Sunday, the second day of pride month.

Queer History with Blue Language

I had to post this one! IIRC, Anne Bonny is in one of our son’s “Badass” books. We bought those for him in his late elementary and middle school years. He’s always loved history, and most tweens/early teens enjoy blue language, so you get both with these books and the website. I’ve read them, and they’re just rollicking fun, and accurate. Anyway, I’ve had a soft spot for Anne Bonny due to her story and her fortitude. And now, for some more history with blue language!

Queer History 133: Anne Bonny by Wendy๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€โšง๏ธ๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŒˆ

The Bisexual Buccaneer Who Shattered Every Fucking Chain Read on Substack

The Caribbean sun beats down mercilessly on the deck of the Revenge, its rays catching the glint of steel and the flash of defiant eyes. Blood mingles with salt spray as cutlasses clash, and in the midst of this violent ballet dances a figure that would make the devil himself take noticeโ€”Anne Bonny, her red hair whipping like flames in the ocean wind, her blade singing its deadly song as she carves through enemies with the fury of a woman who has never, not once, apologized for who she fucking is.

Ferocious female Pirates in history taking charge - Smugglers Adventure

This is no sanitized fairy tale of pirates and buried treasure. This is the raw, unvarnished truth of a woman who lived as she pleased, loved whom she chose, and fought like hell against every goddamn soul who tried to cage her spirit. Anne Bonny wasn’t just a pirateโ€”she was a revolution wrapped in leather and lace, a middle finger raised to every suffocating convention of her time, and a blazing torch of queer defiance centuries before the world had words for what she represented.

Born around 1697 in County Cork, Ireland, Anne Cormac entered a world that had already decided her fate before she drew her first breath. She was meant to be silent, subservient, and safely tucked away in the shadows of more “important” men. The patriarchal machine had clear expectations: marry young, breed often, and die quietly. But from her earliest days, Anne Bonny grabbed those expectations by the throat and strangled them with her bare hands.

Her father, William Cormac, was a lawyer who had knocked up the family maidโ€”Anne’s mother. In the rigid social hierarchy of 18th-century Ireland, this scandal should have destroyed them all. Instead, Cormac said “fuck it” to respectability, took his lover and bastard daughter, and sailed for the American colonies where they could start fresh. This act of defianceโ€”choosing love over social standingโ€”planted the first seeds of rebellion in young Anne’s soul.

In Charleston, South Carolina, the Cormac family built a new life from scratch. William established a successful law practice and plantation, but it was clear from the start that his daughter was not cut from ordinary cloth. While other girls her age were learning needlepoint and practicing their curtsies, Anne was learning to ride like a demon, shoot like a marksman, and curse like a sailor. She moved through the world with a swagger that made proper ladies clutch their pearls and men wonder if they were seeing things.

The first whispers about Anne’s unconventional nature started early. Servants gossiped about the young mistress who preferred the company of both the stable boys and the parlor maids with equal enthusiasm. They spoke in hushed tones about midnight escapades and passionate encounters that defied easy categorization. Anne Bonny was discovering that her heart and her loins recognized no boundaries when it came to attractionโ€”a revelation that would have sent most people of her era scrambling for the nearest priest, but only made Anne more determined to live authentically.

When Anne was barely out of her teens, she shocked Charleston society by marrying James Bonny, a small-time pirate and fortune hunter who thought he could tame the wild Irish girl and claim her father’s wealth. The poor bastard had no idea what he’d gotten himself into. Anne married him not out of love, but as a means of escape from her father’s increasingly desperate attempts to marry her off to someone “respectable.” It was a calculated move by a young woman who understood that sometimes you have to play the game to change the rules.

James Bonny turned out to be everything Anne despisedโ€”weak, grasping, and utterly conventional. While he dreamed of easy money and social climbing, Anne burned with restless energy and unfulfilled desires. Their marriage was a farce from the start, a prison that Anne was already planning to escape before the ink was dry on the wedding certificate.

supercanaries : Hats off to the pirate queen!

The couple moved to Nassau in the Bahamas, a lawless pirate haven where conventional morality went to die and freedom could be bought with steel and courage. For James, Nassau represented opportunity for his petty schemes. For Anne, it was liberation incarnateโ€”a place where she could finally breathe freely and explore every aspect of her complex sexuality without the suffocating weight of mainland propriety.

Nassau in the early 1700s was a powder keg of sexual and social revolution. Pirates, prostitutes, escaped slaves, and social outcasts from across the Atlantic world had created a society that operated by its own rules. Gender roles were fluid, sexual boundaries were negotiable, and survival depended on wit, strength, and ruthless determinationโ€”qualities Anne possessed in abundance.

It was in this intoxicating atmosphere that Anne first encountered other women who loved women, men who challenged traditional masculinity, and people who refused to be defined by society’s narrow categories. She found herself drawn into passionate affairs with both men and women, sometimes simultaneously, always honestly. While the respectable world would have labeled her a whore or worse, in Nassau she was simply Anneโ€”a woman living life on her own terms.

Her marriage to James became increasingly irrelevant as Anne explored her true nature. She took lovers as she pleased, fought alongside men as an equal, and began to develop the reputation that would make her legendary. Her bisexuality wasn’t a phase or a rebellionโ€”it was simply part of who she was, as natural and integral as her red hair or her fierce temper.

Everything changed when Anne met Captain John “Calico Jack” Rackham. Unlike her pathetic husband, Jack was a real pirateโ€”charming, dangerous, and utterly unintimidated by Anne’s fierce independence. More importantly, he saw her for what she truly was: not a woman to be tamed, but a force of nature to be unleashed. Their affair was passionate, public, and absolutely scandalous by any civilized standard.

But Anne Bonny was never one to do things halfway. When she decided to leave her husband for Calico Jack, she didn’t sneak away in the night like a guilty adulteress. She walked out in broad daylight, her head held high, her hand on her cutlass, daring anyone to try and stop her. When James Bonny appealed to the colonial governor for the return of his “property,” Anne’s response was swift and brutalโ€”she showed up at the governor’s mansion armed to the teeth and made it clear that any attempt to drag her back to her miserable marriage would result in bloodshed.

Joining Calico Jack’s crew aboard the Revenge was the moment Anne Bonny truly came alive. Here, finally, was a life that matched her spiritโ€”dangerous, free, and absolutely uncompromising. She didn’t join as Jack’s woman or as some token female presence. She earned her place with blade and blood, proving herself in combat and command until even the most skeptical pirates acknowledged her as an equal.

The open ocean became Anne’s cathedral, piracy her religion, and freedom her god. She reveled in the violent ballet of ship-to-ship combat, the intoxicating rush of victory, and the democratic brutality of pirate life where respect was earned through courage and cunning rather than birthright or gender. Her bisexuality continued to be an open secret among the crewโ€”she took lovers as she pleased, both male and female, and anyone who had a problem with it could settle the matter with steel.

It was during this period that Anne encountered Mary Read, another woman living as a pirate in male disguise. Their meeting was electricโ€”two fierce women who had refused to accept the limitations society tried to impose on them, finding kinship in the most unlikely of circumstances. While historical records are frustratingly vague about the exact nature of their relationship, the intensity of their bond was undeniable.

Some accounts suggest they were lovers, others insist they were simply close comrades, but the truth is likely more complex and more beautiful than either simple explanation. In Mary Read, Anne found someone who understood the cost of living authentically in a world determined to crush anyone who colored outside the lines. Whether their relationship was romantic, platonic, or something that defied easy categorization, it represented a profound connection between two extraordinary women who refused to be diminished.

Who's not captivated by a woman known as โ€œBack from the Dead Redโ€? |  Sisters of the Sea

The partnership between Anne, Mary, and Calico Jack created one of the most formidable pirate crews in Caribbean history. They terrorized merchant shipping with ruthless efficiency, their reputation spreading fear across the trade routes. But more than their success as pirates, they represented something revolutionaryโ€”a chosen family built on mutual respect, shared danger, and absolute loyalty that transcended traditional bonds of blood or marriage.

Anne’s life as a pirate was a masterclass in living without apology. She fought with savage grace, loved with passionate intensity, and commanded respect through sheer force of personality. Her bisexuality wasn’t hidden or apologized forโ€”it was simply part of the complex tapestry of who she was. In an era when women were expected to be passive vessels for male ambition, Anne Bonny was a hurricane given human form.

The psychological impact of Anne Bonny’s defiance cannot be overstated. In a world that sought to define women by their relationships to menโ€”as daughters, wives, mothers, or whoresโ€”Anne created her own identity through action and choice. She loved both men and women not as a rejection of heteronormativity (a concept that wouldn’t exist for centuries), but as a natural expression of her authentic self.

Her story resonated through the centuries, whispered in taverns and immortalized in ballads, because it represented something profoundly subversive: the possibility of a life lived entirely on one’s own terms. For generations of LGBTQ+ people struggling against societal expectations and legal persecution, Anne Bonny became an inadvertent patron saintโ€”proof that it was possible to be queer, dangerous, and absolutely unapologetic about both.

The philosophy Anne embodied was simple but revolutionary: authentic living requires the courage to reject false choices. When society insisted she choose between respectability and freedom, she chose freedom. When it demanded she pick between loving men or women, she refused to choose at all. When it tried to cage her spirit in the narrow confines of 18th-century femininity, she exploded those boundaries with cutlass and pistol.

But Anne’s story is also a testament to the brutal costs of living authentically in a hostile world. Her career as a pirate was cut short in 1720 when their ship was captured by pirate hunters. While Calico Jack and most of the male crew were quickly tried and executed, Anne and Mary’s pregnancies bought them temporary reprieve from the gallows.

The trial of Anne Bonny and Mary Read became a sensation, not just because of their piracy, but because their very existence challenged fundamental assumptions about gender, sexuality, and power. Court records show that Anne remained defiant to the end, reportedly telling the cowering Calico Jack before his execution: “Sorry to see you there, but if you had fought like a man, you would not have been hanged like a dog.”

Mary Read died in prison, probably from fever, taking with her the secrets of her relationship with Anne and the full story of their extraordinary partnership. Anne’s fate became one of history’s tantalizing mysteriesโ€”some accounts suggest she was executed, others claim her father’s influence secured her release, and still others whisper that she simply vanished back into the chaos of the Caribbean to live out her days in obscurity.

The uncertainty surrounding Anne’s ultimate fate is perhaps fitting for a woman who consistently refused to be pinned down or defined by others’ expectations. Like the best outlaws and revolutionaries, she became more powerful as a legend than she ever was as a living person.

For modern LGBTQ+ people, Anne Bonny represents something profoundly important: historical proof that queer people have always existed, have always fought for their right to love and live authentically, and have always found ways to create chosen families and communities even in the most hostile circumstances. Her story demolishes the lie that LGBTQ+ identities are modern inventions or temporary phasesโ€”Anne Bonny was living an openly bisexual life in the early 1700s with a confidence and authenticity that would be admirable in any era.

The social impact of Anne Bonny’s legend extended far beyond her own lifetime. Her story became part of the folklore that sustained marginalized communities through centuries of oppression. When LGBTQ+ people were told they were sick, sinful, or unnatural, they could point to figures like Anne Bonny as proof that queer people had always been part of human historyโ€”not as victims or cautionary tales, but as heroes and legends.

The psychological effect of having historical figures who lived openly queer lives cannot be understated. For young people struggling with their identity, for adults facing discrimination, for anyone told that their love is wrong or their authentic self is unacceptable, Anne Bonny stands as a reminder that it’s possible to live with courage, dignity, and absolute refusal to apologize for who you are.

Her story also highlights the intersection of multiple forms of oppression and resistance. As a woman in a patriarchal society, as someone who loved both men and women in a heteronormative world, as an Irish person in a British colonial system, Anne faced multiple layers of marginalization. Her response was to reject all attempts at categorization and to create her own path through sheer force of will.

The philosophical legacy of Anne Bonny extends beyond LGBTQ+ rights to encompass broader questions of authenticity, freedom, and the right to self-determination. Her life was a practical demonstration that it’s possible to refuse false choices, to love without limits, and to fight against any force that tries to diminish your humanity.

In our current moment, when LGBTQ+ rights are under attack and bisexual people still face discrimination from both straight and gay communities, Anne Bonny’s story remains urgently relevant. She represents the long history of bisexual people who refused to choose sides, who loved authentically across gender lines, and who demanded recognition as complete human beings rather than confused or indecisive half-measures.

Anne Bonny died as she livedโ€”on her own terms, leaving behind a legacy that continues to inspire and challenge. She proved that it’s possible to be queer and fierce, that authenticity is worth fighting for, and that loveโ€”in all its formsโ€”is the most rebellious act of all. Her cutlass may have fallen silent centuries ago, but her spirit continues to slash through the bonds that try to limit human potential and queer joy.

Every time someone refuses to hide their authentic self, every time someone loves without apology, every time someone chooses freedom over respectability, they’re following in the wake of Anne Bonny’s ship. She remains what she always wasโ€”a force of nature, a revolution in human form, and proof that the queer spirit cannot be conquered, only temporarily suppressed before it explodes back into glorious, defiant life.

Citations

  1. Nelson, J. 2004 โ€œThe Only Life That Mattered: The Short and Merry Lives of Anne Bonny, Mary Read, and Calico Jackโ€ McBooks Press
  2. Simon R. 2022 โ€œPirate Queens: The Lives of Anne Bonny & Mary Readโ€

Some Clay Jones Works

How To Talk To White Men by Clay Jones

Word Salad 101 Read on Substack

Democratic donors are about to spend $20 million on a โ€œstrategic planโ€ called โ€œSpeaking with American Menโ€ to figure out their problem with men, and mostly White men. The plan includes โ€œstudy(ing) the syntax, language, and content that gains attention and viralityโ€ in male โ€œspaces.โ€

Iโ€™m non-partisan, but I will offer to help the Democrats figure out their White dude problem for half the price. While I wait for my $10 million check to arrive, Iโ€™ll tell you what the Democratsโ€™ problem with men is. Are you ready?

The Democratsโ€™ problem with men isโ€ฆ.drumroll pleaseโ€ฆโ€ฆwomen.

More specifically, the men of this nation donโ€™t want a woman president. They would rather vote for a mentally unstable racist moron who committed treason against this nation and is a rapist felon.

Democrats lost men when they nominated Hillary Clinton in 2016. It didnโ€™t matter that she was a hundred times more qualified for the presidency than a mouth-breathing, Putin-controlled, knuckle-dragging gameshow host with a bleached skunk for a combover. The Democratic Party had a better candidate, a better campaign, a better message, and more money, but Americaโ€™s men said, โ€œNope! She cackles.โ€

Then the Democrats nominated Joe Biden in 2020, whose only exciting feature is that he wasnโ€™t Donald Trump. Honestly, thatโ€™s what got me excited.

And last year, Trump won again when the Democrats didnโ€™t just nominate a woman, but a Black woman. Even the percentage of Black male voters dropped.

Women’s support for Kamala Harris was at the same level that they supported Joe Biden in 2020, but the share of men backing Democrats dropped from 48 percent in 2020 to 42 percent in 2024. (snip-MORE; hang with it)

One Big Beautiful Shipwreck by Clay Jones

Elon’s lips sink hetero ships Read on Substack

The war on DEI has become beyond ridiculous.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has ordered that the USNS Harvey Milk, a ship in the US Navy, be renamed. The ship is named after the Navy veteran of the Korean War and San Francisco politician who was assassinated in 1978.

Hegsethโ€™s office issued a very brief statement, saying, โ€œSecretary Hegseth is committed to ensuring that the names attached to all DOD installations and assets are reflective of the Commander-in-Chief’s priorities, our nation’s history, and the warrior ethos,” said Pentagon spokesman Sean Parnell. “Any potential renaming(s) will be announced after internal reviews are complete.โ€

Other ships the bigoted regime is looking to rename include USNS Thurgood Marshall, the USNS Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the USNS Harriet Tubman, the USNS Dolores Huerta, the USNS Cesar Chavez, the USNS Lucy Stone, and the USNS Medgar Evers.

Honestly, Iโ€™m shocked this fascist gaslighting racist regime isnโ€™t renaming every ship after Trump.

Nancy Pelosi said, โ€œThis spiteful move does not strengthen our national security or the โ€˜warriorโ€™ ethos. Instead, it is a surrender of a fundamental American value: to honor the legacy of those who worked to build a better country.โ€ (snip-MORE)

Burn, Baby, Burn by Clay Jones

Get the popcorn Read on Substack

Before we get too giddy about this, remember that once upon a time, Kim Jong Un called Donald Trump a โ€œdotard.โ€ At any time, Trump and Elon can kiss and make up, gaslight the entire GOP into believing this feud never happened, and Trump will get mad at reporters for bringing it up, like the TACO, which is another thing Trump keeps changing his mind on.

And as my pal Rob said, Trump knows that deep down, Elon has $400 billion. Well, maybe not now after dancing around with Trump and destroying his credibility. And his feud with Trump has reportedly dropped shares of Tesla to the point that Elon has lost around $27 billion.

But Trump Always Chickens Out. T.A.C.O.

Who could have predicted that this love affair between two narcissistic, stubborn, racist, bullheaded billionaires was going to collapse in such sensational fashion? Everyone who is not a MAGAt. So, how did this start? Elon called the โ€œOne Big Beautiful Bill,โ€ calling it a โ€œdisgusting abomination.โ€ I guess he felt free to say that after he โ€œleftโ€ DOGE to re-focus on his businesses. What does Stephen Millerโ€™s wife think of all this? Who wants to hear that pillow talk? (snip-MORE)

(teehee!) Clay Jones

Big Beautiful Wiz by Clay Jones

Trump has a history with golden showers Read on Substack

The so-called โ€œBig Beautiful Bill,โ€ as Harry from Resident Alien would say, is some bullshit. And this is some bullshit.

First, itโ€™s projected to add nearly $4 trillion to our debt, but that is a very conservative estimate. Even some Republicans believe itโ€™ll add more than $10 trillion. I have a question thatโ€™s harder than defining Habeas Corpus. How do you reduce the deficit by adding $4 trillion to it? And donโ€™t give me that DOGE bullshit as itโ€™s not even going to cut $1 trillion from our debt, which is currently around $36 trillion, partly thanks to Trumpโ€™s 2017 tax cuts, which just got extended as part of this huge bill.

Yeah, thatโ€™s right. Trumpโ€™s 2017 tax cuts added trillions to our debt, which they extended last night shortly after Trump pronounced himself a โ€œdeficit hawk.โ€ Heโ€™s more of a hawker of cheap goods made in China, like his shitty shoes, shitty caps, shitty guitars, etc, etc.

Trump is demanding that Apple make all its iPhones in America, or Tim Cook (who Trump used to think was Tim Apple) is going to have to pay a 25 percent tariff on them. This means that Trump finally realizes that China does not pay the tariffs, and Trump rules donโ€™t apply to Trump. Heโ€™s NOT demanding that his shitty shit be made in America.

Thereโ€™s a bunch of stuff in this so-called โ€œBig Beautiful Bill.โ€ Every newborn will get $1,000 invested into what Congress has named a โ€œTrump account.โ€ Yeah, they named it after Trump. Itโ€™s complicated. The newborn gets $1,000, which he canโ€™t withdraw from the account until heโ€™s an adult, which can only be spent on buying a home, tuition, or other stuff like that. Anyone else can invest in the newbornโ€™s Trump account, but only up to $5,000 a year, and the accounts donโ€™t gain interest like a typical savings account. The money isnโ€™t taxed until itโ€™s withdrawn. But if this is such a great idea, why is it only for the next four years?

Thatโ€™s like getting rid of taxes on tips. Itโ€™s only for the next four years, which means itโ€™s not supposed to help people in the service industry. Itโ€™s only supposed to help Trump, because heโ€™s supposed to leave office in four years. Right? Right? And why isnโ€™t every getting a tax-free income up to $20,000?

Personally, I think Americaโ€™s political cartoonists should have their first $20,000 tax-free, for the ones who make over $20,000. Seriously.

And then there are the cuts to Medicaid and stricter requirements. There are work requirements, so tell Grandma to scour the help wanteds. Medicaid recipients also have to reapply every six months, which is how often Trump has to reapply the orange glaze on his face. Harry would say, โ€œThis is some bullshit.โ€

Thereโ€™s too much bullshit in this bill for me to go through it all (like sneaking in a law that courts canโ€™t hold members of the Trump regime in contempt), but itโ€™s typical that Republicans are more interested in helping rich people than helping poor people. And they still havenโ€™t learned that trickle-down economics doesnโ€™t work.

Itโ€™s not like Republicans have to remember as far back as the 1980s when Ronald Reagan proved they donโ€™t work, or back to the 2000s when W. proved they donโ€™t work. They only have to remember back to the first Trump term (sic) when he proved they donโ€™t work. Republicans donโ€™t use the term โ€œtrickle-downโ€ as often these days for two reasons. They know it doesnโ€™t work, and the term may make people think of Trump and those Moscow prostitutes.

No matter what they call this scam, itโ€™s the same thing. Itโ€™s trickle-down economics, and it doesnโ€™t work. At least you can shower it off after the Russian hookers but in this situation, weโ€™re going to get pissed on indefinitely. (snip-MORE)

That Time of Year

https://www.gocomics.com/jerry-king-comics/2025/05/20

Car Repairs

https://www.gocomics.com/closetohome/2025/05/18

Have A Great Wednesday!

https://www.gocomics.com/lastkiss/2025/05/14

“A Preference for Pines”

I share that!